spoiling a baby

Kimberly - posted on 04/05/2011 ( 50 moms have responded )

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now i have a seven month old boy and the first time any one sees him has told me and asked me how i got so lucky to have such a happy boy but then when they hang out with us and get to know my parenting they scream saying if i keep going i am going to have the most spoiled brat for a child. i dont let him fuss long enough, i dont let him scream for longer than a few seconds i hold him too much and so forth and so forth. yes i can see where i spoil him but i also see a very happy child who doesnt ask but what he needs very rarely will he pester just for attention. he is an only child i am a stay at home mom i have wanted children since i can remember and i have lost so many. so i am wondering is it all bad to spoil for me its easier to brake habbits that are bad when they can talk and tell me what they want and there old enough to be sent in the corner or there bedroom

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Jenni - posted on 04/05/2011

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He's still so young... I wouldn't be worried. He has no other way to get your attention. Besides, I think needing attention is a need for young babies. They are still so attatched to their mothers and require closeness. I think the more you make him wait or deny that need the stronger he will push to get it. So not attending to it directly may have a negative effect on it.
Ok let me try to give an example: Let's say my 10 month old is trying to get my attention... maybe it starts out as a cute babble... i ignore it... it becomes more desperate... an angry loud babble... i ignore it... turns into a scream for attention as in "MOMMY! I want down from my highchair! NOW! Didn't you hear me the first time???" I continue to ignore it.... she is going to become more and more desperate to have that need met. To be let down from her highchair.
Now if that happens once or twice it shouldn't cause conditioning... but if I constantly ignore her needs she is going to lose some trust in me. She is become conditioned to meltdown quicker because she's associated screaming with finally getting her need met.
Now if I react to her first cues of wanting down and it doesn't reach the tantrum limit. She will be less likely to have a meltdown to have her needs met because she *knows* mommy will help her without having to do that.

Tara - posted on 04/06/2011

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I used to lead discussion about early infant development for our local health unit.
You cannot spoil a baby.
When you meet an infants needs before they become distressed about not having the need met, you are encouraging positive brain chemistry and actually changing how your baby's brain will work in the future. This is the connection not just between neurological function but also neuro biological function.

All my 6 kids were raised with their neuro biological needs in mind. Their needs for basic infant survival were always met, their needs for human interaction an attachment were always secure. They are all highly functioning, independent children.
They are not spoiled, and they never were. In fact babies who are parented this way are often more independent and less "clingy" as children.
There are so many medical studies to support the idea of early attachment and how it leads to optimal brain growth. Here are some quotes from the article on the link.

"An increasing body of evidence indicates that “maternal care during infancy serves
to ‘program’ behavioral responses to stress in the offspring” (Caldji, Tannenbaum, Sharma,
Francis, Plotsky, & Meaney, 1998, p. 5335)."

[O]ne of the most fundamental strategies for biological adaptation in organisms is the ability
of the central nervous system (CNS) to react and modify itself to environmental challenges.
There is general agreement that the genetic specification of neuronal structure is not sufficient
for an optimally functional nervous system. Indeed, a large variety of experimental approaches
indicate that the environment affects the structure and function of the brain.
(Gomez-Pinilla, Choi, & Ryba, 1999, p. 1051)

http://www.allanschore.com/pdf/SchoreIMH...

You're doing just fine!

Meg - posted on 04/06/2011

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You can not spoil a baby by meeting his or her needs. You CAN teach the baby that their needs are always met, they are safe and secure with you, and they can always rely on you to help them.

Have you heard of attachment parenting? Maybe if you look into that a bit ore you will se how you are just forming a strong and healthy bond, and then you will have the perfect answers for people who think that you are "spoiling" your child.

Johnny - posted on 04/05/2011

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You can't spoil a baby. Being in tune with their needs and giving them the reassurances they need is not spoiling. I agree with so many of the other moms here, giving a baby the love and affection they need will just make them happier and more secure, it won't turn them into a whiny brat. Clearly the people you are around are still practicing techniques from the Victoria era.

Charlie - posted on 04/05/2011

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A baby NEEDS food , milk , ect .

But all a baby WANTS for is love and you can never spoil a baby with love .

