Today's society intolerant of parents?

Jenni - posted on 02/13/2011 ( 70 moms have responded )

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Has our society generally become more intolerant of parents and children?
Have you heard from others "It was your decision to become a parent." Did you agree? disagree? Feel guilty?
Do you think parents receive special treatment? Should receive it? Shouldn't? Don't receive enough?
Do you feel places of employment allow too many freedoms and benefits to their employees who are parents? Is it unfair to non-parent employees?

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Jenn - posted on 02/14/2011

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Why on earth would you have NO food in your house that you'd have to run to the store with a screaming child? If you didn't get a chance to get groceries and can't make a proper meal, fine - but give the kid a bowl of cereal, some crackers - SOMETHING! All it takes is some planning. I take all 3 kids grocery shopping by myself quite often (2 year old twin girls and a 5 year old son) and have NEVER had a tantrum or melt-down in the store. We make sure everyone has gone pee (or changed a bum), and isn't hungry before we start. I also usually make sure to have something tucked away in my purse/bag just in case (granola bars, raisins, etc.), and we don't go when it should be nap time. All common sense things really. Another things that helps to ward off tantrums - is TALK to your kid! I don't know how many times I see people out shopping with their kid in the cart and they're just ignoring them. When we're shopping, it's pretty much non-stop chit-chat - involve them in purchase decisions, give them one things that they have to remember to get so they feel like they are helping and being involved.

Krista - posted on 02/13/2011

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I think at that, point, Teresa, you keep the trip to only the bare necessities, and haul ass through the store as quickly as you can, mouthing "sorry!" to every person you pass by. ;)

In all seriousness, though, I think "sorry" DOES go a long way in situations like these.

I think a lot of people get angry not because the kid is screaming, but because while ignoring the child, the parent is also blithely ignoring everybody else and their discomfort. I think that if the parent at least acknowledged what was going on, by saying to onlookers, "I'm really sorry about this -- he's just not having a good day. I just have a couple more things to grab and then we'll be out of here," that would go a LONG way towards people becoming more tolerant of the situation.

Krista - posted on 02/13/2011

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I don't think parents deserve "special" treatment...but they definately deserve some empathy, understanding and to not be given evil glares everywhere they take their young child.

Exactly. I don't expect "special" treatment as a parent, but a little bit of patience? Yes. I would hope that people would show a little bit of patience towards me and my son, or towards the elderly lady who is taking a long time in the cashier line, or towards the celiac who has to ask 5 minutes' worth of questions at the restaurant to make sure that the dish she's ordering won't make her sick.

We've become so impatient and angry and stressed, and have no tolerance for anybody who has the temerity to inconvenience us, even in the slightest. It's ugly. I've been guilty of it, when I'm in a bad mood and in a hurry, and I'm ashamed of it.

As a culture, we all need to take a deep breath and ask ourselves, "Is this REALLY worth getting upset over?"

By the same token, as Katherine and Sharon said, there are some women who use motherhood as an excuse to not pull their weight at work, and that's not fair.

It would be nice if more companies instituted "personal days". My employer gives me 5 personal days a year, on top of my 5 sick days. So if my son is sick, I can stay home with him. And my coworkers don't resent it, because they have the same allotment of personal days, that they can use for their dental appointments, or if they need to go over their sick-day allotment, or what-have-you.

I think that if employers (and everybody else) recognizes that we're all human beings, and that our lives can sometimes be messy or noisy or inconvenient, and has patience with that, then our society as a whole would be much kinder.

Sara - posted on 02/13/2011

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I think workplace policies in the US are behind, they don't promote families at all. The amount of vacation/sick time/maternity time and job security surrounding that are lacking, IMO. I think that as a society, we should support and promote families. I mean, we want there to be a new generation to take over from us when we go, and we want that generation to be capable and educated, don't we? Everyone should want that, even people with no children.



As a parent, there are tiimes that i've had to take off work or leave work early because of a sick child. As a pregnant working mother, there are times I've been too sick to do my work. Do I think I deserve special treatment? Well, not really, but I do expect that my supervisors would try to understand that I'm normally a productive employee and that special circumstances do arise.



