Smart Ass Remarks for all Occasions: Not a debate..just some funnies

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 09/29/2011 ( 10 moms have responded )




1. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be... ?
2. Do I look like a f--king people person?
3. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
4. I started out with nothing. I still have most of it left.
5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
6. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
8. You!... Off My Planet!
9. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
10. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
11. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.
12. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
13. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
14. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
15. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
16. Allow me to introduce my selves.
17. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
18. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
19. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
20. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
21. Are those your eyeballs? I just found them in my cleavage.
22. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
23. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
24. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
25. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me again?
26. It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
27. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
28. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
29. A cubicle is a padded cell without a door.
30. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
31. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
32. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
33. Okay, okay, I take it back! UnF--k you!
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
36. Nice cologne. Must you marinate in it?
37. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
38. I plead contemporary insanity.
39. And which dwarf are you?
40. Don't you know that foreplay doesn't count unless it involves your final destination?


View replies by

Brittany - posted on 10/04/2011




I read this today and think it fits!

Betty White "Why do people say "grow some balls?' Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really want to get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a real pounding!"

I laughed so freaking hard when I read this.

My husband asked me what I was laughing at and I told him. He laughed, kind of a nervous laugh, but he laughed.

Whenever he talks about not feeling good because, he has a sinus infection or some other major male catastrophe, I tell him to come back and complain after he has been pregnant for two years straight, give birth, breastfeed, stayed home with three kids in diapers and still manged to have dinner done by 6:30!

Jennifer - posted on 10/04/2011




Used a few of these! My favorite one is "no, i don't suffer from mental illness, I enjoy every minute of it!"

Angela - posted on 09/30/2011




Ha ha love it...posted it as a note on my FB, all are great! Thanks for the laughs

Kellie - posted on 09/29/2011




I like 11, 21 (I have big boobs and this totally applies) and 33. Lol un-fuck you..

Kellie - posted on 09/29/2011




I like 11, 21 (I have big boobs and this totally applies) and 33. Lol un-fuck you..

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms