"Taboo" parenting

Tabitha - posted on 01/30/2011 ( 308 moms have responded )

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Ok so i admit it i am a bad mom. Since my baby was old enough to hold a bottle on his own, i always laid him down with a bottle of milk, it was easier to get him to bed and made evenings alot less stressful for me. No battles with bedtime, no fussiness or crying, no rocking or wanting momma, just blessed quiet evenings. I decided for the health of my 18 month old son to stop giving him bottles of milk at night. I started two evenings ago giving him water in his bottle instead of his beloved milk.I am quite surprised, not only for myself but for him. I think i had a harder time giving it to him than he had drinking it. I swear the closer bedtime got i started having panic attacks. I was envisioning late nights and hourly wakings AGAIN. But wow my baby was amazing, and i have completely underestimated his abilities to self soothe and to not rely on a bottle for comfort. He cuddled all night long with his "friend" and didn't drink a drop of the water. Its now that i understand it was never what was in the bottle, all that mattered was he had it just in case. How many are willing to admit that they still do this? When do you think weaning should begin? And what have you done that was considered "taboo" regarding parenting? We as moms need to stay sane at least 50% of the time but how far is to far?

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[deleted account]

You know, this thread is not about bashing people for their decisions, its confessions of taboo parenting. If they know its taboo obviously they know its bad or not accepted in society. I held off saying things to people about parenting choices i didn't agree with out of respect. They already know its wrong, that's why its taboo. We are not debating the individual choices here.

Rosie - posted on 02/01/2011

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you know, the thing that i have learned the most since coming to COM, is that everybody is different. everybody's children are different. its a pretty wonderful thing too. otherwise we'd all be boring clones of each other, and wouldn't have anything to argue about. :)

however, in my exploration i've learned that there are REAL people on the other end of the words on the screen, and they have feelings.

what is considered wrong, or "taboo" to one, may not be to another. shit, someone using a walker doesn't make a blip on my radar of giving a shit. do i think they are doing anything wrong? no. did i use one? no, because they aren't for me.

as for smoking, how do i put this....some people, like myself, knew that smoking was wrong to do while pregnant, but i couldn't let go of those 4 ciggies a day. why? what on earth could be more important than my baby you ask? for ME (and this is where some of you need to really put yourself in others shoes) i was depressed. smoking worsens depression. depression fucks with your head. so does being left while 10 weeks pregnant. the pregnancy wasn't planned, him leaving wasn't planned, and here i was left with this parasite, depressing me even further. all i had left were my smokes. they made ME feel better. yes, it was selfish, yes it was stupid. but until you've been there in that exact mindset, and life situation you don't have a clue what it's like for that person.



i'm sure we've all done selfish things, that could harm our children. drive to fast cause we're in a hurry, feed cows milk at 10 months cause it's cheaper than formula, or formula feed cause the thought of breastfeeding makes you want to puke. any one of these CAN potentially harm your child, and alot of people don't think twice about it.



i guess what i'm trying to say is walk a mile before you go spout off on other peoples imperfections, cause we all know what happens when you throw stones in glass houses. :)

Krista - posted on 02/01/2011

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A lot of people DO underestimate just how powerful a drug nicotine is.



Obviously, we all know that smoking during pregnancy is Not A Good Thing. It's not like we have anybody here like some people I've seen before on COM saying, "Well I smoked the entire time and my baby is healthy as can be, so all those studies are bullshit!"



Nobody here is denying that it's not good to smoke while pregnant.



However, we have to realize that everybody's addiction is different. For some people it's more mental. For some it's more physical. For some it's both. And the strength of the addiction varies from person to person. And yes, some people do get the shakes, or the pukes. And yes, it is rather bitchy to imply (as multiple people here have done) that those people are OBVIOUSLY on harder drugs.



I don't doubt for a second that a heavy smoker, with a very strong physical addiction to cigarettes, COULD go into a form of shock if she quit cold turkey. And while cigarettes are very bad for the baby, massive amounts of cortisol in the bloodstream from all that stress probably aren't too healthy either.



The way I see it is this: if a smoking mother at least recognizes that smoking is bad, and is trying her best to get off the smokes, then she deserves support.



Save your scorn for the ones who don't even try, and don't see a damn thing wrong with it.

[deleted account]

rubbing the fact that you might live longer than someone else because of lifestyle choices in someone elses face is just asking for karma to bitch slap you.

Krista - posted on 01/31/2011

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Genuine, sincere question: why bottle-prop? I never understood why some mothers do that? I loved holding my baby and feeding him, and it wasn't THAT long before he was holding his own bottle anyway. I guess I just don't get why holding the baby's bottle is such an onerous task.

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Mary Renee - posted on 02/01/2011

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Good, I'm glad other people bathe with their kids too. It really saves a lot of time. Especially if they're sick and throw up on you or have a blow-out diaper on you. It's so much easier for BOTH of us to get in the shower.

I used to just hold her in the bath, but then she pooped on me a few times, haha, that's why now I put her in the baby tub because it's easier to clean than cleaning the whole big tub.

Ez - posted on 02/01/2011

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**Mod Alert**

Ok apparantly 3 warnings is not clear enough, so I am locking this thread now.

Erin - DM Mod

Laura - posted on 02/01/2011

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Mary I also shower with my 2 and 4 year old boys. Not so much the 4 year old now because I'm teaching him to take showers by himself. But I don't think it's taboo, although I have gotten into some "discussions" on here that people think it's wrong to bathe/shower with the opposite sex I find nothing wrong with it. (within reasonable age)

Cassie - posted on 02/01/2011

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My husband and I both bath with our 2 girls. All 4 of us have even been known to shower together. ;)

Ashley - posted on 02/01/2011

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lisa, i also nursed all three of mine in public untill they decied to wean, my oldes was 2 1/2, my middle child was 1 1/2 and my youngest just a few months ago.

[deleted account]

Mary Renee, i Bath with all 3 of my children 1 girl and 2 boys. I see nothing Taboo about bathing with your child no matter what age they are.

Minnie - posted on 02/01/2011

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Hehehe I always laugh when people spazz about mothers taking newborns outside too soon after bringing them home from the hospital and exposing them to germs. Hospitals are _hardly_ sterile.

~Jennifer - posted on 02/01/2011

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...we stopped at walmart on our way home from the hospital with our daughter. She was delivered by scheduled c-section, and I absolutely believe they scheduled her too early. We had to stop to fill prescriptions and buy preemie sized diapers and clothes because she was tiny. 7 lbs 12 oz / 21 inches....but nothing fit her tiny lil butt, and she slept constantly. She was in regular 0-3 month clothes within 2 weeks, and was 'awake' a lot more often. (must have been all that tasty formula)
;)
(The pediatrician that examined her at the hospital said that he was sure she was more than a week 'early'....but it's kind of hard to put them back in to cook longer, ya know?)

Mary Renee - posted on 02/01/2011

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Oh, I thought of a good taboo.

Sometimes I bathe with my daughter. It's hard enough getting a chance to pee with her Papa working 12 hour days. I'm sure some would see this as a taboo or at least a weird thing, but she just sits in her baby tub and I wash my hair in the regular tub and when we get out we're both clean and happy.

Would I do this if I had a son instead of a daughter? I don't know. If I did I'd probably stop when he was walking. Because as it is my daughter tries to breastfeed anytime my boobs are exposed, even if I'm just changing my shirt.

Minnie - posted on 02/01/2011

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This has nothing to do with what you ladies were talking about but I don't see the word taboo as being something I

-know- is wrong, but what society thinks is wrong.



Hahah Peggy beat me to it.



I agree- I listed my taboo as I nurse my 2 1/2 year old at restaurant tables. I don't think it's wrong. But I know most do. So it's 'taboo.'

Peggy - posted on 02/01/2011

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I dont believe that because it was labeled "taboo" as things we do that we know are wrong.. I took it as things OTHERS would find wrong... but maybe I am wrong and if thats the case, I need to go delete my posts because I dont feel that what I have done or do is wrong.

Joanna - posted on 02/01/2011

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We stopped at Target on the way home from the hospital... And we were discharged 23 hours after I had my daughter. And we went somewhere public about every other day after that... My oldest needed to get out, she hates to be cooped up.

Sherri - posted on 02/01/2011

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Jenn I love you, you know that but don't let her goad you into getting made to be the bad guy and having this thread locked. She is a close minded and obviously we all knew the title of this thread was called TABOO parenting and it was about things we already know are wrong. We really don't need to be judged for being honest. This is what stops people from being honest on these threads.

Peggy - posted on 02/01/2011

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My theory is.. IF you dont care what people have to say, there comes a point where you roll your eyes and say "peace out". Believe me, there was all sorts of people on here talking 'crap" because I posted on "If starting a baby early on solids if it cause any health issues".. I posted I started giving my oldest one rice cereal at 10 days old and why I did it and she has NEVER had any health issues nor is she over weight... OH MY ...I got I was "force feeding her".. bla bla bla... But I dont care what people have to say about me or what I do.. I make the best decision I feel for my children dealing with their health, safety and just day to day decisions. Some of this is just childish bickering and someone trying to get the last snotty word in.

Ashley - posted on 02/01/2011

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taboo....
i had my first child at 14
i had my second at 18
i had my third at 24
i let my kids make there own schedule
i have used the tv as a babysitter
i smoked while i was pregnant with my two youngest
i let my two year old be naked always
i make my kids eat things they do not like
i spank
i let my oldest help make decisions about our family
i do alot of things that are taboo.... but i have happy, healthy, intelegent children. if it wasnt working thimgs would change:)

~Jennifer - posted on 02/01/2011

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I don't have a day job, if that's not evidenced by my presence here at almost 4 pm as well as from earlier this morning....so i wouldn't worry too much about that.

=)

As far as whether or not you think I'm funny enough to be a comedian, well, I guess you wouldn't when it's been mostly aimed at you and the other one....

I'm sure Lindsay Lohan doesn't find Jay Leno too funny when he cracks jokes about her stupidity, but gosh....a lot of people laugh when he does it.

My alerts, on the other hand, tell me that quite a few people do think this is pretty humorous.....as do I.



See...here's the problem..

You're bitching because I posted something I did, just like everyone else posted what they did. You act like I stand outside of gynecologist offices handing out cartons of cigarettes to anyone with maternity clothes on.

Well, I don't.

If you wish to keep chewing apart something I did, and bitching about my personality, well, rock on with your bad self.

Trust me, it's not going to change my opinion of you at all.

=)

Becky - posted on 02/01/2011

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Laura S., I've done that too! Sometimes when you've gotta go... but at least it was my own bathroom, not a public one, so I knew it was reasonably clean and it didn't stink!

Mary and Jenn, are you guys trying to get this thread locked? :)

Nikkole - posted on 02/01/2011

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REALLY if you want to bicker about is it right to wean off ciggs or drugs i just made a thread about it actually do it on there NOT on here! Trying to have the last word is senseless WHY have this thread LOCKED ?

[deleted account]

i believe the bickering was already asked to stop...the last word in isn't really that important you know.

Mary Renee - posted on 02/01/2011

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Except for I was due in May and several weeks late so she was probably "released" my egg in August, not September, if we're really getting technical about something so irrelevant.

I guess the old and wise Jenn Maivia doesn't know everything either. BTW, quoting the March of Dimes doesn't mean I assume I know everything. I would say telling people when their mothers were ovulating is a much better example of someone acting like they know everything. It's a pretty good example of absurd hypocrisy too. If you're trying out to be American Next Top Comic, I wouldn't quit your day job.

[deleted account]

I took Ethan to a halloween party when he was 2 weeks old, and if it hadn't have been so damn cold I would have took him trick or treating too (we did do a couple of houses) :-) I didn't think taking babies out was taboo!

Ethan was on solids at under 4 months old because he needed and wanted them that really is taboo, we haven't limited any foods (except whole nuts due to the chocking risk), so he had strawberries at 4 1/2 months, eggs at 5 months, nuts at 5 months, peanuts at 6 months.

Cassie - posted on 02/01/2011

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Hmmm. I am way late to this thread but here goes.

My taboo parenting choices are that I:
-allow Kiera to run around naked most of the time.
-rarely dress Emma in anything but sleepers (I think a baby should simply be comfortable when they are not mobile.)
-don't force Kiera to eat as many vegetables as she should have.
-bedshare with Kiera who is 2.
-co-sleep with Emma in our room (she's in her crib though)
-allow Kiera to play alone in any room in our house (I check on her when I haven't heard her making noises).
-took both girls anywhere and everywhere I wanted as soon as they were home from the hospital.
-allow Kiera to spend the night with her grandparents more than I ever thought I would (she loves it and they love it plus it gives me a bit of a break).

I think that's about it for now until I think of more.

~Jennifer - posted on 02/01/2011

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you're right...you were 4.
Must have gotten you confused with the other chick that knows everything when I posted.

(but at at least I was right about when your mom ovulated, so I guess the rest is just a technicality.)
=)

Sherri - posted on 02/01/2011

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Heck the day I brought my son home from the hospital I took him to the older kids elementary school and let them show him off to all the kids in their classes. Hows that for exposing them immediately to germs bahahaha.

Peggy - posted on 02/01/2011

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OH CRAP.. I took my kids out the day after being released from the hospital instead of sheltering them from germs.. but I can honestly say, my kids dont hardly ever get sick...

I still help my 8 yr old get dressed, tie her shoes, brush her teeth, get her meals ready (breakfast, lunch and dinner), I wash/condition her hair, blow dry it, make sure her homework/library books are in her backpack for school, ect. Yes, I basically do everything for her. People have told me she will never learn to be responsible if I continue... and my answer is "well I have a 16 yr old that I did the same things for and she is very responsible, is a Sophomore in H.S. taking Honor classes and can have all her credits to graduate a year early. My kids are well behaved and are thoughtful of others feelings...So SHAME on me... haha

Laura - posted on 02/01/2011

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Ok, this may sound bad but if my kids took forever to nurse I would actually go to the bathroom while nursing. Now I would never go feed my kid in the bathroom if some one told me too BUT I had to go and it was just a couple of minutes :)

Mary Renee - posted on 02/01/2011

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Sara, I got the same thing!!!!!! We went to a hotel restaurant on the beach when my daughter was two weeks old because my dad came to visit us out here in Hawaii and everyone stopped me and was like "How old is that baby? You brought her to Hawaii? I can't believe you took that baby on a plane...tsk tsk" and I was like "No... we live here."

I had other locals here telling me I'm spoiling her and if I let her go in the water so young she's never going to come out. But we (her parents) surf so I'm all for that.

Mary Renee - posted on 02/01/2011

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Actually I was four when it started, not two. Come on, I thought you were an expert at other people's ages. You're slacking.

[deleted account]

Oh I got comments from the other beach goers about having a baby at the beach. We were inside the hotel, not actually outside, when these comments were made. "Young mothers these days..." Meh, whatever.

We're actually planning an overnight trip to a festival the weekend of my due date. Should be interesting...I'll either have a newborn or be about to pop. Husband wanted to tent camp, but I sweet talked him into renting a cabin.

Jenn - posted on 02/01/2011

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Good point about something being taboo to one person but not to another. For example: walkers. They are illegal in Canada so they are definitely a taboo - but where the rest of you live, perhaps not.

Mary - posted on 02/01/2011

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Well, I was in college when 90210 first came on...I watched it while getting ready to go out bar hopping in that rockin college town of Newark, DE.

Mary Renee - posted on 02/01/2011

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@ Sherri, my pediatrician told me not to take my daughter to the beach till she was 6 months old and other moms told me you can't put sunscreen on babies until they're 6 months, that's the only reason I figured some mothers might consider it "taboo"



But Hawaiians literally "introduce" their newborns to the sun and the ocean... kind of like a christianing or baptism. I turned 24 when my daughter was a month old and we took her out to the beach and went in the water and ate sushi and had a beer (I did - not the baby). That way mommy got to enjoy her birthday (especially the sushi since the sushi out here is to die for and I couldn't eat it when I was pregnant) even if baby was a little young for the beach.



When she was about two months old we took her back to the beach and sat at the edge of the water with her and my boyfriend (who was holding her at the time) wasn't paying attention for a second so a wave came buy and literally got her right in the face! She was covered in water and sand with sand coming out of her nose and we all froze like "OMG, is she going to start crying?" and she just started smiling!!!! She's been a waterbaby ever since. I love it.

Krista - posted on 02/01/2011

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Oh, I watched all SORTS of inappropriate things while I was trying to nurse. There was one day when I watched both Kill Bill movies, right after the other.

Mary Renee - posted on 02/01/2011

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Here's another taboo I did...



When my daughter was a newborn, or at least for the first 6-8 weeks, she nursed for an hour and fifteen minutes every hour and a half, giving me only fifteen minutes to pee, grab another water bottle, and change her diaper.



Meanwhile, there was a Beverly Hill 90210 Marathon (the 90s one with Shannon Doherty) on Soap Net at 8am and 2pm every day. I watched an absurd about of that show while I was stuck nursing constantly.



Hey Jenn, you want to tell me how old you were or how young I was or whether or not my mother was ovulating when 90210 started? Hahahahahahahahaha.

Rosie - posted on 02/01/2011

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ah sherri, don't you know babies aren't supposed to leave your house for years or else you are a bad mom exposing them to all sorts of horrid things, like people, and fresh air, and sunshine. ;)

[deleted account]

LaCi mentioned a good point. What's taboo to one person isn't to another and vice versa. Nothing is taboo and everything is taboo. Meh, you win some, you lose some! I focus on the positive and work at the negative.

:)

LaCi - posted on 02/01/2011

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I should have been paying attention to this thread a long time ago. I didn't think it would end up so heated.

~Jennifer - posted on 02/01/2011

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....but I might like the belt.
I'm perverted like that.
=)

(ok, not really, but it is one hell of a mental pic.)

*bends over and waits for Sara*
*whistle*

Krista - posted on 02/01/2011

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Don't make Sara take off her belt, or she'll REALLY give us something to cry about!

~Jennifer - posted on 02/01/2011

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I was just giving you a time line so you might have a bit more info on why I found it so difficult and you found it so easy.
A little perspective can be helpful, I think.
Anyhoo, if you took it as me finding something 'wrong', I didn't mean it that way.
My apologies.

LaCi - posted on 02/01/2011

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Alrighty. Back to the topic...



Everything is taboo isn't it?



I pretty much co-sleep with my 2.5 year old. Sometimes I'll move back to my own bed (trying to get him in his own room for good) but I usually end up back in there are 2 am.



I smoked when I was pregnant. I've "quit" 3 times.



I don't limit television. I let him watch the same violent, scary, and weird shit that I watch. Not too long ago we watched full metal jacket. He liked Cujo quite a bit... you know, those things that aren't for kids. Whatever. I mean, I watch the news when he's around and that's much more frightening, because it's real.



I stopped breastfeeding completely after about 6 weeks. And I let him have bottles in bed as soon as he was capable of sitting up. I didn't take his bottle away as soon as he turned a year old.



I let him eat the dreaded allergy foods before you're supposed to. Shrimp (when we still ate meat), Peanut butter, almond butter and so on. I didn't give him *whole cows milk ONLY until he was TWO+ YEARS OLD* Pft. He got soy milk, hempmilk, almond milk, etc. There was enough fat in the dreaded peanut butter to more than make up for the lack of whole cows milk, though he did still get some.



I don't monitor his every move, nor do I plan to.



I used to spank him-now I don't, either way it's taboo. :)



I'm sure I'll think of more.

Sara - posted on 02/01/2011

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MOD WARNING

Ok, ladies. Let's get back to debating and stop the bickering or we'll have to lock this thread...this is the last warning we'll give.

Sara B.
DM Mod.

Amber - posted on 02/01/2011

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yepp. i didn't smoke for that long. nor did i say i did. i also, if you recall, said that it was super easy for me to quit because i got really sick at the mere mention of a cigarette. i didn't say it wasn't hard for you to quit, why are you ignoring what i'm saying? all i was trying to say was....ugh nevermind i'm not going to bother because you're just going to find some other reason to try to prove that i was spouting off at the mouth and being holier than thou. i wasn't, i'm not. oh and yes i was 17 when i got pregnant, turned 18 when he was two months old. what does that have to do with anything? i'm sure you'll figure something out :)

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