But I do know of the parents who use their children as an excuse all the time, and I'll admit that is fucking annoying!

Jenn - posted on 02/14/2011

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Are you implying that I don't keep my attention to my own kids? I don't always go shopping with my kids first of all, and secondly, it's pretty hard to ignore the kid behind you in line screaming their head off. Like I already said, it's not like I'm going to say anything or give them a "look" - but yeah, I'll think to myself that it's annoying - because it IS!

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Shop w/out kids? That would be sweet. Today was the first time in 6 weeks that I didn't have at least one kid w/ me.... for an hour while I got a haircut (first salon cut in over 18 years...).

Erica - posted on 02/15/2011

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I understand it may cause some problems in the future, right now she just doesn't want to go cause she doesn't want to do it period...but the only time I do this is when she started to throw stuff that is on the table or start banging on stuff. When toys, attempts at calming her down with warnings don't do it, that's when I go. I take her away from the distraction and a place where she can hear me and it's only me she can hear. I'm down at eye level and tell her what I kind of behavior I want.

Tara - posted on 02/15/2011

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@Erica,
I would hesitate to use the bathroom as a place of punishment and place to fear being 'popped' on the butt, diaper or no diaper. What happens when she is being potty trained? I wouldn't be surprised if you have some issues with her not wanting to use a public toilet!!
I don't believe in any form of physical punishment, but a baby? Because they are fidgety while waiting for food?

And as for your embarrassing moment, why was it embarrassing? Was your daughter intentionally being a rude to someone? Was she intentionally hurting someone else?
No she was crying, because she is a baby. No need to be embarrassed, empathetic to fellow fliers but not embarrassed.

Erica - posted on 02/15/2011

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When my child starts acting up, I usually tell her if she doesn't stop we are going to the bathroom, which is where I give her a stern talking to and tell her what I expect her to do. If she doesn't comply then we go back to the bathroom where she gets a pop on the diaper butt. But this is mostly at places to eat, when we are waiting for our food to come. She has gotten a lot better whenever I've said, "do I need to take you to the bathroom for a talk?" The Grocery Store, well I try to talk to her and keep her occupied, bringing some kind of toys with me.

I don't feel like I get any special treatment as a parent...I've never really thought about getting special treatment.

My horrible event where I felt so embarrassed and guilty and out of options were on a plane getting ready to take off. THAT was something I never want to experience again! She screamed for like an hour and half, asked the steward for warm water, and they said they were unable to warm the water until up in the air....the only thing we could use was the gerber prune juice and apple juice that we had, cause at that time she had problems with constipation, and give her all that we had....she was FINALLY asleep by the time we were getting ready to take off...but what an EMBARRASSING moment!

Jenni - posted on 02/15/2011

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@ Mary excellent point- Anyone with a different lifestyle choice is often the target of intolerence.



And I don't think it's anything new or exclusive to today's society. If anything I think we live in a society that preaches tolerance and have come leaps and bounds forward in the ways of discrimination and levels of tolerance for alternative lifestyle choices.

Mary - posted on 02/15/2011

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Hi Jennifer,
I understand what your saying. My viewpoint is that it's not just about parents...it's about an intolerance of anyone who appears to lead a different lifestyle. We are more tolerant of people (whether their, single, married or parents) if they appear to be alot like us. I don't believe it's about race or religion. I think it's about socio-economic class, general appearance and value system. If it's a mom & kids who appear to be poor or look dishelved in some way and her kids are acting up. We (as a society) tend to be more judgemental--"She shouldn't have had all those kids if she can't handle them." "Just 'cause you have kids, doesn't mean you're a parent" "I'd never let my kid act up like that" When MY kids were younger, I'd...." (you get the idea) If the person is more like us, looks more like us, has the same type of value system as us, we tend to be more forgiving. We say things like..."I remember when my kids were that age" "My kids used to do the same thing" "Poor woman, I know exactly what she's going through".

