Should I consider it cheating/Honesty Online

Mrs. - posted on 01/30/2012 ( 29 moms have responded )

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Okay mystery solved on random person making up stuff online...then shutting down thread when people point it out.



So I'm curious, this is a good way to start a debate...



How honest are you online? How honest should you be online? Do you ever pretend to be someone else? What's your take on the ethics of honesty online?

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Krista - posted on 02/05/2012

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I always tell people I'm 5 years older than I am, so that they'll say "WOW! You look GREAT!"



I've always thought it silly to lie about your age. Sure, I could SAY that I'm 29, but then people would be thinking, "Man...she looks like crap!"

Jodi - posted on 02/05/2012

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I'm pretty honest on-line, but like others have said, I leave certain things out when I think it's either a) not necessary or b) poses even a remote threat to my children's privacy or safety.



My sister likes to b**ch at me about Facebook though, she is one of those people that makes about 5 posts a day, 4 of which are about how her job sucks, her kid is being horrible, her boyfriend is a jack-a** etc etc and the 5th is how her life is SOOOOO wonderful. I try to be a positive person, so I leave my negative thoughts to myself and try to banish them. So on Facebook, you will find mostly positive posts, and I'm a couple times a week poster. My sister is always telling me that I'm tinting my life with rose colored goggles for everyone else, maybe I am I guess. But to me, they don't need to know every time my husband irritates me, or my kids start frustrating me, they don't *need* to know every time my hubs brings me flowers either, or every time Jaelyn draws a picture of me as a princess and tells me I'm as beautiful as a princess; but the world is too focused on how crappy everything is. I try to be positive and focus on the good things in my life. If that's lying...then I do so proudly! lol

Jodi - posted on 02/01/2012

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That's it Emma, and then you'd have to get your husband to tell people you died so you could assume a new persona or something.

Deborah - posted on 01/31/2012

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I don't think there's anything wrong with going into a random chat room and pretending to be someone you aren't...younger, older, whatever... but as long as it's random. IT's a way to explore people in general and to gauge responses. I've done that before, garnered what other people think of a given situation being outside of it (hearing the story 'secondhand' from a friend vs. being in the first person)



I'm a writer, and going into a chat room to gauge conversations, how people 'speak', the kind of responses is a great way to explore and develop a sense of creating dialogue. If I go in as one of my 'characters', I can get a better sense of the responses he/she would/could get regarding their manner of speech. Since dialogue is a form of 'written speech' anyway, a chat room is a great place to develop that.



If a person thinks they might be gay, or bisexual, or transgender, the internet is also a great way to discover more about themselves and explore that potential if they have no one in their 'real' lives to talk to about it. Anonymity provides a few very valuable possibilities in these kind of circumstances.



If a person in a relationship has a higher sex drive than their partner or spouse, the internet is also another way to meet that need without causing any 'real life' drama. As long as the person in question never meets anyone he chats with, and keeps it within reason, it could keep a marriage or a relationship together. It shouldn't be a secret though. If there were intimacy issues where I could not meet my fiance's needs, I would feel much better knowing he is meeting them sitting in front of his computer, rather than going out to a bar and having a backseat romp.



but as for places like threads, or social networks, I think there is a measure of honesty to be upheld. IF you want to separate your 'work friends' from your 'social' friends, create a separate account. I know a lot of employers will 'stalk' a potential employee to see what kind of person they're looking to hire, only to throw their application in the trash because the person is one thing or another. I keep my page completely private so I don't really have to worry about that, but I do not think my ability to perform a given job should be judged based on the content of my facebook page, especially with the whole 'timeline' thing they have for it now.



I do think the internet is a great way to explore your inner-self, but you shouldn't create alternate identities and claim them to be your own. Experimentation for the sake of self exploration is fine, but trying to make that a reality is crossing the line.

Pam - posted on 01/30/2012

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well it kind of wastes our time, I'm thinking it would be nice to really help out another sista in this cause but not if its fake, its just a big waste of time. I call shinadingins ....

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♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/06/2012

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Ashley, a friend and I celebrate our 25th birthdays every year- we're both turning 31 this year and older than our spouses (although her husband won't be 25 for another 2 years) so this makes us feel better) we call it our 25 to the such and such power birthday. Yes we know mathmatically that makes us even older but who cares?



I'm honest for the most part online. The only thing I really lie about is how much I weigh because that doesn't affect anyone.

Ashley - posted on 02/06/2012

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I keep my most private things to myself. I think if you have to lie than don 't talk about it.

Funny about the age thing my mom says she is 29... it became a joke she celebrates anniversaries of her 29th birthday... recently it was 28 years of being 29 :P

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/06/2012

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Some people just feel differently about age than others. Some don't care, and others care a great deal. If you are uncomfortable telling your age, don't.

Allison - posted on 02/06/2012

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well i'm not honest to the point where anyone on me could find me in my real life. but i dont lie either i just tend not to have pics of me up. if some one wants to know what i look like they are free to ask or to find a picture. i dont lie about my relationship status unless its telling unwanted advances that i'm taken. i dont lie about my kids. some times i sugar coat or exagerate but its not like i'm making things up just to make them up and get attention

Hope - posted on 02/04/2012

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With every year you gain wisdom. So be proud and flaunt it. I a completely honest about my age and will always be.

Mrs. - posted on 02/04/2012

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Besides, Cathy, your friend is a bit off on the whole faking age thing. Everyone knows, when you lie about your age and you are in your early thirties, you say you are 27.



That is, I believe, is the optimal lying age for a woman in her thirties. 24 is really pushing it...she's almost a decade off.



If anything, you ought to tell her, in a private way and she might want to bump up her fake age a bit.

Amie - posted on 02/04/2012

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I'm the same person here as I am in RL. Well not here here, in DM I'm a lot more vocal (and heated) about my stances than I am with the people in my RL. It's not that they don't know where my opinions lie, they just don't like to argue with me. ;)



I don't have the time to waste (or inclination for that matter) on making shit up. Nevermind keeping track of all of it. =/ I would love to have that much time on my hands. Alas, I have 4 kids, 1 husband, 3 volunteer commitments, 7 pets and a house that needs taking care of. LOL

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/04/2012

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LOL, I say i don't like lying, but don't tell my age. No Cathy, don't do it! I would be pretty pissed. The people that know my age know to keep their mouths shut!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/04/2012

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I don't tell my age, but everyone knows (who knows me) that I lie about it. I am 27 ;)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/04/2012

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I am VERY honest on line. I am the same person on line as I am in real life. I don't like lying.

Jodi - posted on 02/02/2012

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I must admit, Rebecca, I have no idea why someone would do it. Maybe it is a bunch of teenagers just being silly. Maybe it is someone who has been kicked off CoM in the past and decided to try and terrorise the regulars (has happened before, and I'm sure is happening right now), maybe they are just REALLY sick individuals and do it for attention. I couldn't even begin to understand. Whoever it is must have a real life that is just not getting it done.

Stifler's - posted on 02/01/2012

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I am also curious as to why you'd want to make friends with people as someone else. Or exaggerate stories and add ridiculous details. makes no sense.

Mrs. - posted on 02/01/2012

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You know, I've noticed a few people as of late that I think might be the same person....you know, a few "catfishes" on the board. Similar type posts asking the same things, over elaborate stories, very few friends, not much history and they are claiming to have just joined (but seem very familiar with certain boards).



I figure they aren't really hurting anyone and they are putting a lot of effort into it...so I guess it doesn't really matter.



Still, a part of me is super curious about why someone would do it and what the real story is.

Stifler's - posted on 02/01/2012

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I am completely honest. I am easily caught out if I lie. I'm not that invested in making people think I'm someone I'm not so I wouldn't remember the lies I told.

Hope - posted on 01/31/2012

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I am completely honest. I may withhold some things but I think that is wisdom.



I do remember when I was 13 years old, a friend and I joined a chat room pretending to be a 20 something year old male lifeguard hehe but I would never do that now. Stupidity of youth I put that down to.

Krista - posted on 01/31/2012

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I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping things to yourself online. Goodness knows that we all know people who broadcast every thought, emotion, personal drama and gastrointestinal difficulty onto their Facebook or Twitter -- and frankly, I find it makes them look very immature.



So there's nothing wrong with being a bit private. And even lying...well, it really depends on the circumstances. I've made up fake profiles in order to debate on certain political sites, mainly because I find that my gender tends to affect how people debate with me. And yes, I've engaged in a bit of sockpuppetry at times. But if engaging with people who are sincere, and if a camaraderie of sorts is starting to develop, then I think it is mean to misrepresent yourself.

[deleted account]

On com and fb,I am very honest there the only things i am on online, but obviously very wise also.I don't give to much away were it can be dangerous..i don't like to say my kids names or where we live, the country fine(only said on com) but other than that i am careful.As regards to who i am as a mother and how my kids are.100% HONEST.



On fb i am very careful, i never add anyone i don't know..its all very close family and friends.I don't talk about personal things on fb, i feel somethings are not for public knowledge.Does not matter if there close family or friends.



I see so many make the wrong choice by putting up such personal things.:-(sometimes being honest and open can back fire.On fb esp.I don't think you should lie but say nothing at all in those cases.

Mrs. - posted on 01/30/2012

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Oh and I've lied about my weight on my online resume or on casting sites. I don't know an actress who doesn't.



At least I don't lie about my age. I know a semi-well known actress who I went to high school with....her age online is a total lie. She was like two years ahead of me in school and online and in mags she is like 3 years younger than me. It's actually really funny. Good for her, she still looks amazing, who really cares?

Mrs. - posted on 01/30/2012

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Hey, I lie about my weight to the treadmill when it asks. I don't weigh myself, but the weight I put in that treadmill is probably way smaller than what I am.



I think white lies about weight or height are kind of a given in the online dating world. If they can't figure out that you are heavier than 160 pounds on a pic (I'm just throwing that out there, I don't know how much you weigh), they don't need to know the truth.



That being said, I just realized I totally iPhoto my zits or bags from under my eyes with most of my facebook pics. I guess that's deceptive.

Jennifer - posted on 01/30/2012

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I'm pretty honest, but have in the past did a few white lies on chat rooms and dating sights. I did NOT lie about being single, just fudged weight by 10 to 15 pds! I had good recent pics up, so they could judge for themselves, though.

Jodi - posted on 01/30/2012

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I'm honest, probably too honest sometimes. But I have seen a lot of people who aren't, and just post crap for shits and giggles (like the one you called out). Even so far as to fake cancer and death. I find it really sad.

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