Should sperm donors have to pay child support?

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Jodi - posted on 03/10/2012

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If you read the links I put up, you will see that her *original* intention was never to sue him for financial responsibility. But she did, and he ended up with not a leg to stand on because of the way the contract was managed. He was stupid, she was a greedy bitch. Both of them need a big smack across the head to wake up to themselves. And in the meantime, those poor kids.......

Jodi - posted on 03/09/2012

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MeMe, I actually think it is offensive to real sperm donors who are doing it from the goodness of their hearts to call an absent father that YOU chose to fuck, a sperm donor. Sorry, but that's the way I feel. I cannot stand when people do that.

[deleted account]

Separated is not the same as divorced, people. Whether he "donated" his sperm or had sex with his wife one time after the separation, they were still married and, in most states, that means he is financially responsible for any issue from that marriage (even if she had an affair and the baby wasn't his, he would still be responsible in most states).



I'm guessing the fertility clinic gave him a through explanation of the situation before giving him the forms to sign. I think he was just being stupid. However, if he really wanted to be an asshole, he could try to sue her for custody --- in many states he would win since he's the only biologically related parent.

Jodi - posted on 07/20/2012

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Oh, I agree, he SHOULDN'T have to pay, but the fact is, from a legal standpoint, he really doesn't have a leg to stand on, because technically, they were still married, and the contract for the donor eggs and sperm was a contract both of them agreed to. From memory, the legal finding was that it is about agreeing to bring a child into the world (which is what he did), and that overrides the fact that he did not want to become a father. If you have a read of the summary I posted, it will outline why they made the legal ruling, and I agree that legally it was right. However, that really doesn't make it ok.

Sally - posted on 03/10/2012

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Agreed. Its one thing falling for s baby. Its another going out and making yourself preggers by ivf. Same rule should apply for this as it does adobting.

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Susan - posted on 05/12/2013

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Only if he's asking for parental rights. They sign waivers (as do the women) stating that the man is not responsible for child support, as it's legally not his child. That law, or ruling, will be overturned.

Lilie - posted on 04/02/2013

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This is too weird... what the hell is wrong with people. If you made a promise not to take money and he made a decision based on that fact, than he should have not had to pay. Did she lie and say she didn't say that? That should be the whole basis, which then wouldn't cause a precedent that is negative. He should have gotten it in writing and notarized or something. But if it did come up in court and she did say that she promised not get child support, than that is a verbal contract and holds up in court.

JPatrick - posted on 03/29/2013

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Men who agree to donate sperm have to review their particular state's laws to determine the proper protocol (i.e. going through a sperm bank, filling out the proper paperwork). If you don't go through a licensed sperm bank, you should consult a lawyer.

Having an agreement in writing with someone isn't necessarily binding because states have an interest in making sure a child has support and can't necessarily tell if it was truly a donor situation or not unless their regualtions are followed (e.g., the case in Kansas where a man answered Craigslist ad for 2 lesbians seeking a donor, who now has to pay CS b/c the woman performed the insemination on herself and not through a doctor).

And all you baby mommas who call your ex 'sperm donors', just stop, it's not clever. You slept with a loser, or he thought you were a loser so he left, but you were not strangers doing a business transaction. He's the kid's biological father and has a right to seek visitation or custody if he wants, whereas a true donor has neither rights nor responsbilities to the resulting child.

Jennylynn - posted on 03/27/2013

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no the sperm donors should not have to pay at all. that is just what they are sperm donors.

If the man was with the mother when she had this done and was apart of it all the way. thin also placed his name on the birth papers along with his last name thin yes he should have to play for the child.

Lisamarie - posted on 07/20/2012

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OK, but I never stated that he shouldn't pay because he wasn't the bio dad, I actually said "either way". I think he should have to pay because she chose to have those children a YEAR AFTER they were separated, knowing that he was not going to be in their lives or pay anything towards their future. I wouldn't say he was gullible as the mum even went as far as to sign an agreement to say she wouldn't go after him for money. I guess the state laws on written agreements is about as useless as the English ones.
When a couple choose to have a child together they should then be legally responsible for that child in any which way, if those parents split up they should still both be liable. This man did not CHOOSE to have a child with this women, he CONSENTED to the use of the donor sperm, IMO, choosing to have your own child and consenting for your ex to have one are very different things.
Just because it would set a precedent does not make it right.

Jodi - posted on 07/19/2012

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On that logic, neither was she the mother. Both donor sperm and donor eggs were used. However, at the time she was inseminated with his permission, they were still legally married (although separated). So this would operate in the same way that IF they were together when the children were born, the fact that he is not biologically the father does not mean he is not liable for the children if they separate. Same deal, he is legally responsible for children of the marriage, because he CONSENTED to her insemination.

Yes, she promised she wouldn't go after him for support. He was gullible in that respect. But you can't state that because it wasn't his sperm, he can't be liable, because then all the children of sperm donors whose parents split up could be rejected child support by their non custodial parent. Imagine the precedent it would set and the legal minefield that would create.

Lisamarie - posted on 07/19/2012

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I'm a bit confused!
Jodi, in one of your posts you put a link that stated they used a sperm donor. So is he the bio dad or not? Could someone please clarify for me?
Either way I don't think he should pay, she chose to have the children after they were seperated, they are her responsibility. Greedy! :-)

Vegemite - posted on 07/12/2012

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Yes but the agreement that they had originally was not of a donor but of a man in a relationship with a woman planning on becoming pregnant, through IVF, to raise children together. Now that the relationship has fallen apart he still agreed for her to use the sperm. Yes, she may have threatened him but she also may not have. All we know for sure is he agreed to still go ahead with a pregnancy even though the couple were no longer together. That, in my opinion, makes him responsible for the upbring and up keep of the resulting children.

Kristi - posted on 07/05/2012

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My first thought when I saw this was "define sperm donor." I then thought well there are 2 kinds of sperm donors, deadbeat dads, who should definitely have to pay support and "professional" sperm donors, who should not, that is already a given when they make their contribution. So, I had to come in and see what kind of debate was going on. Apparently, there is a 3rd type of sperm donor, "dumbass" donors, and even though I didn't read Jodi's links, I still feel comfortable using that terminolgy. But, that is also in part because I know a little something about being a dumbass, by undeservably, giving people the benefit of the doubt or because the thought never crossed my mind because it's not something I would have ever conceived (see that little pun there lol) of in the first place so why would I think anybody else would. Are you still with me? Anyways, I think he's up a creek without a paddle and she is a very amoral individual who was out to make a buck. As per usual, the children are the ones left to suffer.

Isobel - posted on 07/04/2012

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for those who say they should've had a legally binding agreement. There's no such thing. A woman can not legally sign away her child's right to support...other than that I totally agree with most of you, greedy and selfish and unfair.

I don't think men have enough rights when it comes to reproduction generally.

Vegemite - posted on 07/03/2012

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oh oh oh hang on he gave concent for her to use the sperm! He's just as responsible for those kids as she is. Man up and pay.

Vegemite - posted on 07/03/2012

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No way! She set out as a single person to become a single parent by voluntarily being inseminated using IVF. That was her decision so now it's her responsibility. Doesn't matter who's sperm it is. The fact that she knowingly used the sperm of someone she has a past with proves she has a wacky moral compass. This woman make me sick.

Chrissyomari - posted on 07/03/2012

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I agree with Shawn. If you sign paperwork beforehand, then of course he should not be responsible. But in this case. he should.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/03/2012

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Well, yes, and no. A donor at a sperm bank is absolved by the paperwork he fills out, agreeing that he won't seek any possible child that results, and in turn, he is not responsible for support, being that it was a choice made by the person using the sperm.

Now, in this case, he had originally agreed to have his sperm used in this procedure, and at the time he agreed, they were married. This, to me, is no different than if she'd been pregnant when they divorced. He agreed, the process was done, the embryos were implanted.

There is a difference. A donor to a sperm bank: NO, but this situation, it's hard...because if he can't prove that they decided NOT to do the IVF after the divorce, he's stuck. He should have had the frozen ones destroyed so that she couldn't use them. Tough call.

Chrissyomari - posted on 07/02/2012

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No, she shouldn't. If you know that your sperm may be used to create a child, then you should be prepared to take care of the child. A child should not suffer. Half the deadbeats on the planet are spermdonors, let them tell it! There has to be a standard.

Erin - posted on 06/06/2012

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It's rediculous. If a person wants to have a child with no daddy and goes to a sperm bank they have no right to expect child support. Judges only do it to make money for the state and to curtail welfair (which never works).

Sarah - posted on 05/19/2012

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straight forward no. The ones wnating donations to help them get pregnant are going tghat way i suppose as they dont have anyother way to get pregnant. Also if thru the legal way the donors dont know the off spring. If the person is wanting a child, then they should make sure they can afford in the first place and if they want contributions, get pregnant in a stable relationship

Mother - posted on 03/10/2012

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Yup....greedy bitch comes to my mind as well. But then that pops into my head when most women admit getting pregnant on purpose. They had ulterior motives from the get go.

Sally - posted on 03/10/2012

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think i need to get some sleep@1st im 24 hours and know my spelling ,grammer slowly getting worse.even the keyboard has some sort of 3D effect going on. So check later to see whats happening. Night/morning .enjoy your day/nignt. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[deleted account]

i personally don't see why a woman would want to have a child she can't provide for. there should be some sort of policy on that.

Sally - posted on 03/10/2012

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or get a legally binding document. I can sort of see where the thinking might go on this. If a woman had children by ivf already with that person and deciced she wanted another, it kinda of makes sense to want to use the same donor if the sperm was there. That way they all have the same father but they do need to do it through a legally document, with everything laid out not just about money but as Jodi pointed out contact etc. I just think it a big can of worms, what male friend will want to go through it if they have a bunch f legal stuff to deal with. I think this could end up hurting a lot of nice people and make it harder but like everythimg else in this world these days ,everything has to be legal. No more im your friend id love to help, no more your my really close friend ,i trust you,could you help. No first lets go to the lawyer. Shes a greedy bitch and this is going have so many ripples,like a stone in a lake.

[deleted account]

the article doesn't give all the details, so i can't give an accurate opinion. if they were married at the time of IVF then yes, he should pay. if they weren't, and this was long after their marriage, then honestly i think they're both idiots and yes, she should be ashamed of herself.



but teens who have sex and get pregnant and don't stay together (or get married for that matter), the father has to pay child support if the mother keeps the baby. the legal system seems to work that way, anyway. so this really doesn't seem much different than that to me. this is why you donate sperm anonymously, or go to a sperm bank if you're the mother. this is why i think the guy was an idiot and the woman was totally setting him up for this if this was not anonymously done, as it doesn't seem from the article.



on an irrelevant note, i don't personally like the way "father" is used in the article. i prefer the term "dad" in a case where the father helps take care of the child, and "father" is just a place term just like "mother" stating that they are the parents of the baby.



the moral of this story: donate your sperm to an anonymous bank! don't be dumb and donate it to your ex wife!

Stifler's - posted on 03/10/2012

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I agree with teresa what kind of idiot intentionally has a baby by her ex using IVF. she should stfu and deal with it. and no he shouldn't have to pay anything.

Jodi - posted on 03/10/2012

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I still hold, however, that the woman is a greedy bitch, because reading through all of that, she told him she never actually intended to claim it from him, so she DID do the wrong thing by him, but legally, he didn't have a leg to stand on.

Becky - posted on 03/09/2012

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In general, I would say no. And I think people applying to use donor sperm should have to prove ability to financially provide for the child before being given the sperm, just like you have to in order to adopt. You shouldn't be intentionally creating a child if you can't afford one.

In this particular case though, I'm not sure. There is not enough detail provided in the article. Like, do the children know he is their father? (They would be 9 by now!) Do they have any involvement with him? If yes, then yes, he absolutely should pay. Also, like Rebecca says, if they were only separated and not legally divorced at the time she was inseminated, then he may be legally responsible under his state laws. I believe he would be here.

Sally - posted on 03/09/2012

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Me and you both, cost me and so wish i had a pre-nup but oh no soppy me thought ,how can you get married without trust. i'm sorry to say the man i'm with now and have been for quite along time is a diamond,in the rough but a diamond, has no chance of marrying me without one, not that i'm in any hurry. As you said once bitten twice shy

Jodi - posted on 03/09/2012

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Very true, Sally, but I think, having been through a divorce I never thought would get nasty, I am twice shy :) I'd always get things like that in writing now, so I suppose it's the first thing I think of, LOL.

Sally - posted on 03/09/2012

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I agree Jodi with all you say but how many close friends do you know that i ask for sign contracts. there is the fly in the ointment. most of us expect our close friends to respect a verbal agreement. Its so complex and so hard to police to make sure things are signed. Then maybe , thinking about it something like this could be the wake up call people need. GET IT IN WRITING

[deleted account]

This is rude and I'm not reading past a few of the responses on page one before I respond, but....



If the IVF did, in fact (a fact I'm not checking to prove or disprove), take place after the divorce.... What kind of idiot sets out to intentionally have a child from the man she is already divorced from?! If that is indeed how it happened.... no, I don't think he should be forced to pay child support.



This is coming from a woman who's husband officially left for good the day their 3rd child was born... He currently owes the state over $28,000 in child support and while I can't stand him... I'd never withhold what little visitation he takes cuz my kids adore the creep.

Jodi - posted on 03/09/2012

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Sally, I don't believe he should be. But I think anyone donating sperm (and anyone receiving the donation) should also be sensible enough to sign a contract to that effect as well. Because otherwise, the whole thing could get messy (no pun intended there, LOL).



After all, the opposite could also occur, in that the "donor" may very well, after a few years, have a legitimate claim on full or partial custody of the child too. So it would be very silly not to have an agreement that spelled out rights and responsibilities (or lack thereof) that could be argued successfully in court as a concrete contract.

Sally - posted on 03/09/2012

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Just a hypothetical question. if two women in a loving relationship ask a male friend to help them get pregnant and they have a lovely baby but break up and the care giver finds her self in financial difficulties ,is it ok for her to chase the bio dad for money. I ask this because i think we have to be very careful in this. It could open the doors to all sorts of claims, which would badly effect everyone who needs help. There's not enough information on this case but i'd be worried it would open the flood gates. It has to be handle properly .

Mother - posted on 03/09/2012

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I don't blame them. Although, me, personally, would love another child. BUT if I was a man, who donated to be helpful, no strings attached, it would scare me off as well.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 03/09/2012

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Yep, the ones that do it now, if their intent is to not spread their seed. However, the amount of donors has declined drastically in Canada because they stopped paying them in 2004. They are importing sperm from the US to Canada because of the shortage.



Sperm stocks in Canada are significantly down since the federal government made it illegal to pay men for the donations, and the supply of sperm imported from the U.S. will eventually be cut off, Health Canada says.



It has been illegal to buy sperm or eggs since 2004. The change was part of Canada's new reproductive technology law, which also forbids payment for surrogacy and regulates stem cell research.
So, obviously the very few we may have in Canada, if any, are good hearted. No way to prove we even have any here.



It seems without a $75 payment, most Canadian men are not interested in donating to heterosexual couples, single women looking to get pregnant or lesbian couples seeking sperm.



It is currently legal to import sperm from the U.S., where men are paid for their donation. At some point, Health Canada said, the practice will be ended.






http://www.cbc.ca/news/health/story/2006...



ETA: It is anonymous here and they are still not showing up. Obviously they are greedy, since they don't get paid anymore, they don't show up.

Jodi - posted on 03/09/2012

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The wane in interest in donating sperm here in Australia has more to do with the fact, now, that there has to be full disclosure. It is no longer totally anonymous (I can't recall the details), and so there is real fear that women WILL come after them for child support, or that the children will come looking for them (apparently the new laws give the kids this right), and many men who donate sperm don't want any of that. That's not why they donate it. So it is scaring people off.

Mother - posted on 03/09/2012

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I think sperm donors are pretty special. They don't get paid here, so greed has nothing to do with it.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 03/09/2012

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You don't get paid in Canada either as of 2004. However, now they are so low on sperm because Health Canada says, barely any men are interested in donating now that they don't get paid the $75/donation....



So, no, not all sperm donors are wonderful. Not all are doing it because they are sweet and want to help. Most of them are greedy because they want money or to spread their seed.

Jodi - posted on 03/09/2012

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Rebecca, we don't have payment for sperm donations in Australia. Same as people don't get paid for blood or organ donations either.

Jodi - posted on 03/09/2012

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Ok, let's say that that they were separated, not yet divorced, and she raped him? Would he still have to pay child support because they were still married? Or could he, if he could establish rape (duress), get out of it. Or is it irrelevant because they were married?

Mother - posted on 03/09/2012

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The sperm had to be given ahead of time. If you're looking for a match. However, before that could happen [find a match] they separated. Obviously if they separated he had no plans of having a baby with her. she chose to have a baby. He merely said she could have his sperm. Period. He should not be responsible for raising and paying for the children.

[deleted account]

BTW, I don't think we can fairly through halos up over the heads of all sperm donors -- some do it for money; some do it because they are egotistical and want to generate lots of offspring. I wouldn't assume most sperm donors are doing it out of the goodness of their hearts. Many aren't.

Jodi - posted on 03/09/2012

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Ah, ok, but anyway, it is irrelevant because his consent to use it is situational anyway, and he gave his consent after separation, but is claiming duress. Classic case of he said she said.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 03/09/2012

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The two were married in Boston in 1991 and tried unsuccessfully to have children. They were eventually placed on a waiting list for donor eggs to pair with sperm that Okoli had donated.



Apparent to me he gave the sperm ahead of time. They were put on a waiting list to pair with the sperm he had donated. Tells me he had already donated the sperm...

Jodi - posted on 03/09/2012

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Of course he did, he's Nigerian, they understand a scam when they see one :P

Jodi - posted on 03/09/2012

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And I agree with Rebecca, it was silly of him to consent. But being a Nigerian migrant, I wonder if he also truly understood the implications of his consent? I guess I just have a lot of questions.

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