I did not have kids until I was in my 30's. When I was single, I would get frustrated b/c I was always working to "pick up slack" for coworkers who had kid emergencies, couldn't stay & finish a project 'cause they had to pick up kids at daycare, etc. Then I became a mom and suddenly I couldn't even get a job. Eventhough it's legally discriminatory tactics, some hiring mgrs would tell me point blank that moms are too unreliable. "You won't be able to work overtime when needed b/c of kids, you will use up all their sick time & vacations. I'd try to re-assure them that I had other people who assist me w/ the kids & I can make arrangements, but the mgrs. would just shake their head. Most mgrs. would just tell me I wasn't a "good fit". Then I'd discover later that the person who got the job was a younger, a single or a childless woman w/less experience, fewer skills & less education. I think society is intolerant of anyone who is in a different type of "life situation" and it just really hits home to us when we become parents b/c that's when it begins to affect us the most.

Jenn - posted on 02/15/2011

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I don't know, I don't think it was ever OK for a stranger to tell a mother to shut her kid up and for his to then slap the child across the face - I don't care what decade or century for that matter. And I know when we were kids, we ALL went grocery shopping together as a family every Thursday night, because that's Dad's pay day.

Barb - posted on 02/15/2011

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I think parents are expecting society to be more tolerant of them, if anything.

My grandmothers generation, pre WWII, mother's rarely worked outside of the home, so employers rarely made extra provisions for mothers.
Wherever i have worked, I have earned my off-days. (ex. I work 30 days, i get 1 sick day, 1 personal day, and .5 vacation day. ) So, whatever reason i so choose to take that day off, whether it's, i got too drunk the night before, or my child is sick, it is my business, i earned those days and i can take them off, and anyone has a problem with that can shove it up their ass.
Personally, i feel it is a benefit to society to encourage parents to be good, active, engaging parents, as they are raising our future support system.

In Grandma's day children were 'seen and not heard' and often excluded from public venues.
I recall as a child waiting in the car, for an hour or so while my mother did her grocery shopping..We didn't behave, we didn't go in. It didn't matter if we were 8 months, or 8 years.
My FIL was a grocery store manager in the 50's. His grocery store had a daycare/corral type area. You dropped your children, ages newborn to 5, or so, to be watched by a store employee you assumed knew what they were doing, and off you went with your shopping. All screaming babies were inside the pen, "where they belonged, by golly!"

My husband was raised in "BeaverCleaverLand" where you went out when the sun came up, and in when it went down, drank out of the hose and all parents had the right to beat your ass.

Where do you think this guy thought he had the right to smack a random child?! How did he even ever think this was okay?! He's from a different time, a different generation where tolerance was not expected like it is becoming now.

Saying that..omg, the can of whoop ass he would have had to deal with.. I've made bricklayers get in their trucks for protection, this poor SOB wouldn't have known what hit him.. probably would be have been a can of peas with a heaping helping side of bashyourfacein.

Jenni - posted on 02/15/2011

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Monday, tuesday, wednesday mornings are the best time to shop when you have really young kids. I'm not sure if I do it out of courtesy for others or I just find it easier for myself. It's usually just elderly people and other parents who are more understanding and are always very sweet to my children. Not that I ever recall anyone not being sweet to my children or receiving any negative attention. But not everyone has as many options as me when it comes to picking an appropriate time to shop.

Stifler's - posted on 02/14/2011

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meh. just apologise if your kid is screaming. i'm not one to give the "rude looks" or whatever but seriously, i don't appreciate people's kids running around and their parents ignoring tantrums and other such crap. if anything, people are ruder and lazier than 50 years ago and don't control their kids OR apologise for anything and think they shouldn't have to.

