Toddlers are more badly behaved when cared for by grandparents......

Sarah - posted on 04/28/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/456863...

What do you all think??
I think the most annoying thing about this article is that working Mum's seem to be made to feel guilty no matter what they do!
Seems like there's positives and negatives to Grandparents looking after their grandchildren while the parents work.

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Jackie - posted on 04/30/2010

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I agree Carol, I also hope to do it for my kids. I def. would have never asked my mother b/c she would also take offense I think. Hell, my best friends mother (i.e. Kaylee's psuedo grammy) got offended when I offered money to her! I also provide all the diapers, food, clothes etc that my daughter needs while with my mother. And we just try ot take her out to eat often and do stuff like that.

Johnny - posted on 04/29/2010

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Yes, my parents are the same Jackie. We offered to pay them and they were actually offended by that. I did it on the encouragement of someone on here who said it was bad not to pay them, and I really wish I hadn't. My mom started crying and hid in her room :-( My grandparents often took care of me and my cousins, and my parents love taking care of my daughter. I provide all the food, already cooked, pay to register her in art & sports classes, and make sure that they have any other supplies they might need. Since I am only part-time, they have her 2-3 days a week, I think any more would be too much for them. And they do take time away to travel and such. They will be going to Scotland for 6 weeks this month, and my husband will be home to look after our daughter. I personally am looking forward to becoming a grandmother one day so I can look after my grandkids.

Jackie - posted on 04/29/2010

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Most grandparents I know refuse to take money for their kids....my mothers philosophy is that her mother did it for her, so she's going to do it for me.

Jackie - posted on 04/29/2010

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My mother watches our daughter 3 days a week, and she sleeps there 2 nites a week. She is certainly not more spoiled over there, my mother has all the same limitations that I do. She doesn't always get her way, she still ALWAYS sleeps in her own bed, she goes to bed on time, eats at the table etc etc. So no she's def. not more badly behaved b/c she would never get away with it.

Hannah - posted on 04/29/2010

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It is awesome! I don't know that anyone should feel ashamed to have their parents watch their kids. With the economy, daycare is just too expensive. My mom gives us a great discount and the other children a much cheaper price than most in-home daycares charge. I do think that if you have the grandparents watch your kids, you should pay them.

Dana - posted on 04/29/2010

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Wow, Hannah, that sounds awesome. I would love it if my mom or someone close in my family ran a daycare center.

Hannah - posted on 04/29/2010

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my mom watches my kids for me while I am at work. She runs a daycare at her home. I pay her just like anyone else would and she treats my kids just like she does all of the other daycare kids. I couldn't imagine taknig them anywhere else as I trust my mom more than I ever could anyone else.
We have had some over stepping the boundaries as far as discipline and such, but worked through them. I am so thankful that my mom is able to watch them.

Mary - posted on 04/28/2010

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Obviously, it depends on the grandparent. My parents....well, now it's just my dad...watch my 17 month old about 2 afternoons a week. While she gets his undivided attention while there (he's not doing say, laundry or house cleaning), she is not "spoiled" or over-indulged. My parents have always been firm, and do not tolerate temper tantrums or other bad behavior. They didn't with us, and they have not with our children (my sister's kids are 5 & 7). I'm not too concerned with her being developmentally or educationally behind, either. At 17 months, my daughter has a pretty decent vocabulary, and speaks in sentence up to 5 words in length. Honestly, all three grandchildren are really well behaved when my dad is around...they adore their Pop-pop, but all three of them know that when he says NO, he means it.

I will start her in a pre-school when she is closer to three, but only 3 half-days a week. Until then, I think she's better off with my dad, who loves, nutures, disciplines, and teaches her. I know first-hand how awesome his parenting skills are!

Dana - posted on 04/28/2010

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It's not shocking to me. Grandparents generally spoil their grandchildren, it's not wrong...unless it's a constant, which in these cases it is.

Joanna - posted on 04/28/2010

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I only scanned the article (packing to get on a plane so my mind is elsewhere), so I'll just go off the thread title and what I saw in the article...

I think grandparents generally let the kids get away with nearly anything... they either don't think it's their place to discipline, or they have the idea that their grandkids are angels and don't need discipline. I know my MIL is the latter, she sees no wrong in what my daughter does. My parents are better, of course they let her get away with a little more, but they still believe in children being put in their places if they get out of hand, and they have no problems disciplining her (with my blessing of course) - granted they live a thousand miles away and only see her about 3 times a year, and it's where we are right now :)

but I was recently at the post office, and a grandmother was caring for her 2 grandkids, a boy who was about 1, and a girl who looked about 4 or 5. She was not paying ANY attention to them. I was getting over a cold so I was sitting at the far end of the bench just waiting, and this girl climbed on my lap and started chatting, and the grandmother looked over and didn't do a thing. Here I am not wanting to get this child sick, and I was pretty annoyed, because although I tolerate kids I generally don't like them (except my own, haha). So I was pretty furious. But this grandmother didn't seem to notice, or care, what her grandkids were doing, and they were just running wild, climbing on everyone, running into people, etc.

But it's the same with everything in the world... everything isn't always the same. Some grandparents are from an age where being out of line gets you a spanking, so they have no problem with keeping the grandkids in line, so some of the grandkids might do better in the grandparents care. It's hard to lump everyone in one group.

Christa - posted on 04/28/2010

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I think there's probably some truth to it. My mother let's my 2 year old do/have whatever she wants when we go over there. She throws way more fits when we are there then when we are at home. NOW if she watched her full time she may be different.

On the education, I think that would depend on how educated the grandparents/parents are. My daughter has been watched by me and a nanny her whole life, I work from home. But I've had very strict rules that the TV wasn't on until after 18 months and now it's on for only a few hours. This forced them to play games, do puzzles, read books, etc and now my 2 year old is very advanced. She starts pre-school in the fall and she already knows everything on the list for them to learn. I want her to go for the social skills. Like this article said and I see it with my own is, when they are watched alone at home (by whoever) their social skills are going to lack. I don't have any local friends with kids, so outside of the church nursery and parks, she doesn't get much interaction with kids.

So what I'm trying to say is I agree with some points of this article, but I think more needs to be factored in then just "grandparents".

Johnny - posted on 04/28/2010

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Well, that is interesting. In our case, my parents watch Michaela while I work, and she often behaves better for them. Although, they don't spoil her. At least my dad doesn't. He's very firm and consistent. My mom tends to do too much for her, but she doesn't let her misbehave. I am so thankful to have my parents looking after her, when she finally got accepted into daycare, they decided that they didn't want to stop, and we delayed putting her in until she is 3.

Sharon - posted on 04/28/2010

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my mom has a terrible tendency to spoil the kids. There is always a period of adjustment after they come back from a long stay with her.

I would like to think that most grandparents would see the need to adjust from "grandparent" to "caregiver" but maybe not.

Lucy - posted on 04/28/2010

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I feel very grateful that we live near to my mum, and she is fantastic with our kids and baby sits for us quite frequently. But I have to say, even though I am sure she would agree to do it, I think it would be very unfair of me to ask mum to mind the kids for extended hours while I work.

I think my mum deserves to be able to have fun with the kids, spoil them a bit, do the nice outings etc, without the responsibility of disciplining them and doing the daily grind of the child care. In short, she has done her time as a mum, now she should just get the perks of being Granny!

I am not saying all grandparents lack the skills to care for their grandchildren, but I do think that either the parents who have decided to have the children, or trained child care workers who have chosen to work with them are better placed to do the tough stuff. For this reason, the results of the research don't surprise me.

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