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Casey - posted on 04/07/2011

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Hmmm I don't think you can spoil a baby with love and attention but I know that even at 7 months of age a baby knows how to manipulate we've all seen it happen to someone we know where the child can't be put down for even a second otherwise it is crying to be picked up again but it's not up to anyone else to comment and tell that person that their child is spoilt. I think if your son is happy and reasonably independent for his age (meaning he can be left to sit and play or watch tv or just entertain himself) then I don't think that he is spoilt by any means and even if he was then thats your problem not anyone elses.
Enjoy your little man while he is young and if you want to go to him as soon as he fusses or cries then thats up to you, you know whats best for him and for you and plus there is no such thing as the cuddle police and spend as much time as you want cuddling him and playing with him cause it doesn't take long for them to push you away and run off to trash the house.

Kimberly - posted on 04/07/2011

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thats exactly what i do he eats when he wants to sleep when he wants to but he recently found out how to throw a temper tantrum thats when i put it to a stop for that mment but you know its funny we have fights a day here and there but the very next day he is my happy content child agian lol

Toni - posted on 04/07/2011

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I have a 5 month old son and I cater to him, what ever he needs from me I give. I feed on demand, I put him down for naps when he needs it, I hold him as much as he lets me, I don't let him over cry, he slept in my room in hes bassenet up until a week ago, whatever he needs I do for him. My mom, sister and even my friends say I spoil him also even going as far as to say I'm slowing down his devolpment, but low and behold he is well adjusted and even started sleeping through the night in his own room. Everyone said that was going to be harder with how I spoil him. So dont worry about what other people say, you are doing a fine job and your son is responding great. Do what you have to do and don't let anyone tell you different. If your father sits on you bite his leg. lol

Kimberly - posted on 04/07/2011

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i thank you for your comment it is so true i do know almost every cry he makes and even the ones i dont i make sure i know what its not lol

Alexis - posted on 04/07/2011

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Your doing fine, especially for 7 months, if you start seeing issues as you go you can change habits then, read your baby's cues and you will be fine. Sounds like you know just what your baby needs. I get upset sometimes when Im told that I shouldnt run to my son's side when he cries, which I don't do everytime, I simply know his different cries, I know when he is throwing a fit, and I ignore it, but I also know when he is hurt, frustrated or the fit crying as gone over the edge to the point where he needs to be calmed down and I do. Sounds like you know what you are doing! You can't spoil a baby with too much love by the way...there will be a day the they push away and you will wish you held them more when you could.

Frances - posted on 04/07/2011

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You are not doing what I call spoiling him. You are reinforcing to him the fact that he is loved. I did that with my kids too. A spoiled kid is one who gets his way and is not made to obey. He is too young to really disobey you yet, like getting into things. As long as you enforce obedience when he is older, you are not spoiling him. A happy baby is secure in the fact that he knows he is loved. Good job.

Vegemite - posted on 04/06/2011

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He's a baby, you're doing the right thing. I still treat my 3yr old like that, I carry him sometimes and don't let him cry. I tend to his every need but at the same time teach him how to do things himself. My mother was telling me that i shouldn't pick him up anymore and he's too old to be held. I baby him too much. My response was if my son needs a cuddle he'll get one, I don't care if he's 3 or 30. Sometimes I'll carry my 3yr old and 20month old at the same time, one on each hip. I get some strange looks but I really don't care. I'm sure some of those strange looks are because I'm 153cm (5ft) tall and my boys are 98cm (3ft 2.6in) and 88cm (2ft 10.6in). Probably does look a little odd.
As long as they are good, happy and developing well then I don't see a problem with "spoiling" or "babying" after all they are just little.

[deleted account]

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing. Trust me, you will notice when your child is old enough to start acting spoiled, but for now, he is still a little baby and he needs all the attention from you. I wouldn't worry about other people, they clearly have no idea what it is like to be you and what you do every day. I've stopped trying to get people to understand certain things for me, just because they don't even try. I wouldn't worry. Just tell them that you know what you are doing and YOU are the parent. But I guess if they keep going, I personally would stop seeing them.

Kate CP - posted on 04/06/2011

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I think people are jealous that we spend so much time loving, holding, uplifting, and meeting the needs of our infants. They feel left out or left behind. Kind of like an older sibling would.

You can't spoil a baby. You can only make them feel more secure in their surroundings by knowing that Mommy is there when he/she needs her.