Nikkole - posted on 02/14/2011

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We almost ALWAYS take our kids grocery shopping with us or sometimes its just me and my kids and i think my son has cried 4 times in the store but not LOUDLY my daughter is 7months and she is VERY good where ever we go she is loud but its happy noises like baby babbling or saying MAMAMA or DADADAD and i get SOOO Many looks when my daughter is playing and having fun i mean yea shes a little loud but shes not screaming and crying shes just happy lol! I could care less if some kid is screaming i just walk the other way or get what i need and go, I can't remember being 2-3 but im sure i didn't like grocery shopping either its BORING!

Sal - posted on 02/14/2011

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mike i wouldn't want sreaming kids in my store either, but if you want my money sometimes you have to take my kids along with my money, they behave now pretty much, but they used to have 110km drive before we got to the store, and as a 1 and 2 yr old then their behaviour was exausting, i ended up putting them in day care one day a week just so i didn;t have to take them, i must say though that the shops with a toy box for kids to play with are the ones who get my return custom.and a family of 5 do a lot of shopping i would drive out of my way to use the chemist with a play table and the coffee shop who had comfy bf seats an a colouring table for toddlers, but i must say i love being the mum in the supermarket with out the horrid little brats, drinking my latte and reading a trashy mag at the check out while others are battling with their kids, bt sadly it doesn;t happen enough now, but i do think we are doing more and more with our kids, i don;t remember hardly ever just going to a cafe with mum so she could have a coffee and chat with a friend, i do it all the time , usually i pick a kid freindly place, i did see a comedian who hit the nail on the head though, she said that she wasn;t a mum but I know what kids don't like, they don't like shopping or coffee shops - how do i know this "all the fucking screaming"

Jenni - posted on 02/14/2011

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Jenn, no, I went on to say it's probably because I have a high tolerance for other people's screaming kids but that's just me. Probably as I mentioned earlier in my posts because my brother had ADHD so I'm use to hearing tantrums. I can probably tune them out more easily.
I meant that I'm paying attention to my own kids because they can be a handful and I have a hard enough time keeping them underwraps.

Jenn - posted on 02/14/2011

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OK - I guess I could see that in those instances. I guess I just base a lot of things off of my own experiences, and as broke as I've been before, I always had SOMETHING in the house to eat. But if that had happened, and you then had to go shopping with your child who was hungry, I could totally see them crying and being upset. But, like some of the others have said - it's all in how you handle it. Would you just go about your merry way with your screaming child in tow? Or would you be hurrying up and apologizing to people for the disturbance?

Isobel - posted on 02/14/2011

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Yeah, once when I had the flu (and I was also really poor at the time so there was not much in the house to begin with), I had to call people to ask them to bring us groceries or the kids would starve cause I seriously couldn't move.

Tara - posted on 02/14/2011

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Me too Laura, once all of us had norwalk virus, we were home sick for almost 10 days, I was the last to get it. I HAD to go shopping by the time we were all well again. We had had friends drop off essentials but I needed to go, with three little girls in tow. In a snow storm. We were out of everything but condiments and flour.
:)

Tara - posted on 02/14/2011

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To add to that, Riley is 14 months and only once did he have a crying fit in the store, because he was tired and had to be woken up from being asleep in the van to go in, I had no choice. But after I put him in the sling and he was able to snuggle in he was fine.
BUT if I had been in line and he had been screaming, I would have apologized for making everyone's ears bleed but I still would have waited to pay for my stuff. I have to drive almost 30 minutes to get to the grocery store, I'm not aborting my mission because my kid is cranky. Sorry in advance..

Isobel - posted on 02/14/2011

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I have had no food before...I don't know that I would so easily scoff at the concept.

Tara - posted on 02/14/2011

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I take most of the kids when we shop for groceries. It's a great way to teach so many concepts that are important. Being courteous, performing math skills, respecting a budget, choosing nutritional foods, price comparisons and measurements ie: ears of corn are 6 for $2.00 how much would 8 be? etc. etc.
I find that involving the kids with age appropriate tasks is the best way to avoid meltdowns. It's not always possible but it goes a long way.
My two older daughters, almost 11 and 8 are given a list and as long as they stick together, they go and get all the things on their list with their own cart. They love it and feel like they are a part of the team.
:)

Jenni - posted on 02/14/2011

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Jenn, I agree with you 90%.... but I keep my attention on my own kids. Could care less how others are living their miserable lives. That's just me though, like I said, I have a high tolerance for someone else's screaming kid. My tolerance for my own kids screaming is ALOT lower.
I guess I just like to give people the benefit of the doubt for the most part... we all have bad days.... we all lose our temper... we're all human.
When someone else's kid is throwing a fit I'm thinking to myself "Phew! Glad that's not me!"

