Survivor Or Victim

?? - posted on 04/08/2010 ( 57 moms have responded )

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Do you think that either word implies something different?



I was recently watching the news about the hockey coach that molested many young hockey players (including Theron Fluery and Sheldon Kennedy) while he was coaching them. The coach has now been given a pardon. [I don't know the full details of the story.] They did an interview with Sheldon Kennedy about the man who sexually assaulted him for years being given a pardon and under his name it said "Sexual Abuse Survivor," with no mention of his hockey credentials either. But then shortly afterwards they showed a prior interview with another man who had also accused the coach of molestation and under his name it said "Sexual Abuse Victim."





I thought it was weird that they would use 2 different words to 'describe' 2 men who basically went through the exact same thing. Do you think that using the word "survivor" implies that Sheldon is 'over it' and using the word "victim" implies the other man is still dealing with it? Would you think the use of different words would help more people or make people more afraid to come forward?



Do you think it would it be easier for someone to come forward knowing they would be called a "survivor" rather than a "victim" or harder knowing they are expected to be a survivor or does it matter?

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Esther - posted on 04/10/2010

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Ladies, we are aware that there are many rape victims among you and we can only imagine how offensive this thread has become to you. At this point we have decided not to shut this discussion down (yet) because unfortunately there are still people out there who blame the victim in these types of crimes and we feel that the best disinfectant is still the sun. Therefore, please feel free to express your outrage, but try to do so in a manner that is consistent with our rules, i.e. no name calling.

Krista - posted on 04/10/2010

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then its your fault. when your out at night in skimpy stuff your asking for it and you know. bad judgement that can be avoided. no its not always someones fault but most of the time its brought on by YOUR actions. if i go jogging at night alone in short shorts around workers and such then it would be my fault if something happened.


Bullshit.

If you go jogging at night and some asshole rapes you, then guess what? It's HIS fault. He made that CHOICE. A million other men could have walked by you while you were jogging and not even thought of raping you. So how come when one lunatic DOES make that choice, it's the woman's fault?

We all have free will, right?

Well, someone who commits a crime against someone else is CHOOSING to do so. Nobody is holding a gun to the criminal's head, saying, "You rape that woman or I'll kill you and kill your family."

If someone rapes me, that is HIS fault. He made the choice to rape me. So he OWNS that decision. I don't.

Putting blame on the victim because of her clothes, or whether she was drinking, or whether she was alone is insulting for two reasons: 1. It punishes women for not being "nice girls", and 2. It assumes that men are slavering animals who are not responsible for their own decisions and who do not have enough higher brain function to keep their dick in their pants, and so we women have to be the responsible ones and avoid "tempting" them.

No.

I do not accept that.

That is the kind of mindset that leads to women having to be covered from head to toe and not allowed to go out in public without a male family member escorting her.

Criminals need to be held fully, 100% responsible for their actions. I goddamn well REFUSE to let a criminal's potential actions dictate what I wear, where I go and how I live my life. Because if I do, then that criminal has already made me a victim.

Charlie - posted on 04/09/2010

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quoting - Christin Kitsos -when a girl gets raped not always is it her fault but most of the time it is.

first off , as a survivor of rape i literally felt a hot flush of anger rise up in me as i read that THEN i actually thought i was going to throw up , people like you with that mentality make me sick , you give permission , validation and make excuses for these sick assholes NO ONE deserves to be raped and it is never a victims fault , you and people like you are the reason so many people get away with these disgusting crimes because they are too afraid to be persecuted and blamed for a crime that is NEVER their fault .


There is so much more i want to type but i am going to go and take a breather before i post anymore .

ME - posted on 04/09/2010

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Wow!!! I hope I am misunderstanding peoples points tonight because I am so tired...but just in case I'm not...a woman never deserves to be a victim of a crime. Do people make poor judgement calls; yes, every day. Do any of them expect to be viciously violated; doubtful...It's never their "fault"...the person who makes the poor decision to violate another's body/humanity is at fault. He deserves to be punished, not her...As many as 1 in 3 women survive some type of sexual abuse or assault..."most" of them are violated by men they know, and not after making irresponsible choices with men they don't know...

Johnny - posted on 04/10/2010

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So the 70 year old woman in my old neighborhood who was at home, asleep in her bed with her 80 year old husband deserved to have some messed up kids break into her home and rape her with a beer bottle? Can you explain to me exactly how she deserved that?