[deleted account]

no you can't spoil a baby love is what they need attention is what they need as well as your routine food sleep and nappy changes. at this age theyre still getting to know you. I believe spoiling starts in the toddler phase if you run to them the minute they make a noise in their cot they'll never self settle...now thats a problem but at sevens months nah all they have are needs not wants

April - posted on 04/06/2011

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I watched a documentary that made me more aware of how every little thing we do to a child as they are infants effects them as they get older.

No i don't think you can spoil a baby. Did you know that if you left a baby to cry and not tend to him/her soon enough the baby will have it in its brain that they can't rely on you. It sticks with them as they get older. Children are meant to be held, its part of human nature so much so that if a baby was never held since the day it was born it would die. You can't spoil a baby. How can giving them all your love spoil a child??

Ahhhh.... i love that documentary, i forgot what its called but it was very good. Very insightful :)

Trish - posted on 04/06/2011

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That's what my sisters say about me and my baby. I don't buy him toys or spoil him in the sense of things...I make sure he doesn't cry for long. I give him cuddles and hold him too...because I want to and this gives him comfort and makes him happy. You tell those people....a little baby is deserving of that love...that's not spoiling the baby...And as if baby will remember he's only 7 months! The only time you should be worried about spoiling is the age when they get to understand what they are doing...Most probably 3 years old and onwards. That's the age you gotta look out for, for spoiling a child not 7 months. You are a wonderful mum. Keep doing what you doing....keep making that baby of yours happy. He is a blessing and a gift. Enjoy him while he's still small like this. I'm doing the same with my one and ignore those people. Only you know your baby and what your baby needs. Keep up the awesome work!!!

[deleted account]

Babies have different temperaments, so it seems kind of artificial to talk about them as if they were all the same and needed the same kind of attention.



Some babies are more sensitive than others and need a lot of soothing, holding, rocking, etc. Are you spoiling them by meeting their (sometimes intense) needs? Of course not. They're not old enough to understand they need to "toughen up." They're 7 months old, not 17 years old.



On the other hand, when my son was a newborn, he didn't like to be cradled and rocked. I'm not sure why. I think he was easily ovestimulated and it overwhelmed him. He preferred to grasp my finger and listen to my voice. We co-sleep, but he's perfectly fine with sleeping alone for naps and the early part of the night when I'm still awake.



If I have another baby and s/he has different needs, I will follow those.

Mel - posted on 04/06/2011

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you are explaining perfectly what I couldnt Sarah! Im not good with my wording

Sarah - posted on 04/06/2011

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It's a tricky question I think, can you "spoil" a baby with love and attention? No. However, I don't think that by NOT babywearing, co-sleeping, jumping to every cry etc that you are being any less loving, or depriving them of attention.

I think (for me at least) there was a balance to be found. I give my girls plenty of love and attention, but I also never co-slept with them. If they come in at night (unless they're unwell) they get a big cuddle and lots of kisses and then they get tucked back into their own beds. That's where they will get the best nights sleep, and they need that sleep.

With my eldest, I did jump to every cry, I did sleep with her sometimes, I rocked her endlessly, I sat for hours stroking her head and singing to her. She was a TERRIBLE sleeper, it didn't help matters that I did all those things, in fact, it seemed to make things worse.
When my youngest came along, I was less nervous and worried, I would let her have a little whinge......and she slept like a dream!! (I did NOT let her cry for hours etc etc)

Anyway, I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I don't think that you can spoil a baby by holding them, co-sleeping etc etc. but I also don't think there's anything wrong with NOT doing things all the time either. Obviously, if you're not paying any attention and letting them scream for hours, that's wrong.

Hope that makes sense, I can't get the words to explain what I mean properly today!

Ez - posted on 04/06/2011

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Claims of spoiling a baby with love and attention drive me absolutely batty! I never left my daughter to cry. I wore her in a sling, and let her take a nap in my arms if she wanted. I patted or rocked her to sleep when necessary. I still do, and she is now 2. If she is in her bed and asking for me to lay with her, it is not 'spoiling' her if I oblige. It is supportive and comforting. Isn't that what all mothers aim for?

Becky - posted on 04/06/2011

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I believe you do not spoil a child by meeting their needs or by giving them love and attention. You spoil a child by not setting boundaries for them and not teaching them respect for themselves and for others.

Mel - posted on 04/05/2011

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If you chose to go this path, it will be harder for you in the future, even more so when he can talk. I "spoiled" my first bbay alot more then second, but even this one, my child health nurse used to say why are you getting her out of the cot she is just whinging. I learned now the different types of cries, when she needs to come out and when she need sot stay there and go to sleep. At 7 months your bub is fine to learn to be a little indepedant, because really its not good for him if you pick him up straight away and cater to his every need straight away. I would say this is good for the first 4-5 months of life, but after that they are older and quite capable of being more indepedant. Certain things didnt feel right o me when bub was say 2-4 months old, she cried til she had trouble breathing in her sleep and I cried because I wansted to go pick her up and cuddle her and sometimes I did as soon as she fell asleep I wantged her to know I was there, and I stopped this routine pretty quick cause I came to the conclusion it was too hard for me, then I learned she just wanst old enough. If you learn the right boundaries he will grow up just fine, not overly clingy, but needing you at the same time. Its hard to get a balance. But at the end of the day whatever you do, is up to you as the parent. This is just what Ive found through my own experiences

Toni - posted on 04/05/2011

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I tried the "letting them cry" routine with my first and I just couldn't do it. To me, it seemed so cruel. I figure do what you have to do to get you through the day and start again the next day. I agree with all those who have said you can't spoil a baby when giving them love and support.

Nikki - posted on 04/05/2011

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You can't spoil a baby with love ♥ you have such a good baby because he feels safe and secure, he knows his needs will be met and he is loved. Good work mama!

Jane - posted on 04/05/2011

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I personally do not believe you can spoil a 7 month old baby. You sound loving and caring and attentive to your child. Screw what other people think. Drives me nuts when others say shit like that. My comment back to people who said stuff like that when mine were babies was "thanks for your concern but we are doing just fine".

I was told a lot that I was spoiling my babies. I rocked my now 21 year old to sleep every night until she was 18 months old. I was a full time working mom and it was just such a lovely time for her and I. By 18 months, she was very verbal and one night, out of no where wheni started to rock her, told me "I wanna go night night please" and that was the end of the rocking. I didn't let them cry, I held them often, I didn't force them to give up bottles or binkies. And ya know what? They are 21 and 17 and they are amazing people. Caring, smart, kind, giving and funny and they don't drink bottles anymore (lol).

Bonnie - posted on 04/05/2011

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Yeah, like i'm not saying hold them 24/7 or if they cry run to them immediately.

Some people just think that holding a baby for more than a few minutes at a time is just asking for trouble.

Charlie - posted on 04/05/2011

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Unfourtunatly Bonnie some people think babies are capable of manipulation .

I have gone so far to say to mother who is the complete opposite type of parent that if she wants me to be able to trust her to have my kids then she must not let them cry it out in their beds or be left to cry on their own they must be comforted that if they are not comfortable or happy to be on their own then she has to pay attention to them or include them in her activity ( I gave her a sling to do so ) and so far she has done all of this even though " it's good for their lungs to cry "

Nicole - posted on 04/05/2011

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People can get pretty worked up about what parenting style is best. I have had friends who have no kids yell at me, insisting that I was spoiling my baby by wearing her on my back while I was doing chores. I told them that when they had kids, they could make the choices for them but when it came to me and my kids, they could mind their own buisness.

Stifler's - posted on 04/05/2011

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I can only imagine what wil happen if i breastfeed this next baby. Every problem will be blamed on breastfeeding and I will get calls of "you wouldn't have this problem if you just gave her a bottle". My husband's family are seriously backward.

Jenni - posted on 04/05/2011

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My MIL is a very awesome Gran. I love her to pieces! But she always has imo really 'old fashioned' ideas. Like giving babies cereal in bottles at 2 months old, giving NBs just water to drink at night to encourage them to sleep through the night.



She couldn't wrap her head around me BFing either (she opted to formula feed both her children). She'd never say anything about it, she's not like that but she always gave me sideways glances about it. Especially when I spent half the time at their place nursing my children. Both my babies nursed every 45mins-2hrs for up to an hour long. She must have thought I was out of my mind for my AP parenting when her parenting styles were so opposite to mine!



The one thing though that use to bug the crap out of me is she'd always take my babies from me and try to hold them off from feeds. Bouncing them around the room and trying to distract them... and then there was me chasing her around the house with my arms reached out saying: "He/she's hungry. Let me take him/her." Then she would hold me off. Use to drive me batty!



My mom on the other hand BFd all three of us and was a little more understanding. Both her and I struggled to feed our babies, slow-flow or something? She had trouble nursing all three of us and only lasted to about 3 months.



With my brother she said she laid in bed constantly nursing him and he was still failure to thrive. I spent nearly all day and night in bed with my daughter and she also had issues gaining weight but I made it to 8 months with her. She had been refusing the breast for 6 of those months and was becoming increasingly unsatisfied and not gaining sufficient weight. My mother was completely understanding and empathetic because of what she had gone through. I was so heartbroken I couldn't BF anymore and fell into a depression over it. I wanted to nurse my daughter for at least 2 years.

Stifler's - posted on 04/05/2011

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I think (as a parent who was lectured constantly about this) that if you ignore them and stuff... it makes them even more attention seeking. It doesn't teach them a damn thing.

Minnie - posted on 04/05/2011

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My second was carried nearly constantly. Seriously. She was always attached to me in a mei tai. One day I put her down at 5 months and off she went crawling. LOL I hardly think being perpetually carried stunted her in any form.

Chrystal - posted on 04/05/2011

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I completely understand where you are coming from. I have a 9 month old girl, and she is honestly such s good baby. She fusses when she wants something or needs a diaper change, and that's about it. She's always so happy. And people tell me all the time that I spoil her and I should let her cry a little more than just a few seconds. I completely disagree with those people and I let them know it too. I never told them how to raise their child so why would they do that to me? I also agree with breaking bad habits when they can talk to me and I'm able to understand what they want. Until then I'm letting my baby know she can trust me and I will be there for her when she needs me:) Forget everybody else's opinion. If I want it I'll ask you LOL! So you just keep doing what you are doing:) Mom knows best:)

Marylea - posted on 04/05/2011

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Okay I haven't read the other posts but I believe whole heartedly that you can't spoil a baby. Anyone who says you should let your child cry more or that you hold them too much is an idiot. Babies need to be held, they need constant attention and love. My daughter was born 3 months premature and spent the first 4 months of her life in the hospital. She'll be 2 this month and she's quite clingy. I've been critizied by people that its because I held her too much and never let her cry it out but I think that's a load of garbage. We bed share with our daughter and I breastfed her till she was 20months, 2 things that certian family members of mine view as "babying/spoiling". In the end if you're happy and your baby is happy, healthy and well taken care of then everyone else can just fall on their heads.

[deleted account]

I've had way more AP tendencies w/ my son than w/ my girls (I couldn't w/ them... two of them and only one of me) and he is much clingier and less independant than they've ever been. But.... I have no idea how much of that is temperament and how much is parenting and I don't really care. He's happy and healthy. A little clingy and demanding at times, but regardless of the challenges... he's the joy of my life right now. He DID learn to sleep through the night (at 2), he DID potty train himself, and he is one of the kindest, most willing to share 3 year olds that I've ever met. I don't think I've done so bad..... ;)

Tinker1987 - posted on 04/05/2011

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I dont have the heart to hear my baby cry and cry,if its bad and he is overtired ill let him try and self soothe for 20 minutes or so but if hes sitll going after that then i keep picking him up. I dont believe in Cosleeping.ill never let him sleep in my bed.i dont want to start that,so ill just constantly get up to soothe him even if it means i lose sleep.but being a mother is a fulltime job. Id rather have my child grow up close to me.my fiance's parents were very military with him.didnt "spoil" him and had a tough love attitude and what do you know till this day he can go months not talking to them because he doesnt have a close bond to them.so i would like to prevent that!

[deleted account]

well i guess my girl is spoiled too...i didnt let her cry, let her sleep in my bed..carried her around all the time...demand fed her and catered to her every need as a baby...
SO i guess i wont have an independent confident child who sleeps through the night, loves playing by herself doesn't get anxiety when she goes away from me, doesn't cling and cry to me every second ...wait a minute...

[deleted account]

Children are funny like that.
My second got lots of tummy time.She couldn't sit up until after 8mths.She walked after age one.She would cry the house down if put down on her play mat.Sometimes you just can't win with them lol:-)
With that said shes 2 now.Shes flying it around, talking up a storm and very bright.Your daughters name is lovely.Never heard it before.:-)

Lady Heather - posted on 04/05/2011

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I held my daughter near constantly for the first 6 months because she hated being on the floor, and I don't really think it did her any favours. She didn't cruise or crawl until 17 months. Maybe she wouldn't have anyways, but I think with the next one I will try harder to do a couple of short tummy time sessions a day. I am all about the snuggles and naps on mum and consoling and such, but I think I messed up a little with Freja when it comes to giving her opportunities to learn.

