relationship advice

Amy - posted on 04/17/2014 ( 9 moms have responded )

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So I need some advice with an on-going issue in my relationship:

my boyfriend and i have been together almost 2 years. he has a lot of friends (a good portion of them are female--which is the problem). i'm just not a big fan of a lot of girls/women that i've encountered in my life or know about or read about through social media because i see how childish they behave, all the drinking they do, so on and so on. my boyfriend is friends with most of these girls. now i don't necessarily mean friends as in they speak on a daily basis, but he may have worked with them previously, known them since childhood, met them while he was a bartender, and things like that. he is still friends with all these girls even though he doesn't consider them friends (he follows them on instagram and is friends with them on fb and has phone numbers of a lot of them). here's my thing: WHY??? if you claim a good number of these girls aren't your 'friends' then why follow them on instagram??? why be 'friends' on facebook?? why do you need their phone number?? what they're doing should be of no concern to him and they frankly do not need to see what he posts and they def don't need to be keeping in contact via text. for heaven's sake, my boyfriend and i are not even friends on facebook or instagram!!!! i would love to be, but i can't handle seeing all the things that girls might post on his fb wall. it's like these girls have no respect for me!!! I am with him, they are not...so back off and get your own life girls!!!! i really want to feel better about this and i've been trying pretty much since we've gotten together. it has gotten a bit better, but it's still really difficult for me to handle. he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong, but i think it is so wrong. how can i feel better about this???

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/22/2014

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Amy, he's probably trying to fend for himself as best he can. You've been willing to completely cut off your past life, but he's not you, and being a different personality, may place different value on his past life, and people that he's interacted with.

He sees that you're getting more and more uncomfortable, so rather than tell you that he's talking to a girl that he's been friends with since HS, he'll tell you 'it's one of the guys' so that you'll get off his back and stop trying to control his interpersonal relationships.

Amy - posted on 04/21/2014

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i don't know if you would call the story i described below 'cheating' per say, it's just that he lied to me about who he was talking to---which in turn makes me wonder how many other times he's lied about who he was talking to (he said this was the first), what the reasoning was for him to be talking to this girl all of a sudden if they haven't communicated in almost a year before this (if you haven't spoken to someone in that long are they really your friend???), we didn't really discuss it much after that little conversation and it hasn't really been brought up since. i'd like to bring it up because i want him to know that it's causing some serious trust issues---i mean, now i have proof. i have proof that he has no problem lying to me. how can i trust anything he says now? and that's not a healthy relationship....

Jodi - posted on 04/19/2014

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So your boyfriend HAS cheated on you? Did you resolve that issue before you tried to move on?

Amy - posted on 04/17/2014

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no that's okay.

and you're right, i do have a difficult time trusting him. mostly due to the fact that my ex-boyfriend cheated on me, lied to me, and so on so unfortunately i've kind of carried that into this relationship (which i know is unfair). well i'm just not very confident (especially after having our son since my body doesn't look like it used to--and when i know he's friends with and follows all these beautiful and fun girls it makes me feel like he wants those girls and i'm not good enough). and not to validate my not trusting him, but the other week i believe he gave me reason to have a bit of valid distrust: i saw a text on his phone from some girl so i asked him about it. mind you, after i saw the text i then saw him pick up his phone and see any messages he had and then he put it back down. so after he did that, i asked him who text him and his reply was that it was a guy friend of his. i told him no it wasn't and told him the girls name i saw on the text. he finally admitted that he had lied and that it was a girl (supposedly this girl is a friend he had from when he lived in washington---however, he said they haven't spoken in almost a year and she had just asked how he was and how the baby was---sooooo...they don't supposedly don't speak for a year and then all of a sudden one random sunday she feels the urge to text him and see how he and our son are doing (didn't ask how i was)??? sounds fishy to me. ....i'm having a really difficult time believing anything that comes out of his mouth since that happened........

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/17/2014

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Well we have thousands of posts, excuse me for not remembering.

I honestly think u need to stop being so jealous unless he is actually giving u a reason to be. And if he is cheating, then i personally wouldn't be staying regardless. It sounds I me like u are having a difficult time trusting him. Correct me if I am wrong.

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