surrogates providing breast milk

[deleted account] ( 8 moms have responded )

I was reading a locked post about whether or not a surrogate should be forced to go through with pumping breast milk for the baby they birthed if it was part of the contract.

I read some of the posts and from what i read,people seem to think that YES she should pump for however long is specified in the contract.

I found this totally hilarious !!!

Apparently breast feeding is so bloody difficult that pretty much nobody does it these days. Womens bodies for whatever reason are unable to nourish their children for a week let alone several months or heaven forbid....the RECOMMENDED 2 years !!!

So how exactly is a surrogate supposed to uphold her end of the contract ??? Considering that she will most likely be one of the many women who "can't" breast feed,how would it be possible for her to pump for the baby if her body doesn't work?

Ok i get that she has agreed to do it and should make every effort whether she wants to or not but why is it absolutely fine for the majority of women to not breast feed because they don't have a contract to feed THEIR OWN child but it's not ok for a surrogate and she should somehow figure out how to MAKE her body produce milk to fullfill her obligation ??

To me this sounds so ridiculous that people have this point of view. Have they forgotten how they have whinged and moaned about how hard breast feeding is and how it "simply was not a possibility for them",how they lost their milk and whatever else may have happened.

So the surrogate should just "make it happen" right????

If so,then why can't the majority of women "make it happen" for their own child who they love and are planning on raising???

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Denikka - posted on 06/14/2012

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If you agree to something, sign a contract agreeing to it, you need to do your best to fulfill that contract. If it's not something you can fulfill, don't make the agreement.
I agree with Kelly. If the surrogate mom finds she cannot fulfill the contract in the conventional way (aka pumping), then she should be responsible for however else the contract could be fulfilled (such as paying for a milk bank).
BUT I also think that agreeing in the first place to provide breastmilk to a child that you are a surrogate mother of, is ridiculous. There are way too many things that could go wrong, making it impossible to guarantee.
General rule of thumb, don't make promises you can't or may not be able to keep. If you may not be able to fulfill what you say, make sure that there is that understanding between all parties and agree only to make the attempt, don't guarantee the results.

[deleted account]

I think that is an odd stipulation for a surrogacy contract. A couple of women in my neighborhood used surrogacy to have their children, but their surrogates did not provide breastmilk; they purchased it from a milk bank. I've never heard of anyone using the surrogate to provide milk, but I suppose it could happen.



I suppose if a surrogate signed such a contract, it could stipulate that she would be financially responsible for the cost of milk from the bank--it could just be deducted from her final pay. I do think that if a surrogate says she will provide breastmilk for the child, she should do it to the best of her ability, whether that be through her own production or through purchasing it through a reputable bank.



Of course, this would only work in some countries. I know in the UK it is illegal to pay someone to have a baby, so you could not deduct it from her pay. Also, breastmilk is so limited in some places that it is almost impossible to buy unless you have a child with a serious medical condition. That said, if she doesn't have a sure fire way to provide the milk, as meme said, she should not sign the contract.

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Jodi - posted on 06/14/2012

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I would imagine that IF such a thing were included in a contract, it would be written in such a way that if there legitimate reasons why it could not be fulfilled, there is a *get out* clause. It simply wouldn't make sense not to.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 06/14/2012

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You don't get paid to be a surrogate in Canada, either. It is illegal to make money of such thing. Just like sperm donations. Making money off of helping others have a baby, is not allowed, here.

Lady Heather - posted on 06/13/2012

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Why do you think it's the same people complaining about breastfeeding issues who think surrogates should pump? I had issues and couldn't feed my first so to I all the more feel that it is ridiculous to expect a surrogate to pump. There is no way to know for sure if that's possible or not.

Stifler's - posted on 06/13/2012

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I think it's unrealistic to expect this. And if a contract was signed and she couldn't produce milk oh you know because SHE HASN'T GOT A BABY what then?! A lot of mothers don't respond to a pump and if you haven't got a baby to bond with making milk can be very difficult especially if the surrogate hasn't breastfed before or has no other kids.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 06/13/2012

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Well, I simply would not be signing a contract that had such a stipulation. End of story, there.



I know that problems can occur, so IMO, no a surrogate cannot be made to uphold such a deal. Yes, if she signed such a contract then she should try her best and do everything she can to try to make it work. In the end though, if she truly cannot, well, seriously, WTF are the babies parents going to do about it? You can't get blood from a stone...err...in this case, milk. ;)



Stupid? Yeah, I think so. Stupid on the surrogates side and on the parents' side. Who signs or drafts a contract with such ridiculous stipulations, anyhow? I doubt it happens often. I could be wrong but it sounds outlandish to me.



ETA:

You know, it is always easier to expect others to be able to do something, without thinking it may not be possible. Some people, that have never been in a breastfeeding ordeal, would not get that it is just not always feasible. It is truly not the child bearers fault if they cannot produce milk or even pump for that matter. There is complete truth to some not being able to do it. More than likely, these parents (and surrogate) are naive and expecting a wee too much out of the unknown.....

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