Should Pregnancies be Planned?

Mrs. - posted on 02/02/2011 ( 89 moms have responded )

1,767

6

30

Someone brought up the point that it seems no one "plans" to have a baby anymore. I know, for myself, I was told I couldn't have kids, so it was a big surprise.

What do you think? Did you plan to have your children? Do you think that is the better way to go? Do you think those who plan make for better parents?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

LaCi - posted on 02/03/2011

3,361

3

171

".if you don't want kids, and you are 100%sure...then get fixed"



Actually if that had been an option I would have been "fixed" when I was 18. I hate it when people say "just get fixed" It took a ridiculous amount of persistence just getting my doc to agree to that when I was 24 and already had one little disaster. No doctor I've ever seen would have done something like that before I had my son.



As for "it's never an accident" It is. Saying you should consider yourself a parent if you have sex is like saying you should consider yourself a cripple if you drive.



Also, the word accident in context of this type of conversation is just a general *oops* not a *wow I didn't know that could possibly happen!*

[deleted account]

I disagree Concerned. I don't think planned kids are any more likely to be loved and nurtured than unplanned ones. Love has nothing to do with plans (or the lack of them). I'd venture a guess and say that abuse happens pretty much equally to the planned and unplanned kids. I mean, I could see someone being faced with an unplanned pregnancy, dreading it, abusing a baby. I can also see someone who plans everything, having a baby and then getting frustrated when their kid goes by a different plan (as babies always do...never sleep when we want them to, eat what we want them to, etc) and abusing that child too. It could just as easily happen to either type of child (planned or unplanned).

Tracy - posted on 11/14/2012

207

5

2

The very few I know of who planned their children seem less prepared for parenthood than everyone else I know. My first child, my son, wasn't planned and I was young. My second child - 12 years later - was a huge surprise even though we tried for her for 8 years. We were ready and planned to have a child but just couldn't get pregnant. Finally, we gave up and decided the other kids were all old enough that starting over wasn't the best plan. Around six months later I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. She is our last though (she's 3 now).



As for speaking generally, I think more surprise babies are the case than planned babies. HOWEVER, most of those surprise babies are so welcomed and cherished that it doesn't matter if they were unplanned. As for financially, I don't care how much you prepare and save for a baby, you can never account for what life will bring. I could be poor as hell when my kids are born but stumble into a job that we consider a miracle. Or, just as easily, I could make six figures when the kids come along and later get laid off due to company cutbacks and end up on welfare. I don't think there is really such thing as "being prepared" except for taking on the emotional burden and responsibility of another life. Nothing can replace that.

[deleted account]

i will have to disagree with planned babies being loved more or looked after better, the hot sauce mom adopted her kids and she abused them.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

89 Comments

View replies by

Tracie - posted on 11/24/2012

317

9

1

EVERYONE should plan if they are thinking of bringing a child into the world. It is a massive responsibility and should not be taken lightly. Of course there are always "surprise" babies, but other than that, YES, absolutely, plan!!!

Molly - posted on 11/14/2012

38

1

0

If you are fertile, you can plan. So many of us just keep trying and hope for the best!

Shauna - posted on 11/11/2012

367

0

30

Every pregnancy is planned...by God. God planned our first when we had different plans, but were still open to having children and we are awesome parents. We "planned" our second and ended up in miscarriage, so, yes, planned by God is best.

Peggy - posted on 02/04/2011

193

59

0

I agree... my 2nd one was not planned in any way shape or form... for the reasons of the turn my life was about to take of being a single mom with one... but I also agree God had a plan for me, to show me I was stronger than I was giving myself credit for. And I realized I could be a single parent of two beautiful girls.. a new born and an 8yr old and never skipped a beat. I lived on 5 hours a sleep a night if that sometimes, held down a full time Management job and not once ever complained about a single thing of my life being tough etc.. I made the decision to become a single mom of one and God surprised me with the 2nd.. I couldnt be happier!! I have always put my children first and to be the best parent I could be no matter if they were planned or not.

