Sperm Donors (not necessarily a debate)

Cat - posted on 10/19/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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Okay, so I have a friend (and not in that cliche 'I'm actually talking about myself' way, I actually DO have a friend lol) who is looking into a sperm donor as a way of getting pregnant... She already has one child, and a host of bad relationships, she's decided she does not want a man in her life... I completely respect that choice, b/c even though I'm married, its far from perfect... She just has this biological need to have another child... So, she's looking into donor websites and things, and going to make an appointment to talk about it with her Dr. but before she does, I was just wondering if ANYONE here has any experience with this, friends of friends done it, that sort of thing... ANY comments welcome, things to consider, alternative ideas, anything really! Whatddya think?

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single moms can be fabulous parents and so what if she meets a man later? families come in all shapes and sizes these days. love and nurture and support is what matters. many families are single parented and doing great (or gay parented, or blended families, etc), many are man/woman parented and absolutley screw their kids up.

but back to the topic at hand...was there anything i can help answer for you re: donor stuff? I'm an open book on it re: what I went through. If i can make anyone elses path with it a bit easier than I'm happy to. Glad she has a good friend looking out for her and actually caring enough to be posting this. So that makes you part of her path as well :)
Like I said...can be emotionally draining to go through it. and people (well meaning sometimes, sometimes not) can say the most hurtful things. one of the things everyone and every site on fertility issues will talk about are the dumb things people say. They can really be painful. so when a friend is trying to question and understand and educate herself that is amazing!

[deleted account]

I have no experience in this field. IMO I think it's hard for me to grasp why anyone would want to have a child when the father won't be involved whatsoever. Whilst she doesn't want a man right now, she may change her mind later, she should think about that. Obviously it depends on how old she is, as to whether she could wait to concieve but say she was to change her mind later after meeting a great guy would she be able to have a third child and support it financially or would she wish she had waited until she had met that man? I think in the case of fetility problems in a couple I can understand considering egg or sperm donation but personally I couldn't raise a child knowing I'd be doing it myself and they'd never meet their father.

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Bernie - posted on 04/07/2012

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A sperm donor is just that, a man who donates sperm so women/couples can have children that are biologically related to one parent.



I'm what you call an "donor offspring". Was raised in a loving family. My donor (bio Dad), is just that- related to me by DNA, he isn't my Dad, he didn't raise me.

[deleted account]

Yeah that was me on the depression board lol =] I should be in bed really it's 03:18 here...

and yeah Cat there is no right way to raise a child and so many different types of families. As long as the children are well looked after it doesn't matter if a mother and father is involved hands-on.

Cat - posted on 10/19/2010

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I think that a child having a mother and a father part of their life is an ideal... Its great to have that, but like all ideals, they can fall short of reality... If parenting message boards have taught me anything its that there's no ONE right way to raise a child, I also think that's why there are so many disagreements lol What's good for the goose isnt necessarily good for the gander :)

[deleted account]

is that you on the other post (the depression thing) that just cracked me up? sorry if not...juggling a few things here getting ready for tmrw and using the internet as an escape thing when I really should be focusing on babies and tmrw and getting sleep. if is you that was classicly funny and what a coincidence. maybe we should get lottery cards tonight!

[deleted account]

I wouldn't say I'm disagreeing tbh =] If it's right for some women then fairplay, for me it's not something I'd consider that's all. It's not really an agree/disagree thing lol

[deleted account]

I said:

" IMO I think it's hard for me to grasp why anyone would want to have a child when the father won't be involved whatsoever."



and



"I think in the case of fetility problems in a couple I can understand considering egg or sperm donation but personally I couldn't raise a child knowing I'd be doing it myself and they'd never meet their father."



That is not being judgemental, I was not saying she is stupid for wanting to do it or anything like that I was saying that personally it wouldn't be something for me. Sorry if I did seem judgemental though.

[deleted account]

well I did just read it again...let me say this instead...you sound very judgemental. did i jump to a conclusion?

Cat - posted on 10/19/2010

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Thanks Vicki, I'm going to see if she has any specific questions and I'll post in a few... Jennifer, she's been an amazing single mom for 9 years now, I think she's just basically given up on the idea of 'Mr. Right' and after 9 years, I dont know if I'd be full of optimism either, so I can understand that side of it too...

[deleted account]

I didn't say they couldn't Vicki so no need to get so defensive about it...I was just stating things her friend should consider that's all. I know plenty of single parents and they're amazing people so I wasn't knocking being a single parent at all.

Cat - posted on 10/19/2010

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No, I am completely new to this situation, (which is why I'm asking) but I support her 100% in whatever she chooses, but like I said, I know nothing about it, I was hoping with this topic maybe I could get some extra info/support for her, that's all... I totally respect her right to go about it without a partner, and she's already an awesome single mom ♥

[deleted account]

I've actually done the donor thing and have two healthy amazing babies (twins) because of it. Not really sure what info you are looking for but it does sound as if you are having concerns/issues with her going this route. As a sidenote going through the whole egg/and/or sperm donor thing is very difficult (emotionally, financially, and for the simple fact that we embark on a journey we know nothing about and it can be very difficult to navigate). If your friend would like to ask me any questions at all please send her my info. Would be hapy to chat with her and see if I can be of any help.

If you want to know more personally fire away!

PS I did egg donor, not sperm.

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