rude kids

Isobel - posted on 07/29/2010 ( 50 moms have responded )

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do you think it's appropriate for a child to tell an adult that their behavior is unacceptable? When I was growing up we were taught to be respectful of adults, regardless of what they were doing. Our parents taught us not to do those things but never EVER to speak up to tell an adult that they were bad.

Now I'm reading all these posts where people are proud of their children spouting off to adults...I'm in a little bit of shock to be honest...

do you allow your children to speak to adults honestly (or rudely) or do you expect them to treat adults with respect?

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Amie - posted on 07/30/2010

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I can not stand rude children, it's one of my hugest pet peeves and my kids I do (and have in the past) ban from hanging around children like that.

Respect is huge with me, especially respecting your elders. As a child, you are the inferior (know that's gonna piss off someone I'm sure). However that doesn't mean my children would accept abuse or tolerate another adult spouting off at them. It is not their place to tell off an adult, for any reason. That's MY job. As their parent it is my place to watch over them. If an adult gives them trouble, they come to me or my husband.

They have never had a problem with an adult though because they show respect for their elders. When they were toddlers they've all just spouted out things. It's what toddlers do, they don't have the filter we do. That is also when I started teaching them to be tactful and it is not polite to always just speak your mind.

I've had kids mouth off to me, about a lot of things. From my smoking to how I raise my own children. Every time I've marched them home and let their parents deal with it. If the parents don't, those are the types of children mine are no longer allowed to be around.

Jane - posted on 08/02/2010

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Based on the quote, and as a smoker, I don't think it's rude for a kid to say that. To be honest, smoking IS gross and we teach our kids that it is because we don't want them to smoke. So, them saying it is OK with me. I'm 51 years old and if a kid said to me "smoking is gross", my response would be "yes it is...it's nasty and filthy and also highly addictive so never ever start because it then is very hard to stop".

Isobel - posted on 07/30/2010

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sorry, but that's the way society works...we move up the ranks same as at work, same as at school, same as in the armed forces. They need to learn that speaking your mind to somebody who is of higher rank than you can get you in shit.

If you choose to tell your kid that it's OK for them to speak their mind to whoever, whenever they want, that's your choice, but they will find in society that they will not be rewarded but punished for such behaviour.

It is your job to prepare you children for the world in which they are going to live...not a utopia where you get to choose how it should be.

You have no problem with some strangers kid coming up and telling you that there is something wrong with your parenting style?

Barbara - posted on 07/30/2010

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I want my kids to treat people with respect, but I find the notion that kids should "respect adults" no matter what they are doing simply because they are older to be outdated, disturbing, and frankly, dangerous.
If my kid said something rude, I would let him know. I would much rather reprimand them in that situation than to find out at a later date that they had been abused by an adult but had been too afraid to say anything because they lacked the "seniority" to do so.

Sarah - posted on 07/30/2010

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I don't think it's right for kids to go up to strangers and tell them that smoking is gross.
It wouldn't be ok (in my opinion at least) to go up to an overweight person who was eating a cake and say "that's gross, it's going to kill you" so I don't think they should do it to smokers either.

I don't think kids should be going up to random people and saying stuff. I think it IS rude.

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Stifler's - posted on 08/02/2010

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Um... I wasn't talking about an adult bashing their head in. I was talking about when they grow up thinking they can say whatever they want to people they're going to get themselves in trouble.

Annmarie - posted on 08/02/2010

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Wow, Really ??Emma - a little harsh, I think! If an adult ever said they would bash in a kids head for exercising his freedom of speech, I would question the adult and not the kid...Wow! Besides many of our freedoms we have today are forged from someone who refused to keep their mouths shut!!!

Stifler's - posted on 08/02/2010

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It's more the principle that I don't want to hear little kids opinions on what I'm doing... mostly because I don't care what they think and if they aren't pulled up for it they are going to get their heads bashed in later in life.

