The "Modern" Dad

Johnny - posted on 08/21/2010 ( 21 moms have responded )

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http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/20/p.m...





I found this article fairly unsurprising, given that the majority of our friends who are parents are involved fathers, even in divorce scenarios. My own dad was very involved in my life, and definitely fit into this "modern" dad idea that this father is describing. At the same time, throughout society, it is clear that there are a good proportion of men who never take any responsibility at all, financial or otherwise, for their offspring. It is a bit of an odd dichotomy, some men becoming much more involved with the raising of their kids, right down to being the stay-at-home parent, while another group is staying completely removed from the lives of their progeny.



The part I found most interesting in this article are the responses. They may just be trolls, but there are sure a lot of posters calling involved fathers pussies and wimps, and suggesting that women don't like men who aren't "real men".



So what do you think... is this increasing involvement of dads a good thing? Would/does it make you jealous to have the other parent so immersed in your child's daily life? Do you think involved fathers or stay-at-home dads are wimps or unattractive for their non-traditional choices?

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Sharon - posted on 08/22/2010

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Bawahahahahahaaa!!!! OMG thats funny as hell. I like REAL men myself.

involved fathers, modern fathers - whatever you want to call them ARE real men.

I bullied, bitched and beat my husband into being a "modern" father. Actually it wasn't that hard. He changed diapers, fed the babies etc. It was the christmas programs at school that required him taking time off that stymied him from being a real dad. he just had this mental attitude of "I can do the next thing instead." now that the youngest is growing up - he's frantic to catch up with everything.

I've heard the boys say "he never did that for us." There isn't a whole lot to say to that except show them the lesson that took their dad years to figure out... "there is no next thing." Every single time could be the LAST thing. And for kids every THING is a big thing. You do not disappoint your kids. You do NOT lie to them. You do NOT make false promises. My kids have always taken their medicine - because I told the truth. "yeah its gonna taste nasty but if you drink it really fast - you can have this drink/candy afterwards to help take the bad taste away." He never got that. Always thought lying was better. Now he knows. He lied to our daughter while I was gone about her medicine and we had to fight for MONTHS to get her to take it without a huge battle. dumbass.

Ez - posted on 08/21/2010

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I agree with Amie. Anyone who would label a loving, engaged father as a pussy has got to be jealous. Frankly, as a single mother with a completely absent ex, there's nothing more attractive than a man relishing his role as a father.

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[deleted account]

My husband was 9 years old when his little sister was born. I saw pictures of him playing with her, she put bows in his hair, she even put makeup on his face, all the while he was smiling. If I could fall in love with him any deeper, I would drown. Now we have a daughter of our own and I can't wait to watch them play together! She already brings him books to read to her and gets so excited that daddy is home she practically falls off the couch when she hears the door open :) I LOVE my modern man!

[deleted account]

I have a good male friend who recently became a stay at home dad. His 20-month-old daughter is having some developmental problems so she needs several different therapies each week. His wife has a more stable, better paying job, so he's the one that left work to care for their daughter. We've had a play date together and are planning another for next week. He's been desperatly trying to find a play group, but none of them ALLOW DADS!!!!!! WHAT THE HECK!!!!! He said it was a "safety" and "comfort" issue. Whatev. More like this quote from the article:

"Earlier this year, researchers interviewed 78 couples with 8-month-old infants. They found that a mother's self-esteem was lowered if they thought the father was capable and hands-on and spending more time with the children."

Anyway, I love my hands-on dad, who is now a hands-on Paw Paw. He's my daughter's favorite person. My husband is very hands-on as well. His work schedule allows for him to come to all our daughter's appointments and my OB appointments. He also has not qualms about taking our daughter with him on his errands (so I can get housework done without distraction) or playing tea party and letting her put bows in his hair. And he loves every minute of it! As do I.

Krista - posted on 08/23/2010

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Any guy who calls an involved dad a wimp really needs to get a life and stop being so proud of being an asshole. Hell, there are some jerks out there who gloat about how they never changed one diaper -- their wives did them all. Yeah, 'cause that's something to be proud of.

I think that fathers should be JUST as involved as mothers, and by that I don't just mean diaper and dinner duty. I mean arranging doctor's visits, keeping up on immunizations, knowing when it's time to buy new winter boots, all the ADMINISTRATIVE stuff that we mothers tend to take on.

*Lisa* - posted on 08/23/2010

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I definitely think that a hands-on dad is awesome!! Seems much more attractive as Dana said.

[deleted account]

I'm jumping in here late at night and I'm tired but I just wanted to post a quick something before I head to bed. I haven't read anyone elses comments yet either.

I find it EXTREMELY attractive to watch Chad with our daughter. He's totally hands on and I believe it's really helped take our relationship to the next level. SUPER SEXY, very attractive, commendable, and endearing.

Jaime - posted on 08/22/2010

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So what about now Teresa? Forgive me if this is too forward or personal, but you are not with your ex anymore...is there a chance for you and this other man now?

[deleted account]

The only noninvolved father I personally know is my ex. Personally I find a man willing to care for, nuture, and support his children EXTREMELY attractive. That would actually be why I had to temporarily lose one of my best friends (male) during the last couple of years of my marriage. HE was the kind of father that I desperately wished my ex would be and it was causing unhealthy thoughts in my head.....

