The only one? Deciding to have only one child

Katherine - posted on 11/15/2010 ( 27 moms have responded )

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I got this from the welcome page. A woman asked if she was being selfish not wanting to have any more children. She has one nd she feels guilty...about not giving her daughter a sibling but doesn't want another.



What are you thoughts on this? Is it fair to be the only child? Is it better? Worse?http://www.parenting.com/article/fertili...

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Jodi - posted on 11/15/2010

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Actually, that woman on the Welcome page was deciding on having only one child because she is paranoid about little girls being kidnapped - she makes it sound like it happens all the time, and she worries she can't watch more than one child cloesly enough to prevent this from happening. IMO, that is not a reason to only have one child. Instead, it is an unhealthy fear, if this is the main reason she feels this way.

Bonnie - posted on 11/15/2010

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@Jodi, I think the woman that posted that concern watches the news too much and listens to other people too much. You want a family, you have one. Don't stop at one because you are worried what could happen to your child if you have more and can't keep a close enough eye on her. Honestly, what is she going to do when her daughter is 18 and practically on her own? I think there will be some regrets.

That's just my opinion.

[deleted account]

Roxanne is most likely going to be an only child and I have absolutely NO problem with that. There are pros and cons to this, like most other topics, but I'll be the first to admit, it's a sore spot for me.



I can't stand the bullshit argument that only children are spoiled and if ANYONE says it, I'm warning you, my head may explode! Won't be pretty...

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27 Comments

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Johnny - posted on 11/15/2010

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I loved being an only child.

I want to have 2.

If I was that paranoid and crazy, I'd probably have 5 minimum to insure against any losses.

Amanda - posted on 11/15/2010

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I think it's a personal decision. I don't think I would of wanted to stop after one. I had my son early, and I wouldn't take it back. Than 3 yrs later came my daughter. Everyone else thought I should of gotten my tubes tied and been done, since I had a boy and a girl. But I didn't want to be done. I wanted at least one more child. So than I had 2 more daughters. I don't regret any one of my children! I love them all! I think the more you have the funner it is! The more chaos and craziness! You're never bored! Your children help entertain one another! They have this strong love for eachother and that's the best! But I've had friends and family with only 1 child, and they had pretty much everything they wanted, were pretty independent, but had wished they'd had a sibling. I have a younger sister, and am glad my parents had her!! But to each his own I guess!

Katherine - posted on 11/15/2010

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That was kind of my point with this post. I guess I should have clarified and changed the title lol. You don't not have kids because you're paranoid, that's my opinion. If that were the case, I'm in trouble with 2 girls.

Nikkole - posted on 11/15/2010

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No i dont think it will ensure anything i just know i was an only child for 5yrs and i wished i had a little sister or brother and i got two sisters even tho we went that close in age i still had a blast when we were little now there nightmares lol but i just know i loved having a sibling growing up!

Stifler's - posted on 11/15/2010

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I agree, with you guys being paranoid about abduction is unhealthy. Abduction is a reality but it also happens to people with only one kid.

[deleted account]

Jodi - you're right. If that is the only reason she doesn't want to have another child then I too think it's just an unhealthy paranoid fear.

Nikkole - do you think having a second child will ensure that the other isn't lonely? Lonely comes in many different ways and having a sibling won't solve that.

Stifler's - posted on 11/15/2010

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I have one child at the moment and I can't stand it. Not the kid, the fact that he is bored and I have to leave the house/invite others over so he can play with other kids. I can't wait until the next one is born and they are a bit older playing together like having a friend by default like I did growing up. He would end up getting spoiled if there was just him, but that's just us. We grew up with nothing and now we want our kids to have more than we did. If someone is content with one kid then that's their prerogative.

Nikkole - posted on 11/15/2010

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My son LOVES having a little sister i think only children can be lonley sometimes just my opinion! But my son wants to buy things for her all the time he will say mom you can get me and bella that to share? and he loves to help me pick out clothes or watch me give her a bath!

[deleted account]

@Dana - I've only just realised who you are Dana DOH! I had been thinking "Oh, another Dana, that's gonna confuse me!" LOL. Obviously I'm just having a slow day.

I want heaps, for my own selfish reasons and I think that's ok. Someone else wants only 1? That's their choice and I can totally understand that. You have to do what's right for YOU and YOUR family not what other people think is the 'right' way.

[deleted account]

I didn't ansewr the question in the OP. I don't think it's any better or worse to be an only child or one of __ . I think it's all in how you are raised. I'm one of 3 and we get along,probably because we live in different spots in the country and talk once a year. My hubby has one sister, they don't get along. My FIL was an only and hated it but from what I've heard about his childhood, it would have been miserable whether or not he had siblings.

[deleted account]

I have one and I'm only having one. My SIL thinks I need to have another because, according to her, I don't have enough to do. WHAT?? My MIL wants me to have another just because she wants more grandkids. Hubby and I are more than happy to have just the one, we're lucky to have and aren't taking any chances by having another.

Nikkole - posted on 11/15/2010

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I only want two but i would have more if i didnt have to have a c section but my doctor wont let me try natural! So my husbands getting a vasectomy in 2 weeks

[deleted account]

We'd like on more so we'd have two. Our resons for this being are mainly financial. I was one of two and hubby one of four and his parents struggled to make ends meet. I have a friend who's an only child and she hates it - made worse by the fact that her parents separated when she was around 10. Obviously that's not true for every only child but I guess we have more love to give and we don't want Logan to be an only child either =]

Joanna - posted on 11/15/2010

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I think I asked the same question a year or so ago. Even now with our second here, I have moments where i wonder if we made a mistake... Guanine a newborn doesn't give me much time with my oldest and I feel guilty. I'm sure once my newborn is older and can play I'll start to see the benefits of them being siblings, but for now I just miss spoiling my first with all my affection.

Lacye - posted on 11/15/2010

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I don't know if I want another child. Right now, no. I'm happy with my daughter and my soon to be step daughter. But maybe in a few years when Lily goes to school and I have a good steady job and money is less tight, maybe. We will just have to see what God sends our way.

Bonnie - posted on 11/15/2010

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I have a younger brother and my husband has a younger sister so we both know what it is like to have siblings. An only child has no idea what it is like to have siblings, so the parents should not have any guilt really.

[deleted account]

I want another -- I just don't know if it's in the cards.

How parents raise their children shapes who they are and how they act, NOT whether or not they have siblings. Just sayin...

Tah - posted on 11/15/2010

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I know that some parents want one, but I am glad i have siblings, someone to play with, talk to, fight with, and vent about mommy and daddy with. Dinners and holidays are happy, huge and full of love and i love it. I love being an auntie and that my children have aunts and uncles and cousins and fun times. Not saying that only children don't have fun, i just lean toward the at least 2 side.

Tah - posted on 11/15/2010

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Only children are so spoiled..geez.. i mean they are selfish and not sociable...(putting up my umbrella for Dana's head explosion)..lmbo...okay okay, it's the no sleep and benedryl working together...lol

Sharon - posted on 11/15/2010

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Why in the world would she feel guilty about it?

Nah nothing wrong with having one child or being an only child.

Katherine - posted on 11/15/2010

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I responded too. I think it's the parents choice BUT I'm glad I had a brother to grow up with. In fact I was always begging my mom for a sister. Ha ha little did I know. Her worry was bringing another child into thos world with everything going on. Well, she already has one and you just can't worry about everything or you'll make yourself nuts!
I worry, but I like to think I can offer protection for my kids, and morals and values.
I can teach them not to talk to strangers and put them in Safety Town s they learn how to get away from potential kidnappers. Is it 100% failproof? Heck no, but it offers some semblance of peace.

Louise - posted on 11/15/2010

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I have just replied to that post and I feel there are pluses on both sides. An only child benefits financially than having many children and also has one to one attention from it's parents but misses social skills learnt with growing up with other kids. having more than one gives them skills of how to deal with other people and many social skills needed to grow up in todays society but they also have to share parental attention and can not always do what they want to because of financial limitations. But at the end of the day a child gets used to his surroundings siblings or not and will thrive if they are in a loving environment. It really does not matter how many children you have it is the way you bring them up that matters.

Laura - posted on 11/15/2010

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eh, 1, 10 it's everyone's personal choice. As long as they can support them. My in-laws thought I should stop at two because they only had two but I'm carrying my 3rd. I think it's great for children to have a sibling(or more) but if they only want/can have one kid then that's what they want, who am I to say differently.

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