[deleted account]

Sorry...No Heather but thats what i got..others saying to me"i held her way to much"She would not learn.
I understand you mean, its important for some floor time.
I did put her down..she could sit up at 4mths.So i sat her down on the couch beside me..she went from there.I didn't mean to direct it to you.Its what my family said to me.Of course i didnt have her stuck to me.Well some days i did.lol.She loved to be held.Just in my case it never delayed anything in her development.You would expect it to.I realy held her a lot.

Lady Heather - posted on 04/05/2011

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I didn't mean they need lots of floor time. Wow, way to misread. If you NEVER put your kid on the floor they won't move at a "normal" time. That's all I'm saying. They do need to explore from time to time. Not all day. Obviously you didn't hold your kid "all the time" or she wouldn't have been around the couch to pull up on it, would she?

[deleted account]

I held my first all the time.She walked around the furntiure from 6mths.I held her a lot.She also slept in our bed for 3yrs another story lol.

Dispite many saying shes spoilt.Shes never been behind in her development.So holding them to much as they need so much floor time, is crap.I knew many who got lots of floor time and less holding as they were raised by the book.Thoses kids were behind there development and very fussy children.



She was so happy as a baby and still is as a six year old girl.Shes top of the class in school.Shes never asked for a thing but is so grateful for anything we give her.We don't spoil her with gifts.I get nothing but excellent comments about her from family and teachers.

I held her as she was a child who needed more comfort.

My second never wanted to be held.Other than being fed, bathed and changed.

She liked her space and slept in her own cot.She was very content and happy.I am very happy with my two girls.They turned out so well, so far.I guess i am doing something right.All i did was take there lead and its done me good so far.:-)

Jenni - posted on 04/05/2011

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So yeah. What I'm trying to say is respond to the behaviour before it becomes 'negative' with babies. Respond to those first positve cues like babbling at you and he wont associate melting down with getting his needs met.

Minnie - posted on 04/05/2011

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Yep. I spoil my children too. I don't let my babies cry alone, I bedshare and cosleep, breastfeed my 2 1/2 year old on cue and at RESTAURANT TABLES -gasp-

I also let them decide what else they'd like to eat if they don't prefer what I made for the meal, as long as it is healthy. Oh noes. I don't spank, belittle or punish.

Funny though, this AP thing has created two very independent little girls- and I am happy that they have their own thoughts and feelings and aren't afraid to speak their minds. Anyways, I don't believe I've 'spoiled' them. That term is for cold-hearted battle-axes.

Lady Heather - posted on 04/05/2011

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When baby needs you, you certainly can't spoil them. I do think it is possible to hold a 7 month too much because at that age they need some time on the floor to learn how to move and such. But when they are upset of course you should hold them!

Kimberly - posted on 04/05/2011

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well there has been times now where he has wanted my attention and trying the wrong ways to get it i mean i was just trying to finish up eating and he was yanking on my hair like, mom, mom, mom, mommy i keep thing of family guy with stewy lol that i will put him down and let him fuss for a minute i cant believe how intuitive i am of him the first six weeks he didnt want to nurse he was to small at birth to get those muscles and one day he cryed and i knew that second thats a nursing cry, i listen to him but i get told that i listen too much i need some one to sit on me so i cant get to him so he learns to sleep threw the night. thats what my father told me he did to my mom for two hours to get me to sleep threw the night i told him he ever did that to me he would never see his grandson again

Jenni - posted on 04/05/2011

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You can't spoil a baby. Full stop. I feel it's very important to attend to their needs asap. It builds trust.



Tending to your child's needs and spoiling are two completely seperate things. You should always tend to your childs physical needs and emotions. Spoiling is when you give in to every want and whim. But that doesn't apply to babies because they really only have needs, not wants or desires. That's the difference.



Don't get me wrong there's nothing the matter with giving an older child something they want. I think it only becomes an issue when it's in excess. As in every time they whine, throw a tantrum they get their way. Positive behaviour should be rewarded but we don't want to reward negative behaviours like tantrums and whinning. Make sense?

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