Annmarie - posted on 08/01/2010

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Parents should tell their kids when they are saying things in a rude way and teach them how to say it so it's not offensive, However if an adult is rude to my kid I would hope they would stick up for themselves. My kids have freedom of speech as long as they are respected equally. I have seen some adults just be flat out mean and rude to a kid simply because they can.

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Even though she has manners and respect she will be quick to speak up if an adult was treating her in a manner that wasnt acceptable like speaking to her with attitude or using bad language.Shes nearly six,i dont think i can tell her shes doing wrong on that one but i encourage her to come to me and i will sort it as her parent and the one whos job it is to protect and care for her and the way i see it is the adult should have more sense than to treat a child like that in the first place.

[deleted account]

My oldest treats adults with respect..i always told my child from a young age if her behaviour wasnt good..id say thats not acceptable and her dad would say you do know she doesnt understand you..will at age 2&half i was in the kitchen she in the other room and i hurt myself and said the f word..she ran in and said oh mommy thats not acceptable lol i was in stitches laughing.She has great respect for other people i have to say and its nice to hear lovely positive comments back about how refreshing it is to see such a mannerly child these days.

Elisabeth - posted on 08/01/2010

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I don't think children or adults get to have an opinion about a stranger if their opinion is not requested.

I would think anybody was rude if they came up to me and told me smoking was yuk.

Too many people don't know what respect means. Whether it be for another person's space, property or their opinions.

So, in response to the topic I do think it is rude for a child to be opinionated about a stranger's habits.

Basically, if you don't know a person and/or every detail of their life, then your opinion isn't relevant.

Sharon - posted on 07/30/2010

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1. children telling adults that smoking is a disgusting nasty habit - ARE expressing an opinion - One they've heard from another adult - most likely. It IS rude. The age of the child will determine how you handle it as the parent.

2. children DO have opinions and as they get older they will form their own. "I want a ham sandwich, not turkey." That is their opinion and provided I have ham, I'll respect it. If I don't have ham, they'd better respect that I tried to be accomodating.

Get it?

But in the greater scheme of things childrens opinions DON'T matter. Whether an adult smokes or not - small childrens' opinions definitely don't matter. They really are just parroting what they've heard someone else say. But older children who know the danger & damages of smoking who make a reasoned plea with an adult to "please quit smoking and be alive for my graduation?" should be respected.

A child marching up to random adults and stating an opinion that is probably not theirs - the OPINION does not need to be respected but the child does need to be respected. You can brush off the opinion but you cannot kick the child into the gutter like offal.

Does that help? There is not a mom here who would NOT respect their kid. Most of the moms here - I've know for a while now and every thread, message, post is about how much they care and how hard they try to raise a good human being.

No matter how they feel about various topics, their mothering is NOT in doubt.

Barbara - posted on 07/30/2010

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I agree with you, Laura. I just don't get where the distinction comes between children and adults. Adults shouldn't be rude to smokers, either, ya know what I'm sayin'?

Isobel - posted on 07/30/2010

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What I meant was...children can believe that smoking is yucky (and they SHOULD believe that) but expressing it is inappropriate.

Michelle - posted on 07/30/2010

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I am sorry but I am confused now.. How are children capable of forming opinions?? They are trained to do so, by their parents. And yes until they are old enough to be contributing members of society IE become a legal adult and act like an adult, their opinions don't matter and they shouldn't be voicing an opinion about something that they know nothing about.

Michelle - posted on 07/30/2010

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IMO there is no reason for a child to tell an adult they are doing something wrong. (of course there are extenuating circumstances ie inappropriate touching) Our children should be CHILDREN, they don't need to be meddling in things that they know nothing about. They don't know about raising children because they are children. They don't understand why a person chooses to smoke or whatever.... It is not for them to interfere or put their two cents they are children...

Isobel - posted on 07/30/2010

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meaning, it's best for the children to keep their opinions of the adults (or their behaviour) to themselves.

Isobel - posted on 07/30/2010

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I believe that children I know can say absolutely ANYTHING to me respectfully, and they all know that. They need to watch themselves with adults who are not close to them though...the rules are different, best to keep your opinions about them to yourself.

Amie - posted on 07/30/2010

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Not at all. I've had children ask me why I smoke. (since this is an earlier example I gave I'll give the flip side) I answered them as honestly as I could. I started smoking as a teenager so for me there were a lot of stupid factors. I told them so.

Those children never walked up to me and coughed (as in one of Laura's examples, though that may be a different thread), they never said smoking is gross, that I need to quit, etc. They asked a simple, honest question and I answered them.

Barbara - posted on 07/30/2010

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So, the whole adult/kid thing is kind of irrelevant. Rudeness in general shouldn't be tolerated. I fully agree.

Do you feel that a child who tries to speak their mind to an adult in a tactful and polite manner is still wrong to do so due to the fact that they are "outranked?"

Isobel - posted on 07/30/2010

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Nobody is supposed to be rude to anybody...that's exactly the point, we need to start teaching our children what is appropriate and what is not again!

It is entirely relevant...you don't tell her, because it's not appropriate to discuss these things with your boss. Just like it's not appropriate for a child to tell me that I'm tying my shoes wrong.

Amie - posted on 07/30/2010

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No kids shouldn't be rude, period. Neither should adults.

Children have some leeway because they ARE children and are still learning.

However, as I already stated, if I take a child home and the parents do nothing or encourage the behavior; Then those types of children are no longer allowed near my children or in our home.

A rude adult I will, as tactfully as possible (in most cases), tell them they are being a jerk. A child I will take it up with their parents.

It's not confusing. It is just a part of life lessons all children should learn, IMO.

Barbara - posted on 07/30/2010

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I'm confused. So, kids shouldn't be rude to adults, or kids shouldn't be rude period? Can adults be rude to children?

And it's irrelevant if my boss knows what my stance is on abortion. It would be illegal for her to treat me differently based on my personal beliefs.

Michelle - posted on 07/30/2010

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Guess its no wonder that our daughters are getting pregnant at 12 and cussing out their parents. Telling police officers to go to hell and picking fights in school. Running around killing other students because they were picked on. Sexting each other with nasty pictures on their cell phones. Makes me wonder why I even bothered having children. Because I will be damned if my children ever speak to an ADULT like they are ADULTS.

Michelle - posted on 07/30/2010

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Well you can't blame a dog for being a dog, anymore than you can blame a child for being a child. It is not the child's fault that the parents do not act like parents. The ADULT needs to step up and act like an adult and teach children. Teach them how to address others. Basically from what I understand of the people who say its okay. IMO you are saying that if a child disagrees with a person of authority aka police officer, teacher, grandparent, it is okay for that child to tell the that person that he/she is wrong for doing whatever the CHILD feels is inappropriate.

And we wonder why teachers don't want to teach and cops treat everyone guilty until proven innocent.

Isobel - posted on 07/30/2010

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and I think I've not made myself clear. I treat EVERYBODY with respect. Amy expressed it a little better, children are too young to know when it is OK to speak your mind, and when it's not...better safe than sorry.

and like I said, I don't think young children are wrong for speaking up and saying the wrong thing to adults, I think their parents are wrong for not telling them that it's not appropriate.

Barbara - posted on 07/30/2010

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I really don't have a problem with a stranger's kid coming up and saying anything to me, honestly. I might have a problem with it if I were a kid, but I'm an adult. They're just kids, they're still learning.

I do let my older son know when he steps outside acceptable social boundaries. All I'm saying is that they learn from example, and if you teach them that the only people who deserve respect are the people that are higher than them in rank, I have to say that I disagree.

To me, discipline is not a matter of "respect my authority" but gently guiding a pupil. What is the root word of discipline? Disciple. Kinda like Jesus had. Do you think he slapped their lips off when they stepped out of rank? Of course not, why would he have to? I should mention here that I'm not a Christian, I just thought it was a good example of showing respect despite rank.