Jenn - posted on 02/14/2011

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I guess I just see that as such an extreme possibility - I mean, seriously, would somebody have NO food in their house? You can't just give the kid a piece of bread, or a cracker - or something? Anything? I do realize that sometimes there are things that happen and a kid may have a major melt-down. I certainly don't think that makes someone a bad parent at all. But I have personally seen people just let their kid carry on with the screaming, I heard a Dad once in WalMart yelling at the kid to shut-up several times (they were shopping at 10pm - put the fucking kid to bed), or there are parents who cave in to the tantrum and give the kid what they want which only means that I can expect to see another tantrum next time they're at the store. I don't get upset if there is a kid crying, but the examples I just gave do bother me. If your child starts crying or carrying on, do what you can to get out of the store as quickly as possible or if you can find a way to quiet them down (without giving in to the tantrum) then do so. And just for the record - I would never be rude or give them a "look" - even if their kid is going ape-shit, because like you said - you just never know the reason - but I might have nasty thoughts going on. :P

Monique - posted on 02/14/2011

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being a parent is the hardest job in the world.... and its true it does take a village to raise a child. I feel in this day and age its every man for him self, things and people have changed its getting harder to raise a family and as for help from society people are too worried about themselves. i say im tired someone will always say... well you choose to have kids, i dont think parents get special treatment noone gets up when i get on the bus or lets me skip them in line when my 2 kids are screaming at walmart ... and as for my job i think they are equal to both parents and non parents but if they werent i think it would be unfair everyone should be treated equal. from a 16 year old who just spent the day slaving at McDonald's and is tired to the mom with 2 kids who spent the day at a doctors office to the older women who are just tired we as society should get up and give a seat or a smile... buy a coffee or have a conversation offer help or advice we should be working together!

[deleted account]

It was just an example, Jenn. In the one, personal, example that I gave.... the boys started screaming about 2 minutes (IF that) before we hit the checkout and as we got to the checkout.... the lady went on break and we had to switch to another line.

The example I gave of starving kids and no food in the house hasn't actually ever happened to me, but it was just a point that sometimes a person may have no choice but to do some shopping w/ a screaming kid. Oh..... and my 8-9 month old wasn't eating solids and I couldn't nurse and walk at the same time...... ;)

Jenni - posted on 02/14/2011

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Yeah, I think in alot of cases it could have something to do with lacking common sense.... BUT
there are always extenuating circumstances as well... for all I know the parent(s) just took a 40 min bus ride to get to the grocery store, is a single parent who is barely getting by on an assistance check and can barely afford groceries and has nothing left in her fridge at the end of the month other than baking soda, kool aid and some questionable cheese. The child could have behavioural issues beyond the parents control. The parent is trying to teach their child they won't get their way by throwing a tantrum and believes the correct way to parent is to ignore the tantrum and continue with the trip in order to lesson the degree of future tantrums. Anyways just saying... I'm sure there are plenty of situations where the parents simply lack common sense or common curtesy. Or maybe clueless on how they "should be" parenting.......... but I don't pretend to know the difference or really care to.... but maybe i just have a higher tolerance for someone else's screaming kid.... not my kid.... don't care! I also don't recall anyone just letting their child scream bloody murder for more than a few minutes before walking that child out or calming them down. Or maybe I'm oblivious because I'm busy keeping my own kids entertained and busy.

Isobel - posted on 02/14/2011

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and the shoppers IN that store are not "the business" and have no need to accommodate your screaming child...to expect that of ordinary people is rude.

