Teenage love ♥

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 10/14/2010 ( 52 moms have responded )

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Many highschool age kids fall in love….do you think they really know what love is at 13,14,15…ect
Why or why not?

I ask because I have a niece who claims to be in love….and the sad thing is this guy is always making her sad(I see them on her facebook updates) or mad…
And I just want to say "your only 13 you have a long time to be in love and putting up with his BS…"
So I wonder is she really in love…can she be at 13??

Did you have a true love in highschool?? Or did you think it was love?

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Jenny - posted on 10/14/2010

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It wasn't so long ago, and still occurs in some places, that women marry at those ages. I think it's a Western mindset that we don't know "true love" until we are well into adulthood. I don't think our emotions follow logical timelines.

What is real love anyway? I know whenever I felt love in my younger years, I FELT love. We shouldn't confuse love with stability.

Denikka - posted on 10/15/2010

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All love is real love.
If a 13 year old isn't capable of falling in love, then they aren't capable or loving their parents, siblings, pets etc.
Each type of love, each person that you love, is different. But just because it's different doesn't mean it's invalid.
It really bothers me when people bring this type of thing up. Why is one type of love valid (like family or friend love) but another type isn't (love for a boy/girl)? And where is the cut off? Can a 16yr old fall in love but a 15 year old can't?
Why are some (most) emotions acceptable (anger, happiness, etc) and accepted when someone says "I feel. . ." but love isn't?
No one else can know exactly what one person is feeling. You should NEVER invalidate another person's feelings because you CAN'T know how someone else feels.

Jodi - posted on 10/14/2010

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Love is an emotion, like anger, sadness and joy, teenagers, like toddlers or adults can feel love. Their view of love and their form of love is just much less mature than an adults. I think they can fall in love, while at the time it may not be true love, it could turn into that. I met my now husband when we were 17 and in highschool, my love then was vastly different than how I love him now for two reasons 1)I've grown up just a tad and 2) love naturally changes thrughout the course of a relationship.
I think back, and my husband and I always hurt each other's feelings inadvertantly, I think we had this mental image and expectation that love is easy and comes with no faults, no compromises, no hard times, but that's not reality and it comes with age that you realize that it takes more than just love to make a relationship work, that is a big difference between teenage love and adult love.

Charlie - posted on 10/15/2010

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Yes i think you can fall in love as a teen BUT i do think majority of it is lust .

Our hormones are SO off the scales in that point of our lives that the mere smell of a boy can make us think we are in "love" i certainly thought i was in love but hindsight tells me that it wasnt love it was lust now that i know what REAL love feels like :)

I think those that do really fall in love and stay together well that is just beautiful *sigh*

Jessica - posted on 10/14/2010

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"It wasn't so long ago, and still occurs in some places, that women marry at those ages."

^ Yeah but in most of those cases I think its more arranged marriages- not necessarily marrying out of love.

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April - posted on 10/17/2010

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@Jennifer I used to wonder but had to trust that there was another right person out there for me. i found my husband, whom i would have never found if i hadn't been able to let go of the past.

Amanda - posted on 10/16/2010

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I have a true love from high school - we met when I was a senior and we are married. We have been together for 11 years and have been married for 3. It's been amazing!!!!!!!!! I also know of a lot of couples at my high school that went on to get married - one couple in particular have been together since she was in 7th grade and he was in 8th. So yes, it can happen....does it always, no.

Rosie - posted on 10/16/2010

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i disagree too sharon :) do you feel you only have one true love? i do not see it that way. circumstances and the time in our lives didn't work out. doesn't mean i don't love him.

LaCi - posted on 10/16/2010

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I fell in love at 13. Remained in love until I was in my 20s. It happens. Whether its love or not in that situation, no one knows but her, and she may not truly know for years.

Hannah - posted on 10/16/2010

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my aunt and uncle met i high school, 15 and 17, got engaged and are still married to this day...and it has been about 30 yrs....they have three grown children...anything is possible....you just have to hit the jackpot i guess ;)

[deleted account]

That's such a nice but tragic story April =[ Do you ever wonder what things may have been like for you now if you hadn't lost contact?

April - posted on 10/16/2010

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i disagree with you Sharon. Sometimes we can love someone but circumstances don't allow us to be together with that loved one. When I was 10, I had a friend (that was a boy, but not boyfriend) that I believe to this day that I loved.

We always wanted to be more than friends, but felt scared because we were so young.Those feelings were very scary! Then, my family moved away. I was 13 and I never saw him again. I spent YEARS looking for him. I didn't stop looking until I met my husband 10 years later. Believe what you want, but I know what's in my heart and I always did, even at 10, 11, 12 years old.

[deleted account]

Ahhh teen love. I would lie if I say that I have not been there before. Lol. I find it a little silly now, because I am settled down, and seeing teens dating sort of makes me giggle. As for really being in love, I am not sure. I don't feel anyone can tell for sure. Even the person feeling it wouldn't know for sure. Seems like a difficult stage to me. Gawd knows how I survived it lol. But really...what -is- love? I mean when you are a teen, love is when you are all lovey dovey over another and feel like you will die when they leave your side. And when you are older and settled, love is when you clean your significant other's underwear and listen to him fart on the couch while he stinks out the house with his feet. Lol. That is a bit of an exaggeration...I think. Lol.

Cassie - posted on 10/15/2010

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I was wondering if I was the "Cassie" you were talking about Dana. :) Yup, we are high school sweet hearts still madly in love 10 years later. ♥

I really do believe that we are a complete rarity. Even in a small town, where many high school sweethearts marry, I wonder if they really are soulmates or whether they just stay together for comfort and because they don't have many more options....

Nikki - posted on 10/15/2010

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At 14 I thought I knew what love is... I spent 4 years with my high school sweetheart who at the time was the LOVE of my life, who I wanted to marry. but as we grew up we realized we wanted different things and we were not ready........ BUT at 20 my now husband walked into my life and from the second he walked into my life I knew that was love at first sight.. I knew that second he was the one I was going to marry and 8 and a half years later I still know it. But we did it smart we have been married for 4 years, we dated, moved in finished school, travelled then got married after we were fully ready and then waited til our marriage was continuiously strong and we were financially stable to raise a child, our son is 16 months now. I know my ex in HS was all lust .... there isnt an age for love, I think being under 16 youre still too young too know........ but i do believe you can know the second you meet a person, but if so that love will grow and love isnt always bliss it has its obstacles and if you are willing to overcome them together and communicate and put in time and effort and respect and be faithful and honest and time will show you if you truely love the other person.

Dana - posted on 10/15/2010

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Cassie, I thought you were the one "young, true love story" that I knew!

Cassie - posted on 10/15/2010

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Well then Corey and I count as true love Sharon. ;P

I agree though. You could have been in "love" in high school but it wasn't true love if something came between you besides death.

Sharon - posted on 10/15/2010

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It is not true love if you are NOT still with that person, lmfao.

IF you broke up for any reason - then apparently it was not REAL LOVE or TRUE LOVE.

His parents got in the way, money got in the way, you wanted to see what else was out there, ITS NOT REAL LOVE. LMFAO. yes, it was love, you loved him, cared for him, whatever, but it was NOT REAL LOVE if it didn't survive.

The proof is in the pudding girls. I LOVED my highschool boyfriends but they weren't true love because we BROKE UP, lmfao omg, this is hysterical. Money got in the way, families got in the way, distance, time, jealousy got in the way. EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY AND THE INABILITY TO OVERCOME CHALLENGES prove it is not true love.

Only death is the acceptable excuse of losing a true love without seeing the relationship through to a natural end.

[deleted account]

My first love was when I was 15, almost 16 yrs old. It was true love. We loved each other completely! Yes, they can know real love.

