Step Mothers!!!!!!

Lacye - posted on 07/01/2011 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Ok. In an attempt to bring up some new blood, let's debate stepmothers.

1. Are all stepmothers evil bitches or is that an exception to the rule?

2. We all know that there are some boundaries stepmothers shouldn't cross, what are they?

3. Are you a stepmother? If so, what is your approach to the birth mother? Do you get along with the Birth mother?

4. If you are the birth mother, how do you like your kids' stepmother? Do you get along with her or do you wish she would "accidently" fall off a cliff?

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17 Comments

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Dusty - posted on 12/24/2011

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1. Absolutely not. Some of them are much better to the children than the biological mother could ever even hope to be!
2. Depends on the situation. If the biological mother mistreats the child or puts the child in dangerous situations, the step mother shouldn't have a "line" that they aren't allowed to cross. I make all decisons with my husband regarding my step daughter, including discipline.
3. Yes, I am a step mother. The birth mother & I do not get along, although I have tried everything I know to get along with her. If she could step up & quit hurting her child, then I could resepect her & get along with her. Until then, no way no how would I ever agree with her on anything.

Mabel - posted on 07/02/2011

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I love my step-mom to death.She is a spunky 4ft 11in fireball who keeps my 6ft 3in dad in line!Between her and her mother he has no were to hide.=)She calls me her red headed step child and I call her short shit =)
She is great!

Jenn - posted on 07/02/2011

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1. No, and I don't think it is a rule.
2. Varies based on individual situations.
3. Yes, and I've never met the birth mother.
4. My son's Dad has a live-in girlfriend and I've never met her, but my son seems to like her so it's all good with me.

[deleted account]

Not all step mothers are evil.

It's as siple as i'm the mother and both the kids father and his new girlfriend are to consult me on anything to do with the kids. If i hear that she has even so much as raised her voice to my kids i will be bringing it up with my ex which could be a problem because while he is at work she will be looking after my kids so i have to believe what my kids tell me.

I'm not a step mother but the chances in my situation of it happening it's likely to happen. I'll cross that bridge when i get to it.

I do not like my ex girlfriend. She is not their stepmother just my ex's girlfriend. Due to the situation i also wouldn't be sad if something happened to her but i don't wish it because she has 2 children of her own.

Lacye - posted on 07/02/2011

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I'm glad you brought that up Laura because I really didn't think about that! Thank you. :D

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I'm sure she was a good lady. But you are right, your stepmother shouldn't have tried to push herself on yall like she did. Big hugs!

Merry - posted on 07/02/2011

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No one seemed to consider the step moms to kids whose mom died, that's a big difference!
When a mmom dies and dad remarries it's alot different then a divorce or separation. The birth mom isn't there to be with her kids and her memory will fade for younger ones, and her older kids will have strong memories of her and not want their step mom taking her place.
Dead moms need to be respected at the utmost level, especially from step moms.

Merry - posted on 07/02/2011

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1: No some are decent :)
2: depends alot on the child's age, status of birth mom, and relationship with the father. But for my step mom, coming in after a loved mom died to teen aged kids who don't get along with their dad here's the lines she shouldn't have crossed
-saying she's 'carrying on my moms torch'
-changing family rules
-wearing my moms coats
-saying she loved us before we said it to her
-crying that we don't open up to her
-making my baby brother call her mom
-crying that we called her barb
-saying she wanted us to all be a big happy family with her kids
-telling my dad to be more strict and more controlling
-making us go to counseling with counselors who told us to 'respect' her and love her unconditionally.
Hmm there's likely more but that's enough for now
3: n/a
4: n/a

Lacye - posted on 07/02/2011

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Ok. I guess I'll answer my own questions now. lol

1. I do have a stepmother and no she was not a great person to me. There have been a lot of things that she did to me that I wouldn't do to my step daughter.

2. I think for the most part that unless the stepparent has custodial rights over the child, the step parent should back off and even after that, the birth parent should be the one to take more control of it all.

3. I am a step mother, but we have been having problems with the birth mother so we don't get to see my step daughter as much as we would like to. I don't get along with the birth mother to be honest. I have gotten to where I just don't talk to her at all.

Amanda - posted on 07/02/2011

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1. no.
2. don't ask the children to call you mom, don't try and disapline the child without having a disscussion with your spouse and possibly the mother. sex topics are a no no, dissing the mama.
3. no, but i am seeing a man with kids, so i suppose it could be a possiblity one day. I've never met thier mother but as far as I'm concerned if i was a step mom to any child, thats their mother, I'm the kids fathers wife, I'm there for them, I'll love them, but I'm not thier mother. (unless the mother is absent and a mother figure is needed)

4. my kids don't have a step mom, though their father is dating a girl. they don't see him as it is and I certainly won't allow her around them, shes 17, has a 3 year old that has been taken away, hates me and has harassed me in the past (won't have someone bashing me in front of my kids) and is immature beyond belief (I knew her before they were dating.. back when she was 14 and just sleeping with my ex when i was pregnant)

added: I think some step moms can be amazing! i know plenty of people with awesome step moms. having the third parent there can be helpful sometimes too (assuming you trust the step mom) and extra person to take a child too and from places, and extra set of eyes.

If my kids had a step mom who was respectful, I would have attempted to befriend her. however i find myself unable to befriend a 17 year old homewrecker who sends me badly spelled emails harrassing me for things that are none of her biusness (such as child support)

Ez - posted on 07/02/2011

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1. No. I have a good step-mother. I think the reason she has been so good is because she is aware of the boundaries and never tried to be my mum.

2. DO NOT ASK OR ENCOURAGE A STEP-CHILD TO CALL YOU MUM!! I can't emphasise that enough. It is one of my biggest pet peeves. If a child comes to that place on their own, fine. But pushing for it is tacky and way out of line.

There is definitely a difference between being a non-custodial step-mother and having the child live with you full-time. But generally speaking, all step-parents need to respect the wishes of the bio parents (if they are involved). Don't take the step-daughter to get her ears pierced if you know her mother doesn't approve. Don't enrol the step-son in kick-boxing if you know the mother objects.

Emma's #2 goes without saying, and should go for ALL parents and step-parents. My daughter's father is not in her life, but I will never speak badly of him around her. I don't want her taking that on her shoulders.

3. No

4. My daughter does actually have a step-mother (my ex got married earlier in the year), but since they have no contact it is a non-issue so far. If things change, I will try my best to get along with her. I don't know her. I have no reason to harbour any ill-feeling towards her. As long as she respected my role as mother, didn't cross any lines, and loved and cared for my daughter, we would be fine. If she screwed up (as in serious screw up), I would likely turn into the mother bear from hell.

[deleted account]

Oh wow, I just read the responses and I didn't take "bundaries" to mean physca stuff. I would never lay a hand on any of my children in anger, so of course that's a boundary I would never cross. It honestly didn't even occur to me to put that in the boundaries...



Edited to add: I also agree with Emma N - speaking badly about the bio mom to (or around) the child(ren) is a big no-no to me. Of course, there comes a time when the child(ren) is/are old enough to know *some* of the truth (like our daughter's bio mom told her that we stole her and we had to tell her an edited version of the truth - that the bio mom left, though we didn't go into why and when she asked why we told her tht we didn't know and she needed to ask her bio mom about it). BUT, I will always stand by the fact that no parent should speak bady about (or to) the other parent to the child or around the chld.

[deleted account]

1. No

2. It depends on the situation. If the stepmom is "part time" then I would agree that there should be more boundaries, but if she is "full time" then I would say there would be less boundaries.

3. Yes. I am a full time stepmom (our oldest sees her bio mom once a week for 7 hours). I don't aproach the bio mom. There's a lot I can say here, but to save time we'll just say we don't get along and there's a very good reason why we have our daughter full time and leave it at that...

4. n/a, though the last part of the question would be a "yes" applied to our daughter's bio mom... Well, I don't actively wish she'd "fall off a cliff" (or die), but if she did I wouldn't be very sad..

[deleted account]

1. No, my stepmom is nice. She didn't become my stepmom til 4 months after I got married though, so that kind of doesn't count....

2. Don't lay a hand on my kid (not counting hugs, etc.. here, of course). Don't alter their appearance w/out my permission (of course, that goes for their father too since I have full legal custody). I'm sure there are more, but I can't think of them right now.

3. N/A

4. Um..... no comment. To be honest though.... I don't actually have any feelings towards her anymore. I don't trust her mental/emotional stability, but as long as she never does anything to my kids.... she can live. ;)

Stifler's - posted on 07/01/2011

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1. No, but not many people I know love their step mother very much.
2. Saying anything bad about their birth mother.
3. No
4. I would probably hate my kid's step mother. I hate all my exes but I especially hate their new girlfriends. It's true that you never stop loving somebody, just start loving somebody else.

[deleted account]

No they are not



Honestly depends on the situation (will further explain when I get to ?3)



I am a stepmother. One of my step daughters has always lived with us therefore she gets no special treatment she it treated like my bio kids disiplined like my bio kids and loved like my bio kids. Like I said she has always lived with us very rarely (and I mean maybe once every few months to a year see's BM) Where as my other stepdaughter is treated a bit different when she comes to visit, she has a mother, and a good one she doesnt need me to step in that position so I tend to blow things off with her because she hardley gets a chance to get up here to visit. So back to BM for the most part we are civil face to face but while texting or phone calls she has quit a bit to say. I dont bother her with anything when it comes to my step daughter because I know more than she does, what medicines she can take, what foods she likes or doesnt like movies cartoons, how many times a night she wakes up if she does, the look she gets when shes not feeling well or when shes telling a lie, those little things that only a mother knows, I know, whats goin on in school ect ect ect! If Bm would be more helpful and not so quick to try to fight I really wouldnt have a problem with her.

Bernie - posted on 07/01/2011

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1. No
2. Certain questions they ask like sex, I've been asked where babies come from Ive told her to ask Mum/Dad
3.I'm a Step Mum, I love my step child like as if they were my own. I treat my stepchild and my own child the same.
4. I say hello to my stepchilds mother is she is around but don't make a point for conversation.

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