Teen Pregnancy

[deleted account] ( 410 moms have responded )

This is my first debate topic i hope im doing this right! :)



So Teen pregnancy is on the rise these days I just want to know what are your thoughts on the matter?? Do think that its not a problem? Do you believe that it should be supported or stopped? Do you think that shows like Sixteen and Pregnant as well as Teen Mom help teens know that it is not easy or glamorizes it? Do you think that Teenagers make good moms? Do you even think that age matters when it comes to being a mom?? Let me know all your thoughts and ideas and where you stand on the matter. If you have facts being them on! What would you do if your kids became teen parents ?? Lay it all out be honest!

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Krista - posted on 01/17/2011

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It seems like the res of you are syaing she should be out workign and leaving her child in daycare all day.

Um, no. The rest of us are saying that parents should be able to support their children. And if some mothers have to be out working and leaving their children in daycare, then tough fucking tit. It's called "doing what you have to do to feed your family." And if I have to put my child in daycare so that I can put food in his stomach without having to rely on everybody else's tax dollars to do so, then so be it.

Yes, accidents happen, and I'm not condemning all teen mothers here. However, I do resent the HELL out of ANY mother, teenaged or otherwise, who is careless, gets knocked up, and just decides to stay at home and go on welfare, and THEN acts as though being on welfare is no big deal -- like that money just kind of falls out of the sky. Well, it doesn't come out of the sky. It comes out of my paycheck, and I can tell you right now, that money COULD be going towards improving our health care system, or our education system.

If you have to be on welfare because life dealt you a rough hand, then I can totally empathize with that. It could happen to any of us, and I have no resentment towards someone using the social safety net when it's needed. But the ones who just go on welfare for shits and giggles, because they'd rather be at home? And who claim that they're supporting themselves? And who then have the gall to look down on me because I work to support my child?

No. Oh, HELL no.

Tara - posted on 01/19/2011

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This thread has been de-railed. lolol
Time to start a new one about dressing our kids!!
Just kidding everyone!!

As for Dani.
I do all of the things you mentioned in your post. I've been doing them for 17 years to 6 kids, I'm 37 and have tons of energy for my kids.
Young moms have not cornered the market on having fun with their kids.
In addition to the things you mentioned, I also take my kids to museums, the art gallery, the library, the science center, to stage productions etc. etc.
I can do all you mentioned and than some, I have the privilege of staying home and the money to do it, and the money and time to enrich their lives through art, history and science, as well as water fights, playground time and silly voices when I sing.
When I see a teen mom (usually a group of them together) out in town. I usually see them standing at the edge of the park smoking while their kids play on the equipment. Or I see them hanging outside the Tim Horton's (canadian coffee shop chain) with their kids bundled in strollers and their moms smoking and drinking coffee.

I was a teen support volunteer for several years at an Ontario Early Years Center. It was the hardest volunteer position I have ever held. I worked with about 15 teen moms ranging in age from 14 to 19.
Some of these moms were repeat offenders, they ALL fit the stereo-type of the kind of unfavourable teen mom that we have been discussing.
The program we ran offered a healthy snack, a healthy lunch, one on one time with a nurse and dietitian and staffed by well trained ece workers to help care for other children, we had a parent ed program run by volunteers (me) and staff. We had breastfeeding clinics, we had baby weight and measurement checks, we had it all. It was an awesome program.
We also had a cupboard and freezer and each mom could take home some ground beef, frozen veggies, potatoes, canned things, whole grain flour, brown sugar, raisins etc. and a recipe book that would help them eat healthy on a lean budget and with the foods from our "basic shelf".
And on top of that, we paid for prenatal vitamins, and provided a $25 gift card every week for the grocery store of their choosing. Unfortunately we had to have them stamped NOT to be used for tobacco, soda, or confectioneries. (candy!!)
The sad part is... while this program helped moms get by, it also kept a cycle going. This program is and was taken advantage of by many moms. They would bring their friends and say they were pregnant. (we would do an intake only to find out later that they "lost" the baby and didn't know they couldn't keep coming and taking food etc.) or these moms would bring their babies, leave them with staff and go out to the train tracks and smoke, often coming in reeking.
And many many of them would come in a cab (even though we provided transportation) and run in to get their food and gift card, grab a snack and leave all within 5 minutes.

