So your kid is in jail...

Sharon - posted on 03/31/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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He's been accused of some heinous crime. The evidence is pretty good but not perfect or great.



What do you do? Back him 100%? Bail him out while he awaits trial?



What is at stake? If you bail him out - your home. Your financial security.



Bailing him out ... so many options if you don't know your son like you thought you did.... and he bolts... or figures his secret is out and commits another crime



Or You don't bail him out, stay financially secure and but risk losing his faith in you in case the detectives were wrong... or heck they could be right but he loses hope/faith because you didn't back him...



What would you do?

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17 Comments

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Emma - posted on 05/01/2010

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Well i have 2 kids so i doubt i would put ones future security in jeopardy for the others comfort,
i would rather support the kid in jail get him a good defence attorney.
Saying that im the type of mom if my kid gets caught say drunk driving and the cops phone for me to get him i would ask them to keep him and teach him a lesson, or if i found drugs ect i would call the cops on my kid.

Jackie - posted on 04/08/2010

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if we're talking heinous crime he would absolutely positively sit there....don't be such an idiot, this is your own fault. If its something thats just pure stupidity like DUI (i would put B&E in with the other category though) I'll come get you, but not until tomorrow...you're still gonna sit there and think about it...then suffer MAJOR consequences at home.

Jeannette - posted on 04/06/2010

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This depends entirely on what he did and how old he is at the time.

edited to add: I would have to KNOW that the evidence proved him guilty as well.

Rosie - posted on 04/06/2010

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most likely i'd let him sit there unless i felt he was innocent. i've had to many instances with my sister to know that bailing them out isn't the best thing.

Ez - posted on 04/06/2010

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I guess it would come down to my gut instinct on that. If I genuinely believed he was innocent and it was the first time he'd been in any sort of trouble I would bail him out. If it was the latest in a long line of troubles with the police, but he still denied it I guess I would have a hard time believing him.

Carolee - posted on 04/01/2010

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I'll bail you out once, and you're under my supervision until the court date. You bolt or commit another crime, I will help the cops hunt you down.

Jocelyn - posted on 04/01/2010

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NAK
If he was in jail for rape, or beating/killing someone I would let him rot in jail. But if he was in jail for something like b and e, or public drunkenness, then I would probably bail him out.

[deleted account]

This has happened recently in my family...my youngest brother, who has a history of acting up, being out of control & is a problem drinking. He was on parole for a DUI 11 mos prior, so he had 1 mos left...then he got drunk and banged on someone's door because he had just been mugged, was half naked and needed help. He is a combative/argumentative drunk. The guy answered the door with a gun and the police were called. Noone apparently wanted to hear what he had to say and he was frustrated and threw a rake and it broke the dude's window...he was tased and arrested...he had to go to get stitches before going to jail... They are trying to charge him with a felony for trying to break into that guys house? For busting that window, when the cops were there! So it's a bunk ass felony they are trying to charge him with!!! He also has 2 misdemeanors which he is def. guilty of! EVERYONE in my family told my mom not to bail him out because he was stupid and drunk, let him sit there and thinnk about what he's done...like i said, he has a history of doing stupid shit while drunk! He's been on a downward spiral of sorts and needs something to waken him up!!! she just couldn't let her baby sit in jail and bailed him out...since he broke his parole he had to go do 30 dys up north and the entire time he was out before he went in for that the stupid shit drank and pissed off everyone that would consider helping him because he is too stupid to see all that he has to live for...he's on a destructive path and my Dad thinks it would have been different had he sat in jail instead of getting bailed out, on some levels i think he's right! he was staying w/our other brother who was going to get him a job when he got all this taken care of, well he got drunk and tried sleeping with his g/f while my brother was asleep in the same room...now my other brother hates him, he will of course not help him out now and my lil brother has just stirred up MORE f*n drama! let me tell you we are all happy he has 30 days!!! Then he has to deal w/his most recent crime! So he could have more time after that...

Sorry for the long winded story, but I figure that if someone got in trouble like that with the police then I assume they probably have been disrespectful at the very least for some time and in my eyes would deserve the time they get! No bail from me!!!

Esther - posted on 04/01/2010

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Hard to judge. It would greatly depend on how sure I was that he was innocent (if I felt he was guilty I'd probably let him sit in there no matter what the crime, big or small) and if he had a track record of getting himself in trouble already. If he was a good kid who never got in trouble and somehow got arrested for something I felt he did not do, I would bail him out no matter what the consequences could or would be for me. But I don't have any other kids to consider.

LaCi - posted on 04/01/2010

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Depends on the circumstance really. I can't say with absolute surety that I'd support my kid without knowing what he had done, whether I personally thought he was capable of it, the evidence against him, etc. Depends on how heinous the crime, the circumstance of the crime, so on.

Sharon - posted on 04/01/2010

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I was curious - I read a blog/article about a woman whose college age son was arrested with a concealed weapon at a rally. He'd been arrested before. Kind of sent me down the path of "what if".

Jess - posted on 04/01/2010

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I think it depends on the situation. If you have young children at home, depending on you to keep that roof over their head and keep them safe.... and one of your children was accussed of a violent crime and you have to risk your house to bail them out, than I say no, leave them in jail. For your safety, for all your other children's saftey and if they are found not guilty and you raised a good respectful child, they will understand why you protected your home and their siblings.

Rose - posted on 04/01/2010

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Depending on his age. Firstly if he got accused of the crime than obviously he was doing something he wasn't suppose to in order for the police to suspect him so there fore i would just making him sit there. Also if they did commit some crime don't you think that later on they would realize what they did was bad and come to their senses and thank you for helping him become a better person by sitting in jail. If i knew for a fact he didn't commit the crime than yes i would back him up.

Ez - posted on 03/31/2010

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If it was a 'heinous' crime that involved violence I would leave them in there. I would still be Mum and be as emotionally supportive as possible. I don't think there's anything my child could ever do to make me stop loving her. But it's not just about that. It's about risk and responsibility, and the idea that if I were to enable a release and something else happened, it would be on me too. Not to mention the disappointment in knowing my child had rejected all they had been taught and chosen the path they did. Consequences for such bad behaviour are clear. I would feel like bailing them out is condoning their actions on some level.

Amie - posted on 03/31/2010

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I'm probably a mean mom but I do have expectations for my children. Knowing right from wrong is a basic concept that they already know. If they choose to flout that after being taught that every wrong decision has a consequence to the point that authorities are involved, then they can sit in jail.

To me it's not about financial security over my children, it's the expectation that I raised them to be law abiding citizens. To contribute to society at large and not take from it by committing crime to get some form of instant gratification. They can pay the piper themselves. I would be there in the physical sense to stand by their side but they got themselves into it, they can get themselves out of it.

[deleted account]

Depends on his age and the crime. But probably let him stay in there and suffer the consequences for his actions.

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