That being said, as a customer I actually am the one who gives the sympathetic smile to the mother who's dealing with a tantrum. It's not easy...all we ask is that you do your best and try to get them out as fast as possible.

Sharon - posted on 02/14/2011

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Honestly Sal - I don't want your screaming kid business. I really don't. Screaming kids actually run off customers. I've had several people leave - crossly - wondering why I or my security guys don't do something about the excessive disturbance. I work clothing retail so giving something to a child to appease them isn't always feasible. (and i don't always agree with that anyway), I've noticed at the grocery store that screaming kids are fairly shortlived compared to my store.

Sal - posted on 02/14/2011

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it seems it sometimes , i do get bit cross businesses want our custom so they should accomodate us screaming kids and all....but having said that we do expect too much society hasn't really become intollerant i think we are trying to do more with our kids in tow....and i don't like the idea that you have to get special to go back to work, i don;t think you should go back if you can't do your od job..

Sharon - posted on 02/13/2011

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Oh and I'm a box opener too.

Back when the kids were little - I had to do it to keep the peace when they were on the starving side of hungry.

And I do it now. Yeah - sometimes my sugar gets freaking low and I start shaking real bad, get light headed and feel like passing out... so I gotta eat something. Oh and at least twice tampons and pantyliners. So its one of those things thats gotta be done once in a while. Not that I enjoy doing it.

Sharon - posted on 02/13/2011

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Krista hit it perfectly ... A "I'm Sorry, he's teething and I need this" goes a helluva long way.

Oh and ask for help. In my store and the grocery store I go to the help is fantastic. We will - if we can - walk you to the item, fetch a specific item for you and guide you to the line that we feel will be moving the fastest, and POSSIBLY even open a register just to get you and the screaming kid OUT. But you might hear me telling the person who comes up next behind you "I'm sorry I took them ahead of you but if some of us had to listen to that screaming any longer, the baby wouldn't have been the only one screaming." Its partly true and you know it but mostly said in jest to soothe the customer.

Jenni - posted on 02/13/2011

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I don't think society has suddenly become intolerant to parents and children. I think that statement is purely subjective. I personally have never experienced intolerance. I love when people make gaga faces at my kids when they're standing behind me in line. I think it's awesome that people are so willing to help entertain my kids while I put my groceries up.
My kids are generally well behaved in public. I don't recall my 3 1/2 year old SD ever causing a "scene". My 2 1/2 year old son meah, he can sometimes be a different story but his tantrums thankfully have always been short lived, easy to defuse and not earth shattering. My 9 month old, you wouldn't even know she was in the cart. Funny cause she the most noisey of all my babies while at home (not crying, happy noisey). But in the store she is as quiet as a mouse. I think I recall 3 times she began to fuss at the end of a grocery trip in the check out because she was starting to get hungry.
BUT..... for me it's never bothered me when someone else's kid is having a full blown tantrum. Even before I had kids. I guess because my brother was ODD and ADHD I tend to have a higher tolerance than most and I also take into consideration that for all I know their child suffers from similar disorders or is autistic. I can't possibly theorize what their situation is so I don't try... just think... better them than me! j/k
I've never heard the "It was your decision..." probably because if I do need to vent I do it with close family and friends who I know are understanding. I don't expect special treatment because I am one... but I do appreciate when others are understanding.
I'm curious about working environments. I don't think it's fair in situations where parents are awarded special treatment like extra days off if it means others have to pick up the slack. I do agree with maternity/parental leave. Everyone should be allowed the same number of sick days. Everyone should be allowed a few lates for extenuating circumstances, not just parents. That only encourages intolerance of non-parents against parents. It should be up to the adminstration to keep it fair.

And I'm a box opener in the grocery store if my kids are hungry. I don't know how many times my son didn't eat enough before we left and got hungry and grumpy while we were shopping. Granola bars are perfect. :)

Krissy - posted on 02/13/2011

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Nope, never had most of those issues! But then, I take my kids to family restaurants during "family" hours usually. I couldn't see dragging my three kids to a very crowded "young couples" type restaurant after happy hour... that's just ridiculous.



