Separate incomes

*Lisa* - posted on 05/31/2010 ( 23 moms have responded )

1,858

12

174

I just found a few posts from Stay At Home Mums saying that they can't afford to buy certain things because their husband works but they don't... Personally I found this strange! I operate under 'what's mine is yours and yours is mine' which covers finance and kids. ;)

What do you think of having a separate income to your husband/partner? Is it common??

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Suzette - posted on 05/31/2010

1,086

29

0

I guess for some people it's common, my parents both have their own incomes but it's combined money for both of them. They don't consider it 'his and hers.' It all goes into their joint checking my mom controls the bills, groceries, etc. and lets my dad know what's left over. He always checks with her on what's left and what can be spent before he spends anything and he doesn't care what she does as long as they're not in the negative.

I don't work, I go to school, hubby works. I'm not planning on working until our little one is in school, we don't want her in daycare until she can talk and, by that point, she'll be almost in kindergarden so we decided to wait until then. (By then I'll have graduated college as well.) We have our own checking accounts but I'm being added to his and we're only keeping mine open because it's a free acct with college. I control the bills and whatnot because, well, he sucks at it. lol.

He doesn't care what I spend, he always checks with me about what's left over because otherwise he'd go over it, he's getting better at budgeting. :) Once our little one arrives, and we have everything we need for her (which will be very soon), then we will be able to put more into savings. Right now it's been a little difficult since we've been squirreling money into everything we need for her.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

23 Comments

View replies by

Joanna - posted on 06/04/2010

2,096

19

137

We have a main bank account that my husband's paycheck goes into, it's pretty much his account because he pays the bills (I'm awful with money that way). But with each paycheck he gets (twice a month) a certain amount is direct deposited into my own personal account, which I use to buy groceries and things we need from Target and the like. And I can buy anything I want, but once the money's gone it's gone and I don't get anything else until the next paycheck. That's also where I put any gifts of money I may get for holidays, so it's fun to save it up and get something I want, like a tattoo or nice new pair of shoes or something. I think this works pretty great for us.

Sandy - posted on 06/04/2010

28

16

11

My husband has been employed for all 31 years of our marriage. We have two kids, one is married and one is still at home with us, I babysat when the first one was little and until he started school. My earnings help us to save up to buy our first house. We have owned two businesses and I have worked. After selling our businesses I have worked at other jobs and then had our other child.
My husband and I have joint bank accounts, but when ever there was a big purchase to make it always took for ever for him to ok that purchase.
I read in Readers Digest that every woman should have their own bank account to which I didnt have one. My husband however has been buying RRSPs for years in his name and I had none so I decided that it was time to get my own account and begin a nest egg of my own. This did not go over well and ended up with a week of no talking, then talking of halfing everything, to which I did not want to happen.
Because I allowed my husband to control the money for 31 years, it all came as a shock to him that I would want my own bank account. My advice to all woman would be to take steps in your financial state early, dont do like I did and sit idlely by. Dont get me wrong, I have a wonderful husband, he has been great with our finances but now that I have my own bank account I have a sense of my own security for the future.

Sarah - posted on 06/02/2010

5,465

31

344

I'm the complete opposite to most of you, my husband pays all the bills, not only because he is the main earner, but because i'm RUBBISH with money!!
If I was left to organise our finances, we'd be out on the street within a month! lol.

ME - posted on 06/01/2010

2,978

18

193

Travis and I have had a joint account since we were engaged! I can't imagine trying to run a household with our money seperated. I am the one who pays bills, buys groceries, keeps baby supplies stocked, and keeps the car full of gas. We have one debit card because my hubby cannot control his spending, mostly on eating out!!! It works for us...and I'm glad that he lets me keep the accounts, I would be a total stress-case otherwise!

Charlie - posted on 06/01/2010

11,203

111

409

We are not married and we lived together for 3 years before we had kids , we had a joint account years before cooper arrived , we both had income going into the account but now i am a stay at home mum he is the main earner but it is still our money .

I work just as hard as he does at home with Cooper and he knows that thats why any money in the bank is "our's" , i handle all the finance like rent , shopping , bills ect but other than that whats left is ours , if we need to spend some we do so but we always ask first so we dont overspend , its worked out well for us .

*Lisa* - posted on 06/01/2010

1,858

12

174

Yeah we have a joint account and my husband never refers to the income as 'his' even though I am not working. I think even when we were dating we treated our money as 'ours'. Amie! That's extreme about your in-laws!

Nikki - posted on 06/01/2010

5,263

41

574

My husband and I have joint accounts, even though I am a SAHM I never think of it as his money, it's ours, I budget and tell him how much he can spend because he is hopeless with money. I don't really spend much on myself, I get too wound up in buying things for my daughter. Sara my mum still buys me clothes too! lol

Krista - posted on 06/01/2010

12,562

16

847

We have a joint account for all household stuff. So every paycheque, we each put most of our paycheque into the joint account, setting aside a little bit for our own personal spending. All household items, bills, mortgage, groceries, baby items, etc. come out of the joint account, but I have a little bit for myself if I want to buy myself a treat. It works out really well for us.

Sunny - posted on 06/01/2010

662

21

53

Well we do more of the separate income thing.
He's pay is spent on rent, car, phone and half into savings.
Mine goes on food, gas, water, electricity and doctors.
We split everything for our son.
After we have paid our deal of things the money we have each left over we do with as we want.
Though i was pretty short of cash this past weekend and Jesse happily gave me $100 to go have some drinks with friends (in what he refers to as a 'w/e without being nagged' lol)
So it works for us, we aren't married though and have no intention of getting a joint account.

Sarah - posted on 06/01/2010

5,465

31

344

My husband works full time and i work part time. We don't have a joint account at all.
His wages pay all the bills and the mortgage. My wages usually go on our everyday living, the shopping, things for the kids etc.
If a bill comes up and he doesn't have enough, then i'll pay it. If there's something we need and i don't have the money, he'll pay for it. (if that makes sense)

So it works pretty well for us. We share all the money pretty much, it's just not in a joint account. :)

Jodi - posted on 05/31/2010

3,562

36

3907

All our money goes into a joint account, and I control the household budget because I am usually the one who does the grocery shopping, the clothes shopping, etc. I do work from home, so have my own income, but most of it comes from the business we operate together, and as far as we are concerned, it is all "ours".



Being a second marriage for me, and 3rd "relationship" for my husband, we did consider pre-nuptial, and doing our separate thing, if nothing else, in fairness to the children. But when it all came down to it, we work together, our assets were similar before we married, and so there was really no point in a pre-nup.

La - posted on 05/31/2010

0

0

63

Up until his recent lay off, my partner worked while I finished nursing school and was doing the SAHM thing. He would give me money whenever I asked for it, but I HATE spending money so I hardly ever needed to ask. He is horrible with budgeting though, so I really wish I had complete control of our finances just so I could regulate unnecessary purchases on his part. We are not going to open a joint bank account at any point, but we still consider any income as "family money."

[deleted account]

Caitlin, I had a similar experience. When my daughter was six months old I was trying to wear clothes that didn't quite fit anymore. I didn't want to spend money on new clothes, because money was tight, but my husband insisted. He even said don't buy cheap stuff that will wear out. Buy good stuff that I like and will wear for years. So I did, grudgingly. But I'm glad I did. I haven't really bought clothes for myself since then. Though my mom is usually good for a few new outfits every Christmas and birthday. Mom STILL keeps me clothed!

Caitlin - posted on 05/31/2010

1,915

5

172

I'm a SAHM at the moment on maternity leave and money is REALLY tight. I'm in school and so is my husband, he works full time nights so he has 2 full time jobs basically, he respects that my part itme school and taking care of 2 under 2 is hard as well, which is nice. Money that we get is essentially gone before we get it sadly, but usually i'm the one who does the budget, I refuse to spend money that doens't need to be spent. Before our kids, sometimes food went bad int he fridge, it's incredibly rare that that happens now, and mostly it happens when an apple rrolls to the back behind the sauces or something and stays there for a few weeks, and even then i try to put it in a pie or something, because even if it's soft, doens't mean it's bad.