Laura- If you work somewhere that you can't speak your mind to people who are authorities, I'd get a new job. Honesty and frankness (not rudeness) should transcend any kind of silly ranking system. That's just me.

Hannah - posted on 07/30/2010

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Looks like I am back to the old me again- my avatar etc.. if people are confused. I am two people on this site, one when I am on Facebook and another when I am not.

Respect is earned on both parts. My mom used to tell me that I should automatically respect her and even at that age I think I had a valid point. Why shouldI refrain from talking to her "that way" when she is talking to me "that way". It goes both ways no matter the age.

Hannah - posted on 07/30/2010

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I also agree that it is disrespectful. I think that the way children talk to their own parents these days is reprehensible. My mother would have smacked my lips off (as she used to say). I have heard that this new generation is called the entitlement generation and I do believe it is true.

Amie - posted on 07/30/2010

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It's not that children are less deserving of respect. They deserve it but to get it you have to give it. No child who gives lip (and is not taught better) will ever have my respect. No adult for that matter either.



Respect goes both ways. A child needs to be taught what respect is, they obviously aren't taught it if they think it is ok to spout off.



There are times (with tact) it is ok to speak up. There are times when it's completely warranted to go completely around the bend. Children do not know the difference between these situations, it is built with life experience and something we continually learn.



I still struggle some days with wanting to hold my tongue. I am tactful, almost always, when dealing with people (not just my elders but any person) who are rude.



There's a fine line to walk between being rude and being truthful. Children, most often, do not know the difference and need to be taught. It's the parents job to teach them this.



I never said children are less valued either. /:)



Being respectful of everyone around us is something that should still be part of common courtesy but it is not. It is especially apparent in children when they think it is OK to be rude! It's rarely (I'm inclined to say never but know that's not plausible) ok and it is doubly horrifying to hear children being little snots because their parents can't be bothered to teach them or are encouraging the behavior.

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Not quite, children are inferior BUT that is a different thing to valued and respected. Society views children as inferior to adults that is why laws differ for them and why they have less freedom to do things they may want to do.

I have never said that I do not respect children and neither has Amie simply that it is not their job to tell off adults - as parents that is our job if an adult is doing something that requires telling off we should do it. Children should not have to deal with those types of situations (telling off an adult) because they are children and so should not have to deal with adult issues. I respect people who deserve respect NOT everyone deserves respect for example paedophiles and rapists do not deserve respect! IMO children deserve respect but also need to be taught respect for others and so educated when they are rude or inappropriate.

Barbara - posted on 07/30/2010

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So, it's not really the child that is inferior, but that their opinion does not carry the weight of life experience, and therefore it is inferior. I would not say that my children are of less value (in other words inferior) to me, and I doubt that anyone else here would argue that point.
That's why I feel it's unfair to say that adult individuals are more deserving of respect than young individuals simply due to the fact that they are older. IMO Everyone is equally deserving of respect, even if their opinions are less weighty.

[deleted account]

Barbara as I feel the same as Amie I'll pipe up - IMO as the adult in any given situation I am better able to see dangers and problems compared to children which is why they are inferior. Children being inferior should not be confused with children not being respected because I truely respect children for the individual people they are and believe they should have opinions and be taught when it is appropriate to state them.

Barbara - posted on 07/30/2010

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Amie,
I am having trouble understanding how you can say that "respect is huge" with you, and then say that children are inferior. That doesn't seem to be respectful at all. Are you saying that respect is something that should only travel upwards in some chain of command?

[deleted account]

I completely agree with Amie. Actually I think if I write anything else I will just be parroting her with different words so I shall let her post speak for me :-)

Danielle - posted on 07/30/2010

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No, I don't think it's appropriate for a child to speak to an adult in such a superior manner. I too was raised to respect my olders...period. Regardless of how wrong they may be. Basically smile and nod or get your butt whooped! My parents were very firm on that. I wouldn't allow my child to speak condescendingly to an adult either.