Also, I keep in mind who I'm complaining to. I'm not going to carry on and on about my parenting problems to some one who really isn't interested in kids... they don't have them, so I can respect that it's not a topic they want me to hound away on.... although, maybe that's why most of my closer friends are moms or at least single women that look forward to motherhood.



Also, I double what Deanna says about kids behaving in public. I don't mind when people are unsure when I bring my three kids in... I UNDERSTAND the glances because I've stared at unruly families and wondered why... why... whyy!!!!??? But we've had a lot of people thank us or tell us how great our kids behaved by the end of the meal...



Oh, and if some one is offended my kid gets a free piece of cheese... I bet they got something free when they were little.. and it's pretty low of them to have issues over this, so their opinion means very little to me.

Krista - posted on 02/13/2011

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Exactly. If parenting had a slogan, it would be "Shit Happens".

[deleted account]

It was just one example of a situation where a parent might have no choice but to be shopping w/ a screaming kid. Sometimes they have off days and sometimes the shopping HAS to get done on those off days.

[deleted account]

Yeah, I was once w/ my friend (who was 8 months pregnant at the time), her young toddler boy, and my older infant son. Both boys were screaming (hungry and tired) and the cashier went on break right before we got to her and we had to switch to another line. We were thinking 'hello?! We're trying to get these boys OUT of here!'

Stifler's - posted on 02/13/2011

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I'm not an ogre I get it, kids are kids they have tantrums and stuff. But don't let them start throwing food off the fruit things in the fresh section or being rude to other people and ignore it because "it's my parenting philosophy".

[deleted account]

What if you have a screaming kid, no food in the house to make a meal, and it's dinner time? ;) Sometimes shopping w/ a screaming kid really is the only option. It has never crossed my mind to think negatively of a parent for simply having a screaming kid in public (if the parent is screaming BACK at the kid... it's another story). I always just think to myself 'poor kid. must be having a hard day.'

Krista - posted on 02/13/2011

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Just making sure. :) The way it was phrased, it sounded like it was expected for parents to zip the kid out of the store the second the meltdown starts. I know there've been a few times that I've been out with my son and he gets pissed at something and starts up, but I've (knock on wood) always been able to avert the tantrum.

And yeah, I agree, don't do your whole shopping trip with a screaming child. It's no fun for ANYBODY.

Isobel - posted on 02/13/2011

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and yes, Krista, I do think parents certainly should have a grace period to calm their kid down...but they should be TRYING to calm their kid down or getting the hell out of dodge.

Isobel - posted on 02/13/2011

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So Emma, you believe it's acceptable to just continue your shopping with a wailing child on your hip...and expect everybody else to just deal with the assault on their ears?

Nikki - posted on 02/13/2011

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I really liked this article and I agree wholeheartedly with the writer. Why is it that we have a greater understanding of the behaviours associated with normal childhood development, yet society is so intolerant of them.

My 15 month old has just in the past two weeks began to throw tantrums in public. I ignore it, however I have enough courtesy for others that if the behaviour became extreme and very disturbing to others I would remove my daughter from the situation.

Common sense seems to be evaporating from society.

Stifler's - posted on 02/13/2011

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Hahaha we used to take our baby out for dinner every week and we'd meet the others at 7 and Logan would have been fed and went to sleep. Where we went there was always kids and most of them were really good and just sat at the table with their parents and coloured in or ate.

Tara - posted on 02/13/2011

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Not really. If anything when I take all my kids out shopping etc. people comment on how nice it is to see such a large family, how helpful the kids are, how independent and smart they are etc.
They talk about how happy the baby is etc. etc.
The only time I have witnessed any intolerance was at a restaurant and it wasn't really a family friendly place, more like a sports bar. There was a family with twins about 4 years old. They were sitting kiddie corner to us and the booth behind us contained a middle age couple. The twins were talking loudly, but just talking not acting up and I heard the couple in the booth say:
"Kids shouldn't be out at this hour. It's past 5 o'clock." lolol I nearly fell out of my seat!
But I've never encountered it myself in my almost 18 years as a mom.

Stifler's - posted on 02/13/2011

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I don't think my kid has ever thrown a tantrum in the shops. When he was about 5 months he started crying and nothing I did would make him stop so I had to carry him around on my hip pushing the trolley with one hand.

Stifler's - posted on 02/13/2011

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1. No
2. Yes, and it's tue. I did decide to become a parent and it's MY responsibility to not ruin everyone else's shopping experience and if your kid won't stop tantruming at least apologise for the god awful noise.
3. No. They should receive rights to breastfeed in public, pump at work, maternity leave. But you don't have the right to cut in line in front of other people because "i have a kid".
4. Maternity leave and leaving work to pick up a sick kid isn't a freedom or benefit. Half the time you don't get paid anyway so people can get over it. Everyone else takes the day off to go to funerals unexpectedly and because their grandma died why not for their kid.

Angela - posted on 02/13/2011

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First and Foremost, If anyone, man, woman,teenager,store employee,stranger etc, laid there hands on my child I would straight up Knock them the f$@&out and make sure they never get up again.

I actually think it goes both ways. at times Society is intolerant and at times parents do expect special treatment. Like that whole story about the child throwing a tantrum,I mean yes children do that,but at the same time the parents should make them behave and teach them from an early age to be respectful and to not act up...I was raised by my father and my grandmother,so when I started to act up my father would give me the look of death and Id stop real quick!
And I do think in some cases parents do expect special treatment. I know that before I became Mommy at the place that I worked at they would give all the mom's mothers day off and all dad's Father's Day off without even asking who would like it off or even look at requests for those days off and id be like "Uh I may not be a mom,but I have a Grandmother and a father id like to celebrate with and thats not fair." I dont think parents should recieve special treatment at all,Im a parent now and I dont expect special treatment,I dont want it and I dont need it.

Jenn - posted on 02/13/2011

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I've never encountered any rude comments or anything like that, so I don't think our society is intolerant of parents. I don't ever notice anything other than people chatting it up with me and my kids or commenting on how they're cute/sweet - whatever. Maybe it's just what I choose to perceive? I don't know.

Desiree - posted on 02/13/2011

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HAHA!! I wish that were true if anything I am given a hard time. I don't believe that we should get a great many advantages but a little understanding would be nice. If I tell my boss I am late because my tire was flat it's ok but if I tell him that I am late because the baby got sick its a case of don't make your problems mine, don't be late again.. How is that fair.

Iridescent - posted on 02/13/2011

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In some ways. Part of it is that society (here) is closer, they see each other more. They aren't stuck in a sod house or farm house 11 months out of the year with nobody but their own family to talk to anymore.



I've even been insulted and told it was my choice to have kids, so deal with it. Well, yes, it WAS my choice to have kids. And I love them! But I did not ask for their health problems, which the bulk of parents do not ask for, and when they're dumped on you to the extreme they have been to us, tell me YOU don't feel overwhelmed? Need a little help? Family has never once taken our kids for even an hour. Out of almost 12 years. It's all us and a couple excellent friends. In addition, we have a couple extra kids that I did not ask for, and I was not prepared to deal with, but they are a part of my family. And they aren't easy, either. Because of a mom that wasn't a parent.



On the other hand, I HAVE told someone else it was her choice to become a parent. She had her first baby at 15. She's having her second at barely 17. She thinks everyone owes her a living, is jumping from guy to guy, and making nothing of herself. Do I owe her a clipped nickel? NO! Is it acceptable that she doesn't know how to close her legs? Absolutely not. Is it ok in my mind that she keeps bringing children into this world that she has no desire to actually parent? No. I am not tolerant of that. When these "parents" can bring their babies [dolls] to school, dump them off with a free day care, go to class all day, play with their friends, stop off and pick up their babies [dolls] after school and go have a dress up their baby [doll] session, then dump baby with THEIR parents, there is a problem! I don't tolerate it.

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