Strangers touching your baby

Isobel - posted on 11/02/2010 ( 61 moms have responded )

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how do you feel about strangers walking up out of the blue and wanting to touch your baby?

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[deleted account]

Everyone to his/her own, but I don't see why complimenting you on your beautiful baby should be annoying. People are just trying to be nice, and everyone loves cute little kids and babies. If you have stuff to do, you should just say thanks and walk away. I think the problem with the whole baby touching/talking is not that people are doing it, but the reaction to it. I say if you don't want your child being touched or talked to, lock it up at home and don't bring it out. Anti-social behaviour is learned, by the way.

Isobel - posted on 11/03/2010

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maybe that's it...people just don't generally mind me touching their babies cause they can see that I'm so darned nice ;P

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Kayle - posted on 11/04/2010

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Also, I love it when people stop us just to tell us how beautiful/cute/handsome our son is. I love it! I feel like such a proud momma! He's always getting comments on his beautiful red hair (that he got from me) I also don't usually mind people touching him as long as they don't let him put there fingers in his mouth or touch his face.

Kayle - posted on 11/04/2010

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Today we were visiting my MIL at the hospital, Kamden, was sitting on the bed when the nursing director came in picked him up off the bed and took him with her to go get some tape for my MIL IV. I was shocked and kinda upset. I do not know you, this is my first time meeting you why do you think it's ok to just pick up my child and walk away with him?

[deleted account]

@ Caitlin - I get annoyed when people say "Oh what a clever little man you have!" not because I don't like the idea of people thinking my daughter is a boy (I do dress her mostly gender neutral and have even dressed her in 'boy' clothes because like you I dislike pink) but because of the gender stereotyping behind it. I agree, babies are relatively genderless, I just hate the assumptions and the way some people do treat boys and girls differently.

[deleted account]

I agree with you, Krista....back when H1N1 was a huge threat we didn't venture out in public more then we had to and I certainly wasn't letting a random stranger touch her.

Caitlin, I also agree with you. I like that Roxanne is a tomboy and who cares if your baby girl is mistaken for a boy. Usually I just ask, "awww, what's your baby's name" and that TYPICALLY gives it away. I've even been known to ask, "boy or girl?" - if it's a baby/infant and they're in a gender neutral car seat and gender neutral clothing I don't think there's any harm in just asking. I didn't mind when people were unsure with regards to Roxanne. Just the other day someone thought she was a lil' boy.......mind you, she was dressed as a giraffe for Halloween so it was hard to tell but....

Krista - posted on 11/04/2010

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I don't understand how people can be so worried about the silliest things. They could get germs from your own hands nevermind a strangers.

If I touch my child's hands, yes there is a possibility that I will transmit germs. If 5 people touch his hands, by how much does that possibility increase? Like I said earlier, my son was too young to immunize, and H1N1 was going around. I wasn't going to be rude about it, but nor was I going to let everybody and their dog touch my unvaccinated child during a flu pandemic. You might see that as silly, but I saw it as sensible.

Jenn - posted on 11/04/2010

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Oh - yeah I guess if the Mom made a big stink about it and freaked out it would affect the kids.

[deleted account]

I wasn't really talking about the not wanting ppl to touch your baby, I'm more talking about the way some people REACT to other people wanting to touch or talk to the baby.

Caitlin - posted on 11/04/2010

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I tend to stick to the gender neutral when I refer to babies... "your baby is so cute.." or "aren't you an adorable little thing!" Those tend to avoid embarasment either way... I like that my girl is a little tomboy..

[deleted account]

Lol my son got called a girl when he was a bit younger and he was in all blue but I just smiled lol!

Jenn - posted on 11/04/2010

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I don't think not wanting to be touched by a stranger causes anti-social behaviour. I encourage kindness and if someone says hi or asks your name, you answer them or say hi back. I've been known to strike up a conversation with someone waiting in line with me at a store, but I still don't like to be touched so why should my kids have to be groped?

Caitlin - posted on 11/04/2010

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What is actually quite surprising to me right now is how many people get offended if someone mistakes their childs gender when they are young. Unless you girl is wearing a pink pretty dress and blackk ptent leather shoes and someone calls her a boy, what's the big deal? It's not going to scar them for life. In my mind kids are relatively genderless for a long time anyways. My 2 year old girl gets called a boy allt he time. I don't care, in fact, most of the time I don't even bother correcting them, it only makes them embarassed. In reality, I understand where they make the mistake - I hate pink, my daughter looks great in jeans, and her fall jacket is a jean jacket, so she's my cute little denim girl..

Jodi - posted on 11/03/2010

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I had a huge issue with people touching my daughter when she was an infant. I rarely brought her out unless I had to and hated people trying to touch her. After a few months it bothers me less as they're more capable every month of fighting off more stuff. I still think it's irritating, I dno't go around pinching the cheeks of overweight people 'cuz fat is cute or stroking some woman's hair because I think it's pretty...there are personal space bubbles that don't need to be breached, even with children. I also find it irritating when I'm out shopping and people have to stop and talk to my daughter...a few words like "Oh how cute" or "And how old are you little lady?" don't bother me, but people want to stop and know everything about her and I have stuff to do! I just dno't have time for 20 people to each stop us for 5 minutes a piece while I grocery shop...it's just irritating, but I don't think it's "wrong" perse.

[deleted account]

I don't understand how people can be so worried about the silliest things. They could get germs from your own hands nevermind a strangers. I'd only ever be concerned by a stranger if they came over with a weapon. Generally people are just being nice.

Mandy - posted on 11/03/2010

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i really hate it. yes she cute & cuddly but people fail to realize babies can get sick quite easily. i remember when i was sitting in d car & out of no where this lady came up to d door talking 2 me saying "oh she soo cute" & started stretching to touch my baby i immediately pulled my daughter away & closed d door. only to find out later that it was d neighbor. lol

[deleted account]

Oh and I forgot to say that I don't mind people talking to my baby either. That's just weird that people get annoyed by that. Babies are people too. Why shouldn't other people talk to them? My daughter is going through a waving phase. She recently learned waving and she waves at everyone. I'm constantly turning around and seeing people wave at her (because she waved at them first). I like it. I think it helps with social skills.

[deleted account]

It depends on the individual situation. In general? No I don't think I'd mind BUT once, I was at the supermarket, my daughter must have been 4 months, and this checkout lady comes out from behind her till and actually POKED my daughter in the chest "Oh isn't HE cute" poke, poke poke. WTF!? THAT was not ok. And people always mistake my daughter for a boy and I can only guess its because she doesn't wear much pink. But come on people, just because a kid has a blue bib on (which by the way said "That heavens for little girls") doesn't mean its a boy. Argh.

Oh and no one touched my preggy belly but I think I give off quite a good "Fuck off!" vibe LOL.

[deleted account]

Laura, yes, I'm probably a little more hesitant because of her allergies but I try not to be a freak about it. I won't flip out but there have been times when I've been uncomfortable but unless I feel like someone actually poses a threat, I bite my tongue.

I just personally hate people being in MY personal space - don't like to hug etc. so it's hard for me sometimes. I don't want Roxanne to have the social anxiety that I do so I try my best to not show it.

I don't think I've ever told someone not to touch her, although, I've come close a few times.

Laura, you can talk to Roxanne anyday. Tickle her feet, rub her hand etc. I LIKE you! ;)

Tah - posted on 11/03/2010

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well i guess your response was in repsonse to their responses that i didnt see..lol...

Isobel - posted on 11/03/2010

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I didn't say it was ok to go touch other people and their kids...I meant that I didn't mind when people touched mine...and that people get too worked up when they get upset about people being nice...being rude to somebody for trying to be nice (even IF they've forgotten their boundaries) is why the world is such a mess.

Tah - posted on 11/03/2010

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nope..i posted that after i read her original post to be funny, then i popped in a couple times, i saw i think it was you and a couple of other people saying it was okay to touch someone else's child without asking. So i think i posted that it was okay for a mother not to want their child touched by strangers, i didn't read any saying to hit them that i remember, i usually only go there when i'm waiting on somebody to post here...



O and my babies always wore shoes so you probably couldn't tickle their feet anyway...lol

Isobel - posted on 11/03/2010

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and Dmak...do you think it would be different if she didn't have allergies?

Isobel - posted on 11/03/2010

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and I'm too old to be a member of Young Moms...but you definitely read some interesting stuff there gqtm

Jenn - posted on 11/03/2010

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Oh - well I guess I'm an old fart then because I'm not a member of that board LMAO! Man - only 33 and I'm old :(

Isobel - posted on 11/03/2010

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yeah, it was on Young Moms... but they lock their threads after 100 entries without any reason so...I thought I'd take it up here.

