Same dresses yes or no ?????

Hope - posted on 12/06/2011 ( 63 moms have responded )

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Would you wear the same dress as other female family members to a christmas celebration?
What if the celebration was in a restaurant?

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Corinne - posted on 12/08/2011

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Yeah, I agree with most everybody here, your M.I.L is nutty. No way in hell would I deliberately wear the same outfit as anybody else. Just buy yourself something nice and say you wanted to choose your own clothes that reflect your personality and that you feel comfortable wearing. Excommunication? This is our first holiday season after Mikes mum cut us off and it's been blissful. I know that's not helpful at all, but I can honestly say it's the first time I've enjoyed the run up to Christmas since I had the kids.

Kellie - posted on 12/07/2011

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I agree with Rebecca, just simply say something like sorry but I'll be picking my dress/outfit this year, end of discussion. No arguing.

I totally understand your desire to avoid confrontation but you need to be true to you.

[deleted account]

I would just say, "I'd prefer to choose my own outfit this year" and leave it at that. No explanations; no arguing. Just say it's your preference. If she argues, I would just say, "I understand how you feel, but this is how I feel."

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Hope - posted on 12/21/2011

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All done!!!!!!!! Everyone one loved the alterations I made woohoo!!!! My MIL said my dress looked the best :) Fingers crossed next year I might be able to dress myself.

Hope - posted on 12/20/2011

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Well tonight is the night :s Lucky for I can sew and I have just made a few alterations to my dress, looks a lot different now :) Fingers crossed everyone else (MIL) is happy with it.

[deleted account]

"So Jen and Susan you would be quite happy to organise to wear the same outfit as your MIL and SIL on Christmas"

That's not the main question though is it? The OP said, would I wear the same outfit. Is this not voluntary? I realize there were other posts but I was responding to the main. I don't see a problem wearing the same dress regardless of why. if however someone is forcing you to dress a certain way, that is something COMPLETELY different. I woudl not obey unless I liked the outfit. Same thing for any wedding. I would have been mortified to even think of telling my mother or mother-in-law what to wear. I know they'll dress appropriately, that's all that matters. As far as wearing the same outfit accidentally, who cares?

[deleted account]

Yeah, I would not do this. Nope. I don't even think bridesmaids should be forced to wear the exact same dress. Coordinate color and length for goodness sakes, don't try to make women ranging from size 2 to size 16 all feel 'pretty' in the same cut of fabric. It's just mean! Satin sheath dresses are NOT for every body type. Sorry about the tangent, the topic just made me think of the plight of poor bridesmaids everywhere. :)

Jen - posted on 12/20/2011

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When I saw this title, I really expected the subject to be about putting a 7 year old and a 9 year old in matching dresses. lol
I don't know what to tell you, other than I'm glad that my m-i-l doesn't expect me and my s-i-l to wear the same sweatpants and slippers that she will be wearing. haha
Good luck!

Hope - posted on 12/18/2011

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So Jen and Susan you would be quite happy to organise to wear the same outfit as your MIL and SIL on Christmas. It is not the horror of showing up to the same event in the same outfit that gets me, it is the preorganization and the expectation to wear the same outfit. I would much prefer to wear my choice of attire weather it be a dress or other. This is not a question of "girliness" this is a question of being able to be yourself.

[deleted account]

Who cares? I guess I am so non-girly that things like this don't faze me and in fact blow my mind when people get upset.

Stifler's - posted on 12/08/2011

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agreed it was my choice to have kids not their, they don't owe me for raising them. she just thinks we should buy her everything she wants.

Kellie - posted on 12/08/2011

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I really don't understand why some people have kids. That's an appalling attitude to have regarding your kids. Our children owe us nothing.

Stifler's - posted on 12/08/2011

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I think you hit the nail on the head there kellie, she thinks the kids owe her for raising them.

Kellie - posted on 12/08/2011

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People need to get their own lives and stop projecting onto others. *snort* why would she be entitled to his money? What he needs to pay her back for her raising him?

Oh well at least it gives me a perfect not what to do guide for when my kids are older and have partners and kids of their own.

Such as not reek of alcohol when I'm expecting my 1 year old Granddaughter because I'm watching her while her parents go out...

Stifler's - posted on 12/08/2011

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I know right. I'm like...what does she want a Wii for? Desrae is like so she can play a game of golf and do Wii sports. She has a sense of entitlement to my husband's money that's what it is. She goes to me "One night Damian went out and spent 500 dollars on the weekend. I was ropable". He was 23 at the time! I was there when he spent it too. I was just like why? Why were you ropable. That doesn't even make sense.

Kellie - posted on 12/08/2011

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As long as you're making progress it's all good.

Fucking MIL's what are they crazy? Mine is still trying to guilt/manipulate me into changing my Christmas Day plans. She's got zero chance.

Hope - posted on 12/08/2011

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On a serious note I am learning to stand up for myself but I do have to choose my battles wisely and there is 10 years of crap to work through. Baby steps

Hope - posted on 12/08/2011

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Thought I would give you an update on the outfit............... there are red flowers to pin in our hair................. HELP ME!!!!

Medic - posted on 12/08/2011

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I would tell her she can kiss my fat white a$$ because there is no way in hell I would wear a horrible holiday dress to begin with much less one that matches anyone else. Just get your own outfit and tell her no. If you don't want to do that say "Shoot one of the kids got _________ on it right as we were running out the door" I just threw something else on.

Stifler's - posted on 12/08/2011

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Sometimes you have to let people go. especially if they are crazy and ruining your life.

Sherri - posted on 12/07/2011

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Nope I honestly never would intentionally wear the same outfit as somebody else. Just not my thing.

Ashley - posted on 12/07/2011

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Funnily enough I would wear the same dress as my sister and mom. But then we are close and kooky enugh that we could pull it off, but it would have to be like a reindeer dress or something.

As for traditions I love, everything! lol. I love the hustle of Malls and the christmas music blaring while I am baking/cooking. We also host an orphans christmas eve dinner that we make Ukranian food for. Christmas day is pretty lax except now that I have kids :) and then again for Ukranian Christmas more food lol

Elfrieda - posted on 12/07/2011

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Is she buying it for you? And matching accessories? Yikes. Yup, it's weird. But if it's only for one (humiliating) evening, is it really worth making a fuss over it? I probably would just go along with it... for a few years... and then start deviating just slightly "oh, well I'm so excited about my sparkly new Christmas cardigan, I want to wear that over my lovely dress" and then the next year just say no thanks, I'll pick my own clothes. Or maybe not! I don't like confrontation, and if it's only one evening, well is it such a big deal?

Is it an "include Hope in our beautiful family tradition" thing? Does the s-i-l seriously enjoy this matchy-ness? I just don't know what to say. Maybe I'll giggle a little at your expense. (heeheehee) I think you're very kind to your m-i-l, and I'm sure your husband appreciates it.

Jenn - posted on 12/07/2011

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No. My daughters dressed in similar dresses when little bitty but in no way would I want to dress like other adults! That reminds me of a family I know who all had the same god-awful matching Hawaiian clothing on. The grandparents, parents, kids...ugh!

Becky - posted on 12/06/2011

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Bring a back up outfit and spill red wine on yourself 5 minutes into the meal! :)

Hope - posted on 12/06/2011

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oh just to add to the nuttiness she told me the other day she has bought the matching jewelery and belts hahaha I can't wait to walk into the restaurant. Be thinking of me girls. the thursday night before christmas and all will not be well.

Stifler's - posted on 12/06/2011

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accidentally destroy the dress with the iron and then say you couldn't possibly have worn it

Hope - posted on 12/06/2011

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So how would you handle it? How do I get out of this crazy tradition my MIL loves so much?

[deleted account]

That's just weird, IMHO. You aren't twins and you aren't a child. Just weird. So the answer is no.

Stifler's - posted on 12/06/2011

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No that's weird. If someone accidentally bought the same dress I wouldn't care but dressing all the same deliberately? WHY?

Tam - posted on 12/06/2011

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The closest thing to tradition that my family does is host the family if they choose to come down. Makes it kinda stressful, but the kids love having access to their relatives in the house.

I wouldn't wear the same dress, even if I wore dresses. Holidays bring enough stress and headache. Coordinating outfits is superfluous and unneeded.

Krista - posted on 12/06/2011

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Your MIL is whackadoodle, Hope. Seriously. And I know that with people like that, you have to pick your battles. But by the same token, sometimes you HAVE to say no to them, just to get them used to the concept.

And I'd be saying no to wearing the same freaking dress as her every damned year. That's creepy.

[deleted account]

I don't wear dresses.

It is our family (me and my kids) tradition to go to our church's Christmas Eve service. We've only missed two years since the girls were born (their 2nd we were in Florida and their 3rd... they hadn't had a nap!) and this will be their eleventh Christmas. ♥ One of my best friend's (and the most awesome 'uncle' my kids will ever have) is one of the pastor's and the Christmas Eve service is 'his' show. We sit w/ his kids (usually.. .unless they have other family there too) and one of my other best friend's and her family in the front row. ♥ LOVE IT!!

The tradition I don't particularly like... and this is the second year of it... is taking my kids to the airport on the day after Christmas to be picked up by their father for the week. I'm much more ok about it this year than I was last year, but I will always worry.

Hope - posted on 12/06/2011

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Why the same dress? Because my MIL is a fruit loop and impossible to say no.

Lady Heather - posted on 12/06/2011

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My brother in law actually drinks so much that he has lost the ability to get trashed. Trashed is his normal way of life. Yes, it's that bad.

September - posted on 12/06/2011

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Oh ok. Well that's cool! It sounds a lot like the one we visit every year. I love it, it's so pretty!

September - posted on 12/06/2011

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Had to google paralyzers...dang! They must be trashed a couple hours into the celebrations! LOL :)

Lady Heather - posted on 12/06/2011

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Nope, just little old Prince George BC. We have our own. :) It's pretty awesome that year after year this whole neighbourhood puts on a big display. If you move in there you have to participate. It's the law or something.

September - posted on 12/06/2011

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Heather...Candy Cane Lane? Do you live in Seattle? We go there every year! :)

Lady Heather - posted on 12/06/2011

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Traditions I love...baking, the rest of the food, checking out the lights on Candy Cane Lane, books and pjs on Christmas Eve, chopping down the tree, Boxing Day sledding...

Tradition I don't love - my husband's family don't do anything but drink. Booze booze and more booze. We were more of a champagne and oj for breakfast and a glass of wine with dinner type of family. Not twice hourly paralyzers types. Paralyzers for Christmas? Really?

Kellie - posted on 12/06/2011

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Why do you have to wear the same dress as your MIL & SIL?

I would have said no from the get go.

We don't have any family traditions. Other than me going to Grampas for lunch. The MIL tried to guilt me into going to lunch at hers (still pulls the oh Steve is working in the arvo, he likes to have family around Christmas Day), sorry lady we have plans and I'm sticking with them.

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