Sharon - posted on 07/30/2010

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my kids speak honestly. Its hard to stop a toddler from saying inappropriate things but you're right, its a good opportunity to educate them about right & wrong.

My oldest has done that about smokers. It started when he asked "why don't you smoke?" I don't smoke because I value my health and want to be around for my kids later and not as cancer patient - well, not as a parent who invited cancer anyway. But I was furious that my son saw smoking as something people should do and further said "Its a nasty filthy habit that makes your breath stink, makes food taste bad or wrong and will eventually kill you."

It was probably over the top for a kid his age at the time. I was proud when he told some one that smoking was disgusting and that they shouldn't do it. I was lucky that person was understanding and kind about it, simply agreeing with him but unrepentantly putting the cigarette back to their lips.

I did explain at some point how people can't just go about telling other people that what they are doing is stupid. He is much more circumspect and concientious now.

So no, he's not allowed to just spouting off to random adults. But not all adults are deserving of respect but I expect him to avoid those people and the difficulties they cause rather than spouting off at them.

Michelle - posted on 07/30/2010

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My daughter is almost five now and my father has been telling her to tell me to quit smoking. Which she does, because he tells her to. I don't have a problem with that, because she is right. However if she ever walked up to a stranger and told them that smoking was gross I can promise you I would spank her butt for being rude. I agree that it is one thing for a child to tell their parents that they don't like them smoking around them.

I also don't think it is okay for my daughter to tell my 80 year old grandfather that he needs to quit smoking or that smoking is gross. He is 80 years old if he wants to smoke, damn it I think he has earned that right. He has buried two wives, one to lung cancer and the second to dementia, he has had heart surgery and battled his own lung cancer. IT is everyone's choice to smoke.

IMO parents who teach their children to judge others based on what they do are leading our future generations to be be judgmental against anyone who does something that isn't "normal". Be it smoking, tattoos, or not eating tofu.

Shelley - posted on 07/30/2010

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What gets me is that the parents are proud and everyone just thinks their kid is a little up start.
Its rude Kids don't have any empathy or life experience with which to judge so they should just shut up or be shut up by their parents

Joanna - posted on 07/29/2010

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I think kids need to be taught respect in general, respecting both peers and adults. However I also think they should be taught that they can be honest with close friends and family - if they think smoking is gross, I think it's okay for them to share that with their family if, say, they didn't like their mom/dad smoking around them... but to say it to strangers is disrespectful, so I'd hope their parents would teach them a good middle ground.

Michelle - posted on 07/29/2010

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I agree completely. I read that whole post and I believe her son was seven? I could be wrong, but regardless of age it is rude and completely disrespectful. It is no ones business if I choose to smoke and it damn sure is not a childs business to tell me how gross it is.

Isobel - posted on 07/29/2010

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That's the exact quote that led me to start this thread...I understand that some kids don't know better...but that's the perfect time to teach them (I think), not applaud them.

Charlie - posted on 07/29/2010

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Here is the exact quote : My son is one of those kids who tells smokers that smoking is gross and I applaud him for it.


Yeah , that is rude .

Michelle - posted on 07/29/2010

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I am all for my child being respectful to adults period. There is no reason what so ever that a child should be able to walk up to an adult and tell them they are doing something wrong. Now I understand that some children just don't know any better, depending on their age. For instance when my daughter was three we were sitting in the ER and she saw a heavy woman. She looked at me and very loudly said mommy why is that woman fat? Well the woman was only about two feet from us, so I am sure she heard. I told my daughter that it was not nice to say something like that about anyone and tried to explain why. However she was three.

There is a difference between a three year old saying a woman is fat and a 7, 10 or 15 year old popping off at the mouth because their parents don't teach them manners. Completely uncalled for and RUDE.

Charlie - posted on 07/29/2010

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I know i just read a post with a mother saying how proud she was that her son told an adult " yuk smoking is gross" , i mean sure he may think that it is but thats just rude IMO and she was so happy about it , i think people in general should treat people with respect no matter the age .

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