Your thinking on rape victims being responsible for their own assault because they are wearing skimpy clothes and jogging at night is completely idiotic. But lets just suspend logic for a second and assume you are correct. How then do we explain attacks on people who do nothing of the sort? Are store clerks responsible for being robbed at gun point? Were the people in the World Trade Center responsible for the 9-11 terrorist attacks?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

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Ez - posted on 04/10/2010

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Nobody is saying a 'victim' can't move forward with their lives, though I agree with the PPs, that 'survivor' definitely has more positive connotations.

instead of complaining and boring people with a sob story no one cares about i chose to try to fix it and realized where it was MY fault.


This line here is precisely why so many rapes and sexual assaults go unreported. Talking about rape is not complaining or a sob story! It is shining a light on the trauma too many women suffer. It is seeking justice and prosecution when someone so violently breaks the law. It is not a sob story.

Debbie - posted on 04/10/2010

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I pity you Christin, I think maybe you need to seek counselling, I dont think what you are saying is healthy, for you, your family and anyone around you.

?? - posted on 04/10/2010

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I'm closing this. If anyone has any problems with me closing my post, PM me.

This is not the kind of disgust anyone who UNDERSTANDS what bein abused means wants to read.

Jodi - posted on 04/10/2010

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Fuck, I can't believe what I am reading. I have no words for you Christin, you disgust me. How any woman can spew the filth coming from your mouth honestly astounds me.



Fault infers blame. The only person to blame for not being able to control his dick is the rapist or pedophile. I don't give a fuck HOW MANY triggers you think caused it, the one who violates is 100% to blame for their lack of control.



Evidently you have never been raped, abused or violated in such a way, and if you have, the violater has done a damn good job of convincing you its your fault so they can escape any of the blame.



What a moron.....

[deleted account]

lmfao i love how you cant take an alternate oppinion its great you resort to personal attacks, must be out of stuff to back your own oppinions lmfao. thats hilarious. and i know im hanging out of my dress lol it only has straps around the neck and im fully covered but hey maybe you need glasses? idk. i guess your scared of someone who can challenge with a different oppinion



and i know its so not disgusting to see a little 16 year old dressed like a whore who brings things on herself and everyone feels bad for her.

[deleted account]

with little kids its a little different. thats where the 80% comes in. some people do have problems. take veterans for instance. most of them do have alot of problems they cant control. take old men. alot of times they are too old and cant always help it. with me i was violated by my neighbor. i reminded him of his wife who was dying, i put myself in that spot. i shouldnt have been there alone. we had horses there and he's never done anything before. it took one time. it was my fault. when im out with guys and something went wrong it was my fault, i knew not to be there. when teens get raped look how they dress and act? its partially their fault.

Sharon - posted on 04/10/2010

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Yeah close the post. because this whore has just fucking done it

She is so fucking lucky I don't live near her where is trying to relive her glory days with her floppy tits hanging out of the "dress" in her profile picture. How much did you have to pay the whores anyway to stand near you? God you stink.

Debbie - posted on 04/10/2010

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I get what your trying to say Christin, but you are so wrong. The pepetrator knows right from wrong, they make that choice. Every victim goes through a period of it's my fault, I did something to make him do this, I am ashamed of myself etc etc. What about a little girl that loves her daddy, is supposed to be able to give him kisses and cuddles in her nightwear, and he violates that??? Is that HER fault??? I say not, this is the man that is supposed to protect her from Men like him. What did she do to provoke him?

[deleted account]

what? really? i said that? hmm i dont recall. but anyways, i was mentally abused as a kid. i dont go around complaining years later about being a victim. i moved on. why dwell on stuff in the past? thats gonna get you nowhere. but hey i guess when you can do things and claim to be a victim why not use the excuse? i love it lol i guess the attacker has all the blame whn it is 50-50 most of the time.

but again i guess when you need to make stuff up in a post you really dont have any common sense.

Sharon - posted on 04/10/2010

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I suppose being with my daughter at the ER means I deserved to have my vehicle vandalized too? WTF is wrong with you?

?? - posted on 04/10/2010

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You sound lame, period. You not sounding lame, is a lost cause at this point.

Sharon - posted on 04/10/2010

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Christin you are stupid. Tyler perry was routinely abused and sexually abused as a child. You're an utter idiot.

