Shouldnt I??

Veronica - posted on 02/08/2011 ( 108 moms have responded )

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So, I guess I was really hurt by this, I even posted it on FB - but posed it as one of my friends, because I didnt want specific people to know what I was talking about -- but wanted to know what you think. What is your opinion.

Ok, So last April (as most of you know) I had my sixth baby -- healthy little boy. Prior to his arrival, (like I did with all my children) I was making my arrangements for babysitters when I would go into labor, and then I usually have some family that will hang out or offer help to me, when I would get home from the hospital (whether it would be to help me with laundry, give the kids a bath, or cook a meal). Now, I am not helpless, and I wasnt super sick with any of my babies (although i did have infections with three of them postpartum) -- but you know how it is, you are tired, you are worn out, and you are still in some pain. I wasnt in unbearable pain where I couldnt do anything either. HOWEVER, it was very nice of my family to come and help out, giving me an extra hand, I felt very fortunate that they were their, it lessened my duties for a few days, and I was able to get rest and focus on the new baby, and cuddles with the rest of my kids.
SO to get to the point of this post --- one person, my own sister, told me to give her a call if I needed her; I thought that was nice of her, and kept her as an option if I needed anything. Well, my mom was going to come over and help me out, but had prior obligations and took it upon herself to find out if my sister could fill in and help -- to which my sister replied: "They should have thought about this before they had six kids -- if they cant handle it, then they shouldnt have had that many kids then."
I was completely shocked and hurt by the statement. I wasn't asking her to come and become the mother, housekeeper, and cook in my household -- it was simply some extra help, while I was still "recovering" from having a baby. Even when I had my first baby - my mom helped by making a big casserole, so I didnt have to cook for a couple of days, she did a little bit of laundry, and helped clean up a little bit. I didnt expect her to, but she knew it would help. And that is just how its always been - someone would stay with my kids at home, while i was in the hospital for a couple of days -- and then they would help with a few things for about a week or two.

Do you agree with her, or do you think she was being a *bleep* for a sister? I thought it was heartless and calous of her to say --- especially after she said she would help out! That made it worse.

(ok this was all over the place, but i hope you get my point here)

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[deleted account]

Veronica's question was to do with how her sister reacted to being asked to help.I don't think comments about population control are either appropriate of necessary in this context.

Tara - posted on 02/09/2011

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Hi Veronica,
As a mom to 6 kids I can totally empathize with you.
Although my situations were always different as I had home births and my older kids did not have to leave the house at all. After the births, my mom would stay for a couple of days to help with food, laundry and schooling for the kids. I never had to ask her, it was just a given that she would be there for the births and the recovery.

I think your sister is being a twat. Whether it is your first, second or 13th child, it shouldn't matter, if someone says they will help they should do so. And if someone has an opinion about your family make up etc. they should learn to keep their mouth shut.
You have every right to be ticked off. She didn't have to offer her help to you and she didn't have to tell your mom what she thought of your family make up.
She is being selfish and childish.
I would tell her how it hurt your feelings and that these are her nieces and nephews she is talking about. Tell her that it has been on your mind and you want to clear the air. Be honest about your feelings without being critical of her feelings.
She can feel however she wants about your family, but bottom line she is your sister and should be there for you, regardless of the choices you make.
Anymore kidlets in the cards Veronica? just curious, we're done for sure!! Six is a nice even number and I only have a 8 passenger van!! Anymore and we'd need a short bus!!!

Johnny - posted on 02/08/2011

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It is not "confusing". I am politically and morally opposed to mass procreation. I am sure you are doing a good job of raising your kids, it sounds like you've got things under control. I am sure they are each getting what they need. I just do not believe that people should have that many kids ever... well, unless our species was threatened with extinction.

Johnny - posted on 02/09/2011

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Actually, I said, "... But this isn't a debate on family size, so I'll drop this and not take the conversation further off topic."



Veronica responded, "You actually are NOT going off topic at all -- this happens to be the main point...SO to further expand on this conversation - it is also about family size as well."



Throughout the posts in regards to population growth, Veronica responded and engaged in the debate. When she requested that we drop it, ("I'd like to hear from others with large families") we stopped discussing it. I think her opinion WAS being respected. If you have a problem with the discussion, why not either contribute to the original post, ignore the thread, debate the population problem posts, or start a new thread to continue that portion of the debate?

Jenny - posted on 02/09/2011

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I agree with Johnny. My mom is 1 of 8 and my dad was 1 of 5. I'm not against big families for any reason other than it is completely irresponsible in this day and age. We just can't keep living like that anymore. I'm sick of people being selfish because they don't think they are part of the human race and think their actions don't have consequences for ALL of us. Stop being so myopic about it.



You know who could use all this extra love you have to give? The millions of kids with no home. Maybe put the efforts into fostering, adoppting or give your existing kids a double helping.

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Johnny - posted on 02/10/2011

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LOL. There's no "official position". I can only speak for myself, but I have no real problem if people wish to do IVF. I'm not so keen on the octomom, but generally most people are responsible. It's not about making rules about who can and can't have kids, its about people really thinking about more than just their immediate situation when they make the choice. All potential parents need to think about what kind of world our children will be living in if we were to double the population in the next 30 years, which at current rates is quite possible.



I hear all the time about how it's just about the parent's who are making the baby, their right, their desire, their choice. It's not. That choice effects the children they have, and every other person's existence forever. A lot of people are convinced that there aren't enough people on the earth or that there aren't enough Christians or there aren't enough white people or that our resources are infinite and there will be enough even when our population hits 10 billion. Others forget that we are all hurtling around the sun on the same planet, and that what happens in India effects us, and it doesn't matter if you live in a less densely populated place, your kids are just as much a burden on the earth if not more so. A lot of people don't like being told that we are now a burden on the earth. Humans are extracting virtually ALL the non-food based resources, and using the great majority of the water and the food production capacity of the planet. We share a piddly amount with the other creatures and leave virturally zero to go back into the ecosystem for regeneration. A time will come when that is no longer feasible, and no amount of smart science or innovative inventions are going to stop that if we don't control how many people are on this earth.



Just to add, the amount of people getting IVF to procreate is miniscule in a world-wide sense. It's a first world issue for people with money. A few wealthy North Americans or Europeans choosing to have a couple babies when they couldn't otherwise have conceived isn't really making a huge difference. If everyone was running around using welfare or loan money to impregnate themselves with 6 embryos, it might be a bigger problem.



If people really were free to pursue the choice of having children without limitations, societal opinions, and happenstance, probably less people actually would. Having kids is still perceived as the standard and choosing to remain childless the "abnormal". Birth control is hard to come by in many places. It's always assumed, particularly by parents, that everyone on earth WANTS to have kids. They don't. With education and options, less women chose to have kids and those that do have fewer. Generally. That is statistically what happens in every nation that experiences a growth in the female literacy rate and the level of equality. Women have fewer kids. The United States is the glaring exception to this rule and a large part of that is religious in nature.

Sal - posted on 02/10/2011

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if this has already been discussed tell me what page i've had a skim but didn;t see it

Sal - posted on 02/10/2011

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this is a question for those who don;t want to over populate the world, what is the official position on ivf and other assisted pregnacy's? if it is making the balance wrong to veronica to have 6 babies isn't it upsetting the natural balance by assisting those who other wise wouldn;t be aboe to have children fall pregnant?? maybe some ppeople are ment to have dozen and others none, a natural form of population control, octo mum and the jon and kate make 8 people shouldn;'t have any but now have 2 dozen doesn't that reek havok with the population growth...

Johnny - posted on 02/10/2011

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Veronica, I'm not sure that there is too much to debate. There are scientific facts and numbers which support the assertion that we need to control our procreation. However, many people, yourself included, believe that their duty to procreate comes from God. No amount of scientific facts or concerns about our earthly future is going to sway the opinions of those who feel that our non-corporeal existence is separate and of more importance.

Veronica - posted on 02/10/2011

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Unless this thread gets shut down - continue to debate away population :) Im game!

Cyndel - posted on 02/10/2011

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having a baby is hard work, no matter if it is your 1st or your 6th. It isn't that you can't handle your children on a day to day basis, simply need help for a few days after giving birth so you can heal properly!
I think her remark was rude and unnecessary! She volunteered to begin with, she didn't have to but she did. I know many mothers who have more then 6 children and they handled everything well on the day to day, just needed help for a short time after giving birth! It is normal and has nothing to do with the day to day just a hic-up in the norm!
I would talk to her and tell her how you feel.
Sorry she hurt you so!

[deleted account]

Ok due to Veronica's request i will start with the F%$^!! hehe.

So would it be wrong to continue on with the population debate since you already talked to your sister? Which im really glad got cleared up i kno words are just words but seriously your hormones are bouncing off the walls and i know me i get really aggressive haha so i definitely would confront her. Good for you for staying calm :D But should we just start a new thread?? or no?? just wondering :))

Vegemite - posted on 02/10/2011

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MEH! that's what I would say to that. Yeah she's your sister i would just forget it. If she doesn't want to help then it's best not to have her do anything. She would only do it begrudgingly. I think people should only help if they are happy to, if someones not happy to help then fine move on. It's a bit annoying she has that bad attitude though especially after she said she could help.

Trish - posted on 02/10/2011

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Sticks and stones...don't let her words affect you. They are only words...it is you that give them meaning to affect you and hurt you. Don't let this negative statement affect you in any way or form. You have more important things to worry about like your family and baby. I've come to realize that life is too short and when people say jacked up stuff about me...it's water off a duck's back. We live...we die...It may sting for a second but I gotta keep moving got better things to do with my energy and time. Nobody is perfect and maybe your sister didn't think before she spoke...or was having a crap day and said the snide remark outer of anger. Ask her about it...ask her why did she say that. Also if you know you are capable and are a good mum...your sister's words don't ring true or have any relevance to you. You got nothing to worry about. Keep your head up and keep being strong and beautiful. And if that ain't enough ask your sis why she said that stupid stuff and still offer to help...

Meghan - posted on 02/09/2011

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It takes a village (outside of the village you have :P) I would be very pissed and would tare my sister a new one for saying that. My mom took a week off work, did my laundry, mopped, vacuumed, let me have a shower or nap while J was sleeping AND stayed in the hospital with me, my sister came to visit for a weekend about 2 months later and did the same for me. Not because I couldn't handle it, but because it was new and the extra help was SO appreciated. Thats what family does! Jeesh

Merry - posted on 02/09/2011

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Oh and after reading all that, I have to say, in my opinion, the problem isn't people having too many kids, its people who don't want kids still having them!
If the women who love kids, want kids, have the resources to have kids are the only ones having them, then they could have a bunch and we would be fine!
The issue is that women, and girls, have kids when all they wanted was some sex, and people who want to focus on their careers end up pregnant by accident cuz birth controls aren't so effective.
Etc
Personally, I want 8 kids. Hubby wants 4. We have 2 so far so who knows where we end up.
But after I'm done birthing my kids I do plan on adopting. I plan on adopting a 16 or 17 year old who is about to age out of the system. And helping them grow into an adult with support, advise, encouragement, and love if they want it :)
I'd do this as many times as I can afford, cuz I tnk the older teens really need to have a family to form roots.
I think god wants us to 'be fruitful and multiply and fll the earth' well I guess you could say the earth is full, but I see houses for sale! Lol well anyways as a Christian I do believe the world needs more Christians so I don't see anything wrong with having the big family I desire.

Maybe doctors should start doing steriliztions on everyone who wants them, I know a few women and men who wanted to be sterilized but the dr refused cuz they had no kids yet, or were 'too young' in their twenties.
Or my husbands idea :) anyone who has a second abortion gets a free tube tying in the process!
He is funny, but it does make some sense.......

Merry - posted on 02/09/2011

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She was rude to say that. I think every child and everry birth deserves pampering!
If she didn't want to help, she shouldn't have been so rude in saying it.
But honestly, having 6 kids is only weird these days, it used to be a normal size, and I bet those women had family members help too!

Veronica - posted on 02/09/2011

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pretty calm debate going on here -- where is the heat? where are the ladies who are going to fly in here with the 'fuck fuck fuckity fucks? hehehehe just kidding -- I do appreciate the support about my sister, and getting through that - I love my sister, and that is why i had a hard time confronting her, because i was afraid that i would come back with a sharp tongue and perhaps hurt her worse -- so it was a lot of courage for me to just ask and get it off my chest. Im glad I did.

Veronica - posted on 02/09/2011

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Its still about being my right to choose to have children -- but the perspective they are more coming from is just having more education for that right. And i get that.

Veronica - posted on 02/09/2011

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I completely understand where you are coming from on educating people - and making more informed decisions Im glad you and Jenny have offered that side of the debate into this forum. I just wanted to make very clear where I stand on it.
And, just for the record, we may not take the whole world into perspective when bringing more children into our family -- but we do take into consideration our 'own economy' -- our house size, our vehicle (which YES we only have an 8 seater, too - and if we choose to have more -- we will have to go to a 12 seater van -- thats a van with three bench seats in the back! ahh! gonna look soooo Cooool in that! hehehe) Anyhow - we HAVE to still think about what its going to cost us extra - diapers - we've been buying diapers for eight years strait now - we should have invested in the diaper stocks by now! LOL More clothes, shoes, beds, bedding, toys (not necessary - but still $$), books, furniture, table chairs, baby accessories (as the years went on, we've gone through three cribs - peices of crap -- and four play pens). We get a lot passed on to us from our families and friends - which Im forever greatful for. And we have a lot of food, and more energy used - more washing and baths, etc. So within our household, we've always taken into consideration the extra expenses/toll on us and our checkbook. Even though only one child was literally planned out -- the others weren't entirely unplanned - only because we weren't exactly against having children at the time either. A lot goes into being open to more kids - so we arent just popping them out here and there and just having a gay ole time. We pay our own bills, and buy our own things (except the hand-medowns), and raise our own children - im a sahm -- the only time we enlist help - is a babysitter for us to get out of the house, and when a new baby arrives. Or if i needed to go somewhere with one or two kids, id get a sitter for the rest.

Natasha - posted on 02/09/2011

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I am happy to hear that you have discussed this with your sister. And that she is has admitted that what she said was out of frustration and anger, not towards you but rather her own personal issue.

I know that the Lord will provide for you and yours. And you have the right to follow your beliefs and have your children.

Isobel - posted on 02/09/2011

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I don't think anybody has said that you don't have the "right" to have as many children as you like...you certainly do.

What many people have stated here is that they don't believe it is a good idea, that it is hurting the planet...and that's why they don't.

Johnny - posted on 02/09/2011

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I am very glad that you worked things out with your sister. It is not a pleasant thing to be in conflict with one's family.

I hope my posts weren't offensive to you Veronica. This is an issue that you can probably tell that I am very passionate about. It is probably my number one biggest political/moral issue that sits in my brain. Obviously, we come from different perspectives on this topic, whereas my concerns are of this earth, yours are more of another realm. Our beliefs both shape our actions, but I can see that you act out of love and I respect that deeply. Please know that I am not wishing to promote abortion when I discuss these issues. I am actually very very opposed to abortion or forced sterilization or enforcement laws when it comes to population control. You are correct, the choice to procreate or not is an inherent human right. It should never be taken from us. I just want all people to really think and be informed about what having that extra child means, not just to them, their family, etc, but to the earth and humankind's future.

Veronica - posted on 02/09/2011

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Wow - I didnt know this thread would get to deep - thank you all for your support -- And Krissy - Im a believer too - so I am open to you discussing the Lord in MY threads if you'd like.

I took it upon myself to confront my sister - I simply wanted to know what her comment was about - along with other things shhe likes to "throw" in my face. The comment itself was a frustration remark that came about from an argument with her fiance - who didnt think that she should have to be called upon to help anyone out, as she has a life too -- and he gets quite judgemental with me a lot - so that made a lot of sense - so in the upset of their argument, she blurted it out. I do forgive her, and hopefully things will turn around, as it has felt like a weight off my shoulders after talking to her. As for other comments she makes at me, she says that she is only trying to help (and I took it like she was judging me) -- so its been cleared up - and I feel SOO much better now.



As for population control, and irresponsibility of having tons of kids -- I was really thinking about this all day today - as its been bugging me. I am still going to stick with the fact that I am not going to bite this 'forbidden' fruit of the earthly garb -- I believe whole-heartedly of God, his love, and his promises, and that is what my decisions and life is based on first. Im not saying that Im not going to pay attention to the world around us - im aware of many things happening -- but Im also aware of things that will happen as well. Im choosing my faith, the Lord providing for us, and the gifts that he gives us - our children.

What I am feeling right now is this. You all talk soooo heavily about human rights. Well, if women have the human right to kill their unborn child, a boy/baby has human rights to keep their foreskin, etc. and so forth - than I have MY human right to have as many children as I want. I'd rather bring children into this world, than to kill unborn babies because of over-population issues.

I may have more to say on this matter, but this is where i will stop for the moment....

Ashley - posted on 02/09/2011

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ya I think your sister was way outta line and as for you few that are going on about population control get the hell over it if she wants to have 10 kids it has nothing to do with you its her husband and her that get to make the choice that and their bank account .... so what if they have a big family ... like really

[deleted account]

Johnny, what Veronica said was:

" SO to further expand on this conversation - it is also about family size as well." The size of her family was obviously something that bugged her sister and led to her hurtful remark, and is therefore part of the discussion. It was about looking after her large family, not about population control.

I still don't think the negative remarks about population control are helpful in this context. But that's my opinion. Veronica's opinion is what counts in this discussion.

Johnny - posted on 02/09/2011

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Actually Kathy & Brandi, if you read the entire thread you would have seen that we offered to get back on topic and the original poster outright ASKED to widen the discussion to population control.

It's nice how naive many of you are to the damage we are all doing to the earth. It isn't about the ability to pay for them or look after them well, which the OP and many others clearly have under control. If we had unlimited resources and no environmental concerns I'd say have at it. In fact, I'd probably consider having more than 1 or 2 as well. Kids are great and big families are wonderful. My mother is one of 6 and my aunts family can literally fill an entire gymnasium. They were all well cared for, educated, loved, and have gone on to be contributing members of society. But there are way too many people on the earth right now, and it is increasing daily. That just isn't going to be a good thing for us in the long-run. But if it makes you feel better to shut your eyes and ears to this, have at it.

Krissy - posted on 02/09/2011

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Veronica,



I know this isn't a Christian thread, but the bible says if there is an issue between you and a person... you should go to them...



I think it's reasonable to tell her that it hurt your feelings, and she has the right to her opinions about your family size, but that really, you don't want it to come between the two of you as sisters.



Then keep in mind that it's possible that there's a twinge of hurt feelings because you have six blessings and she has no kids. I don't know if that's because she can't or is too young, or just chooses not to... but it's possible that affected her mood.



Again, as others said... she probably had a bad day, and we cannot get terribly upset every time some one we love has a bad day. She was being rotten yes, but you can be forgiving... be honest, but let her know you don't want it to ruin your relationship. Maybe she will feel comfortable enough to apologize or even tell you why she was feeling so snippy that day.



Thanks for letting me share.



oh and P.S. Maybe she doesn't HAVE kids because she doesn't really like them. Which means she probably loves her nieces and nephews, but it's not her cup of tea to come be actively involved with all of them at once....

Kristin - posted on 02/09/2011

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keep this in mind: everyone has a bad day. sometimes people say things out of frustration or other elements of the day.
i know when i'm having a crabby day, i say things that i regret later on to things that have nothing to do with me or my crabbiness.
give her a break. is she supportive any other time or help out? if so, she might have just been having an off day

Brandi - posted on 02/09/2011

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Geez, I guess everyone should stop having sex, because we all know there is still a chance you can get pregnant when using protection. RETARDED!

Yes, I think 6 kids is a lot, but I feel it is your choice. But, when having my kids, I never had help. Not even once. I think you should take what they say, but don't depend on it or count on it. People who do not have children don't understand how tired and worn out you are the first month or so, but I worked 45 hours a week 4 weeks after my second son was born, and I stayed up with him every 2 to 3 hours, yeah it sucked, and my husband didn't help, but I did it.

Angela - posted on 02/09/2011

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First of all KUDOS to you for having 6 children! And no I just think your sister was being rude and unreasonable. Family is suppose to be there to help you out,thats one of the meanings of being a family...Your sister most likely said that cause she felt obligated when your mom asked and it inconvenienced her,in her life so she said what she said,however she should of just said that she couldnt do it that day.

April - posted on 02/09/2011

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P.S. I only have one child and I LOVE LOVE LOVE when my mom comes to help. Who doesn't love a little help every now and then?

April - posted on 02/09/2011

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Your sister was being a bleep! She definitely was. What about those moms like Michelle Duggar? She doesn't just have help...she expects help. You expected nothing of your sister...she volunteered!

[deleted account]

So first of all your sister was being a Bi@$*! i cant believe she would say something like that if its still bothering you and its been sometime then i would talk to her other than that let it go and keep a mental note and just dont forget. It doesnt matter how many kids you have after having a baby, a helping hand is great! I had one and then stayed a week at my parents becuase they insisted!! Im pretty sure with future children it will be the same! and very appreciated :) So yea she was definitely wrong for that.



Now for the other comments that were posted to this thread. . . :D

Let me say that my dad came from a family of nine kids! And they grew up poor ( in eagle pass on the border of mexcio) but they all grew up to be successfull! Im talking Doctors ( my dad hehe) and business owners etc. My mother raised in a family with five kids and also very successful ( medical coding and billing specialist) !! Doesnt always matter if the parents werent "educated" that really does not determine whether or not the children will be. Also our planet is bound to be doomed. We shouldve been doing something about this before there even was a problem and now that we are so far in its gonna be really difficult to fix our problems. Yea maybe over population is a problem but maybe one of those kids or even a group of these babies born that are overpopulating the world will come up with a solution to all of the planets problems you never know!! I love big families!! And we plan to have 6+ kids too!! I cant believe some of the comments! haha really if i want to have six kids i will! and i will be able to provide for their college education, thats no one else's business and if for some reason i cant then is it really that bad for the child to pay for its own higher education?? I think not. My parents paid for two years of my university and even tho they had the means to pay for all four years and more they told me it was my responsibilty to pay for the rest. Made me a hard worker and totally worth it. I want a lot of kids and if my kids want a lot of kids i will be happy now if they dont then i will support that desicion too. Just because the world is bound to end doesnt mean we should stop living. I think its great Veronica that you have 6 kids!! You dont really see a lot of big families these days and i love it when i do.



Bottom line : Sister = Bitc% Big familes = ♥



EDITED

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/09/2011

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A helping hand can always be used. I have 2 kids, and I would LOVE to live by my mother in law again. She would help out ALL the time. When you love your family, you should want to get to know them. It should not be a chore for her to hang out with her nieces and nephews.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/09/2011

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Sorry...she is a bitch. That is very rude. It was your choice to have 6 kids...but that does not mean you don't need a helping hand from friends and relatives...if anything it means you could use MORE help. I think that is heartless and spiteful. I don't know your sister...but if you offer to help someone, you should stick to it. Don't just offer to look good. Follow through....her own SISTER needs some help...come on now.

Rosie - posted on 02/09/2011

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she was wrong, she offered help and then backed out. not cool to do to family, or anyone for that matter.

Tia Melissa - posted on 02/09/2011

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I think she was being an obnoxious, insensitive, spoiled brat.

So, when your mom gets older and needs assistance because her body is no longer the same as it was 40 years ago, she's going to reply, "She should have thought of that before she got OLD!"? Same logic.

Her reaction shows a very selfish, shallow level of commitment especially AFTER offering her assistance of her own accord. You're not asking her to pay for your children, take over parenting, become a permanent chef/chauffeur/laundress/wet nurse. I don't see how it would be different if she busted her leg and needed multiple operations to repair it. So, again, you should tell her, "You should have thought of that before you went and broke your leg!"? No, you wouldn't and I bet it's because you understand the nature of sacrifice that comes with being in a family - kids tend to teach that sort of thing.

Her attitude is pretty common, IME, towards large families. Suddenly, 5+ kids makes you unable to vent about the same things you could when you had 1-4 or ask for help because you "asked for it" somehow.

Natasha - posted on 02/09/2011

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Ok, so I finally made it through all the previous comments. I think that your sister is being a *bleep*, and I would be terribly upset by my sister saying something like this. I have one son and will be having another baby in about 9 weeks, and know that I will need help for the first couple of days at least. Heck, my baby isn't even here yet, and my mom has already come to help out around the house to get things ready for when he/she arrives.

I also have to say, that although it is not my choice to have anymore kids, I respect your decision to have as many as you can care for. I would have an issue if you were one of those people who just had babies because it increased the money you were collecting from the government, but you seem very self-sufficent. If your sister has an issue with you having lots of kids, then maybe you need to sit down and find out why. As someone else said, maybe she is jealous, or maybe she is like some of the other posters and thinks that you are leading to over population. But no matter what her personal opinion, she still offered to help, and then to react like that is ridiculous and unacceptable.

Bonnie - posted on 02/09/2011

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Whether you have 6 kids or 1, majority of mothers either ask for help at the beginning or they naturally get it because the family wants to be there for you. I don't think how many kids you have really makes a difference. Your sister shouldn't have said that.

Nikia - posted on 02/09/2011

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Have you talked to her about it since? Find out first if she really felt that way or if she was just having a bad day. I think you had every right to reach out for assistance from your family and since you said you came from a big family having a lot of kids should be old news to your sister. Talk it out, I think thats your best bet. And you alone are not overpopulating the earth lol...

Shauna - posted on 02/09/2011

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sounds just about how my sister is. shes a bitch and everyone knows it and accepts it.

[deleted account]

She was being a bleep in my opinion, you asked your mom who didn't have a problem with it except a simple schedule mix-up you asked ahead of time and she didn't want to bail so she asked your sister. I think that comment was waaaay out of line she could have just said sorry I can't and left it at that intstead she decided to attack your life choices wth. There is nothing wrong with accepting help when offered hell my mom will come help me out and I have one toddler with a new baby on the way...I'm sorry but as an only child until I was 11, and and growing up nextdoor to my aunt and her six kids (she has a total of 9 now not all of them are hers biologically) and after seeing the life of my sons biological father who was the oldest of 7, and I gotta say there is something very special about having a large family and the fact that you are keeping it together every single other day shows that you're doing fine. Nothing wrong with accepting help when its offered especially when you have 6 kids as opposed to two. It makes me look pretty bad if people think someone like you is wrong to accept help, well then I'm just downright lazy 'cause you know what if someone offers to help the week the baby is born damn skippy I'm going to accept! So if someone else decides to pull something like this I'd offer them a cookie and when they accepted say no I don't support your love of cookies fatty you shoulda thought you wanted a cookie beforehand and gotten one yourself...I'm being honest see what they say lol. Seriously some people can't do it and will never understand the difficulty nor the value in having a large family.

Krista - posted on 02/09/2011

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I'm not going to comment on the large family thing, but I do agree that your sister was being unfair. She offered her help, and then when called upon, she reneged. And she did so in a nasty way. It doesn't matter whether it's your first child or your 12th -- every mother can use a hand when a new baby arrives. I only have one child, and my mom still came for a week after he was born to help out with the cooking and laundry, and I can tell you that I was VERY glad to have that stuff off my plate while I got used to the demands of being a new mom.

Veronica - posted on 02/08/2011

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Well, I thank you for all the information -- I understand what is being said here -- I want to hear from the other women on DM that have larger families.

Sharon - posted on 02/08/2011

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Going with the first set of numbers.... 7 goes into 14 TWICE. The population is doubling versus declining or even holding steady. its basic math. For each death - there are two births. how many of those births are MULTIPLES?

::: sigh ::: is it 2012 yet? 'Cause then its all just a moot point. LMAO.

Veronica - posted on 02/08/2011

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OOps - going to the next site - it is One baby every 8 seconds One death every 11 seconds

Veronica - posted on 02/08/2011

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US Census Bureau says there is One birth every 7 seconds, and One death every 13 seconds. So - in the US it almost balances itself out.

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