Something different a little on the down side.

[deleted account] ( 25 moms have responded )

What is the 1 time in your life that you have felt absolutely shattered. So broken that you didn't think you would be able to get up again.
What was it when did it happen and how did you pick yourself up?

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Danielle - posted on 03/13/2011

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The worst time in my life was two yrs ago. My husband came in from work one night and calmly told me that I wasn't the wife he wanted, packed his bags and left. I was devestated. I couldn't eat, didn't sleep, all I did was cry. I was angry and I was hurt b/c I loved him. It didn't make sense to me how after 5 yrs it was so easy to just walk away. He left me with no car, no money...nothing. I was a mess for about a mnth. My kids were the only reason I kept pushing on. On top of that my son who was 5 at the time was so angry at his father for leaving that he wanted nothing to do with him. It was so hard for me to explain that he should forgive his dad when I was so angry myself. I had a great support system, my friends and family were my rock. I eventually picked myself up and started moving on with my life. I got a job and moved out of our home and was eventually happy. A few mnths later he came back telling me he made a huge mistake and wanted me back. I eventually did come home b/c I did love him, but it took over two yrs for me to actually trust him again. I hate that you're going through this but believe me when I say as dark as it looks now, you will get through it and it will make you a stronger person. Talk about it, and when I say talk about it, I mean as much as you need to. You have to work through this pain and anger. I hope you have someone that you can lean on and is understanding to what you're going through. If not then I know the mother's on CoM will be here for you. There are alot of great women on here. Don't give up. You'll get through this. ((BIG HUGS))

Mel - posted on 03/12/2011

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I realise u have great friends on here Loureen but I feel for you and am here if u ever need to talk. I know that has hurt you really badly I cannot even begin to imagine

[deleted account]

Shannen, GIANT ((((HUGS)))) is all I have to offer. I could share with you my shattered experience but it wouldn't help you get through what you're going through right now. You're raw, I'm sure, and reeling, and your feet have been knocked out from beneath you. I think you should cling to the fact that you have three beautiful reasons to wake up in the morning, and also to the fact that sometimes men (not all that different than women) sometimes don't know WHAT they want. You said he says he hasn't been "in love" with you for 8 months, which also corresponds with the time(ish) that your youngest was born. Maybe he's just feeling a change that he doesn't understand. Love evolves. I think that in a lifetime of being with someone, you can fall in and out of "love" with them and it has nothing to do with the type of love that is needed to make a relationship work. My aunt & uncle have been married for more than 60 years and she will be the first to tell you that there have been MANY days, many months, when she wasn't "in love" with her husband. Has your husband actually left? Or did he just lay a verbal bombshell on you? Because either way, maybe he just needs to get some perspective. Maybe since the last baby was born he feels a shift in your relationship and doesn't know how to deal with it. I know it's hard right now, and believe me girl, I totally wish I could hug you right now but, maybe just give him the space he needs. Maybe just let him process whatever's going on, try to be there for him and show him what he's missing if he leaves. And if all else fails, just remember that YOU can do ANYthing. I'm also available for PM's if you want to talk.

And Miss Loreen, I love you SOOO much! Like my Aunt Dottie always tells me, "Oodles and heaps!" GIANT ((((HUGS)))) for you too, from the bottom of my heart ♥

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[deleted account]

Oh Amy that's horrible. I'm so happy that you have found a Doctor with sympathy and is helping you. I can't imagine what it would be like to be told by a cold person with no emotion in their face that there is nothing that can be done for your child.

Iridescent - posted on 03/13/2011

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The worst one...the day we went to a doctor appointment with our daughter, and the doctor sat in the office with no compassion on her face, and said our baby has OTC and her death is a matter of a very short time, and we can no longer have children safely without the same fate because they can't find the gene that caused it. Then she got up and walked out.

We left. Came home, cried for several days actually. But we still had a baby to take care of, a very sick one that still wasn't able to eat even half what she needed to live, who now had a complex med schedule and a list of things to watch for longer than my arm. We had other kids to take care of. So it just took time, we did what we had to and dragged along. We ended up changing doctors to one with a more positive view on my daughter's potential and that has helped more than anything.

[deleted account]

When my mother and ex conspired together and took my daughter from me. The betrayal of my mother has never worn off. I have fought for every scrap I can get with my daughter since. I forced myself after 2 years of immense depression to get back up and kick some ass. I have made my ex's life a living hell every chance I can since then. (not through my daughter though) He is now 50yrs old, unemployed, on probation, (drug use) has a restraining order, (hitting his current wife) and our daughter is 14 and moving out. :) It does my heart good to see that man suffer. :)

Jocelyn - posted on 03/13/2011

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Oh Shannen I'm so sorry that you are having to go through something like that :(
*huge giant hugs*
I don't really have any stories like that that I can share to help you through this. So here's another *hug*

[deleted account]

What royally sucks fo me atm is the fact that he has left me. I don't want him to be gone but he is. Now i have to share them. I never wanted to share them which is why i ahd them with someone i love. But now because he chooses i have to share birthday christmas easter the lot.He is a great father so i would never keep them from him but i wanted to share this stuff with him not with out. I also love his family but now i know they didn't feel the same for me because i have not heard from one of them asking if i am ok.
Sorry venting more than anything now.

[deleted account]

I think if we didn't have 3 kids together or i hadn't been with him since i was 17 and he is the only person i have ever been with this would be easier.
He brought my debitcard back and admitted he has nothign no love for me at all except that i am his kids mother.
So now all i want is an answer as to what happened what changed. I hope i get it.
I know i wont get the outcome i want because i love him and i just want him to hold me again but that isn't going to happen i just have ot work through my own thoughts and realise it now.

Nikki - posted on 03/13/2011

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Shannen, I am so sorry. I really feel for you. Having not been through a divorce I don't really have any advice for you but I wish I could hive you a big hug.

I agree that love changes within a relationship and from my experience the most challenging time for us was the first 12 months after my daughter was born.

Make sure you go to the bank and get money out tomorrow, what your going through is difficult enough you don't need to be financially isolated as well.

I hope that he works through the counselling with you and you get the answers or the outcome you want.

Cuddle your children extra tight tonight, they need you and you need them to keep you strong and focused on moving forward.

If you need someone to talk to I am always around too xxx

Big hugs xxxxxxxxx

[deleted account]

I think i came here because i know a few of you on here are divorced. Reading these helps. I feel alone right now i have no one to lean on because that who he was for me.
I just realised he has my debitcard and he wont answer his phone or the phone of the house he is staying. He might not be there. I don't have access to any money while he has it.
I do not want a divorce but even though he has agreed to counselling he has already said that he doesn't think it will work so he is already showing me he does not want to try. I think that i mostly want answers and if counselling helps with that then i'm happy even if it doesn't help us.

Jodi - posted on 03/12/2011

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Oh Shannen, this is the first time I have opened up this thread, and I am SO SO sorry :( This is a terrible time for you, and I can totally understand your hurt and confusion. Having been through a divorce, I really hope it doesn't come to that for you. I have had equally difficult times with my current husband, but because we were both willing to go to counselling, we have managed to work through these things. Love DOES evolve, and sometimes we need help with recognising that and moving forward together. You CAN get through these things, but unfortunately, not everyone is willing.

Anyway, if you want to PM me, please feel free. I know the place you are right now, and I still remember a lot of the pain like it was yesterday. And right now I am feeling that for you :( {{{hugs}}}

Mel - posted on 03/12/2011

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I am only 21 so dont have much life experience under my belt so I guess I could only say wen I found out my ex had cheated that broke me pretty bad even though its nothing really just stupid teenage stuff, and being on the street after being kicked out of a place I was stying as a young teen and wondering where I was going to go or what to do, with no one to turn to, that left me feeling shattered. Ive neverbeen through anything major. Ive never even lost a loved one. I feel really blessed. I didnt have a picture perfect childhood but who does, and now it also seems like a distant memory to me

Ez - posted on 03/12/2011

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Holy shit Shannen, I'm sorry :(
I hope that with time, your husband opens up about what has led to this change. Counselling would definitely help him with that. I can imagine that having this dropped on you with no warning has been horrendous. Try and hang in there, and cling to your babies ♥

Christina - posted on 03/12/2011

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Two years ago my ex-husband did something illegal. I had to pack up my four children (three of whom are his) and leave immediately. I was not working (even though I've had my nursing license since I was 19yrs old) because I have two autistic children who required all my time and attention, along with two healthy children. I had no where to go, and had to crash with my mom for a few weeks until my kids finished school. The day after they got out of school, on what was suppose to be my 7yr wedding anniversary, I packed my babies up and we moved 1400 miles away so we could start over. I had no job, no where to live, and no money. I stayed with friends for about two months while I got a job and secured an apartment. I would cry myself to sleep every night for months. I fought tooth and nail to get back into college for a Refresher Course so I could transfer my nursing license and provide for my kids. It took me a full year to be able to do that. Now, we have a decent life again, I'm making decent money (I bring in between 2600-3000K a month), my divorce is over with my ex receiving only restricted visittion, and I am common law married to my fiance. I am happy, my kids are happy, and I can't believe we made it through all that. I look back at where we were two years ago and can't believe we all survived!

[deleted account]

I was supposed to add that i don't think you need to be in love with your partner all the time. I think as long as there is love there is something to work with. I just don't know how to get him to realise that.

[deleted account]

I fully agree with the whole love evolves thing. He doesn't. His exact words were "for 8 months i have not loved you the way a husband should love a wife." He says he loves me but isn't in love with me.
He is confused as hell and i can see that.
Verbal bombsheel and then said he couldn't stay here any longer. So he left. I text him this morning and said you need to come home so we can talk. He came home and we spoke about counselling both single and couples. He said though that he doesn't think it will help and that we will never be again. He is going to contact tomeone tomorrow about it and let me know. He said he has changed and thats the problem. I am leaving him alone all though i did clear the house of anything that was his and he has come to get it. I only did that because it is so hard to have those reminders right in front of me that he doesn't love me but i love him with all that i am.

So all in all he is willing to talk but he has no idea why or what changed. I hope he gives counselling a real try and if needed, which i am sure it will, i will be there. I'm so hurt right now that i can't stop crying because all i think about is how much i love him.

Thank you all for your kind words and i will most likely take you up on the offer of PM Joy and Loureen.

Joy i'd still like to hear about your experience it helps me remember that others have been through worse and come out stonger and better on the other side.

Krista - posted on 03/12/2011

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Oh Shannen, that's awful. I'm so sorry that you're going through that. It's so unfair, isn't it?

Do you think he'd go to couples' therapy with you? After 7 years, I would tell him that he owes you and the kids at least THAT much -- to give an honest try at solving these issues before writing anything off.

And yes, Loureen, go see someone about it. You're so giving and nurturing, but you have to focus on yourself and start healing. Nobody else is going to do it for you.

Charlie - posted on 03/12/2011

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Oh Shannen , I'm so sorry that must be hard especially not knowing why .

Is he willing to talk to you about why , you do have your beautiful children they will keep you strong I know mine are holding me together right now .

I don't really know what to say excpet if you need someone to talk to you can always PM me ♥

And thanks everyone , it has been a struggle especially since I'm really good at hiding it in RL plus I am so busy taking care of everyone else , I am going to go see someone about , It just gets overwhelming sometimes

[deleted account]

I asked because my husband has just, like last night, walked out on me.

he said he hasn't been in love with me for 8 months which is around the time our youngest was born.

I never wanted to get married but after we had been together for a few years and had our daughter i said yes. Now not even 2 years of marriage and he drops this on me. I didn't know there was anything wrong. He never spoke to me about it.

I don't know what to do with myself. All i know is i have to keep getting up each day for my kids.

7 years we have been together. I have never been with anyone else he treated me so well and i did as much as i could for him and our kids. e even said it wasn't anything i had done or that i wasn't there for him. He is saying he has just changed.

I love him so much but he doesn't feel the same and right now i feel like curling up in a ball and staying in my room away from the world i know i can't because i have 3 of the most beautiful things in the world to keep me going.



Loureen, Virtual hugs for you. I wish i could say something that would help.

Tara - posted on 03/12/2011

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((Hugs)) to your Loureen. It will get easier over time.
The lowest I've been in my life was when my oldest daughter turned 6 and I started to think more and more about my own stolen childhood, the sexual abuse from my former step dad over the 3 years we lived with him, from age 6 to age 9.
That was the beginning of the lowest time in my life. I felt so much shame, so much inner pain, so much hatred toward myself for never telling anyone about it. Shame because the reasons I never told anyone was because I had liked it, it felt good.
So that was the beginning and it's ongoing. The thing that picked me up and made me fight, call the cops and have him charged was the fact I have three little girls and there was no way I could stand by and let this man think he got away with what he did, for the sake of all women and all girls who were or are being abused, I stood up. And standing up helped me pick myself up, it gave me something to fight for instead of fighting against myself.
And Steve, he is my knight in shining armour, he has stood by me through all the court shit etc and he is still my rock when I need one.
And my kids, all of them. They picked up me when I was so down, I thought they would be better off without me. They loved me no matter what I had been through, no matter how crazy I thought I would get throughout the process of healing.
Love for myself, love for my kids and the love from my man. Those are the most important things to me and my healing.

Rosie - posted on 03/12/2011

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when i had my first miscarriage. i was 20, and lost the baby 5 days after i found out i was pregnant. in those 5 days the world was right, afterwards nothing was right. i dont' know how i got over it. after my second miscarriagei thought i wouldn't be able to have kids. i was terrified. then i got pregnant again immediately after my second loss. i carried to term and had my first child grant. i'm pretty sure he's what helped me pick myself up. :)

Krista - posted on 03/12/2011

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(((hugs)) to Loureen. Love you, sweetheart, and don't ever be reluctant to lean on your friends to help you stand.

Charlie - posted on 03/12/2011

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The first time ?

Thats hard I felt shattered when I lost my first child but I knew it would get better , I knew I could get into a good place in time , I think the first time I truly felt shattered to the point that I am not sure if I will ever be able to feel alright again is losing my father last christmas , Im actually crying now , I cry everyday and I really don't see how I am ever going to get passed this sadness ......I still don't know how I am going to pick myself up , I hurt a lot .

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