The other week we weere walking through the mall and I said "oh isn't that shirt cute" and kept walking and my husband stopped, forced me to try it on and when it looked good insisted on me getting it. After all it was only 15$ and half the time I walk around in his shirts because all my old ones have holes or just don't fit yet (I haven't finished with my baby weight.. Mostly, i'll buy anything for my girls that they need, they come first, if we're talking about spare cash, why not go out and spend some.

Amie - posted on 05/31/2010

6,596

20

412

I think it works for some. My in laws operate their finances like this but again, they aren't marriage role models for anybody. Everything is separated right down the middle. If one of them is in dire need, the other will help out but it's expected to be paid back. It's ridiculous.

My husband is the only working at the moment. He pays for everything. From the mundane to the bills. He nor I see it as "his" money though. It's our money. We do have multiple accounts though that the money gets moved around for. It helps us keep track of it all better than having one account would.

Krista - posted on 05/31/2010

12,562

16

847

My husband is good for that as well. When I was on mat leave, money was really tight. But if he made anything extra from his side business, he'd share the profits with me.

If those requests weren't anything elaborate, then no, I don't think the husband should be forbidding it.

Then again, we don't know the whole back story, so it is truly hard to say. Either way, it's one of those things that each couple truly has to work out for themselves.

Carolee - posted on 05/31/2010

21,950

17

585

I lucked out with my husband. He will hand me cash (on his days off) and tell me to go do whatever I want to do and buy whatever I want to buy. He thinks it's wrong that SAHM's don't get paid for what we do! My ex (son's bio father), however, treated me like I was a money-hungry slob because I was on bedrest while pregnant and I wanted to buy a few books to keep me occupied!



Now, my husband may control the cash and pay the bills, but I decide what we buy and when. He just gives me a spending limit and says "go at it"!

Rosie - posted on 05/31/2010

8,657

30

321

yeah my husband works more than i do but i control the budget as well. i don't understand the way some men think when it comes to that. my husband trust me completely and he doesn't give a rats ass if i spend some money on myself as long as we talk about it first.
some men might have been burned in the past, and are cautious which i still think is stupid since their partner hasn't proven to be the same. some men are just ridiculous and have old-fashioned views and have no clue what being a sahm entails. they're the man, and blah blah bullshit.
the only time i see doing this as an option is if the womean has proven herself untrustworthy with the money and messes things up bad. i feel sorry for all these women who want and deserve more, but their pig of a husband doesn't "allow" it. if my husband EVER said i wasn't "allowed" to do something-well, lets just say it would never happen in the first place cause he knows how i feel about that, lol!

*Lisa* - posted on 05/31/2010

1,858

12

174

Yeah I can definitely understand it if they are going out and blowing all the cash on frivolities, but these requests seemed standard enough.

[deleted account]

My husband and I both work, but we both have our secret stashes of cash set aside. Plus we have our joint accounts. I have the control over the money, bills, payments, transfers, etc. All he does is sign his check over to me and ask for his "allowance"! I think it is getting more and more common for some SAHMs to have a little emergency money set aside. Not necesarrily for luxury items, but just in case money. Especially in cases of domestic abuse where a women might need to split in the middle of the night. Even though I control the accounts, every now and then my husband asks to see how much is in the accounts, where the bills are going, etc.

Krista - posted on 05/31/2010

12,562

16

847

If one partner works and the other doesn't, then I can definitely understand the working partner not wanting the non-working partner to blow the bank. Obviously they should be able to buy whatever is needed without being scrutinized, but if they are buying a lot of non-essentials, winding up with the family living paycheque to paycheque, then that's another story. I know one couple around here -- the husband works and the wife does not. Every payday, she will go up, take his cheque from him, buy whatever is needed for the house and kids, and spend the rest on herself. Nothing is put in savings, and he is left with nothing for himself. Their kids are in school, so I don't understand why he doesn't kick her ass and tell her to get a part-time job if she wants to spend so much on herself.

[deleted account]

My husband works, but I control the budget. And I do all the shopping and bill paying and saving. So we fall under the "what's mine is yours" category. He trusts me completely with the finances. And he knows that just because I don't have an income that my job is not important.



Are you sure these ladies aren't saying they can't spend frivolously because they only have one income? Not that the husband won't let them buy things, but that as a family sacrifices have to be made financially?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms