Mechelle - posted on 05/12/2011 ( 16 moms have responded )




As all of you in relationships know, after awhile, you become comfortable with your partner, and all romance flies out the window. My fiance and I have been together for 2 years and there is NO romance and we have been trying to get it back.

We have a disagreement in what romance is. He thinks that to be romantic he needs to buy gifts, flowers, cards, etc. My point of view is romance doesn't have to come from money. It can be a look, a gesture, an act (even him doing the dishes for me would be romantic!!) or even a smile and him telling me something special.

What do you think? What does romance mean to you?


Louise - posted on 05/12/2011




@Ashley i have been married 21 years and it has had it's ups and downs and we have been through a rough patch lately but I think we have sorted things out. It's the day to day gestgures that keeps the marriage on it's toes. It's not all about sex it's about feeling loved and cherished.

Louise - posted on 05/12/2011




I think a sneaky kiss when your making sandwiches or a smack on the bum when you walk past keeps the spark alive. He will wink at me when I'm deep in conversation on the phone or run me a bath when he knows I am tired.

My husband does not buy me flowers and gushes romantic gestgures but he will pick up my favourite chocolates when he does the shopping or will buy me a new pair of slippers if mine are looking shabby. Simple things like this means more to me then bouquet of flowers and expensive chocolates I don't like. Men and women are very different and they see things differently. That I am afraid is never going to change.

Carlina - posted on 05/12/2011




everyone has their own ideaa what romance is, for him its buying you things and thats how he expresses himself. there is not a right or wrong answer rather two different point of views, i recommend you read the " The Five Love Languages" written by Gary Chapman.

romance to me is anything that my husband does for and with me from the bottom of his heart. it can range from him cooking dinner or helping with laundry. it makes me happy that he wants to see me happy.we have been together for 17 years and things are great. i guess what i am saying you have to accept him for what he brings to the table, it may not be what you wanted but remember where his heart is when he does it.


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Lana - posted on 05/13/2011




Romance for me is a way of being when you are with your mate. Are you excited to see him and hear about his day? Do you tell him he's hott? As women we know, sometimes you have to fake it ;) the real thing might follow. My new goal is to make those around me feel better about themselves after we interact. My husband thinks romance = sex... I'm cheap and don't want physical gifts because they cost money

Charlie - posted on 05/13/2011




Romance is showing you care and that certainly does not cost money .

Azza - posted on 05/13/2011




Romance is exactly what you've just said " a word , a look an act ' especially when these things come spontaneously without being faked.But of course gifts are something nice to show your feeling .I have been married for 32 years and I am a grandmother now, to tell you the truth sometimes I live on those romantic moments I shared with my husband when we were lovers in the university. I think it is too early for you and your fiancee to lose that romance in your relation. Any way if he thinks that buying you presents is something romantic so let him buy::)))) Who on earth wouldn't like that? every one has his point of view and his way of understanding romance is GREAT :)))))

Jenn - posted on 05/13/2011




We've been together for almost 4 years now, and we go through spurts where things aren't great, but for the most part it's still great. I like it when he comes up behind me while I'm doing dishes or cooking and he hugs me or kisses the back of my neck. Or when we're cuddling on the couch and he plays with my hair - or the best is getting a passionate kiss where he grabs your face - makes me melt ahhhhh! :)

Nikki - posted on 05/13/2011




For me it's all the little things that count not the materialistic things. In my relationship it's about going out of your way to let each other know you care and love them. It could be giving me a few hours to myself, buying me chocolate when he knows I am in a grumpy mood, doing the washing, telling me I am beautiful even when I haven't showered or slept in two days and have a sick child hanging off my hip! Anything that gives you that fuzzy butterfly feeling :)

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@Louise, 21 years, wow.I agree completely.Its all about the little day to day gestures.I wasn't implying it was just sex, if you took that from my comment lol.
I am delighted you have both worked things out.:-)Best of luck to you both.

Constance - posted on 05/12/2011




The one thing my husband has always done that still after almost 17 years is like when I am standing at the stove making dinner. And he comes up behind and waps his arms around me and just holds me. That is what I think keeps our romance alive because he can still make feel the way I did when we first started dating.

[deleted account]

You should read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. So totally describes your problem. My husband and I had to read it in pre-marital counseling. Basically there are five general ways people express and feel love. They are 1. Quality time 2. Gifts 3. Acts of Service 4. Words of Affirmation 5. Physical Touch

Most people show their love in their own language. Example: My husband's language is physical touch. He shows love (and feels loved) by hugs and kisses. So he'll hug and kiss me then go about his business. Trouble is, my language is quality time. I don't feel loved by the hugs and kisses. I feel loved when he sits on the couch with me and we have a good conversation.

The solution? We need to speak each others' language. I need to show him love by a pat on the back or holding his hand while driving. And he needs to show me love by spending time with me. And we do this...and it works great.

Sounds like your language is acts of service and his is gifts. So, buy him something he'll appreciate. And when he's all thankful... take the time to discuss with him how you feel loved. Since he's feeling loved, he'll be more likely to speak your language and do the dishes. Or just make him read the book. =)

Amber - posted on 05/12/2011




The little, daily things keep the romance alive long term. Knowing that your partner is thinking of you on a daily basis makes you feel good, and it makes you want to reciprocate.

Gifts can be romantic too, but aren't usually. When Chad goes out of his way to think of something that I really want/need and gets it for me just because, it makes me feel special.

So, I guess I think romance is anything that makes your partner feel good about themselves and lets them know you love them.

Bonnie - posted on 05/12/2011




I agree with you Mechelle. Although I think it depends on the person. Some women live for receiving gifts and to them that is romance.

[deleted account]

@Louise you got it down..i feel the same..what cheeky ladies we are;-) with even cheekier men lol.

My man does all of those things and i think its wonderful.He makes me feel so loved&so special.I still get butterflies now like i did in the first weeks of being with him, its been nearly 11 years together now.The spark is as strong, if not stronger.:-)

Jenni - posted on 05/12/2011




I agree with you. Personally, I'm not into cards, flowers all the hallmark commercialized gesutures.
Romance to me is feeling like your partner is attracted to you. Showing it through cuddling, hugs, kisses, looks, letters, words, sending the kids to the grandparents so we can have a couple's night.
I also agree it can be something like doing the dishes, or taking my son outside to play/to run errands so I can have a little me time to rejuvienate. Just showing me that he appreciates the work I do.

So romance to me is showing appreciation and attraction.

Mel - posted on 05/12/2011




we dont have romance so I cant say, either too tired or no time for it unfortunately. We have sex but its nothing to do with romance, its about me making sure hes satisfied every now and again. My husband doesnt do any of the romantic stuff like flowers or what not...I guess any of our romance went out with having children. But had I not had kids I guess what it would be is maybe going away to a hotel for a night, and yeah flowers, going out of his ay to do something special for me and actually planning something, rather then just going oh its your birthday have the kids Ill go get a present or Ill the Bri and go get you something. For him I would always plan things I planned him a surprise party for his 25th where I worked my butt off all day making alll the food with a 3 month old tube fed baby, I got him bracelets that I engraved for valentines just things like that I guess I conider to be special or romantic or nice to do for someone you love

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