Caitlin - posted on 11/03/2010

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The other post was hillarious... If it's the one i'm thinking of, I stopped reading it it was so frustrating!

Isobel - posted on 11/03/2010

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ahhh...it seemed like you were agreeing with a long line of people saying it was entirely OK to be plain nasty and rude (and a little violent) to people who dared to tell you your kid is cute...or heaven forbid, tickle their feet.

Isobel - posted on 11/03/2010

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no...but the thought was there...and the other women certainly were only one step away from it...hit people, slap them, turn and ignore them like they had never spoken...blah blah blah...I didn't take you seriously but still...god those women were RUDE

Tah - posted on 11/03/2010

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i know i said to bark like a rabid dog on the other thread...but i KNOW FOR SURE...that noone took that literally...

i am glad that you do stop and think about it now, everybody doesn't always say so, but you never know who that may have offended even if you have the best intentions. Thats why i come on here because these threads let you see things from points of vies you never ever thought about and you can see what people are really thinking

September - posted on 11/03/2010

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I'm ok with it if they ask first. I'm not ok with kissing or anything like that though. However I must admit I was a bit weary of strangers touching our son when he was super small. Yes Ebony our son gets mistaken for a girl from time to time as well. He is a pretty boy with long curly hair; he was mistaken for a girl far more when he was an infant compared to now at 2 years old. Just this Halloween one lady that we ran into says "awe she is so cute"! I quickly corrected her. :)

Krista - posted on 11/03/2010

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Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with TALKING to a baby. I do that all the time, looking at them and saying, "Well, don't YOU have the sweetest blue eyes!", and then turning to the mother and complimenting her on her baby. I don't think there's one blessed thing wrong with that, Laura.

Isobel - posted on 11/03/2010

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and as for belly touching...I only would want to touch my friends belly's and I always ask first...all I'm saying is that maybe before you start barking (as some of you suggested in the other thread) you could look at the person you are talking about and act rationally...

Isobel - posted on 11/03/2010

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would you mind my nasty hands on them if they were stopping them from getting into a stranger's car? or wandering out into the road?

I honestly never contemplated this idea until just recently...I ALWAYS talk to babies that are old enough to make eye contact...and tell mothers of newborns that they are beautiful. But the other day on another thread SEVERAL women were saying that they hated that too...

I always ask for permission to touch a baby now...but tickling their feet or touching the top of an older child's head is just a natural knee-jerk reaction for me...I really do hold back now out of respect but it IS difficult.

Cat - posted on 11/03/2010

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I agree with Jenn 100% There's a huge difference between being friendly with people, including strangers (which I usually am) and then having people cross that personal space line and touch you or your children without your permission... I think everyone, babies included, should be afforded the right to their own personal space, and for that to not be violated without their permission... Just because I dont want random strangers touching me or my kids doesnt mean I'm unfriendly or rude, and I'm not teaching my children to distrust people, hell 2 out of my 3 kids would run away with random strangers they're that trusting, I only have one shy kid... Sure it takes a villiage, but the whole villiage doesnt have to lay hands on people to help...

Krista - posted on 11/03/2010

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I think it takes a village to raise a child and keeping your baby separate from everybody else just sets them up to distrust people and keep themselves guarded from their fellow human beings.

There's a happy medium, though. I don't think it's unreasonable to want someone to ASK me before they touch my child. It's not like I'd yell "No! Stranger Danger!" and sprint with my stroller to the exit. More often than not, I'd say, "Sure, but he's always putting his hands in his mouth, so you might want to avoid those." So they'd ruffle his hair, or tickle his little feet, and we'd all go away happy. Like I said, it's a bit different now that he's older. But when they're so tiny and vulnerable, I don't think it's unreasonable or paranoid to set a few limits on who can touch your kid and where they can be touched.

Jenn - posted on 11/03/2010

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Laura - I think you're right that we should all be more welcoming to our neighbours and not be afraid to talk to people and that it does take a village, however, when it comes to touching someone, I think that's different. I wouldn't just go up to someone and touch them, how is it any different for a baby? Or a baby belly? I would never ever in a million years just go up to some random person and touch their stomach, yet some people think it's suddenly OK just because there's a baby in there - hell no - back off jack!!