Brandi - posted on 02/04/2011

406

40

5

I planned one of my children, but not the other. It was frustrating at first when I found out I was pregnant again because I hadn't planned on having any more children, at least not at the time anyway. But, I have to say, my second child has brought personality, and independence to my life. I could not imagine my life without this unplanned child. He is the most amazing child I have ever seen. I love both my children equally, but they both bring something different to my life. If I need a laugh, my 4 year old can sure make that happen, and also if I need a hug or someone to cheer me up if I am crying, there he is. Unplanned children may not be planned by you, but they were planned by God. He sent Xander to me, and at first I didn't understand and was upset, but this child has been nothing but a blessing, and I believe I am a wonderful parent,

September - posted on 02/04/2011

5,233

15

695

We did plan our son it was what worked best for us and I do believe it was the better way to go but I can't speak for anyone else. I do not think those who plan their children make better parents. My sister's two children were unplanned and she's an awesome Mom! :)

Merry - posted on 02/04/2011

9,274

169

263

I think it's all up to you! I mean women are allowed to choose to abort their kids, so why can't they choose to have them! It's really all on your comfort level. Now if you had 6 kids and knew that one more baby would ruin the life you are trying to sustain, then I'd say you should find a better (more concrete) method of prevention since your body isn't so receptive to nfp.
I think nfp works very reliably for some women, but others systems are just wired differently and are hard to predict!
I honestly believe condoms, diaphragms, and nfp are all the best methods of prevention cuz there's no health risks to either mom or unplanned baby by using these methods.
So idk why you don't like condoms, but if you get to a point where you know you shouldn't have another baby I'd think you would be smart to use some more protection to prevent what would be an unwanted pregnancy.

If you want more kids, but money is tight and state assistance helps, then I don't care!
That's me right now, matt is working two jobs, and full time college, and I work a part time job while caring for our son full time. We just planned our second child, and we receive assistance.
I know we will be off assistance soon enough cuz we have a plan set up with the college, and we are smart with our money, we have a retirement fund, and a few thousand in savings, so I don't feel bad.
We will more then pay back our dues once matt has his job as a probation officer so I don't worry about it!
I guess the kicker for me is, if we didn't have the assistance, we would still have planned this baby. The assistance is nice, it helps, but we don't count on it to survive.

Jackie - posted on 02/03/2011

87

2

3

Does planning make for better parents... that answer is a yes and no. There are bad and good parents who plan and didnt plan... I have always hated hearing people say "my kid was an accident" cuz I see that as a way of saying "no one can blame me if this kid is bad since I didnt plan him." My kids know they were planned down to the day they were conceived, I wanted them and tell them often that I am happy they are mine. I didnt have any problems conceiving but I mapped out my ovulation days and "forced" my husband to put out. lol

Veronica - posted on 02/03/2011

1,539

61

94

Thats the kicker, Laura - we practice the natural family planning, we practice a little bit of abstinence - but if we get pregnant we are open to it, and twice i ended up pregnant because i ended up double peaking (basically meaning i thought i ovulated, and ended up truly ovulating the week after - when we were back in the sack). We dont use other birth control methods - no condoms, pills, patches, etc. We don't believe in using them.
So the kicker lies here -- should we be judged because of our beliefs, and we WANT more children? I can completely understand if a family keeps having to kids to live off of welfare -- my own SIL has six kids - one is out of the house now -- she is divorced by her choice. ALL the kids are in school -- instead of getting a job, to get off of assistance or at least lessen it -- she chooses not to work, instead she spends her days a the YMCA (gym) - and doing who knows what - while the state pays her house, electric, food and medical bills. THAT is bs to me.
WE on the other hand, are open to children, have our beliefs that we are entitled to, and work our bums off for what we have and our responsibiliites - and we get trashed on when we had more kids, and had to use welfare to get by at times, til we were back on our feet.