Tara - posted on 08/22/2010

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I think any man who calls a dedicated father a pussy is simply operating from the recesses of his caveman brain.
My ex is a very involved dad, so is my current partner. I wouldn't take anything less.
The idea that it is women's work to raise a baby is wrong. Involved dads contribute to our future as a society and as a species. Where as fathers who deny their child that relationship are contributing to the decline of our society.

Rosie - posted on 08/22/2010

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i think it's a GREAT thing to be so involved in your childs life when you are a father, and i find it attractive as hell when i see a man doting on his children. shit, my son kindergarten teacher is a male, and just the fact that he's male makes me have a little crush on him, lol!! (doesn't hurt that he's good looking either, hehe) but a man who can teach and care about kindergarteners? really says something about his charachter.

no it wouldnt make me jealous to have my husband be involved in his childrens lives. in fact i would like him to do more. he's not completely absent, but he's really never home or awake. the time he does spend with the boys is great when he does it, i just wish that he would get involved with more of the schooling aspects, and while he does go out and play with them, i wish he would do it more often and take the initiative to do it himself when he's by himself with them. i don't think he's ever just taken the boys to the park if i wasn't there. maybe i'm asking for too much?...

Jaime - posted on 08/22/2010

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Being a single mom, I can absolutely appreciate the increasingly-commonplace phenomenon of the involved, 'modern' dad.



I have to wonder what people really believe a 'real' man to be...if not a dedicated, involved, loving, strong, and passionate person? To suggest that a real man has displaced emotion to the point where he is unable to connect with his children, but pours himself into his work to gain some sort of corporate respect...seems a bit backward to me. I'm inclined to think that our notion of what constitutes a real man, is taking a drastic turn and it's leaving a bitter taste in the mouths of people that have a difficult time accepting that their ideals are flawed.



Labeling involved fathers as pussies or wimps, or being a jealous mom because the kids are having fun with dad...these are the consequences of industrialization. After the second world war, there was a huge push for men to get back out into the work force, and for women to regain their role in the home in order to stabilize the economy after such devastation. Men in the public sector and women in the private sector...and it remained that way for a long, long time. But now, as women are trying to board the glass elevator, there is a shift in the male and female roles in relation to societal structure. Some women have better paying jobs, whereby it is more economically sound for them to return to work and the husband stay home for the term of parental leave. How this translates to a man being a wimp, I have yet to figure out. I think ultimately what we are realizing is that tradition, in all its sentiment and historical significance, is not necessarily the direction of the future.

Jessica - posted on 08/22/2010

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Woah, I don't know why people would say that about involved dads- that is baffling to me. I agree- jealous! Though why express it that way?

My DH is awesome as a dad. He helps with everything with our son, and my son totally adores him! Sometimes I think my son likes him more than me lol (well, he's only 14 months). He would totally be a sahd if he could. Its so cute seeing how excited he is over my pregnancy and for the next baby too- so sweet. Like pp said it makes me love him more!

[deleted account]

I completely agree with Loureen my hubby is a modern dad and I can think of nothing sexier than seeing my hubby WANT and ENJOY being with our son! He looks after him, feeds him, cleans him, plays with him and STILL has time to cook me a beautiful dinner - I just wish he could be more 'modern' in his cleaning ability gqtm.

Charlie - posted on 08/22/2010

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i posted , looked over my shoulder and saw Jamie cooking dinner :D

Charlie - posted on 08/22/2010

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Jamie is a modern dad and it makes him even hotter as if i couldn't love him any more then we go and have kids and he shows me what an amazing father and supportive partner he is *swoon *

people who suggest otherwise are jealous.

My dad although divorced from my mother was also a very modern dad , i guess its true , i did find someone like my dad :D

Amie - posted on 08/21/2010

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I'd say those types of women are jealous.

Dad's being involved is a good thing, it does not make them a wimp or unattractive.

I'm not jealous of my husband's involvement. I'm grateful for it.

Nikki - posted on 08/21/2010

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My husband is a "Modern Dad" except for the stay at home part, although we have considered it a few times. He is completely hands on. and like the author said he was holding my leg through labor, he was my rock. He has always been my best friend. Then our son was born and for the first 3 weeks he took off work and stayed home with me and even since the day he went back nothing has changed from the second he gets home from work til the second he leaves he shares all the duties of parenthood. He plays with our son, takes him out and is in my eyes the best father I could have asked for for our little boy. He helps me wash bottles,m do laundry , clean up, we take turns giving my son a bath and reading him a story and putting him to bed, waking up for night feedings, night terrors, teething. My husband doesnt get to spend much time at home with our son so every second to him counts. Once our son goes to bed, he will read all his hockey news, play PS3 and enjoy a beer or two but only then after he has gone to bed. And after an hour or so of him having "his" he catches up with me, we watch movies cuddle in bed , read funny articles on the net and just dream about our future and all the things we want . My husband is not a sap, he's a typical guy who has his nights out with the boys once a week, as I have mine too. He just LOVES his son and would do anything in the world to make him smile and laugh. Hes not afraid to be a real father, when both of us never really had role model parents, or ones whom were involved in our lives, he wants our son to have what we never did.

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