Secrets and lies

Charlie - posted on 10/05/2010 ( 23 moms have responded )

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Should your partner know EVERYTHING about you or are they somethings better left in the dark ? does it make a difference if your little secrets were before your relationship or after you met ?

Is it ever ok to tell a lie to your partner , just white lies or are there bigger things that are best unknown ?

What situations would you keep a secret or lie ?

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23 Comments

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Ez - posted on 10/06/2010

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I think it's all about common sense. If it's something like a child from a previous relationship or a current AVO, then you better 'fess up! Things that will have a huge impact on a relationship need to be shared, although obviously not all at the start lol.

Otherwise I don't think we need to tell every single little thing. And I agree that it's super annoying to have someone answer your phone or read your text messages for you. To me, it's not about having something to hide. It's about respect and the fact that checking up on me like that implies a lack of trust.

Jenny - posted on 10/05/2010

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My partner only uses the computer for banking, downloading music and porn. I don't think he's ever sent an email and has zero interest in Facebook. I leave all my accounts signed in and have let him know he's free to peruse if you want. I want him to know I have nothing to hide but he's also never felt the need to look.

We don't have any secrets but we don't know every little mundane thing either.

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My hubby can go on my FB whenever he needs to. I go on his but thats because he has some friends that i'm not friends with and i like to see what they are doing but i don't wann be thier friend because of who they are mutual friends with.... Confusing as anything i know. But hey my whole FB atm should be on that Lamebook with what i have going on! lol

Stifler's - posted on 10/05/2010

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Still, I'd hate it if he decided he was allowed to go in my facebook account and read messages and stuff or read through my emails, I just hate people reading stuff. He used to read my texts when we were first going out and ask who this person was and that person and I was just sick of explaining what we were talking about.

Johnny - posted on 10/05/2010

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Yes, I've seen Lamebook. Like I said, it's about immaturity, not privacy. Those people are childish twits.

Stifler's - posted on 10/05/2010

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or STFU Couples has heaps of it too where they hack each others Facebook and write derogatory things if they've broken up

Tah - posted on 10/05/2010

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my husband knows about me and jody that stops by when he is deployed and he is okay with that as well...he also knows i think his dad hugs me to long...(our little joke...)BTW..seek and you shall find...my girfriend just hacked her man of 15 years fb and sent a message to a girl from his account as if she was him...needless to say she found out more than she thought she ever would...she said i know i shouldn't have done it tah so you dont have to tell me..well im glad you saved me the breath, i can use it to talk about you with the husband, cause when i say we talk about everything...i mean it...

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I don't think it's ever ok to lie to your partner. Sorry except at christmas and birthday time! :) I think when initially getting into a relationship you don't need to put it all on the table because thats part of a new ralationship. Finding all these things out.
To keep a secret for a short time is ok but to lie IMO is never ok. Not to the ones you love anyway.

Johnny - posted on 10/05/2010

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That's not about privacy. That's about maturity. What sort of twit hacks their partner's status like that?

Stifler's - posted on 10/05/2010

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Like i'm not hiding anything i just think it's rude if he answers my phone when it rings or reads my email as if it's his or hacks my facebook. i hate when people's partners hack their facebook and write stupid things in their status!!

Johnny - posted on 10/05/2010

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Ack, reading each others e-mails! My husband has his set to pop up on the screen everytime he gets an incoming message. So annoying! But I can be pretty sure he's not trying to hide anything. I don't have mine pop-up though, I need to keep my liasons with Joshua Jackson a secret. Shh!

Kayle - posted on 10/05/2010

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Me and my fiance can never keep secrets. Christmas is always missing the suprise. =) I even knew when he was going to propose.

Tah - posted on 10/05/2010

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we know everything about each other, we talk constantly, we even tell each other when others hit on us...we are sickening...lol

Stifler's - posted on 10/05/2010

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I don't think everything has to be disclosed. STDs yes, criminal records yes. I don't believe we should be allowed to read each other's texts or emails without the person knowing we're doing it. HAHA Jodi I keep those kind of secrets too or else the chocolate is all gone by the time I get to it.

Jodi - posted on 10/05/2010

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Well, my hubby and I were highschool sweethearts and were each other's firsts (sorry if that's TMI) so there are no "before us" secrets!!! As things go now, we know each other's passwords for facebook and emails...but since I rarely check my email I don't think I've ever checked his and I'm too busy on my facebook to check his either! If he checks mine...I have nothing to hide. My idea of keeping a secret from my husband is buying a pint of ben and jerry's and not telling him after I've hidden it at the back of the freezer!! lol We just don't have those secrets...and if he has them...I'm not sure I want to know!
There are a few instances I think you shouldn't keep secrets and that's with sex with other partner's. STD's are nothing mess with, if you (or he) cheat and don't tell, at least refrain from sex until you get tested and get the results. Also, if you lead a double life...were once a different gender (hey...it happens) or anything that could be a major deal breaker with the average person. Most secrets are ok if they're little or will only cause drama (but not enough to break up the relationship). Over disclosure can be just as bad as hiding big secrets in a relationship.

Johnny - posted on 10/05/2010

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I don't know. I think that sadly, my husband and I know everything about each other. We try to keep secrets to appear 'mysterious' to each other, but we're no good at it. Our secrets each came out easily & comfortably. It's not like I tell my hubby ever detail of my day or anything, but it's not that interesting anyway. We're boring.

Serena - posted on 10/05/2010

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We follow the idea of what happened before "us" doesn't matter. We have topics that as a whole we leave in the dark because the truth is I don't like to think that he has been with anyone else.
Little white lies here and there for the sake of feelings I feel is okay, more of a common courtesy like "yes baby I got mine too" when really I just need to get to bed :)

Angie - posted on 10/05/2010

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Where's the fun in knowing everything about your partner? I think there are certain things that should be put out there like: Allergies, criminal record(if any), pet peeves, sexual preferences. Other stuff should be discovered together. Everyone has secrets.

Rosie - posted on 10/05/2010

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i think there are things that are better left unsaid. i share as much as possible, there are just things that my husband doesn't need to know. i don't need to know everything about him either. as long as there isn't some huge thing that's kept hidden, it doesn't bother me at all.

Kimberly - posted on 10/05/2010

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"I thought I seen a bone in your shoe. Whose skeleton was that?" ~Eddie Murphy (Raw)



I wouldn't call it a lie if you never disclose it. A girl should never lose her air of mystery. ~Kimberly Jarrell



Edited to add: Unless, as in the movie, Paranormal Activity, you are like that chick that has had the effing demon following her from house to house since she was nine. Yeah, that kind of shit needs to be disclosed.

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