I was felt up at work the other day. According to you, I deserved it. You don't know want to know what I think you deserve.

[deleted account]

well maybe i wont let my child walk out of my house wearing clothes where she has everything showing. and maybe like a normal person who passed science she will learn for every action there is a reaction. sorry you didnt learn that in school or common sense. so you go ahead and keep using the victim excuse.

here let me try to. omg im a victim of theft and my info was stolen and used in a totally different state and i was injured really bad and i put myself into a bad spot with guys but even tho it was my fault im a victim!!

hmm nahh i wont do that bc then i sound lame.

?? - posted on 04/10/2010

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I had this big long post all ready to go here in my mind and all I can think is Christin, your attitude is scum. Your words are as scummy as any rapist. Your attitude gives your opinion as much value as a rapist. So, I think I've already wasted too much time addressing your disgusting thoughts and I'll just say I hope your children are never put in the position to be told that it's their fault.

[deleted account]

what lmfao? no one brought up he was abused.



lets stick this in lehmans terms for people, if i choose to run down the street in a bikini my perogative i have every right. when i get raped hmmmm my fault bc of what i chose to do. wow did u all flunk science?



for every action there is a reaction. so while you all get nowhere in life complaining about being victims have fun never getting ahead.

or ok heres an easier one. what happens when you light dynamite? again for every action there is a reaction.



the last remark made no sense. what does working have to do with being felt up? wow and im stupid? i guess stupid for passing science lol

Sharon - posted on 04/10/2010

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You know... Tyler Perry said something about there isn't a victim but he meant because they are all survivors! Not because he asked for it.



I dare you to say that because tyler perry was a child he asked to be abused. WTF do you think you are to make a fucking stupid ass remark like that?



I deserve to be able to walk into a hotel in my party dress for a dance and NOT be molested.



I suppose you'll say because I was born a woman and choose to work I deserved to be felt up by some stranger too? You are so unbelievably piss ignorant. I don't know you breathe or find people who can stand to be near you.



I do agree, it is your fault you are this stupid.

[deleted account]

it does make sense. if you dress a certain way you attract attention. when a teen dresses that way and jogs down the street it attracts wrong attention. they know what it does and still chose to do it. no one has a right to molest or rape but when somethings triggered it happens. i know girls who have never been in that situation bc they took charge, they wore clothes that wouldnt land them in that spot or avoided guys they dont know. when a girl gets flirty with a stranger or acts a certain way then they need to think of consequences. like i said if girls dont want to get raped and molested maybe they should back up and look at how they dress or act or what they are putting off around men.



like when i was walking i never went alone at night. Why?? common sense. i always went with my neighbor and vice versa.



people can do or dress how they want but when things happen then they may learn hmm maybe i should wear more clothes and not attract this sort of attention from this person.



every action has a reaction. your action is to dress skimpy, the reaction is bad things happen. everyone, well i thought everyone knew that.

Iris - posted on 04/10/2010

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I don't see any common sense in thinking that anyone who wants can violate your body because you dress a certain way or you're at the in the wrong place at the wrong time, OR because you put your trust in a wrong person. It's like saying that I can go into my friends house and steal whatever I like, I mean it's their fault, they put all these nice things everywhere...
Really, your logic just don't make any sense to me at all. No matter how I dress or what I do, my body is still MY body and NOBODY has the right to what I don't want them to do with it.
Rape, molestation, abuse, etc, all crimes and therefore you have victims/survivors.

[deleted account]

it doesnt its 50-50. she shouldnt have been there. everyone always blames the predater. yeah he did it but at the same time look what happened. it was her fault to. tyler perry is a very christian persona nd all his movies/plays are christian and about god and even he sais there is no victim. you can either sit there and call yourself a victim and get nowhere or you can take charge. i can sit and cry and call myself a victim to but where does that get me? nowhere. why would i keep calling myself a victim and not fix it? pretty much all situations can be avoided, yeah theres some that cant but theres things you can do or something that caused it. im a victim of alot of things but instead of complaining and boring people with a sob story no one cares about i chose to try to fix it and realized where it was MY fault.

Ez - posted on 04/10/2010

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Of course MANY situations in all facets of life could have been avoided. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. But that doesn't make it the victim's fault! Different place.. different time... different people - the result will always be different. Making what you judge to be a poor choice (eg.. your jogging in skimpy clothes example) does not take the blame away from the perpetrator. That is ridiculous.

[deleted account]

yea, think about it. when your teen for instance is barely wearing clothes what do you thinks gonna happen? it can be what? AVOIDED. i see girls who wear what we call clothes which i know today is a new concept for kids, who never have a problem, take a kid who barely wears anything or has stuff hanging out and those are the ones who get targeted. hmmmmm. a situation can usually always be avoided but i guess when your too ignorant to see that then its your fault. but again i always wore clothes to avoid that situation and never went in an area i knew i coul POSSIBLY run into problems alone. but again COMMON SENSE



take responsibility for your own actions. theres consequences for alot of things. when you get into a bad situation you usually do it to yourself or can avoid it. but again i live in what we call the real world not one where i use being a victim as an excuse. when something bad happens to me like people stealing and using my info i like to fix stuff not bitch about being a victim. when i get into a situation instead of calling myself a victim i like to FIX it and figure out how i could have avoided it so next time i'll know

Ez - posted on 04/10/2010

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Ok now I really need my Troll Spray... Christin are you for real?



In my younger years I certainly DID wear skimpy clothing, and *gasp* late at night. Nothing bad ever happened to me.... you know why? Because the clothes a woman wears or where she happens to be is NOT the precursor to rape and sexual assault. If a man looked at me and liked what he saw, that does not mean I was asking for it. It means a man liked how I looked, and then had a choice about how to respond and behave.



As for your ridiculous assertions about children being responsible for attracting the attention of paedophiles... I really don't know what to say to that. If you're not a troll, something has obviously happened in your life to give you these completely warped ideas.

[deleted account]

actually i live in the REAL world. so if i go jogging in skimpy clothing at night alone around workers and get raped its not my fault? i couldnt have prevented it? hmmmm interesting. i love how people can claim to be a victim as an excuse and not to anything to move on from it. do i still dwell on being a victim of robbery? NO! it was MY fault. i never said dont dress skimpy but dont complain when bad things happen. and i never said all workers were rapists lol i love how people assume things as well. it was an incident that happened.

so people out running at night knowing theres men isnt at fault? hmm again interesting. i love how its a debate and everyone has the same oppinion and when someone throws in a differing one its wrong lmfao. thats great.



so you all keep using being a victim as an excuse, be held back, and never change things. maybe you all should watch that movie.



when people are provoked they do things. when a girl intentionally turns a guy on or knows what could happen take responsibility when it does happen.



i love how people like to not own up to stuff they cause. again i guess people lack common sense.



and i love how everyone sais you have free will and blame the attacker saying its his fault. she'd be to blame to. wear skimy clothing go ahead, when something happens take responsibility for actions. you made bad judgement. its not a pedophiles fault when he sees a teen girl dressed like a street walker barely wearing clothes. she provoked it.

COMMON SENSE: would tell you you go dressed skimpy around men....what happens? bad things can happen

HOW TO AVOID IT: you know its late,you know theres men, dont go alone or dont go jog there. hmmmmm case avoided.



see COMMON SENSE would tell me that if its late and i want to jog i need to wear non revealing clothing or take someone with me and avoid the area where theres men. but i guess you all lack that common sense.

Sharon - posted on 04/10/2010

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Well, I'm grateful for this post. Now I know who is utterly worthless as a human being and I wouldn't bother to save or say a prayer for. I'm christian, I never said I was a good christian.

Ez - posted on 04/10/2010

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Christin, I'm not sure where you're from or what your background is, but I suggest you get out into the world and educate yourself some more. Your attitude is beyond offensive - it is stunted and utterly moronic. Your comments are among the most outlandish I have ever read, and it does make me wonder whether you're a troll. Because, quite frankly, I've never heard of anyone being so backwards in regards to victims of crime.

Lindsay - posted on 04/10/2010

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Christin, I'm not sure where you have evolved this attitude of consequences for actions from but it's entirely mislead and sickening. There are absolutely consequences to dressing skimpy or sexy. These include people making judgements of your character, giving you dirty looks, or even someone looking at you in a suggestive mannor. That's where it stops though. It does not give anyone the right to physically act. That is not a consequence. That is an attack and the ONLY person at fault is the attacker. Saying that a victim of rape, robbery, murder, pedophilia, or any other horrendous act is absolutely repulsing and bullshit. No one is asking for it. It's not their fault!

Esther - posted on 04/10/2010

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I also loved the repeated implication that all "workers" (I assume construction workers) are rapists waiting to happen.

Johnny - posted on 04/10/2010

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Wow, just wow. I think we've found the pile of shit at the bottom of the bell curve.

Esther - posted on 04/10/2010

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OMG - I'm the admin of this community and I'm sitting here taking deeeeeep breaths. Keep breathing Esther ... keep breathing.

How DARE you blame not only adult victims for the crimes perpetrated against them but CHILDREN!!!! HOW DARE YOU?!!!!

Deep breaths .... deep breaths.

Dana - posted on 04/10/2010

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How insane. I can't believe the crap I'm reading.

It took a long time for me to get over being contained in a room by a man with a gun while he removed my clothes and got so close to raping me that the cross necklace he was wearing was hitting me in the face while he layed on top of me "trying to get it in". Luckily someone came in and yanked him off me, then that same person pulled me through the house naked, in front of several other people, trying to help me find my clothes that the man threw out the bedroom door to "show off" what he was doing to me.
I was 15 the time, I had skipped school and went to a friends house who's "questionable boyfriend" brought about 5 other guys with him. Did I deserve that because I made a poor choice? Unfortunately, I thought so for a long time. My parents still don't know what happened to me because I feared they would blame me. Matter of fact I can count on one hand the people who know what happened to me. It's people like you, Christin, who make children feel guilty when they shouldn't.

Because I'm a moderator of this community, I have to hold myself back from saying what I'd really like to say to you and it's a freakin' shame.

[deleted account]

Christin: I agree with you to a certain extent! I believe that there are ALWAYS consequences to our actions BUT that doesn't always make it our fault! The bottom line for me is......DOES NOT matter WHAT you were doing, WHERE you were doing it, WHO you were doing it with, or WHEN you were doing it! It doesn't give ANYONE the right to violate you in ANY way!

I agree that a lot of times rape, robbery, abuse etc wouldn't have happened if the time and place wasn't or isn't right BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE IT THE VICTIMS FAULT......EVER! Under any circumstances!

ME - posted on 04/10/2010

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As a survivor of CSA and rape, I find this horribly insulting and ridiculously insensitive...in fact, what you are saying is so idiotic, I'm beginning to wonder if you aren't just screwing around to get a rise out of people...go somewhere else and play games if that's the case. Being purposfully hurtful to women who have been horribly victimized isn't an appropriate topic for that kind of juvenile behavior.

Amie - posted on 04/10/2010

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You think there's nothing wrong with rapists? That they need to be provoked? OMG! /:) There are many things wrong with rapists. They are no different than murders because they do take from others. It can, in effect, take a person's life because women are too scared and ashamed to come forward. Because of people like you who blame them! They then don't receive the help they need and end up with their life in shatters.

There is a difference between a victim and a survivor... as this thread has proven, many women feel the same way. A person is only a victim as long as they don't seek help to deal with it. Which is why I classify myself as a survivor. I got help, I dealt with it, it's just a part of my past that's helped shape who I am today.

You do a huge disservice to all women who are victims or once were. It's no wonder most women don't report being attacked with that kind of attitude out there.

I was raised there's consequences for my actions. That has NOTHING to do with this. The consequences lay in the other person, the one committing the crime. It does NOT matter how a person looks. No one has the right to force themselves on anyone else, ever. No matter the piss poor excuse they use. That right there should be explanation enough that their is something wrong with rapists. If you honestly believe that their EXCUSE is good enough to BLAME the victim.

I have no idea what this comment is supposed to mean either >> just because you know someone doesnt make you a rapist or pedophile. i know alot of people am i one? no

[deleted account]

i didnt say they asked for it, but people lack the common sense to know that theres consequences for actions. you choose to dress skimpy deal with what comes with it. there are a few murder victims who do. it doesnt even fall under the same concept. a murderer has something wrong a rapist needs to be provoked 99% of the time. IE kids in skimpy clothing, a girl teasing them, girls whoring around. COMMON SENSE. Idk maybe i was just raised that theres consequences for actions.



so when i was robbed it wasnt my fault? i believe it was. but hey i might as well say i was a victim and use that pathetic excuse. they know the person bc of history of provoking. just because you know someone doesnt make you a rapist or pedophile. i know alot of people am i one? no. everyone knows people. and when the kid provokes it then it is justified in the persons mind. the teens who dress like whore ask for it and are just looking to cause problems. YOU can avoid a situation. pretty funny that there is no victim comes from a religious movie huh?



so the situation i got myself into with guys wasnt my fault? i guess another reason to justify my wrongness with being a victim. hmm maybe i should just call myself a victim since its the easiest excuse than to know where i went wrong and could have avoided it.



besides calling yourself a victim gets old fast and becomes an excuse. instead of whining about it saying your a victim and being held back and never moving on from it do something about it. years from now no one really wants to hear someone complain they were a victim of this or that.



everyones a victim today. find someone who doesnt claim to be a victim. and most of those scenarios could have been avoided.

Amie - posted on 04/10/2010

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OMFG! I can not believe I just read that Christin.

Rape and sexual abuse has nothing to do with the physical act. A woman is picked because she's an easy target, children are picked because they're easy targets. It's about power and control, it has little to do with the actual act. Other than that is the only way the attacker can get off is by forcing domination on another unwilling person.

Regardless of what a person is wearing it does not mean they are asking for it. How callous. As a survivor of rape I know what it's like. I know that even though I wasn't wearing anything provocative I was chosen by him because I was the easiest target at that time. I was in a T-shirt and jeans FFS!

This doesn't even take into account that the majority of rapes and abuse are perpetrated by someone the person already knows. Whether it be family, friends or a friend of friends. More than likely you already know your attacker. I knew mine, he was a friend of one of my friends. We had talked and interacted numerous times. Pedophiles, vast vast majority are already close to the children they are violating. It is generally someone who has access to the child. Very rarely do pedophiles actually steal a child off the street.

It does not matter what a person is wearing, no one ever asks to be violated. If they had asked for it, it wouldn't be rape then would it?

There is a huge difference between consequences for your actions and being forced to do something against your will. No one ever has the right to force themselves on another person for any reason. All your attitude does is belittle the seriousness of such a crime and give rapists and pedophiles justification for their actions. It is serious and it is never justified.

You might as well say that murder victims asked for it because _____. NO ONE ever asks to be a victim of any sort.

[deleted account]

then its your fault. when your out at night in skimpy stuff your asking for it and you know. bad judgement that can be avoided. no its not always someones fault but most of the time its brought on by YOUR actions. if i go jogging at night alone in short shorts around workers and such then it would be my fault if something happened. when i got robbed. it was MY fault. theres consequences for actions. when i fell into bad situations with guys it was MY fault. it could have been avoided. 80% of rapes are brought on by the person. just because you dont ask for it your actions cause consequences. like pedophiles, girls ask for it. half things kids wear is ridiculous. i can see why they get in trouble but i think if the pedophile gets in trouble so should the parents and kids. what would you think would happen jogging down the street in middle school with your butt hanging out and a belly shirt? ya i suck with words bc its hard to type what i mean and it make sense. im not good with conversations not in person. but you know what like in the movie, there is no victim. like i said theres consequences. take consequences for your actions. unless like i said you fall victim of disease. when you dress skimpy trying to lead someone on, or your teasing a guy and get raped guess what? your fault.

Iris - posted on 04/10/2010

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Christin. I just can't understand your rationalization. Do clothes speak louder than words? We all have the right to dress in any way we want, but no one has the right to go any further than we choose if there is some action going on. I can put on something sexy and go out with my husband thinking I'm really going to turn him on tonight and have some fun when we come home. But what if I don't feel like it later on and I've been leading him on all night? Does that give him the right to just take it? I don't think so.

It's like saying that the bank tellers at the banks are not victims when the bank gets robbed because they choose to work at a place that is a temptation for the bank robber.

Iris - posted on 04/09/2010

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I really can't believe that anyone would be so cold to say that a woman is not a victim because she dresses in skimpy clothing or goes out at a wrong time of night. We all make mistakes and some of us are luckier than others. But I don't care what circumstances or how you got there, if you are raped you ARE a victim and by working through your ordeal you can become a survivor.

[deleted account]

I with you Mary......I'm kind of confused by Christin's statement? I get what Kati is saying, but to me it sounds like Christin is contradicting that?? I'm sorry Christin, maybe I'm just misunderstanding you? I don't think you meant to imply that because of someone's actions ( ie. running thru a park late at night OR carrying a purse in a dark alley ) that it's somehow their fault? I agree that IF they don't do those things they probably wouldn't have been in that place at that time to be raped or robbed BUT that doesn't mean it's their fault, right?!

Sorry, maybe it's just me?!!

[deleted account]

kati-i agree i was thinking that as i typed and couldnt really come up with anything. the more i thought the more there is no vicitm really unless to me its someone who falls victim of a disease such as cancer they cant always control. like with people who have purses you know theres a chance. when a girl gets raped not always is it her fault but most of the time it is. we had a neighbor who went out one night and left with some guy instead of friends. she was missing and they found her body in a field. it could have been avoided by her not leaving with that guy and going with friends.

[deleted account]

Hmmmm? That's so strange but just goes to show how complex the english language can be!

I agree with some of the other ladies that to me, SURVIVOR implies that the person has been through and overcome a situation whereas VICTIM implies they're still be haunted by their ordeal! The glass is half full vs. half empty!? Positive vs. negative!

?? - posted on 04/09/2010

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It was a live interview with Sheldon Kennedy and then they did a "This was what ________ told us when we discussed this story with him a couple of weeks ago" thing and they went back to an interview the same news caster ( on the same program and on the same channel ) did with another man who accused the coach of molestation.

Rosie - posted on 04/09/2010

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with that rationale the old lady had it coming because she brought her purse knowing full well that somebody could steal it.

i do think using the word survivor is empowering, and is a step to the road of recovery. being a victim (to me) emplies that you havnt quite started to heal from whatever you've been through.

[deleted account]

Question: the two interviews that you're speaking of......did the SAME person title one a survivor and the other man a victim or was it different people writing the articles or interviewing the people.....SURVIVORS in my opinion! I think it's like asking a person if, " the glass is half empty or half full? "........' SURVIVOR ' definitely has a positive conotation and ' VICTIM ' a negative one.....IMO anyhow!

I definitely think how people choose to word something plays a huge role in how we interpret certain situations BUT like everything else in life........different people interpret things differently and we all choose certain words for a reason!

[deleted account]

to me it depends on how you use the term victim. alot of people use being a victim as an excuse. like the way they were raised or being a victim of something you cause or bring on yourself. in that sense there is no victim. if you cause it, you control your life. i was watching madea goes to jail and they said there is no victim. alot of things people do bring on themselves and say they were the victim. like a girl who went jogging late at night alone when workers were out working and stuff, she knew it and knew it was dangerous therefore her being raped could have been avoided. to me she wasnt a vicitm. or like when girls get raped. alot of times they bring it on themselves wearing skimpy clothing to get attention or noticed but by the wrong people. therefore i dont feel like they should be construed as victims.

like if lets say some old lady was walking out of the store and some moron just attacked her,nearly killing her and stole her purse then she would be a victim and a survivor.

or if someone has lets say cancer. it can be deadly, so therefor you have a victim of cancer and when they over come it they would be a survivor.

LaCi - posted on 04/09/2010

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In my head victim is applicable during an incident and survivor is post incident. There are many things you don't get over, ever, and you're still a survivor.

Sharon - posted on 04/08/2010

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damn........hmmmm.. I have never labeled myself as a victim although I suppose I have been. I never labeled myself a survivor either, lol. Usually - I consider myself a winner in life though. I don't think I've ever used that word aloud or in my head but I do feel rather triumphant most of the time.



rape, abduction, abuse, physical, mental, violent crime.. all words that could be used in regards to me. I've always fought back. I refuse to feel cowed or scared because I can beat any of that crap. To me? Its all surface. Physical. That, which is me, is untouched, unchanged.

ME - posted on 04/08/2010

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I am a survivor, at one time I was a victim...that is the difference. They should have used the same word to describe both men...

Jackie - posted on 04/08/2010

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Yes the words have two different meanings. But every Survivor is a Victim. I think when it comes to the media that is giving them way too much credit. They don't care what word they use because really who are they to judge. I was a victim to start... i am a survivor. I will always be a victim no matter how well I'm surviving. A Victim is a person who has been assulted/harmed some how. A surivor is someone who as over come something. You can't help but be a victim... but you can make the choices to be a survivor.

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