Tell me to start on the next kid one more time!!!!!!! I dare you >:-O

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 01/22/2011 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I had my second son 7 years later…. many people ask me when will we try for another…and I say not for a few years like 4-7years…and then they get a bewildered look on their face, like why wait so long??!!
I say something along the lines of… first off, I want to secondly having two or more babies can be overwhelming, (manageable, but overwhelming none the less) then a baby and a kid..unless you just have some bratty kids to begin with then your screwed either way.

I don’t looked shocked when I know someone is prego again and again and again when their child is barely a year old or only just turned a year!…ect
If you see a look of shock on my face its because im thinking how will she stay sane with 3+ babies under the age of 3??

Its really irritating when I get the shocked looks and then people telling me when we should start on the next one…”um hello my son is barely a year out the V-JJ!!” (I didn’t think it was a big deal, apparently the people im around think so…
To me when you wait 15-18years later..that is a huge gap)

So it’s obvious that (Majority of the time) we all have free choice in when we have kids, how many…ect

My question is…..

“!s it better to have kids back to back or space it out??” and why? Is there such thing as “Waiting to long”

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Johnny - posted on 01/22/2011

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The only poor choice in how you choose to space out your kids is listening to other people's opinions on how to space out your kids. Otherwise, whatever feels right for you and your family is ALWAYS the choice to make.

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Kim - posted on 01/24/2011

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If you have them closer together they can be friends. My 2 Brothers and I were all born pretty close together. I wasn't even 3 when the youngest was born. I bet it was hard on my Mother, especially since my Dad was gone shortly after, with us so young but then we could all do things around the same time, together.
I had a 7 yr old boy, and a 4 yr old girl when I had my last girl. The older 2 loved to go ice skating, bike riding, bowling, and it got harder when the baby was a very active Toddler and I had to avoid certain places. But thankfully she was a girl because now the 2 girls play together a lot. I was aiming for them to all be 2.5 yrs or so a part, but God had other plans. It was easier having 2 older kids this last time, they could do things for themselves while I took care of the baby. When I had my 2nd it was hard because she cried all the time and my son didn't understand and wasn't even 3 so he couldn't do much for himself. So it is a matter of choice. If you want them to be close and have a hard time for a bit or if you want it easier but not have your kids be close.

[deleted account]

I am going to speak from a child's point of view. There are pros and cons to both sides. back to back children get to have playmates, as well as learn things closer to their own skill sets from each other and they are just closer friends. (most of the time) They also don't ever know the one on one time with the parents the way the older or only child would. Further apart means that the child gets a lot more one on one time with both parents, however, they WILL feel put upon, defensive, and just irritated when another baby does come along even if not at first they WILL have these feelings.
I had both. Mainly because I was a teen mom. I prefer the back to back just because of all the pros. We get around the one on one time by making one on one time with each child through each week or day. (day if possible.)

[deleted account]

I don't really know whether it's better to have them close together or spaced out a few years, but I share your irritation when people tell me I need to start working on our next baby--we're not having one.
When I tell them we are finished, a lot of people go into this long spiel about how selfish I'm being and how my son will be scarred for life because I forced him to grow up as an only child......ugh, some people.

I don't tell people with a bunch of kids their kids are going to be scarred from attention deprivation and having share everything, why do they feel the need to comment on mine??

Bonnie - posted on 01/23/2011

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You have to do what is right for you and what you feel you can handle best. No one is going to take care of your kids other than you. If people want you to go have another so badly, tell them to go have one, than they will probably sing a different song.
As for me, my 2 boys are 21 months apart. I like the approximately 2 year age difference. It wasn't all that difficult when the second was born. The first was still in diapers and had recently finished using a highchair and a crib. Everything was already out and waiting for the next one so to speak. I sometimes wish I had a bit more time with my first as a toddler, but overall it worked out well.
I want one more, my husband keeps putting it off of course. People sometimes ask, "so when is the next one? Oh your first 2 kids are 21 months apart, that means you are way past your pattern and you either should be pregnant right now or on your way to be? ugh" The line that has to aggrivate me the most is from my husband, "oh it's my sister's turn." We had our first than she had her first and then shortly after we had our second. The thing is she doesn't want a second. So he says this on purpose and drives me insane. My kids are now almost 2.5 and 4. If it was up to me, I would be pregnant right now.
Back to back can sometimes have its advantages, but so can waiting, like having one out of diapers and sleeping through the night before having another and enjoying more time alone with the first. As far as waiting too long, I wouldn't personally, but to each their own.

Jenn - posted on 01/23/2011

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I think it's entirely up to you to decide. For me though I like kids to be within 4 years or less together. I think when you start making a bigger gap there is less chance that the siblings will bond and play together and be close. In the case of HUGE age gaps - like when one child is basically an adult or is an adult and then you have another baby, the tight bond still isn't there, but the older sibling would be more appreciative of a baby than say if they were 8 and here comes a baby to take all of their attention that they were so used to getting for those 8 years and then the sibling rivalry ensues.

Becky - posted on 01/22/2011

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Yes, I agree, Shannen. It was an easy transition for me between 1 and 2 because I already had one in diapers, one not sleeping through the night, etc, so what was adding one more. If I had to go back to it all after being done for a few years, it'd be a much harder adjustment.

[deleted account]

You do what you need to.

I had my children close together. Between 1 & 2 is 21mths and betweem 2 & 3 is 24mths. I LOVE it but it is hard money wise but mentally i think it is what works for us. I don't think i could go back to nappies and sleepless nights if i had gotten out of them fully.

[deleted account]

I personally do not want more than 3 years between my kids, but that is because i grew up with my brother and sister (we were all born within 4 years), but as the others have said, there is no right or wrong answer, u just have to do whats right for you, and stuff anyone who disrespects that!

Becky - posted on 01/22/2011

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I agree with Carol that whatever works for your family is what is best. That said, my husband has two brothers - one is 2 years older than he is, one is 8 years older. He says he is much closer to the one who is 2 years older, because the one who was 8 years older was in a totally different stage in his life and didn't really want to hang out with his younger brothers.
Ours are 18 months apart and we are trying for a third. If I got pregnant this month, our youngest would be just over 2 when #3 came along. We want it this way for a couple of reasons. 1- we started later in life, so we don't really have the time to space them out too much - I'll be 35 this summer and don't really want to be having kids much past that, and 2- we just think it's nice to have them close together. They're more likely to have similar interests and be at similar stages in life at the same time, and, when we're done, we're done. It'll be crazy for a while, but once they're all school age, we can do stuff as a family that you can't do (or not as well) with newborns, like take roadtrips across North America, go to Disney World, go out to Africa, etc. If we spaced them out by 7-8 years, by the time the youngest was old enough to really appreciate stuff like that, the oldest would be practically ready to leave home and probably no longer interested in family trips!

Joanna - posted on 01/22/2011

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I wanted to space out my girls for one reason - I wanted to give all my attention to my first for awhile, and just enjoy her. We wanted 2 - 2 1/2 years between them, but it took awhile for me so they are a little over 3 years apart. Though some days I wish I'd waited longer because I don't get much time with her anymore.

Carolyn - posted on 01/22/2011

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i plan to have my kids 3 -4 years apart. That way i get to enjoy each one being a baby all on their own, and can save my sanity :) So when Logan is about ready to go to school, I will start working on the next, then when that one is school age, if we decide on another one, well go again.

There are also some renos i need to do to my house to accomodate more children and well to make it the family home i want. We got our basement redone while i was pregnant for Logan so that we had a nursery beside our bedroom, and a great living/play area for the family. Next is upstairs, where the other room is, so i need my monster to be old enough to handle stairs before moving him out of what is our nursery.

Ill also get a break from work every few years =P and only have 1 child in daycare to pay for at a time. Also wont have to worry about what my 2 year old is doing while baby is on a nursing marathon and dad is at work etc.. thats my plan.

I say more power to those who can pull it off back to back without struggling mentally or financially.

But i know spacing it out will work best for me. unless the universe has other plans lmao

[deleted account]

i like having an 8 year old brother. my sister tina who is 16 doesnt...HAHAHA the eldest are a year apart each...i hated being close in age growing up....

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 01/22/2011

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Exactly Carol…that’s what im saying! :-0)
As long as your happy with your family…do whatever

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