Tah - posted on 11/03/2010

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@caitlin..and thats why. you never know if someones child has an allergy to something you just finished eating or touching etc. When people stop and speak to my children i don't start barking, my children speak back and have had conversations, but walking up and touching them or giving them things is different. If a parent doesn't want their child touched by strangers, that is their right. I think one of the things that is wrong with the world is that people feel entitled to do whatever they like and they think other people should be tripping over themselves to accept it.



Some people have issues that have to do with being touched, i doubt that would be tagged on the shirt they are wearing, So i don't go up and start touching, hugging, and goodness knows what else to people without their express permission..I think it is only right.



I have a lady who always gives my son crap that i don't want him to have, if she would ask me first, that would be different. Just because she has 5 boys that she gives candy and chips to before dinner doesn't mean i do the same. I already told her tail about it and she reaches over yesterday and gave my 3 year old a stick of gum in front of my face like i hadn't told her last week. So i politely took it from him as soon as she gave it to him and told him would talk about it later after dinner..Then she decides to say "o i'm sorry, can he not have that?"...I told her that i already told her that last week and again and for the last time, ask me first...then i aksed how her day at work went..and i don't think i am wrong or rude or setting my children up to be distrustful.



I do however teach them to be careful and mindful of strangers. You want to know why...this is why. My husband took our boys to get a haircut, my son is selling chocolate for his band. So after his cut while my husband was still in for the 3 year old, my oldest stepped outside because there were no more seats, of course my husband said the usual, stay where i can see you but yes, if someone is right out front who wants to buy some candy, you can sell it...where i can see you. A man walks up and ask my son what he is selling, my son opens the box to show him and he reaches in and says "you should keep the merchandise in order"..there were only like 6 bars left so how messy could the merchandise have been?...then he tells my son to come with him to another barbershop around the corner so he can help him sell the candy..Of course my son said no thanks and went back in, by time my husband got out there he was gone.



Is everybody untrustworthy, no, of course not, but i do teach my children to be aware and not to trust everyone who walks up to them with a lollipop in hand.

Jenn - posted on 11/03/2010

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I don't know if I've had it happen but I think it would weird me out a bit, but probably not enough to say anything. But I would probably try to make a quick escape out of the situation.

Amanda - posted on 11/03/2010

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normally I am fine with it, it seems to be mostly older women who come up and touch the baby, talk to the baby. I don't like it when the baby, or in most cases, toddler obviously wants the person to go away and the person persists.

Isobel - posted on 11/03/2010

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I think it takes a village to raise a child and keeping your baby separate from everybody else just sets them up to distrust people and keep themselves guarded from their fellow human beings.

I don't know when friendly people who like babies turned into germ infested, weirdo assholes...but that's pretty much what I think is wrong with today's world in general.

Tah - posted on 11/03/2010

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well i must say these responses are different than when this was posted on YM's..but i agree, i dont touch children without asking, i don't go and give them cookies and candy without asking first...it's just respect..and don't touch my stomach either..i might backhand reverse punch front kick sweep you and call self-defense...

Caitlin - posted on 11/03/2010

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I don't really like it, i've had my older daughter have minor allergic reactions after being touched by people. I don't mind so much if they tickle her feet, but I hate people touching her face. I also hate greasy handed children getting all touchy, because of her allergies, kids hands are filthy things smeared with oily things that my daughter is allergic to. Like goldfish crackers, or cheese, or peanut butter, or cookies.. dirty kids... Other than that reason, I don't really mind, I much prefer if people ask first before touching, but i'm of the thinking that the immune system should be exposed to lots of germs when the kids are younger.

I don't know what i'm going to do this flu season when I go out.. I may very well put a sign on the stroller saying don't touch my kid! She has severe asthma that's not fully controlled and so she's very vulnerable to a serious respiratory infection if she gets sick and she can't get the vaccine because she's severely allergic to eggs...

The poor girl has horrible luck..

Tracey - posted on 11/03/2010

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If you don't like it tell them your baby has a contagious disease that is spread by physical contact - then see if they still want to touch.
I would never let anyone I didn't know touch my baby.

[deleted account]

I wouldn't touch anyone else's baby without asking first and I expected the same in regards to when my son was a baby. Like Krista, I won't even touch someone's dog without asking. That about sums it up for me.

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