So what about people like me? Who havent learned how to "keep my pants on" or "gotten fixed".

[deleted account]

You can plan all you want but that doesn't mean things work out in your favor. Planning to the point of desparation does not make you a better parent either. An unexpected pregnancy doesn;t make you a better parent. It's such an individual scenario. We were 1/3 of the adoption process done when I learned I was pregnant again. After 3 early pregnancy miscarriages I was DONE with planning. SO the pregnancy was a surprise, unexpected. Didn't make me a better or a worse parent. Now I'll be 100% honest by saying at this point in my life and career, an unplanned pregnancy is not something I would embrace at all. But that still doesn;t make me a better or a worse parent to my son.

Merry - posted on 02/03/2011

9,274

169

263

I know alot of people judge families who are on gov. Assistance and plan to have more kids before getting off the state insurance or food stamps etc....
I think no matter how a baby is conceived, if mom wants to keep it, and works her hardest to give it a good life, then no one should judge her!
If a mom with an oopsie pregnancy thinks she has too many kids to care for, then there's no shame in giving the baby for adoption either.
All depends on the moms capabilities to provide for her kids.
I think it's irresponsible to not even try to prevent a baby if you can't afford it, but if you are making solid attemptsnto prevent pregnancy, and one happens anyways then no one should be bashing you!

Veronica - posted on 02/03/2011

1,539

61

94

I brought up the financial aspect, because many family's end up having to turn to some welfare support, not everyone is financially fit to have children -- but when an oops happens -- should you then be considered irresponsible??
We have battled back and forth between work, providing for our family, welfare and WIC -- there are times we dont need welfare and do fine, and then there are other times we've had to use it, and for a while.
I don't feel irresponsible for having more children -- we just had to learn how to 'add' them into our budget and lifestyle - we've have to sacrifice a lot , and work harder; but I dont feel irresponsible. We get slack too because we use the natural family planning method -- sooooo many people are rude and ugly and tell us we should be fixed, and what are we having more kids for ---- I will stand here proudly and say that they can shove it up their arse -- we work hard for our family, yes we had some down times, but we continue to take care of everything ourselves --- The funny part is - the people who complain about us having kids, are the same people who are single with no kids, no responsibilities who live off of, manipulate, mooch and bum off of everyone else - go figure.
Anyhow, now that i gave out my life story here -- I want to know what yall think of that? I remember a discussion once before that talked about a similar topic and a lot of people thought you shouldnt have any more kids if you arent financially fit --- SO, what about the oops babies??

Veronica - posted on 02/03/2011

1,539

61

94

I have to agree with someone else a few posts ago -- its not exactly about whether or not you want kids either -- I didn't want any children - go figure -- i despised kids, i thought they were little brats, and i thought they were gross -- look at me now - 6 kids -- so its not entirely true -- however, I know there are those who do feel kids are a burden and ruin their perfect life -- all situations are different.

BUT I want to throw a monkey wrench into this debate --- so many families are bashed to peices for having more kids, when they aren't that financially fit to bring on more kids. And I use bash, because that is how I feel when others make comments about our large family. A lot of you (me too) have had oops or unplanned children -- what is your take on the financial aspect of having more children? And do you think its irresponsible for us oopsers and unplanners to have these babies whether we can afford it or not? .... I hope this came out clear, I will elaborate more as the discussion rolls forward....

Merry - posted on 02/03/2011

9,274

169

263

I think WANTING the baby makes you a better parent!
Not necessarily the planning or not, but sure, planning the baby is a good step towards parenthood cuz there is no adjustment period, no worrying about if you can do it, no wondering if you want the baby, and the kid can't one day feel sad that you didn't 'want' them.
But a surprise pregnancy that is welcomed by both parents right away shouldn't be any less beautiful as a planned one!
And even the unplanned and unwanted pregnancies that end up keeping the baby can be great parents cuz they really had to choose to love the baby, so the bond can be just as tight.

