Teens & birth control

Sharon - posted on 10/10/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

11,585

12

1315

I was reading a post on the welcome forum and I had a thought....



If you had a young teen 12 - 16 who was out of control and you couldn't find a way to rein her in... would you put her on birthcontrol without telling her?



Rationale being that you are hoping she isn't, hoping that if she doesn't know she is on birth control it will help keep her a little more retrained.



OOPS came back to edit....



And IF she is - you won't wind up a grandma before your time and she doesn't wind up a mom before hers.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

19 Comments

View replies by

Tracy - posted on 10/11/2009

217

18

8

I have always believed in giving information and feel my child will make better choices being informed. Luckly I don't have to worry about this yet but If I had a daughter I would tell her I'm putting her on birth control and give her condoms if I had too. If they are determined to do it then I would rather them be protected..I have some years to go yet before I have to worry about my battle plan.....lol. My son is only 15 months...

[deleted account]

Bless your heart. We're just really getting into the teething stage at 6 months (4 adjusted), although he first showed signs of teething at 4 months. He wouldn't latch though, which seems like a mixed blessing now-I wish I could've breastfed (we tried pumping but gave it up around 3 and a half months end because I was so tired), but it is nice not to be the only one who can get up with him.

Mary - posted on 10/11/2009

3,348

31

123

Sorry if my first post confused...I am severely sleep deprived at the moment ( a teething 10 month old who finds Mommy's boob the only source of comfort at 3am!)

[deleted account]

Quoting Mary:



Quoting Diana:




Quoting Mary:

No, I doubt I would, because, honestly, an unplanned pregnancy is not the worst consequence...the myriad of STD's out there, including HIV, scare me more. I would HOPE that if she was stupid and reckless enough to be sleeping around she would be using condoms. That would be the message I would try to beat into her...if you won't listen to me about refraining from sex, at least be smart enough to protect yourself with barrier methods.








But the BC has nothing to do with the STD's...So how does that justify giving her a drug without her knowledge?










Actually, BC and STD's go hand and hand.  If you can get pregnant, you can catch a nasty little STD along with that swimmer that could. I fear that just using a hormonal form of BC just leads to a false sense of security...Mom thinks she's "protecting" her. While things like the pill and Depo are more effective at preventing pregnancy, they do nothing to prevent the spread of STD's...only barrier methods protect you with that.   While I know that I could not stop her from having sex, I can drill into her all the nasty things that  unprotected sex can lead to.  As someone who has worked in obstetrics for over 10 years, I can assure you that teens seem to respond better to scare tactics about STD's than they do about pregnancy...for some reason a smelly green discharge scares them more than having a baby. 






Putting her on BC without her knowledge is deceitful...it would be me engaging in behavior that I was trying to discourage in her.  How could I expect honesty and openess from my daughter if I was the kind of person who would put chemicals in her body without her knowledge?  And, like I've already stated, an unplanned pregnancy, while life-altering, is not (to me) the WORST possible outcome from unprotected sex.





I get what you're saying-I was just confused because the wording of your previous post made it seem, to me, like you were suggesting that you'd give her the BC without her knowledge because it would not only prevent pregnancy but STD's-and I thought surely you knew that BC doesn't prevent STD's. =)



I totally agree though-you could destroy a relationship with a young girl by being deceitful rather than open and up front about things. And there are much, much scarier things than babies, though at a certain age (or maybe at any age...lol...I don't think we're ever as ready as we think we are) a baby is a frightening consequence.

Mary - posted on 10/11/2009

3,348

31

123

Quoting Diana:



Quoting Mary:

No, I doubt I would, because, honestly, an unplanned pregnancy is not the worst consequence...the myriad of STD's out there, including HIV, scare me more. I would HOPE that if she was stupid and reckless enough to be sleeping around she would be using condoms. That would be the message I would try to beat into her...if you won't listen to me about refraining from sex, at least be smart enough to protect yourself with barrier methods.






But the BC has nothing to do with the STD's...So how does that justify giving her a drug without her knowledge?






Actually, BC and STD's go hand and hand.  If you can get pregnant, you can catch a nasty little STD along with that swimmer that could. I fear that just using a hormonal form of BC just leads to a false sense of security...Mom thinks she's "protecting" her. While things like the pill and Depo are more effective at preventing pregnancy, they do nothing to prevent the spread of STD's...only barrier methods protect you with that.   While I know that I could not stop her from having sex, I can drill into her all the nasty things that  unprotected sex can lead to.  As someone who has worked in obstetrics for over 10 years, I can assure you that teens seem to respond better to scare tactics about STD's than they do about pregnancy...for some reason a smelly green discharge scares them more than having a baby. 



Putting her on BC without her knowledge is deceitful...it would be me engaging in behavior that I was trying to discourage in her.  How could I expect honesty and openess from my daughter if I was the kind of person who would put chemicals in her body without her knowledge?  And, like I've already stated, an unplanned pregnancy, while life-altering, is not (to me) the WORST possible outcome from unprotected sex.

Kimberly - posted on 10/10/2009

196

16

10

As much as I wanted to I don't think that I could. I would maybe say you need to get the depo or something that lasts longer and she doesn't need to be responsible and take every day but I could not do it without her knowing. I know when I was a teen if I found out my mom was doing that I would feel betrayed and probably act out even more. But, I was a teen mom so at the same time I wouldn't want her to be too.



