Separate rooms

Lissa - posted on 06/14/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )




I am just wondering what your opinions are on separate bedrooms from your partner. Do you think it is detrimental to a relationship? Would you ever consider it? Maybe you already do it. Do you think it's strange and believe that it means a marraige is in trouble.
Tonight I am sleeping on the couch, quite happily I will add. I almost always go to bed before my husband for many reasons. He snores horribly, we have tried everything he even had an operation a few years ago for sleep apnea and it improved for a while. I am also a terrible bedfellow I like to have lots of room and even though I am 5ft and slim I can take up all the space in a king size bed. My husband is 6ft 5 and needs a lot of space. I kick, shove, steal all the covers and complain, we have different sleeping needs.
If we had enough space we would have separate bedrooms.


[deleted account]

I don't know if it's something I'd personally do. I like cuddling and the spontaneity of 'relations' that being in the same bed affords. But we don't keep each other awake like you and your husband do (my husband snores, but I just nudge him and he rolls over and the snoring stops).
I would imagine that lack of sleep would be far more detrimental to a marriage than separate bedrooms.


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April - posted on 06/15/2011




Once in a while we do sleep in separate rooms because on certain nights, my husband can get called to work in the middle of the night (like 3 am). Since we share a room with our son, we didn't want the late night phone calls to keep him up.

Our son does have a crib in our room but ever since we bedshared at my mom's house, he hasn't wanted to sleep in his crib. He is one of those small people that can take up a lot of room in a semi-big (full sized) bed, so we think he just feels like his crib is too small now. We're hoping to get him a big boy bed as soon as we can afford one. I know that would help a lot! My husband and I do prefer sleeping together and snuggling close, we do miss that! One day in near-ish future...

Ez - posted on 06/15/2011




I think each couple need to figure out what works for them. Sleep is so important, and if one person is regularly keeping the other awake I think it's reasonable to want to find a solution. Obviously if that means separate rooms, then some extra effort will need to be made to ensure intimacy is maintained. But I would be open to it if I were in a disastrous sleeping arrangement with a partner.

Kari - posted on 06/15/2011




Just a thought. I use earplugs at night and then I never hear my husband snore. I started in college because some of my roommates snored. I am so much happier and well-rested because of the earplugs. It might take some getting used to but perhaps worth a try??? :)

Becky - posted on 06/14/2011




I think that if one partner is keeping the other from getting enough sleep, it's probably better for their marriage for them to have separate rooms. If one partner just doesn't want to be close to the other, then there's a problem. Dh is a snorer too, and I am a bad sleeper as it is, so sometimes, it's almost impossible for me to get to sleep with him. I have considered sleeping downstairs and probably would except that the kids still get up in the middle of the night sometimes and our oldest son freaks out if he comes into our room and I'm not in there.

Jayce - posted on 06/14/2011




My husband snores as well. He snores so loudly that I've considered getting another apartment just so I wouldn't have to listen to him...but we can't afford it, so I spend a lot of time nudging him (read poking him in ribs and kicking shins) to get him to roll over and stop long enough for me to get to sleep.

[deleted account]

When my 1st child was born is when we started not sleeping in the same bed. It happened like that because he was a heavy sleeper and i bed share with my babies. We went on to have 2 more kids and just as the last one was finally sleeping in his own bed and i had asked hubby to start sleeping in OUR bed again he walked out. He also was a horrible sleeper and if i nudged him through the night he would get up all pissed off and sleep on the lounge.
But if it works for a couple then it works. I just never realised it wasn't working.

Lacye - posted on 06/14/2011




I don't think it would hurt at all. My sister and her husband sleep in different rooms. My husband and I sleep in the same room but different beds, long story but in the end I have gotten so used to not sleeping with him that I can't have him in the bed with me. lol

Lissa - posted on 06/14/2011




I just realised I didn't make something clear. I go to bed first because once I am asleep the snoring will wake me but I can go back to sleep. If my husband is asleep and snoring before me I can't sleep and it drives me absolutely insane. It also makes me feel irrationally annoyed with him, it's not like it's his fault. So as he is asleep first I have chosen the couch as a much better option.

Dana - posted on 06/14/2011




I think it all depends on the couple and if they let it drive them apart. Some couples have a better relationship by sleeping in separate beds. Some need to cuddle or to have that closeness.

My husband and I have always shared a room/bed. Although right now, I'm pregnant and have been sleeping on the couch where I can lay propped up. Due to a torn diaphragm (from my last pregnancy), I have hellacious heartburn. It's been fine for us because we still have our "time" and I just use the couch to actually sleep.

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