Should my boyfriend watch my son?

Naomi - posted on 01/08/2013 ( 26 moms have responded )

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I work full time Monday through Friday from 6pm-2 am. My boyfriend has no job, stays at home mostly and doesn't pay for anything. I've been with him for almost two years. I'm just frustrated when I sleep for two to three hours and have to get up with my son. Do you think this is the least he should do? I pay for everything and rarely take a nap unless I am able to. He also expects half of the chores for me to do. I just need some advice

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Denikka - posted on 01/08/2013

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Ditch the dodo. If you're pretty much doing it alone anyways, get rid of the dead weight, actually do it by yourself, and have a bunch of extra money to spend on you and your child.

You really need to up your standards here.
As I've said before, if you wouldn't want to see your child in the exact same relationship you currently have (in this case either living with a woman who is doing what your bf does or BEING the bf who is doing the same thing), then either fix the relationship or get the hell out and model the proper type of relationship for your child. That means having enough self respect to not be IN a relationship if the potential partner doesn't measure up to the proper standards.

[deleted account]

I'm sorry, why is he your boyfriend when he brings squat to the relationship?

Think about it: He's CHOOSING to sleep all day and not work. He's CHOOSING to not watch your child. He's CHOOSING to let you pay for it all because he knows you will.

Love it not everything and often blinds to reality. Reality is, he's a leech and will bleed you dry while complaining that it's your fault.

Nancy - posted on 02/20/2013

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Sounds as though he has it made.You do everything,he does nothing.I wouldn't trust him an inch to watch your son .I did that once and lived to regret it.Dump the dead weight.It'll probably be the best thing in the world you've done and diminish the stress on yourself.I know what its like to raise two kids on my own and be tired,but I got rid of the dead weight a long time ago.At least if you get rid of the boyfriend,everything you do will be for you and your son.Not a third person who doesn't want to contribute.

Kristi - posted on 01/23/2013

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Jen K--"Love it not everything and often blinds to reality. Reality is, he's a leech and will bleed you dry while complaining that it's your fault."

Naomi--There is no truer statement than this. I cannot tell you how long I wore my blinders and I wore them more than once. The negative impact these kind of people have on your life is awful but there becomes a point when it becomes worse for your child(ren). You need to set an example of acceptable behavior between 2 adults. You asked for advice and I think these moms pretty much agree, it is time for this guy to piss or get off the pot and if he won't do it, kick his naked ass to the street.

Denikka--"if you wouldn't want to see your child in the exact same relationship you currently have (in this case either living with a woman who is doing what your bf does or BEING the bf who is doing the same thing), then either fix the relationship or get the hell out and model the proper type of relationship for your child. That means having enough self respect to not be IN a relationship if the potential partner doesn't measure up to the proper standards."

***Little Miss--you wonder why I have to ask if you're serious sometimes! XD

edit for spelling

Candy - posted on 01/13/2013

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I don't know if it's just the way you've summarised your problem, but this guy comes across as a total waste of space. I think your actual problem is his presence in your life, because he is bringing nothing to the equation and you're starting to resent that. He sounds like he's using you. Kick him out. It would be better to deal with your son on your own than have to do that AND cope with the resentment of your partner's laziness.

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Penny - posted on 03/18/2013

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Do you know that most children with shaken baby syndrome were cared for by their moms boyfriend. If he isn't responsible enough to get a job and help out with finances there would be no way I would let him care for my children. You can't fix a shaken baby! As for the chores if he isn't working he should be taking care of the house, laundry and the meals. But seriously most children are shaken by an angry boyfriend.

Liz - posted on 02/20/2013

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Why are you still with this guy if after all this time he is still doing nothing? He has it made and you are a slave to your conscientiousness because if you don't do it, it won't get done.

He ought to be taking care of your child, the home and your dinner, or he can get his butt out to work, but as things stand I honestly wouldn't get him to watch your son, because he sounds as if he's so utterly given over to apathy that I wouldn't trust him to take proper care of your child.

Maybe give him charge of your son for four hours or something when you're there, but not involved, so you can monitor how he does first?

Heather - posted on 02/17/2013

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Why are you with this guy? No job, doesn't pay for anything? Are you runnig a homeless shelter? I work 430pm-3am M-F. My boyfriend works 8am-7pm M-F. I drop my 2 kids off at my moms on my way to work, he gets them on the way home. If we can do all that, your jobless man should be more than willing to help you out. Why are women so silly when it comes to men? You KNOW he's lazy, you KNOW he's just using you but yet you keep him around. For what reason? Sounds like you can do everything without him anyways and you wouldn't have to feed his sorry ass. Have some respect for yourself and find a man, not a bum, worth having!

Anonymous - posted on 02/15/2013

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Let me give you some good good advice, and please don't take it the wrong way, I dated a guy when my son was a baby we wound up moving in together and things were going good, until he started getting to comfortable. He had no job I worked 2 jobs and did college online full time, he never cleaned up I literally did everything. He would complain if he had to watch my son while i worked to bring in money to pay the bills eventually i stopped having sex with him because I was so for one exhausted and two I didn't even have the sex motivation because of how he acted. It never changed until one day I finally said something you know what his response was??!! " maybe if you gave me son pussy every now and then I would help out" first off that wasn't the case we had a great sex life before he became a lazy bum. So I kicked his ass out and have spoken since. My advice to you is if a man doesn't respect how hard your working and doesn't clean up or rub your feet especially since your a mother or even watch your son, kick him to the curb or try putting him in his place. Good luck girl and wish you the best

Sara - posted on 01/31/2013

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Lol yes if you are with this bum for 2 years and he's sitting on his butt at home then yeah, he can be the stay at home dad regardless of whether the child is his. I mean c'mon, when you date a single mom you have to accept the children as your own.

Barbie - posted on 01/29/2013

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I dated a guy like this, well he worked right up till we moved in with other, we moved to another province and so it took a few week to get a job and he landed a job a well...well he quit after 2 weeks, so after a few months I got him a decent job...he quit after 3 weeks! so I expected him to help around the house but he did nothing but chat on the computer all day/night. I woke up at 4 am worked all day from 7 am till 10 pm when I got home I was exhausted and he never once asked how my day was. Instead I got...oh your home.....I'm hungry...I would laugh and say to bad you can starve for all I care, he never even did laundry! So I tossed his sry ass out the door!

Sara - posted on 01/22/2013

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I agree with Cecilia - posted on 01/08/2013.
Work out why you are actually with him. If he is really what you want as a partner and father role-model then the relationship should be mutual and you will be working together at your relationship and family life to make it the best it can be.
He needs to be a 'stay at home dad', doing most of the housework and child care, which should naturally include meals at meal times or he should get a job and contribute to the 'household income' and then you both work at the chores around your jobs and most importantly, family life.
Yes, I do believe that it wouldn't hurt him to get up in the night with your son if he knows you've had a long day. At least he can get a few hours sleep before you get in from work, whereas you have been on the go all day into the early hours.
Hope that you both come to an amicable agreement with how your relationship works/doesn't work so that you and your son can be happy.

Anthony Mc - posted on 01/22/2013

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Get real girl,Tel him take a hike,There is lots of things your boyfriend could do if he wanted to help you .He could voulanter with helping the homeless and feed the hunger.He could always go back to school and get a skill of his choice to improve his future.Tell him to get a life and move on with your life.

Phyllis - posted on 01/17/2013

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You know the answer and once you get him out the door you will feel so much better, Take a break and soon you will meet someone who is worthy of you and your child.

Nessi - posted on 01/17/2013

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Hi Naomi,
I am just wondering why you are with him? you do not have any other alternative... if you have just walk away, if you do not love him otherwise you have to ask him for responsibilties to share economincally and work at home to help you. if you do not ask him for help, he just thinks it is ok and you do not need anything from him and that is you.....

Iris - posted on 01/16/2013

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OOPS sorry, You see I made an error in my grammar. I meant to say ......
Hopefully, by taking this small step you will think and see everything a lot clearer and so will your friend...

I'm sure your baby will be a happier baby too.... "The best to all three of you"

Iris - posted on 01/16/2013

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Hi Naomi, I am a Christian a mother and grandmother......
You must feel something for this man or you would not be with him, or Something is keeping
the two of you together. You did say about two years....I personally would seek out a counselor.

This way all of the cards will be put on the table. The two of you would have someone who is
experienced in giving sound advice. I love listening to WAVA 105.1 FM....Here you can listen to
people going through all kinds of different situations. You get to listen to Ministers who really care about you. I hope and pray you will find a minister and ministry that would be a perfect fit for you
and your loved ones.....

I pray you will be guided to go to church Sunday and take your son with you. May God guide you to the right church that will give you the guidance and counseling you and your friend needs. Hopefully, by taking this small step you will thinks and see everything a lot clearer and so will you friend. Peace and Order will come into the relationship for the two of you.
Especially if that's want you really want....." I wish you well"

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/16/2013

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Why are you with him? He sounds like a big ass loser. He better be one hell of a fuck.

Laila - posted on 01/15/2013

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First find out why he is not trying to find a job ...is he really lazy or he can't find a job that he is skilled for ..have good heart to heart talk with him.and if he is not the father of your kid please dont ever leave your guard s down ...your baby counts on you as his mom to keep him save.good luck..

Shelly - posted on 01/15/2013

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I say tell him to get a job or get the hell out or start to do something other then sit on his ass all day. Sorry but there is no way a woman would get away with that sort of behavior stepson or not so he has no right to think he can get away with that sort of behavior just because he is a man. I do believe this is what is going on he thinks that because he is a man and you are a woman and the child is yours he shouldn't have to look after him. He is being a lazy sod and needs a serious wake up call.

Cecilia - posted on 01/08/2013

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I would tell him that time is up. He needs to either be a stay at home dad, doing all the housework and child care (lets throw in cooking too).

Or he can get a job and contribute to the household income. I call it a household income because he is not allowed to spend it how ever he likes. You are allowed to determine how much of his money is his to spend. The reason, because you know how much bills are. You should allow yourself just as much spending money as he has.

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