I also think it would be a bad idea from the medical side. If there was an emergency and she needed to go to the hospital and you weren't there the doctors would have no idea that she was on it and maybe give her something harmful. I know that most things are okay to take with birth control but I'm sure there are a few things out there that aren't and can be dangerous.

Natalie - posted on 10/10/2009

225

10

23

No, I'd put her on birth control, then explain it's because I'm concerned about her behavior and don't want her to pay a heavy price for it. I would then remove opportunities for her to get into a compromising position (no dates, no unchaperoned parties, no closing the door to her room), and let her earn privileges back over time. During this likely difficult time for her, I would be open and willing to listen to her without judgment. I wouldn't put her on total lockdown, just keep her supervised.

[deleted account]

lol...Yeah, I've had to edit a couple of posts, and a few that I haven't edited came out all wrong.



hehe...Love the laundry thing. If hubby didn't do his own I might do the same.



Oh, and I totally understood it-maybe it's because I'm tired, too. My parents have had my son for a couple of days so I can get some work done, and my dad just can't stand for him to be in the crib, so he's been putting him in the bed with them around 2 a.m. or so. Now my 6 month old who was sleeping 8 or 9 hours at night is only sleeping 4 hours at a time. *sigh*

Sharon - posted on 10/10/2009

11,585

12

1315

I'm sorry - that doesn't make much sense either - I'm tired, lol I was up till 1 am. I had to pick up my son from his highschool dance at midnight and I can't nap or it'll screw up my sleep routine... now I sound like I'm 6mths old.....

Sharon - posted on 10/10/2009

11,585

12

1315

Thank god for the edit button or I think most of my posts would read that way all the time, lmao. I tend to bang out a response and move on to my next house chore.



I've taken to raining laundry on people as they sit around the house. So far, I'm the only one who finds it hysterically funny.

[deleted account]

Quoting Sharon:

I think Mary meant that she wouldn't give BCwithout her daughters knowledge.

AND that she had other worries besides pregnancy. LOL the rest was just a little stray tangent that didn't seem to fit. I'm guessing!



lol...Ok, that makes more sense. I was slightly concerned.

Sharon - posted on 10/10/2009

11,585

12

1315

I think Mary meant that she wouldn't give BCwithout her daughters knowledge.



AND that she had other worries besides pregnancy. LOL the rest was just a little stray tangent that didn't seem to fit. I'm guessing!

[deleted account]

Quoting Mary:

No, I doubt I would, because, honestly, an unplanned pregnancy is not the worst consequence...the myriad of STD's out there, including HIV, scare me more. I would HOPE that if she was stupid and reckless enough to be sleeping around she would be using condoms. That would be the message I would try to beat into her...if you won't listen to me about refraining from sex, at least be smart enough to protect yourself with barrier methods.



But the BC has nothing to do with the STD's...So how does that justify giving her a drug without her knowledge?

[deleted account]

I wouldn't do it without knowledge-and I don't even really know how you would, as you need a 'scrip for that (at least here you do.) The type of BC given could be the wrong one for her-like with my first BC I was nuts because the hormone levels were too high for my body.



I also have to agree with Lindsay. Clearly if it got to that point there would be tons of other issues, but when the daughter found out what the mother had done, any amount of self esteem or trust she had in her mother would be destroyed, as her mother not only didn't trust her enough to be smart about sex, but was unwilling to have a real conversation about the issue and be up front about it.

Jeannette - posted on 10/10/2009

911

3

78

No, I wouldn't put either of my daughters on bc without telling them. I believe in keeping the lines of communication open, and sometimes that involves an open mind. I prefer to discuss issues with them and pretend they have half a brain. When we get into discussions I often find out how they think and why...and we often agree on subjects, or we disagree but I still love them.
I love and trust them, (not to not make mistakes, but to be able to handle factual subject matter) I want them to love and trust me. So far, and they are not completely independent, we are good!

Sharon - posted on 10/10/2009

11,585

12

1315

Oh for sure - the lecture about STDs and how much better a condom is WITH BC - and the pregnancy talk - but I mean beyond all that, you've said it and she's looking at you like "geeze mom you're dumb" - I so remember giving my mom that look.

Mary - posted on 10/10/2009

3,348

31

123

No, I doubt I would, because, honestly, an unplanned pregnancy is not the worst consequence...the myriad of STD's out there, including HIV, scare me more. I would HOPE that if she was stupid and reckless enough to be sleeping around she would be using condoms. That would be the message I would try to beat into her...if you won't listen to me about refraining from sex, at least be smart enough to protect yourself with barrier methods.

Lindsay - posted on 10/10/2009

3,532

26

267

I can't say that I would give BC without knowledge. While that may prevent me from becoming a grandparent sooner (or not) I can't imagine not having a discussion about it with them. And if they find out, what will they think? Mom doesn't believe in me enough to be up front about it. At some point, kids have to learn to be responsible for their own actions. I'm all for providing BC for my children when it gets to that point, but ultimately they are the ones that have to use it. At some point you have to trust yourself enough to know that you've taught your children well and trust that they have been given imformation and knowledge to make their own decisions and understand the consequenses.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms