Slipping away

Emma - posted on 06/25/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have four children, Sam who is 6, Twin girls Josie and Charly 13, and Brogan oldest son, 14. Brogan, is now all hairy, with a deep voice and ideas of his own, he is wonderful, but I can't stop crying, and I do it in front of him, I can't help it, I feel that I am losing him, and soon, he will be gone. The same with my girls, how much longer do I have tops? 3/4 years? I am devastated that it's gone so quickly, and it's becoming a real problem.

It was suggested 'empty nest syndrome' I dont think so, I still have a tiny tot, and they havent fleed the nest, they are still in school, could it be '' anticipated empty nest syndrome?'' Does that exist? The crying has to stop, this I know, because it ends up making Brogan cry, not really a nice feeling for a young man is it? He already feels 'guilty' for growing up, what the hell is wrong with me?

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Sal - posted on 06/26/2013

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Ohhh darling, I feel for you, I'm not a therapist but I do have older and younger children like you and it is hard emotional wonderful exciting sad exausting exhilarating heartwarming and heart breaking all at once, and sometimes we just can't cope, and need some extra help.. Maybe see your dr discuss some therapy or maybe some medication, I felt this last year, it was a tough year and I'd burst into tears for the smallest thing or even a song on the radio..I had marriage therapy and a short course of anti depressant/ anti anxiety meds, it just took a couple of months enough so that I was starting my day with a full tank rather than running on empty.. I urge you to see someone before cause your beautiful son any damage, he should be feeling proud of the man he is becoming not guilty for becoming that man..asking for help isn't a sign of weakness but a sign of strength and determination to be the best mum you can be..

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/25/2013

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2015

You're a momma, and your babies are growing, honey!

I was the same when my eldest hit that 14 age...my biggest fear was that I hadn't been a "good" mom, that I'd gone overboard on things, that they hadn't had a "good" childhood...which I could have seen that they did, they were always smiling, laughing, happy kids..

Now, as I am waiting for them to get themselves back from a 2 week language camp...I giggle at myself for having those feelings (but deep down, still DO have them, after all, my youngest is still only 15...)

I still worry that I wasn't always a "good" mom. I still worry that I went overboard, and don't want them to grow up "just yet"...and I still cry...just not in front of them (unless its been a particularly stressful day, and I can't help asking them if they're "ok" in the life department...)

Explain to Brogan that you love him absolutely so much that you'll miss the little boy that he used to be, but you will totally enjoy the adult that he's turning into. Explain that it's hard for you to watch that transition with dry eyes, but that he doesn't have anything to feel bad about, because he's showing you that you DID succeed so far, and the proof is in the young adult that he is today.

That "sad" may never go away, but I've found it helps if you let them know that you're not losing it, you're not a basket case, and that really, deep down, you are prouder of them then they will ever know...(until they have kids of their own, that is)

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Sal - posted on 06/26/2013

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when i broke into tears driving when the radio played kenny rodgers, coward of the county,i knew things were on a pretty slippery slope..lol
half my problem was simple emotional exhaustion...i always thought the celebrities who claimed rehab for exhaustion were really there for drinkies or drugs...but there are real physical and emotional symptoms... please take care of yourself, you should be enjoying your beautiful kids and rejoicing in their growth..

Emma - posted on 06/26/2013

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Sal, omg, I cry at songs too, I barely listen to music anymore. Yes, I think a visit to the Dr is in order, it's getting out of hand, it's becoming morbid. I think there might be more going on than just the fear of the kids growing up.

As for Brogan, you are right, he has now stopped talking about his future, in fear of 'upsetting mum'

I think it's clear, I need some happy pills, not too proud to take them.

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