the right to be jealous and upset...

Tah - posted on 10/06/2010 ( 19 moms have responded )

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So i came in on sister wives tonight and the first wife seemed so upset over the new "fiancee" of this guy. Also the pregnant wife was upset that they sealed their engagement with a kiss....This is my thing, if i marry into a situation where there are other women or at least know the ground rules when i start, do i have the right to cry and be upset and jealous?...i know it would happen because we are human, but should they just shut up and suck it up because it's what they chose?....

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Amie - posted on 10/06/2010

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They were upset about the kiss because when he was courting all 3 of them, there was no kissing until after they were married.

There's a difference also to having 3 wives and starting an entire family with them. Then so many years later going out and finding another one, who already has kids, to add into the original mix.

It's going to be interesting as it keeps unfolding I'm sure.

I wouldn't say they don't have the right to their emotions though. Just because they are polygamists doesn't mean those feelings weren't initially there with each new wife. They seem to be getting over it just fine, it takes time. All change does.

Cat - posted on 10/07/2010

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I think if any of them are going to get jealous and weepy then obviously they're not in the right relationship for them... They went into it knowing there'd be other women, so there's pretty much an expectation of 'suck it up and deal with it'

Stifler's - posted on 10/06/2010

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I agree, they signed up for polygamy so they don't have the right to be jealous. If you want to be the only one then have a husband who only has the one wife - you.

April - posted on 10/06/2010

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yes...suck it up. if you want monogamy, then don't marry a guy with multiple wives. sorry.

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They are expected to suck it up and not get jealous. Thats the problem with this sort of relationship, it is asking women to do something impossible. I don't blame them for getting upset, but they are free to leave at anytime and they frequently do when it gets too much for them. I feel sorry for the huge number of children born in this situation who'll probably never see a scrap of child support.

Stifler's - posted on 10/09/2010

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Having more than one husband is called polyandry and if there was no such thing it wouldn't have a name.

Tah - posted on 10/09/2010

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@Laura, i was watching a special on different tribes and there was one that lived in the rainforest ans she had 3 husbands, she also had a tree branch through her lip for decoration, so i wouldn't follow her either...

La - posted on 10/08/2010

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I have yet to see a woman have multiple husbands...until I see THAT happen I will continue to believe that polygamy is just an excuse for men, who couldn't otherwise be faithful in a monogamous relationship, to have sex with multiple partners and not get in trouble for it

Laressa - posted on 10/07/2010

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I feel sorry for the guy. (I know thats not the discussion, but anyway that's my first reaction.) My hubby has a full time job keeping 1 woman in line with my relationships to all the other females in my life, like sister and sisters-in-law, etc. Imagine them all living together, they'd need a full time councillor. The children would catch on the wives jealousy and it would be a complete nightmare. Yeah he's got a pretty big job. As it is I hardly get sex too often, :-)

Rosie - posted on 10/07/2010

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i agree with april too. she let go of her right to have jealousy when she willfully married this man.
if you want monogomay, marry a man who doesn't have other wives!

Kimberly - posted on 10/07/2010

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They aren't robots but they did choose this lifestyle. Why put yourself in the position to be jealous- repeatedly? You know it is bound to happen. So they'll be able to continually express that same feeling over and over and over as often as they feel it creeping up. I'd rather stuff. I can't watch, it's a train wreck. It's one thing to express your emotions but it becomes over kill - and the definition of insane- to keep expressing the same negative emotion without changing your circumstances. But I do love BIG LOVE on HBO.

Jackie - posted on 10/07/2010

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I don't think that because they chose that lifestyle they have to check their feeling at the door. They aren't robots. I don't get WHY someone would chose that lifestyle but jealousy is very real human emotion. The man of the house would surely have to take into consideration that he has to treat them all as equals and he can't do for one and not for the other, such as kissing the new woman when the other were deprived of that.

[deleted account]

I can understand *why* they are upset, but they knew what they were getting into, so I think they should have been prepared for that.

Lindsay - posted on 10/07/2010

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Well I think that she has every right to those feelings. Just because they may have chosen to live in a polygamous relationship doesn't mean that what they are feeling is less valid. I may not understand that way of living but as with any relationship, there are basic limits set. If they get crossed, why would it not upset the other ladies?

Kimberly - posted on 10/07/2010

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Yeah, the jealousy would have to be checked at the door. But Jesus, all those hormones- I bet the crying never ends. I couldn't take it. I couldn't be a lesbian either for the same reason. I couldn't take all the crying.

Amie - posted on 10/06/2010

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Ya I can't imagine living in a house, even with separate apartments, with 2 other families. OMG the hormones each month. They seem to work it all out.

I gotta admit, that many hands for yard work. That would be awesome.

Tah - posted on 10/06/2010

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thats how i felt..i was watching her cry like..didnt you sign up for this..?...

[deleted account]

Of course it would happen at times... hormones are wicked things, but I agree w/ April completely.

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