It's not stereotyping when the majority of teen moms act a certain way.
I don't want to see such programs ended as the ones who suffer are the kids. But when you have a 17 year old who has been in the program consecutively for the last 3 years of her life and has 2 kids, 3rd on the way, 2 different babydaddies and lives in government subsidized housing, has been on welfare since she was 14, living with the first guys parents,etc. etc. you have to wonder is the current system enabling these girls to continue with this lifestyle or is it encouraging them to step out of it into something better?
This is yet another example of the great divide between the haves and the have nots.
Education and opportunity is not as prevalent in the have nots, therefore leading to a mentality of apathy.
Sorry for the length, wow.
:)

Krista - posted on 01/18/2011

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Maria, relax. I think that everybody can see very clearly that we ARE all having a very earnest and intelligent discussion about teen pregnancy and its societal ramifications. And if the odd quip gets thrown into the mix here or there to lighten the mood, is that such a horrible thing, as long as it doesn't completely derail the discussion? (Which it hasn't.)

You mention in your original post that this is your first debate topic, so a bit of advice from someone has been around this rodeo for awhile now: topic threads are a bit of an organic thing, and conversations tend to flow fairly naturally.

Sometimes there will be mild deviations, but nine times out of ten, everybody comes back on topic without being prompted. So try to relax a little bit about it, because ruling a thread with an iron fist tends to stifle debate rather than stimulate it.

Just my two cents, for what it's worth.

Jodi - posted on 01/18/2011

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Hmmm, I know people who got their periods when they were 10, does that mean they were breeding age? No, they weren't. Just because you get periods doesn't mean your body is actually physically primed for carrying and birthing a baby. And mentally, well, not even close. It is a FACT that a child's logical reasoning does not mature until at least their early to mid 20s.

Krista - posted on 01/19/2011

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When I see a teen mom (usually a group of them together) out in town. I usually see them standing at the edge of the park smoking while their kids play on the equipment. Or I see them hanging outside the Tim Horton's (canadian coffee shop chain) with their kids bundled in strollers and their moms smoking and drinking coffee.

Yeah. I see that a lot too. And it's very hard to keep it from colouring your perceptions. But every day, I see a gaggle of teen mothers hanging out outside of Tim Horton's, all smoking like chimneys, with their babies in the strollers (who are breathing in the second-hand smoke from about 6 brands of cigarettes). And about half of them are pregnant (probably from one of a few guys who always seems to be hanging around -- the kind of guy who wears his pants belted below his ass and thinks that "faggot" is the highest and wittiest insult to a foe.) The whole damn thing just depresses me, because I look at those helpless, sweet little babies, who deserve every opportunity in the world, and they're handicapped right from birth because they appear to have irresponsible idiots as parents.

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Ez - posted on 05/13/2011

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** Mod Alert **
Ladies, I will be locking this thread due to it's length and the fact it is over 3 months old. If anyone wishes to discuss this issue further, please feel free to start a new thread.

Erin - DM Mod

Tina - posted on 05/12/2011

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I think everyone judging young mums because of a tv show or because of the actions of some is redicilous. I'll admit their are some teens who shouldn't be parents but in general there are people who just shouldn't be parents and I know of older people who are a disgrace and shouldn't be parents. They smoke in the house, in the car and drink often. I know older people who just don't have patience for children. There child spends everyone moment of the day playing video games. Is overweight and anti social. How old were most mothers in the old days or even around the time my mum had me. Alot were young but they regard themselves as being wise. Regardless of age you get good mums and not so good mums. But not every mum is the same. I'm 23 and short I look younger than I am. I get judged harshly when I'm out and about doing shopping by people who don't know me from a bar of soap. They look at me with disgust. Based on what? I look young. What right do people have to judge someone they don't even know. Nothing comes before my children. They've always got food and clothes. I bend over backyards to make sure that they are looked after and happy. Know one cares more for my children than I do. As if you could ever stop teenage pregnancies. As far back as I can think of their has always been young mums and there always will. How about people look at themselves before judging others.

[deleted account]

I have known mother's who have gotten pregnant at 15 and turned out to be very good mothers. THat being said I have also known mothers who got pregnant in their late 20s early 30s and are not so good mothers. It all depends on the individual. You can't link all teen mothers into one category. Just remember less than two hundred years ago a lot of women....girls actually were married with at least one child before they were 20yrs old. Again I am not promoting teen pregnancy. All I am saying is we need to really think about the individual and not judge them all the same just because they are younger.

Abbey - posted on 02/14/2011

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okay first off im a teen mom. now ofcourse im going to stick up for teen moms you might think were disgusting but maybe i think youre disgustuing you know nothing about us our storys arnt always black and white ive worked very hard at making a life for me and my son. first off Mike Hunt it cant be stopped. thats just it. teens will have sex. you cant even stop it if you put bars on their windows you dont have to be rude about it ive met your kind of people so much in life i was 15 when i got pregnant. and when i see 15 year old now im like leez there just babys but i made it throught and so will most of them they might be young but it is always their choice whether or not to keep the baby/ i do not encourage getting pregnant in your teens but you do grow up very very fast and lose friends and even some family members but it is worth it when you look into your babys eyes

Roxanne - posted on 01/28/2011

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No matter what anyone does teen pregnancy is still going to happen. It should be supported in my opinion. Not as in teenagers should be going out and getting pregnant, but if they do they have support there.

I think its wrong to push abortion when it comes to it. Being completely against abortion and 100% pro-life that's probably my main reason, but I also believe its just cruel to try and push someone into doing something like having an abortion. I still haven't forgiven the people that wanted me to and I am very thankful none of my family even mentioned it.



What I don't understand is, how most of the people that judge teenage parents were probably having sex/are (other teenagers) at the same age and just did not fall pregnant/get someone pregnant themselves. It just doesn't make sense to me.



Personally, I fell pregnant at 17, a month and a bit away from my 18th and I had my daughter when I was 18. I had already graduated high school before I fell pregnant and was been in university doing my bachelor of nursing for 1 year already (was allowed to do first year in year 12 at school).

The sex I fell pregnant from WAS protected. The pill and condoms. I have never once in my life had any unprotected sex. I certainly was not trying to risk falling pregnant. They just did nothing to prevent my pregnancy in this case.



I am no longer with my daughters dad. In fact we broke up a week after we found out about my pregnancy. He got abusive, aggressive and become a stalker. Even the police had to get involved. He is not on her birth certificate and I do not receive child support from him. Why? Purely the safety of my child. I do not believe that makes me a bad mother. I would much rather have the knowledge my baby is safe and in no contact with her father than possibly killed. He did not become any of the above mentioned until after it was found out I was pregnant.



I am currently about to start my third year of doing my bachelor.

I do live with my mother BUT I pay a weekly board of $150 and the main reason I am living at home still is to do my studies with uni, as when it comes to exam time, the extra help with my daughter is wonderful.

I have a job, I work in a mothers store and bring my daughter to work with me everyday I go as she is still breast fed and until I stop doing that I don't want to put her into day care. I also have my own car and license. Absolutely everything for my daughter has been bought by me, minus gifts given at her baby shower, Christmas and her birth.



I do not go out partying it up like most teenagers and I certainly don't leave my daughter with my parents all the time for me to go out and have fun. I love my daughter and looking after her and she is completely healthy and happy.



I don't think age matters when it comes to having a baby, as others have said, maturity does. I've seen plenty of older mothers that are horrible parents. Smoking and doing drugs right in front of their children and neglecting them completely.



For being a teenage mum I think I am very mature and do have my head on straight.

LadyJane - posted on 01/26/2011

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Exactly. While I was in school a friend got pregnant and she didn't drop out but continued until she was close to her due date, then took off a couple months and came back to school after the baby was born. She did give that baby up for adoption, but still, I don't think I'd want to be that embarrassed to continue school during. That took a lot of guts for her to do. But it still isn't something that should be glamourized or accepted as being the norm. These teens really should wait until after they've graduated from High School before being sexually active. There's just way too many risks at that age that it's not worth it. Good mother or not, that shouldn't be the issue. The issue should be to not have sex until after High School or until after you're married. I'd prefer the latter but so many kids don't care to wait...

Carolyn - posted on 01/26/2011

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I don't think these reality shows glamourize the idea of pregnancy. I think they normalize it... desensitize the viewer to the idea of it. After seeing it on TV, on so many channels and in so many documentaries, it becomes "ok". Falls in the same category as violence on TV, in music, etc. Its become a part of our culture. Sad, the youngest mother in Egypt is 11, Britian also 11. But here in the states, 11 is rare but is not the youngest. The youngest "recognized" mother in the USA was 10, and that poor child had twins - naturally. However I know of a woman who had a baby when she was 9, just because my grandmother was the nurse who admitted her into the hospital, and that tragedy was way back in 1979. Having babies in youth is not new. My great-grandmother was married at age 16 (great-grandfather was 21) and had her first when she was 17. She had 4 more, lived to see one buried at age 21.... and was married 52 years before her husband died. The woman who lives across the street from us was raped and had her daughter when she was 11. That child is 11, she is now 22.... From what she says her parents threw her out on the street when they found out she was pregnant. Maybe if they had supported her instead, she would not be living in squalor and needing the help of welfare to keep her and her child alive while she works 2 jobs to make ends meat.

In answer to your question, of one of my three girls or my son became a teen parent, I would 1) have to stop my husband from killing the guy who got one of our daughters pregnant out of wedlock, or from killing our son for doing that to a young lady and then 2) help the child to be raised while my child (and the other parent involved, if that applied) gets on their feet so that they don't have to resort to starvation, homelessness, and bankruptcy in order to just "make it." Vent off.....

Jessica - posted on 01/26/2011

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Touchy subject, but all the while real. I was a teen mom. Not pregnant and 16, but I had my first when I was 19. Personally I dont think anyone younger than that can take care of a child. Hell at 19 I could barely do it, it was hard! Its so sad to see that more and more kids are getting pregnant these days. These shows you talk about(I've never seen any of them) I would think glamorize the idea of being young and pregnant. But the reality does not sink in for the viewer. They dont know what its actually like to wake up every 2 hours at night to feed a crying baby. They dont realize their life has to be put on hold, at least for a little bit. Like I said, I was 19 when I had my son. 19 is the legal age where I live to go to a bar. So when I turned 19, I was pregnant, and therefore partying was not an option, and wasnt after the birth either. It took me almost a year to be able to do that. But i see 16-17 yr olds having babies and the minute they are back to normal, its back the bars or drinking at a friend's house or doing their drugs(if they even stopped in the first place...around my parts, there are a lot of cokehead teens having kids, and giving birth to addicts). Now as for saying whether a teen can make a good mom or not, thats like stereotyping all teens. Id say the majority probably wouldnt make good parents just because they barely know how to care for themselves, without mom or dad's help. There are the few mature and responsible ones, but they're no reason to promote having kids early. So as for what age to have kids, well thats another toughie, because everyone is different. Personally i think that 21 is a good age. I had my 2nd at 21 and found it much easier to handle that time, because I was older, more mature and more responsible. I think that there should be more effort given by parents/teachers/governments, anyone in power, to really show these girls what life is like with a child at 16, and not just life as a drop-out with a baby, but life with a baby while you're still in high school, because a responsible person wouldnt just throw away their education like that because they made a mistake. Its more of a reason to stay in school. Its all about educating kids on how to have sex safely and responsibly. If you cant use protection, you should not be having sex. Hopefully girls start realizing reality when it comes to adding a child in the picture, and that the next generation of grandparents aren't all under 40 yrs old

Tine - posted on 01/26/2011

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Hey Tiffany, I hope you read my post - the first few on here, and quite a few others, seem to be pretty tough ... I think that age had little to do with being a great mother, and love, dedication and genuinely loving the 'job' (!) are the keys. Judging teen mothers negatively, or parents throwing them out of home seems so counterproductive and harmful that I can't get my head around it. Who does it help to do that? What about unconditional love? I am an 'older' mum, and so grateful to have my daughter that the idea of treating her that way for a mistake seems ludicrous. Children should be raised with respect and compassion if we want them to grow into respectful compassionate adults who make good choices.

[deleted account]

I tried to read through these but couldn't get past the first post. I was a teen mom. I got pregnant when i was 18 and my son was born when I was 19. I don't promote or glamorize teen pregnancy at all. I know how hard it is, but thankfully I had a loving and supporting family. Yes they were disappointed in me, but the NEVER tried to force an abortion (I don't agree with abortion anyway) or adoption on me. I did toy with the idea of adoption when I first found out I was pregnant. But it didn't last long because I knew there was no way I could give up my baby. No, I didn't stay with the father, he was a chicken and ran when I got pregnant. But I did find a wonderful man who adopted my son and we have 2 other children together (we have been marred for 10yrs). I don't think teen pregnancy shows to enough to show just how hard being a teen mother really is so I don't watch them. Girls (and guys too) need to realize that being a teen mom isn't always like it is on Tv. I may not be the best example because I did have the support of my family, but I do know that being a mother isn't easy at any age...no matter how mature you are.

Tine - posted on 01/24/2011

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And I'm not in the US ... we have inherited the US love of awful reality shows here, so I'm sure a more TV saavy person may be onto those ones, but they sound crap...!

Tine - posted on 01/24/2011

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I don't know how you would 'stop' this from happening ... teenagers are very inexperienced people with the bodies of adults. I do think that some teenage mothers are better than some older mothers, and that being 'good' at motherhood is about personal attributes like patience, warmth, willingness to learn, flexibility and responsibility, and simply being passionate about mothering. I know a lot of older mothers who really don't put in any more than they have to, and a lot of teen mothers who do, and vice versa.

I guess the biggest problem in my view is not neccessarily the age of mothers, but the reasons that a lot of teens are getting pregnant. sex is not for amusement, it's not a way of showing how cool you are or a way of beating boredom. It's a serious thing with several potentially serious consequences, the most grave of which is the likelihood og bringing another life into being. As a society we are really into disposable, easy, quick, and I really don't think that anyone, teens or older people, really 'get' the importance of life anymore.

If my daughter (now 2, so a ways off!) became pregnant as a teenager I'd support and love her, that simple. She would have whatever she needed to make the best choices for her and to have the best future for her and her child. what sort of parent would do otherwise?

April - posted on 01/23/2011

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Yes it is becoming a problem.

I am a teen mom and i wouldn't change it for a world. Then again My husband and I got married first, decided to have a baby right away. we already had our own home, cars and good jobs. I got pregnant at 18 and had my daughter at 19. We've been married for going on 3 years and my daughter is almost 19 months. I want to be an example for my daughter and show her that it is possible but I wouldn't encourage her to get pregnant young. I pray she'll wait till marriage like her father and I did and make sure things are stable. If indeed it does happen she will take care of that child herself, she will get a job and never would I make her get an abortion because I am against them 100%.

I am a big fan of the shows 16 and pregnant and teen mom, personally I just like to see what others go through and I think it just proves certain things. Age doesn't decide how good of a mother you are thats for sure and I know i am an example of that. I've been looked down on and bashed but only from those who just walk by and see a young girl with a kid. But neither my family or his has ever had a bad word aginst us having a child and actually want us to have more (not happening just yet, i'm not done revolving my life around my angel)


Idk all and all, I just wish girls would not give in and use their heads more.

[deleted account]

They know when your disappointed in them, I always found it worse when I disappointed my parents because they wouldn't get angry at me, I knew by that alone I had done something really bad and I hated it, I would rather them have shouted and hit me for those things than just not react. I think that the 'look' that your parents give you showing that they are disappointed is enough punishment because those are the things that stay with you forever - I know the thngs I did that got that hurt look still live with me now!

I try to live with the philosophy, once something is done it is done, you deal with it and move on, holding grudges doesn't do anybody any good. With my son when he does something wrong, I explain what he did (in simple terms) and ask him to apologise when he has we move on and forget about it. I know hitting someone is not the same as knocking a girl up, but even so these philospohies can still be used, you shouldn't punish someone indefinately for a mistake because a mistake is a mistake and I know that I'm not perfect - nowhere near. As the adult you have to demonstrate to your child how mature people act and that is by vocalising how disappointed you are but at the same time supporting your child through their troubles.

[deleted account]

yea your right. i guess what im trying to say is like yes we all make mistakes and usually their are consequences for our actions as a teen u usually get punishment but that doesnt mean your mom doesnt love you anymore i dont kno if theres a way you can just tell her becuase of your actions you cant live here anymore because of the decisions you have made you need to be on your own not yelling or anything i guess the way you present it. also saying that you still love her and that you support her decision and she is welcomed anytime ( eek i couldnt do it)

idk i guess my question is how do you let ur child know that you are not ok with the decision they have made?? i wouldnt throw my daughter out. and i definitely wouldnt force adoption or anything else on her i would let her make her own decision

[deleted account]

Yeah but Maria you can allow your daughter to step up and take responsibility for her mistakes while still supporting her, that doesn't mean you would be raising her child for her. By being there for your daughter and allowing her to come to you, you are supporting her mentally at the very least, however, if the choices you give your daughter are give it up for adoption or "get out", that is not supporting her and that is not going to help anything! We all need mental support sometimes, even grown women who have babies, I was glad my mom supported me with my pregnancy (and I was 24 when I had my son, had been married for 3 years and living in my own home for 4 years) because she has been there and knows what it's like with the stresses and worries about having your first baby (and being really ill with it - we both had pre-e), I would have been distraught if she hadn't been there for me, and I am a very independant woman!



edit to add in a few missing words.

[deleted account]

I think that is what Deanna is saying i mean i dont kno but from i read its not that you dont love your child and its not like you dont love your future grand child but that doesnt mean that you have to condone their decision by raising their child. Or by not letting them step up to their choices or by not letting them suffer the consequences. Im not sure if i would "throw my daughter" out but it is hard to discipline a teen for the mistake they made when it changes life completely and what message are you sending when you are disappointed yet buying everything for the unborn child making sure your child eats right and gets to their doc appointments and pretty much raising the two its like you dont condone teen pregnany but then you are supporting it. thats where its tough u want to take care of your child but you dont want to send the message that what they did will just be swept under the rug.

[deleted account]

Deanna, did I read that correctly, if your daughter gets pregnant as a teen you would chuck her out if she decided she wanted to keep the baby (before your hubby changed his mind)? Why would you think that you would be raising her child if she lived with you? Surely in situations like teen pregnancy, it is better to support our kids rather than make them feel like they are not wanted because they made a mistake, we all make mistakes (I'm not saying to raise their child while they go off and live the teenage life).

Bexterwhite - posted on 01/22/2011

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I was a teen mum, i loved it, i still love being a mum i have five children now. I was an utterly dedicated and devoted mother who breast fed made my own baby food organized my day's so that we did interesting and stimulating activities every day, i was always the mum organizing picnics and games, up a tree or sledging down a hill.
Now i leave the adventurous stuff to my eighteen year old son who has all the energy i had at his age.
i think your ready to be a mum when your ready to be a mum and how good you are at it has nothing to do with age and everything to do with dedication.

Chrissy - posted on 01/22/2011

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I was a "teen mom" and if I would have seen the shows 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom, I would have waited. My daughter's watch the shows with me, they see how hard it is for young girls raising kids, and we talk about that.

LadyJane - posted on 01/22/2011

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I have more energy at 44 then I did when I was 24. So there is no reason why anyone over 40 can't have kids. I've seen families have babies after 40 who are disabled, deaf, etc and are able to provide a loving family in spite of their shortcomings. It's whether or not you're able to physically give birth and if you are able to offer that child a home.

Stifler's - posted on 01/22/2011

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I think if you can get pregnant naturally after 40 more power to you. my mum had my brother at 42.

Tara - posted on 01/22/2011

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@Deanna
Why do you say not over 40?
If you don't me me asking, how old are you?

I am 37 and have a 1 year old. I am able to do everything I did with him that I did with my 17 year old when I was 19, and more.
Physically I am fit and healthy and emotionally I am far more mature than at 19, financially I am 500% better than I was at 19. Academically I am far further ahead than at 19.
40 isn't old to everyone.
My hubby is going to be 41 soon, does that make him too old?

Dani - posted on 01/22/2011

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I would just like to re word I guess my prior statements.
When I said I was saving for a house it's the remaining money that I have which ends up being around $20, so no I'm not screwing the system I work and I report my earnings and it's balanced out ( I know this was from a few days ago but thought I'd just clear it up)
If you still think that I'm screwing the system then that's your opinion but I'm doing everything in my power so that my daughter and I have everything we need now and for the future :)

[deleted account]

Because my oldest is with a different dad I can honestly say that we both agree on this for her. If my 14 yr old came to me & said she was pregnant then she would be told to give it up for adoption & she can stay with us. If she chooses to keep the baby then she better turn around and get out. Get a job and support that child because we won't. If you flop on your back you better be willing to pay the price. If that means giving that child up to a better life or keeping that child and giving it a poverty stricken one.
Now, DH feels differently now that he has kids he can call his own. He informed me a few months ago when this very subject came up that he no longer condones that same train of thought. Now it seems that there is a bigger burden put upon MY shoulders to make sure my daughters don't ever make such a STUPID choice as to get pregnant before they are out of school and able to support themselves just because he would be willing to raise or help raise their child. I AM NOT raising my grandchildren. period! My girls will be taught to own up for every single choice they make in life and that includes sex, unprotected or not. Obviously even protected sex isn't safe enough because I got pregnant with DS @ the age of 15 while on the pill and DD #1 @ the age of 17 while using condoms. (go figure) I do not believe teens can be good moms because they still haven't figured out who they will be when they are older. (spoken from experience) I wasn't ready to be a mom but I owned my mistakes and have raised my DD and buried my DS. Age does matter. I think anyone can and should be a mom AFTER the minimal age of 20 and not later than 40. Realistically you need to be able to keep up with your kids no matter the age and the older you are the less you will be able to do for and with them. As for youth age. Uh, yeah. Obviously none of us that get pregnant as teens were smart enough NOT to flop on our backs no matter what the school preached.

[deleted account]

Lol oh yea i kno what you mean. yea i mean there are people that turn it into something wrong and offensive but in the end i mean its facebook really something like that is gonna ruin your day?? i mean if i didnt have a baby i probably wouldve "LIKED" it too haha

Stifler's - posted on 01/21/2011

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I wanted to have way more of a go at them than I did HAHAHA. I find it quite sad and immature to be offended. There ARE people on the not being pregnant group that are offensive in general but it's not even aimed at teenage parents.

[deleted account]

Omg i actually posted to that one i was like why are you so offended?? it doesnt mean that she doesnt love you or your child less it just means she can relate to the group i didnt think it was that big of a deal. I said so is she not allowed to be proud of the fact that she doesnt have a baby anymore than you are proud of the fact that you do have one??

thats what im talking about how on the teen moms/young moms thread just talk and say some crazy things!!

Stifler's - posted on 01/21/2011

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In other news I saw a thread on the teen moms/young moms community about how offensive a Facebook group called "I was born in the 90s and I'm not having kids or knocked up" and "Not being pregnant" was to teen mums. People who get offended that their fellow classmates have finished school without wanting or having children yet are the reason people don't respect teen moms. Not everyone wants to breed young! They should be proud of themselves for finishing school if you ask me!

Amber - posted on 01/21/2011

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awe. she took her ball & went home. probably she was starting to feel her old age creeping up on her ;)

Sara - posted on 01/21/2011

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No mods have deleted any posts, but someone can delete their own posts, so I can only assume if there are posts missing then that must be the case, or it's some bizarre COMs glitch, which has been known to happen...but I'd say someone probably deleted their own posts.

Sharon - posted on 01/21/2011

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agree w/joanna - looks like something is missing or someone else is deluded, lol

Stifler's - posted on 01/20/2011

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My parents didn't feel that I should have a baby out of wedlock. LOL. But seriously I had been living out of home 600km away with my partner for a year or so, they were totally expecting it.

Bonnie - posted on 01/20/2011

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Emma, I wasn't too young to have a baby and my parents still judged me at first LOL.

Krista - posted on 01/20/2011

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to answer one question if my daughter was pregnant as a teenager my first gut reaction would be anger and dissaoppinted. does that make me a bad mom cuz i wouldnt be happy and excited as my gut reaction??

No, but the vast majority of moms, even teen moms who are very proud of their parenting, WILL freely admit that they do not want their kids to be parents as teenagers. Being a teen parent, with incomplete education, is HARD. It's damn hard. Why would any of us want that for our kids? So that's why so many of us rail against teen pregnancy -- to emphasize how incredibly important it is to reduce the number of cases.

We all want better for our kids than we had. And that includes becoming a parent when they're optimally ready for it.

Stifler's - posted on 01/20/2011

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If my 15 year old even 17 year old came home and was all I'm pregnant mama I'm gunna be a proud teen mama I would be disturbed. I didn't raise my daughter to live the way people did in the 50s where breeding was their only option. I would support her but fuck, I would be so disappointed that she was going to miss out on education without babies in swing chairs next to the computer, living free of the expenses of taking care of children, missing out on buying clothes and nice shoes for the weekend. Yes that experience was important to me. I would feel gipped if I'd only ever experienced school then raising kids.

[deleted account]

Didnt read all the posts but look forward to coming back and doing so!! to answer one question if my daughter was pregnant as a teenager my first gut reaction would be anger and dissaoppinted. does that make me a bad mom cuz i wouldnt be happy and excited as my gut reaction?? haha

LadyJane - posted on 01/20/2011

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There are still parts in the US where getting married at 14 is still allowed... In those situations then getting pregnant is part of the deal, but it is not something a teen should idolize. True, many of our ancestors were married/pregnant as teens but they lived in a world that is far different then our current one. Teens back then weren't as sexually active as they are now. Today its' all about how fast they can lose their virginity before they graduate. If you didn't have sex before you were 18, you were considered ugly or worse. At least when I was in High School, that was the rage. Who lost their virginity first? Luckily for me, I stuck with my morals and waited until well after my 20s to give that up. While some teens can and will make great parents, they shouldn't try to do so at such an early age. It does need to stop, but without the proper education and the proper preventions, it just won't happen. As long as some will want to be popular and losing ones virginity becomes the catch all of achieving that goal, teen pregnancies will be on the rise. I honestly don't know why some teens give in to pressure to have sex while others do not. Some say it is the parents responsibilty, others say it's not. Perhaps parents should start educating their children on how to prevent being caught up in peer pressure before they're old enough to start kindergarten. Kids in school can be so cruel and sometimes a teen just wants to fit in and make friends and do things that they shouldn't be doing. Honestly, can it be stopped? With proper education and communication, perhaps? 100% stopped? Most likely, NO. There are parents who just don't care if their child gets pregnant or not as a teen.

Sherri - posted on 01/20/2011

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Michelle much better post and this post you come across much more eloquently, mature and educated. You first post you came across as a young immature diluted uneducated teenager. Amazing how a little better wording gives a much more open and friendly reception.

[deleted account]

Michelle, I didn't finish reading the thread before I responded to you, I couldn't help it that speech was just SO wrong, it takes a lot of guts to say that you know you were wrong - fair play.

I appreciate that not all teenagers have it hard, although tbh from reading your post you sound as though you did have it quite hard because you didn't get to be a teenager without the stress, I couldn't imagine doing all the things teenagers do AND have to look after and raise a child because looking back at my teen years I did all of what you did (except the child) and it was hard work hence me not wanting to do it now!

I can see how this speech would throw people, they probably didn't hear the content just that actually you wasn't a little girl they could push around - good for you!

I never said you were on welfare, it was a generalisation and I didn't mean to imply you didn't have your own money, I apologise if you felt I did my post certainly wasn't meant like that, which is why I did say that some teen parents are able to provide the same things for their children.

Ok, I wouldn't advise doing 60hr days for anyone that isn't healthy we need sleep to repair our bodies, so you don't need to go to the doctors lol.

I can understand not changing things, I agree with that because it is our past that makes us who we are, without it we wouldn't be us :-)

Stifler's - posted on 01/20/2011

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HAA what Sharon said. If you have to pussy foot around telling your parents or anyone else you're pregnant because you're afraid they might judge you, then you're probably too young to have kids. Just sayin.

Nikkole - posted on 01/20/2011

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You know ive heard on other threads and other sites about this issue that our grandparents and there parents had children VERY young but the difference from then and now is that the parents were almost always married,the father worked hard and supported there family, a lot of fathers today either dont stick around or they dont want to have ANYTHING to do with there children (now im not saying ALL fathers there are some great ones out there)! Things are just different today women can actually go out and get careers they want instead of being mommy's at 16 and staying home and cooking and cleaning, if you choose to be a stay at home mom thats awesome i did and i love it but as a teenager why would you want to limit yourself (there are some exceptions) you could wait till you had a careerer and had a stable relationship before you choose to have kids!

[deleted account]

Michelle, are you serious? There are so many things wrong with your speech you choose to give people.



1) Teenagers are not physicaly ready to have babies, although they may be physically able to have babies - there is a huge difference between the two things. Physical growth occurs for around 20 years following birth, therefore teenagers are still growing, it is not advisable to put your body under the kind of strain as pregnancy does when it is still growing.



Also pregnancy related risks increase slightly only when a woman is over 35 years old, so it is riskier having a child as a teenager than as a 30 yo because there are all kinds of risks for teenage mums and their babies, including things such as pre-mature labour. So it's not just frowned upon by society as it is out of fashion as such, but because it genuinely holds more risks!



2) Wanting to be able to buy all the things your child needs without government assistance is not materialism, it is being responsible! Many of us mums who were not teenage mums have been able to do this without being in or getting into debt (and some teenage mums manage it as well). Oh and buying cars has nothing to do with being a good mum teenage or otherwise!



3) Mistakes of your elders? Really what mistakes being settled with a long term partner/ married, owning a home/ renting a home independant of your parents, being able to afford the things your baby needs when they need them. I'm intrigued what mistakes exactly are you talking about because my life is about my son but it is also about making sure I don't need to worry about how I'm going to pay my bills or buy the grocercies, for example if I want to take my son to the zoo I can, I don't even think about it.



4) At 26 years old I have loads of energy for my son (well less now but I am nearly 20 weeks pregnant) and don't have to work or study, I studied when I was a teen got my degree and then my well paid job, meaning I am able to not work now and have the luxury of being a SAHM. I'm a little concerned for you if at 25 you cannot do what you did as a teen, I'd get a health check from your doctor because you should be able to. I know now at 26 I don't particularly want to do what I did in my teens, I don't want to pull all nighters studying and writing essays because I have proper responsibilities now and can't sleep until midday, if I needed to I could, but I really don't want to and I actually make sure I do the things I need to in plenty of time - I suppose that's the maturity of age!



5) Finally, I know plenty of older mums who are able to find the perfect balance of family, friends, work and further education with a little volunteering in the mix as well. In my experience they are better able to juggle their responsibilities and keep their lives in balance without moaning about not being able to...



Edited to amend spellings and add in words I missed out (damn baby brain).

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