It's up to the parents to determine how good they parent, not just how they ended up pregnant.

But simply put, yes I do think a planned pregnancy tends to be a step towards good parenting.
Though not always fool proof :/

Charlie - posted on 02/03/2011

11,203

111

409

No one is hurling abuse we are debating , this is a debating community .

[deleted account]

I would encourage all mums to b responsible and intellectually flexible and not use these forums to hurl abuse at each other. Everybody is entitled to their opinions and we all need to b respectful otherwise it would b a waste of time...

Charlie - posted on 02/03/2011

11,203

111

409

We didn't plan , nature took it's course and it worked out wonderfully for us .

Shauna - posted on 02/03/2011

1,015

19

35

@ Jenn- I never said anythings 100% . My sister is a community sex educator and ive seen the statistics. In reality if your trying to protect against pregnancy and everything is done correctly its a very slim chance of pregnancy. Most the time when a pregnancy occurs while on BC it is b/c of failure of use. I never said that 1% of ppl cant fall into the fertile myrtle catergory and it sometimes does just happen. Its just very rare.



Edit to add: abstinence is considered a form of BC and it is 100%

[deleted account]

my girl was a surprise, I was only 19 and helping my partner to raise his 2 and a half year old son, plus i was half way through uni!
I dont think that an un-planned pregnancy makes you any less of a good parent. I am now almost 22, 4 months away from finishing my degree and diploma, and my step son is now 4 and a half and my girl is 20 months. My partner and i are great parents, we were never the 'teen parent' stereotype. The only thing that really sucked about her being a surprise was the fact that i went to a party and got pretty drunk at about 4 weeks pregnant, I didnt find out i was preggers til a week later. It didnt do any dammage thank goodness.

We are planning number 3 now, planning is exciting, but also kinda scary coz i know what im in for lol! But i definitely think planning is the way to go, its exciting and gives you time to prepare, but it does not make u a better parent, that has nothing to do with it =)

[deleted account]

Back on page 2 or 3? someone said that a person who wants to be a mom from the beginning will make a better parent... I would like to disagree! My bff didn't want kids, swore she'd never have them... if doctors fixed women per request she might have been one to take up the offer, but she got pregnant, has 3 kids and is the best mom I know! When she was a SAHM her house was ran like a daycare! Her kids are crazy smart! She's now divorced, single parent, works FT & goes to school FT to make a better life for her lot. Pretty phenomenal to me!

Sharon - posted on 02/03/2011

11,585

12

1315

We weren't far apart with kids! But I had one in the middle of your two, lol. and the good news is - only 1 in highschool at a time! although the youngest is a girl so I'm sure she'll be very highschool like by the 6th grade. UGH. I'm fighting that tooth & nail

Peggy - posted on 02/03/2011

193

59

0

Mike~ the funny thing is I had my 1st at 25, my second 2 months shy of being 33 and I thought I was "too old".. let me clear that up.. I DONT feel other people are too old, I just felt for me I was too old... now I am 40 will be 41 in a few days and I really dont feel that old.. haha. maybe because my husband is 7 1/2 years younger :) Having them 8 years apart is always starting over BUT the good thing I never have to worry about having more than one in college at a time .. haha

Sara - posted on 02/03/2011

9,313

50

586

Well, the first one of mine was planned, the second one was not. BUT, you know if you're doing things that may lead you to being pregnant. Sure, birth control can fail, but I think that happens less than what people claim. For me, I know with the second one, we knew we wanted another baby at some point, but we didn't always practice safe sex, so it really wasn't a surprise...

Carolyn - posted on 02/03/2011

46

11

7

No I dont think parents who plan are better parents. Truth is, you never know how you will parent until the baby gets there. I never planned for any of mine. After my 4th I did get a tubaligation, which was prompty followed by a hysterectomy because my cervix decided that since I didn't need it anymore it would not bother sticking around (I got cervical cancer within 1 yr of the tubal).

[deleted account]

Well i guess if you really didnt want to get pregnant and werent willing to take a chance you would have the mirena and also use condoms. but your right only 100% method is abstinence

Jenn - posted on 02/03/2011

2,683

36

96

@Shauna - there is NO birth control in the world that is 100% - regardless of whether it is taken properly or not. Now, I do agree that many times people say it failed when really they weren't using it properly, or like a few people I know, just straight up lied that they were taking it but really tricked their man into getting them pregnant. But for example I have a Mirena IUD and it's NOT 100% effective - there is NO way for me to not use it properly, but yet it still isn't 100%, so IF I did get pregnant, it would not be a cop out or an excuse or because of my ignorance on it's proper use.

Sharon - posted on 02/03/2011

11,585

12

1315

Peggy - thats sort of how we did our pregnancies. The kids are YEARS apart. The difference is we knew it would happen but WHEN was problematic, lol. In the end we just decided that 35 would be the cut off age for me. Fortunately we beat that, lol

Peggy - posted on 02/03/2011

193

59

0

My first child was planned.. my 2nd one NOT at all. I was actually in the process of filing for divorce. I always said "I could be a single mom of one but not two". Well that statement was blown out of the water. But for the reasons I was divorcing my ex, I knew I had to continue.. if the marriage was unhealthy for me and my 7 yr old then adding another baby into it wouldnt make it better. I can honestly say, I DO NOT love my 2nd unplanned child any less than I do my 1st who was planned! Nor has she never not been taken care of to my full potential! My now husband and I have been trying for about 2 years to get pregnant.. we went through tests, clomid pills and still had no luck... until 4 months ago. I had actually started to come to believe that I wasnt going to get pregnant naturally. So this pregnancy was wanted.. and semi planned... we were both in disbelief when I walked out with positive result that I went and bought 2more different brand tests to make sure..lol.. we couldnt be any happier than if it had happened while we were "actively trying"!

Rosie - posted on 02/03/2011

8,657

30

321

i don't believe planned or unplanned affects your ability to parent. i do believe that MOST unplanned pregnancies would be the result of someone not being married and getting knocked up (like me!!), so i can see how that would kindof hinder the upbringing of the child. and no i'm not trying to say that single mothers aren't as good as parents that are together, i was a single mother like i stated, and i just know how much better and easier things were on my sons when i was married compared to when i wasn't.

[deleted account]

I do agree with Shauna thats why i never say accident that just sounds ugly to me surprise it better i say unplanned even tho shauna is right my baby was unexpected haha but then again shouldnt have been that much of a surprise.

[deleted account]

My baby was not planned however i do think it is best to plan a pregnancy. i mean be a little ready and know that what your ultimate goal is. my next babies will be planned. i know i was talking to this girl and she said pfft that old school babies are never planned anymore and that kinda bugged cuz even tho mine wasnt i do think that babies should be expected. I wouldnt say it makes better parents but it does make for more ready parents. which i think is better than the ones like me who didnt know and werent ready and then quickly had to change everything in order to be ready are we bad parents not at all but it wouldve been better and easier for us as the parents and our daughter if we had everything first and then decided its baby time! Does that make sense?? but yea i think planning is the way to go! or at least be married have everything so that if you are surpirsed you were still ready.

[deleted account]

I just read 'concerned's' post on page one and wanted to respond that my son WAS planned, but his father still bailed the day he was born...... Maybe 'less likely' is true, but there are still never any guarantees to ANYTHING.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/03/2011

21,273

9

3058

I think both were great ways...one planned and one not. I love my kids both regardless, and cannot say I would have done it any other way.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/03/2011

21,273

9

3058

Here is my opinion....if you don't want kids, and you are 100%sure...then get fixed, or stay on birth control along side the use of condoms. Anyone that is having half assed protected sex, knows they could be in for a suprise. So, in my opinion, no. Just becouse a baby is planned does NOT mean you are gonna be a better parent. If you have sex, all your lady parts intact...there is a chance for pregnancy....hell, even people who are told they CANNOT have kids despite their efforts fall pregnant.

My son was a suprise....we were not protecting the way we should have...but we were not trying either. He was still a suprise...sorta. My daughter was planned, and it only took me 2 months...now I am spayed.

[deleted account]

We planned to have a baby but after about a year of trying we decided it just wasn't the time. I made an appointment to get on birth control, we took a break while waiting and at the appointment they gave me a perscription for the pill, I couldn't get to the pharmacy that day and then the next day there was a glitch with my drug coverage card. The timing was kind of iffy but it was either the night of my cousin's wedding or the night we spent out in niagara falls after a roadtrip but somewhere in that month one of those two times we conceived my son. I was surprised by the timing but I still count my son as planned since we had planned on having a baby prior to conceiving. This baby was completely planned and I knew to the day when we conceived so no surprises there. I think babies should be planned but when all the kids are sitting there in school there is absolutely nothing about them that would tell you which ones were planned and which ones were surprises, it's not as big of a deal as people make it out to be.

Tia Melissa - posted on 02/03/2011

69

11

2

Oh boy! That's a can of worms, now isn't it? I think you'll find it to be divided along certain views of marriage, children and family.

For me and my husband, marriage creates a family and children are part of families. We planned to have children provided we did not have fertility issues. So, we plan our children by knowing that we're going to have them. How many we have, how we space, etc. is for us to decide.

Getting pregnant is not often something one CAN plan. There are couples who try for 6-12 months (or years) with no success. (infertility or sub fertility issues) There are couples that try to prevent pregnancy with no success. (hyper fertility issues) It's not really a plan-able thing. For those that have been able to achieve a pregnancy when they wanted to, that's an amazing blessing but not every couple can.

I think what makes better parents are those that simply accept what children they are blessed with - no matter how planned they are or aren't - and see them as a good rather than a burden.

What I don't get is the people who act surprised that they get pregnant when they're having sex during fertile times - contraception or no. Sex makes babies. It's how it works. There is no other area in our lives that people disconnect cause and effect so regularly. I think I went off topic... ;)

Shauna - posted on 02/03/2011

1,015

19

35

My child was planned. I dont think it makes for better parents. However i cant stand when i hear people say my child was an "accident" pregnancy is not an accident. We all know what causes pregnancy. SEX. so if your having sex just plan on being a parent. And i dont buy my BC failed. If your on the pill there is less than 3 % chance of getting pregnant. That 3% is b/c of failure. Failures like not taking the pill everyday, or like taking med while on the pill and not using condoms as a back up. When condoms break its b/c they were not put on correctly. Women who had the shot, and didnt use protection the first month when it was in effect yet. Those are all avoidable. I just dont like the term accident.
Or in the case of my stepson. My husband says "we were not planning to have him he was an accident" so i said did you wear a condom ? Was she on BC .. "well no" ... then it wasnt a accident!!!!! in my opionion thats planned!!!! b/c you know what sex makes without protection BABIES!!!! geeeez.

Jenn - posted on 02/03/2011

2,683

36

96

Well, all the planning in the world didn't help me "plan" to have twins - there is no planning that one. ;)

Jenni - posted on 02/03/2011

5,928

34

393

My boyfriend and I had only been dating 6 months when I became pregnant. I was also neglectful about BC with my two exs. I dated the first one for 4 years and wasn't on BC for 2 years. I dated the next one for 5 years and wasn't on BC the entire time. I never got pregnant so I guess I began feeling a little invinsible.