Cassie - posted on 10/15/2010

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Corey and I began dating over ten years ago when we were only 14 years old. We've been happily in love ever since. We are not the norm though.

Sarah - posted on 10/15/2010

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The chances of things working out are definitely slim, but I don't think that makes the feelings of love any less real :)

Sharon - posted on 10/15/2010

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Nope. Their chances of "real" love are about 1 in 10,000. From what I've seen thats about the odds of it working out.

I talk to my kids all the time about this. Enjoy it, be a good person, but always be honest & never play games. My oldest has had 3 relationships, they have ended when the girl starts playing games or trying to guilt him into crap.

JuLeah - posted on 10/15/2010

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How can another person say? She says it is true love, it is true love. At 20, might she meet another and experiance true love in a different way, yah. But, she has not yet had that experiance, she is in this one and it is all she knowns. And, who knows, I have friends who met in the 8th grade, married after high school, and are still so happy with one another (in their 50's now)

I have noticed that many young women think drama/trauma is a big important part of a relationship, so they create it when they can. It makes the relationship one that can be talked about with all her many many friends.

I think relationships at this age are good. They help folks figure out what they want, don't want. How to stand up for themsleves, break up, take emotional risks, set limits ..... many folks lose themselves in a relationship - it becomes more important then anything else in their life - she might need direction looking at this idea. She might need direction figuring out how to be herself, be happy, get what she needs while in relationship .... I would let the debate about 'is this or is it not true love' go and talk more about features of a healthy relationship

Tara - posted on 10/15/2010

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Love at any age is real. The difference between love between two teenagers and two 20 year olds is the level of emotional maturity. The love between two twenty year olds is different that the love between two forty year olds and so on. Studies show that people who meet and get together after age 35 have a far better chance of staying together. I think this is due to the level of emotional intelligence one reaches as they age and grow and live. So yes teenagers can be in love but only to the degree that their brains are capable of. They haven't had enough life experience to have the same love for someone as someone older but their love for one another is real all the same. Unfortunately I know what you mean about young kids and their relationships. Why two teens choose to stay together when all they do is make each other mad, sad, jealous etc is probably because they need those experiences for some reason. They need to work out their insecurities and so end up in situations where they will be challenged so that they can grow, that's what life is about.
This is what I tell my teens and their friends:
Growth and emotional learning need to happen as we go along our journey in life. Every experience you have is either an obstacle or an opportunity to learn about yourself. Love yourself first and foremost and be open to the lessons life has to teach you.
I was in love when I was 16. We had a great relationship for 2 years or so. Then he moved and we couldn't keep it up. He was also 3 years older and that played a part. But if the world had existed of just he and I, no doubt we would have been together longer.
But again that was the love that I was capable of at 16, now I am capable of so much more. :)

Krista - posted on 10/15/2010

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I think it's possible to be in love -- it's just a different KIND of love. We tend to mock teenage love as being based solely on lust. And a lot of it is. But there are also teenage relationships where the couple truly supports each other through thick and thin, where they encourage each other to strive for their dreams, where they're good friends and genuinely enjoy each others' company, AND where they're constantly in each others' pants.

So it's not common, but it IS definitely possible.

I didn't have a true love in high school. I thought I did, and I had several obsessive unrequited crushes, but that real true love that also contains trust and understanding? Nope. And that's probably good, because I wouldn't have been ready for it anyway.

[deleted account]

I feel in love at 17 what i knew love to be at that age although i never saw it as been in love or said i was in love.,he was a few years older..we got together at 18 though he 23.We have been together a little over 8years,We have to wonderful children together.He was my first love.Looking back i didnt know the true meaning or feeling of the word love as i do now at the dept i do now if i make any sense. lol.:-)i loved him more as we grew together, through life.I grow more in love as the years go by.

C. - posted on 10/15/2010

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Personally, I don't think kids that young really know what true love is. I think they believe it in their heart to be true love, but I don't think it's really love. I believe it's more infatuation than anything else.

Sarah - posted on 10/15/2010

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I think you can totally fall in love a that age, I just don't think that most teenagers are capable of dealing with it very well!! Falling in love and creating a lasting, strong, happy relationship is a difficult thing to do as an adult sometimes, let alone a teenager!
I believe that the feelings of love are totally real, they truly are in love with that person..........they just don't have the maturity or experience in relationships to make it work.

I fell in love for the first time when I was 15. We went out together for 2yrs. I still love him to this day a little bit! He'll always be really special to me, I think if we'd met later on in life, we might have stood a better chance!!

Dana - posted on 10/14/2010

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Oh my Lordy, my niece is going through this right now. She's 17 and this is her first boyfriend, she's "so in love". My sister commented about how wonderful it is on FB, I commented how it is but, sad at the same time. My sister didn't get that, she thinks my niece will actually marry the guy because they're both "good, christian kids". I think she'll get her heart broken, it's a fact of life.



I never had a high school love, of course I "thought" there was one but, come on. I do think there are some who find it, like my friend Cassie if I'm not mistaken. Do I think it's common, no.

September - posted on 10/14/2010

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Well I feel in love with my husband when I was 16. Now at 31 years of age I think I definitely have a better understanding of love but I can also say that I did love my husband even when I was 16. I think the love I have for my husband has grown and matured over the years that’s for sure! I personally think that a 13 year old could fall in love however fully understanding "love" I think comes later in life and with the experience of a long term relationship. I myself did find true love in high school :) So I do know it's possible. ♥

Serena - posted on 10/14/2010

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I think at that age we truly believe we are in love. And when we break up all of a sudden we start analyzing what went wrong and why we weren't truly in love with the person, even as adults.
But what I think is the greatest part of teenage love is that its almost a whole different kind of love. Its our whole world (perhaps its really just the hormones...) but like many other teenage girls when I broke up with a boyfriend I felt like my life was over because I gave everything (I wasn't jaded and had a wall up like I do now because I wasn't hurt yet) but yet now I know life goes on and I move on.

[deleted account]

Thanks Kati =] Oh well I found the love of my life my hubby when I was 16, nearly 17 so I fall into this category then! I agree it's not the norm to find that special person at that age lol...maybe I was just lucky!

ME - posted on 10/14/2010

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The first time I ever thought I was in love I was 21 years old...I never gave a shit about boys before that...I went on a couple of dates, but if they showed any real interest, I turned and ran the other way...I have worked a lot with teens who think they are in love however, and their definition of love is incredibly immature for the most part...that's not to say that you can't meet your soul mate in high school...it's just not likely...

Stifler's - posted on 10/14/2010

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HAHAHA I find it hilarious that people that age think they're in love and mature enough to start a family. I honestly do.

[deleted account]

Without reading what others have already posted...

Yes I think teens can be in love. We shouldn't undermine their feelings. Yes, they are still very young and have a lot of life experience ahead of them, so perhaps their capacity to give and receive love is not as great at that point. But it can be love, nonetheless.

Lyndsay - posted on 10/14/2010

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When I was just turning 14 I started dating a guy who was much older than me.. he was 18. We dated for a year and a half and I thought we were in love. Surprisingly, he never pressured me to have sex.. we just went out on dates and enjoyed eachother's company. My whole family loved him (except my dad, who thought he was a pervert for wanting to be with someone so much younger). I eventually found out that the reason he was never pressuring me for sex is that he was cheating on me! He was getting his sexual gratification elsewhere, so I don't really know what he needed me for. The moral of my story is, I think that perhaps FEMALES (who develop faster, especially in the emotional department) are capable of true love at this age. MALES, on the other hand, I don't think are really ready until they are much older. At that point, they're still thinking with their penises.

[deleted account]

Tbh I think they may feel that way but when they are older they may realise that they weren't. I had boyfriends from the age of 12/13 who I thought I loved, but when I met my now husband at age 16 I realised those hadn't been people I'd been in love with lol. With Steven it was so much different and much stronger. Nearly 4 years on we're still together and celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary in June =]

Ez - posted on 10/14/2010

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I would say it is HIGHLY unlikely that a young teen (13, 14, 15) can know what real true love is. As with everything, I'm sure there is an exception, but for the most part I think it's a combination of lust and infatuation.

And really, who wants to be 'in love' at that age? I sure didn't, and I don't want it for my daughter either. There is plenty of time to be bogged down with such serious emotions!

Jessica - posted on 10/14/2010

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I think its certainly possible, but not very likely. At 13, chances are thats the first time you have those kinds of feelings for anybody- you have no prior experience with them and nothing else to compare it to. And those feelings are often so strong that its easy to just say its love. Unfortunately, at that age you often don't know yet what it means for another person to love you back; what a healthy relationship should be. I'd be willing to bet that's what your niece is going through. I know I went through it at that age too, and know people who are a bit older and still stuck in shitty relationships with people who treat them like crap, because they think they're in love and justify the others' behavior. I still have diaries from when I was that age and I literally cringe when I read through them about past relationships... its so funny and so pathetic!

Amie - posted on 10/14/2010

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I didn't have a true love in high school. True love is different than love in my eyes.



I loved one boy in HS, he was great, my parents loved him, my friends got along with him, it was perfect. Also probably why I ran from it.

I knew that that boy, could end up being someone meaningful and permanent in my life, so after 11 months (came back to edit, after I thought about it I remember it was the month before our 1 year because it was close to his bday =S I felt like such a bitch) I broke up with him. It was too much for me, I wasn't ready to be that serious and I knew that. I was 16.



Some teenagers have their head on straight and can tell what's what. A lot don't though. Especially at younger ages. I remember my first 'boyfriend', I was 12 and he was 13. He told me he loved me, we dated for about 4 months. That ended it for me though, seriously... love? at that age? I thought he was nuts. haha

Jodi - posted on 10/14/2010

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When I was in high school, I didn't have my first "real" boyfriend until I was about 16. I really wasn't interested. But I actually didn't go through puberty until quite late (first bra at 14, first period at 15), so I guess I didn't have the physical feelings that come with puberty either until I was older. This is what scares me about kids going through puberty so young I think!

Can they be in *love* at 13? Given they don't know what love really is, and have never had to differentiate it from the way it feels physically (lust) then, yes I do believe they *can* be in love, but I don't think for most it is real love. I know that on the very rare occasion, someone at that age will be in love and that love will last, but that is extremely rare.

Rosie - posted on 10/14/2010

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yes i believe you can be in love as a teenager, and yes i believe it's real love. i was with my first boyfriend from the time i was 14 till i was 19. we broke up because of a miriad of reasons, the most prominent one was that i wanted to know what there was out there other than him. i still love him, i always will. but i just know we wouldn't work together.
now most of the time, i say that it is just infatation, but i think only time will tell.

Kimberly - posted on 10/14/2010

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Not at 13. I wasn't even interested in boys yet at 13. I had crushes at 14 and 15. I married my first boyfriend (I was 16 when we met) 20 years later. And back then I thought he hung the moon. He broke my little heart back then and I was just love sick. He tried for years to win me back and I just ran him through the wringer. But during all of that time from age 16-36, I always knew he was THE ONE.

I remember the girls in junior high and high school that had "boyfriends". The relationships lasted a whole 3 days to a week.

Bonnie - posted on 10/14/2010

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I think it is possible as well, but because it is new to them they don't really know what true love is. Then again, my Uncle is married and him and his wife met when they were 13 and they are still inseparable. They have only been with eachother and that is it. I didn't have a true love in highschool, but then again I wasn't in a serious relationship until I was 19.

[deleted account]

I think it's possible to be in love at 13, but REAL love at that age is a lot rarer than the 13 year olds in that position think. I do think they THINK it's real though cuz it seems real to them at that time.

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