About 2 months before I became pregnant with my boyfriend I was bugging him to get me on his health insurance so I could start taking BC. His ex gf was currently pregnant with their child so I was a bit worried for myself. I discussed with him that if I were to become pregnant I would be keeping the baby because there was absolutely no justifiable reason not to. He kept putting off the paper work and sure enough I discovered I was pregnant 5 weeks into my pregnancy. I was really concerned because we hadn't been together very long and his ex had just had their baby. Not my idea of the most optimal situation. I think we were both scared but at the same time we were really excited. Benjamin was born July 15 2008 only 11 months after his half sister Kira and we had only be dating for 15 months.

My second pregnancy was planned. After my son I used Mirena and our plan was that I would go back to work after my son was a year and start TTC around that time. I had my mirena removed a month before my son was a year and a month before I started work because of complications with it. Thinking it would probably take around 6 months to conceive anyways..... boy was I wrong! I got my period the first month after removal and the next month I was late! So of course it happened a little sooner than I "planned".

So now I have a 3 1/2 year old SD, 2 1/2 year old son, and 9 month daughter all in 3 1/2 years. Pretty crazy, I must say! I am 28 and my boyfriend is 33 and we have been together for 4 years in march. We are on very good terms with his ex and share Bday parties and babysit each others kids. She only lives 5 mins away from us so we get to see my SD as often as we like.

I admit things are tough at times and we do have our share of fights (my boyfriend and myself) but we both understand how much stress having 3 children 3 and under can be on any relationship. Was our family created in the most optimal, planned situation? Absolutely not! But we make it work and have a very loving little home. We are still fabulously in love and my boyfriend is an amazing father and entirely family focused... aside from his sports obsession ;)

Planning out everything in you life just leads to disappointment when thing don't go exactly as you plan. Life is chaotic and it is impossible for every aspect of your life to go according to plan. It's more important to make the best of every situation you find yourself in.

Tara - posted on 02/03/2011

2,567

14

114

@concerned AK Mom

Did you just say you are a practicing Obgyn?
Just curious because that's what I read but honestly you don't quite come across as one.
Just curious though.

LaCi - posted on 02/03/2011

3,361

3

171

I did not plan to have my son. And honestly, if i hadn't had that lapse in responsibility I never would have had children, because there's no way I'd ever be prepared to take that plunge, willingly and thoughtfully. Any kids I have will have to be accidents/disasters. :)

Tina - posted on 02/03/2011

316

41

33

All Babies Are Planned! Even when the parents dont plan their baby, someone plans for them to be here. we can only hope the parents take that and say ok we are parents now and we need to straighten up! My daughter was not planned by her dad and I. She is our Unexpected Blessing! When I found out I was pregnant, I was living a pretty straight life, however i did make the decision when she was a month old to return to school to become an accountant! that has been one of the best choices i have made for my family. speaking of which i have to leave for class here in less than an hour (sorry side note). anyway, I loved my baby from the time the doc said "you're pregnant" and my love has only grown stronger!!! Whether you plan your baby or not, that baby is here for a reason. is it better to have planned a baby. probably for one thing youre a lil more prepared with a planned baby than without. do parents with planned babies make better parents: not necessarily. there are people who plan to have babies just to get more money from welfare and whatnot. (i went to school with a person that her and her fiance just recently decided to get pregnant because when their son is born, they will get more social security money because both mom and dad are on social security. to me thats a really stupid reason to want a baby. babies are a lot of work. even though my child wasnt planned by me at that time, i always wanted to be a mom. its those that want to be a mom because they love kids that make good moms, whether they planned the baby or not!

[deleted account]

And can I also add we have this column in the antenatal charts...planned or unplanned?? We wud write planned mostly always happy and unplanned ones either ecstatic or miserable and depressed needing social worker support. U can guess which kids r more likely to B well looked after and which ones not! It was not my intention to make a blanket statement but I wish i had clarified my comment so people understood...

[deleted account]

I think for the likes of us parents who r responsible adults motivated to do the best for their children Our kids would b loved planned or not...but things r not the same in the big wide world. Ad a practicing obgyn I see a lot of sad stories and poor outcomes, druggie pregnant women who couldn't care less. They do not use precaution or look after their children and produce more and more to collect welfare payments. Not all people r the same and unfortunately when u c the dark side of life u do get cynical cause u care!!!

Becky - posted on 02/02/2011

2,892

44

93

Ours were both planned surprises too. We wanted kids, but because I have PCOS, weren't sure we could have them. As soon as we got married we stopped preventing, and were shocked when I got pregnant in the first month of marriage! In retrospect, it probably would've been better to wait a year or so - adjusting to marriage is hard enough without throwing constant sickness, hormones, and a new baby and sleepless nights into the mix! But we had no idea how long it would take or even if it would happen, and I was already 31, so we didn't want to put it off. And of course, we wouldn't trade Cole for the world!
I don't think planning your kids makes you a better parent, but I do think wanting them does!

Ez - posted on 02/02/2011

6,569

25

237

I was on the mini-Pill (progesterone only) because the combination Pills gave me headaches. I, of course, knew about taking it at the same time. For me, that meant always at bedtime. What I didn't know was that the mini-Pills have only a 3 hour window of opportunity. Meaning if I had an early night and took it at 10pm, then went out on the weekend and took it at 3am, I was not covered. I only found this out about 6 months ago lol. Before that I could not figure out how it happened. I never forgot it. Hadn't been sick with the runs or vomits. No anti-biotics. I just thought I was uber-fertile.

Marylea - posted on 02/02/2011

236

3

35

My daughter was a sort of plan. I wanted a baby, my hubby wanted a baby and we were out of condoms. So we said, whatever happens happens. 2 months later I was pregnant. We're pretty much doing the same thing now. Its been 3 months so far, no baby yet.

Marylea~

Veronica - posted on 02/02/2011

1,539

61

94

Out of our six, only one was planned - but it was a plan of - yes, I want to have a baby - i had a miscarriage, and wanted to 'fill the void' persay - and he did :) The rest were, oops, or well honey.... We are comfortable with having children, and Im not sure if Im done or not - but thought about at least 7 or 8 children -- but right now we don't have anymore room --- we will probably go for a 'second crop' when the littlist one is in school. My husband busts his butt off at work, I bust my butt off with bus., and we work together with the kids -- we've had tough times, a lot of them - but faith in the Lord who provides, and our determination, we get through.

As for a better parent or not.... I think it depends on the person and the situation -- someone could have unplanned, and abort it, or abuse it out of resentment. A person could plan for the baby, and then fall apart and resent having the child and become a bad parent. OR Parents who plan, will love every bit of their children, as they wanted them. And unexpected babies are usually miracles, surprises, or come at the right time and are just as much loved and wanted. So, again, its really dependant on the circumstance and the person.

[deleted account]

None of my kids were planned and I love them to pieces! :)

I'll admit, if we hadn't gotten pregnant with daughter #3 we probably wouldn't have had any more kids, but does that make her less loved? No way!

My sister very meticulously planned her kids (even going so far as telling her hubby she would only have sex with him certain months because she wanted her kids born away from major holidays such as Christmas, Easter, etc. Her kids were born in June and August and she's happy as a clam...) and I don't think she's a better parent than me. Just as I don't think I'm a better parent than her. Sure, we parent differently on a few things and hers were planned while mine were not, but we both are good parents and we both love our kids to bits :)

Krissy - posted on 02/02/2011

232

0

19

LOL, ok, sorry to bring up a Christian standpoint, but...

There's one family I know that thinks you shouldn't really PREVENT pregnancy... they want tons and have quite a few...

I, as a Christian, however, feel that's a good concept, but I also think that there is a term called "stewardship"... which is responsibility toward your resources and things...

So, yeah, I guess I'm more on board with the planning side... but God's the one in control of who's born or not, so who am I to say anyone should do differently?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms