Vacationing without your kids....

Lindsay - posted on 01/31/2011 ( 167 moms have responded )

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Is this something you do or plan to do? Or are you absolutely against it? Does it make a difference depending on how old your children are? Why or why not?

I was talking with my mom earlier today and she had asked why we never take vacations without the kids. It honestly hadn't really crossed my mind. My parents took a vacation away from us kids every year as well as one with us. My mom swears it was the best thing for their relationship, and they have been married for 34 years and going strong. She said it wasn't that they didn't enjoy their vacations with us, but having that adult week away once a year always gave them something to look forward to in stressful times. It was a time when they made memories as a couple. She feels it made her a better mother, and dad a better father. They had that carefree week to do whatever, whenever. There were no schedules, no naps, no kids to work around.

What are your thoughts on vacationing without your kids?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Isobel - posted on 02/07/2011

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Here Jess...let me help you out:

"I have never felt the need to get a break from my children. I love spending every minute with them and I feel like if I took a vacation without them I would miss them so much that it would ruin my vacation. It surprises me that other people want to leave their children because it would never occur to me...but hey, to each their own I guess."

Notice how I just got your point of view across WITHOUT telling everybody else that they were horrible mothers?

Personally, I'm proud that my kids don't cry when I leave them. I LIKE that if I were hit by a bus tomorrow, their world would continue. They would be sad and they would miss me BUT...they would know how to continue living without me there.

I also take comfort in the fact that when my children grow up and are ready to leave the nest, I will also be ready...because I have nurtured my adult relationship with my husband that is NOT dependent on the children.

...and a date night WITH the kids, is not a date night...that's a family night, so don't call it what it isn't.

Charlie - posted on 02/06/2011

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Jess while I think you are more than entitled to feel the way you do for your own personal reasons and experiences you really have no idea or right to try and assume anything of anyone else who enjoys some free time now and then from their children .



I was raised where the whole family were involved in the raising of us and our cousins , My grandparents had all 8 of us most weekends because they adored having that relationship with their grandchildren ... all of their grandchildren , there was no love lost between parent and child in fact the selflessness of each of the parents to allow our grandparents to form such amazing and powerful bonds with us was only adding to our lives and strengthened the love we shared , we were lucky enough to have formed strong attachments with not only our parents but our grandparents this is something western civilization seems to push away and IMO only causes voids in life .



My children now enjoy the same attachments with their grandmother my eldest stays there once a week on his and her own free will ( in fact it is hard to get my child back at times ) and my youngest will too in time , for now he has only stayed there a handful of times but the bond developing is beautiful the excitement he gets when he sees his grandma is amazing .



Most of the time we are at home literally a block away but occasionally we go away overnight once a year we go away for the weekend , we are parents who put our children first as a couple we are careful to remember ourselves as individuals in a relationship which is why we still enjoy the odd romantic getaway , it is healthy for children to see their parents as parents first but also as individuals with respect to themselves and to their partner in a relationship .



Being a Martyr in my opinion is not something I want my children to learn , it isn't healthy IMO my children enjoy being immersed in love and support from several key figures in their lives which has made them the confident boys they are but all in all we are the parents and are there for them always , we work hard ( at being parents ) and love them immensely which is why we choose teach our children being a loving parent doesn't mean being martyr and forsaking your relationship or yourself as an individual and that it is possible to be the best parents you can while acknowledging all other aspects of self .

Jodi - posted on 02/06/2011

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"If you can justify forgoing your duties as a mother than please do"



That is REALLY rude.......how DARE you suggest ANY mother here is forgoing her duties as a mother because she wants time without them!!



Yes, you are entitled to your opinion, but when you have an opinion suggesting other people are not properly parenting thir kids, expects others to disagree, and in this instance, disagree strongly.



Edited to Add: it is one thing to have a circumstance that works for YOUR family, it is quite another to make judgemental comments about other mothers about "forgoing their duties".

Tara - posted on 02/08/2011

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Anyone who says a parent is less of a parent or shouldn't have kids if they don't want to spend every hour with them all the time, shouldn't have kids. lol how's that feel?

Honestly, I have 6 kids, from 14 months to 17 years, and boy if I never took a break from them... well there wouldn't be so many of them, can't really make babies on "family date night" (whatever that means to everyone).
Kids need breaks from their parents, parents need breaks from their kids.
Just cause I would rather go somewhere tropical and lay on the beach and drink alcohol served in coconuts by buff scantily clad young men while my hubby and I enjoy a relaxing massage just the two of us... does NOT make me any less of anything!
I am a mother, a teacher, a nurse, a maid, a poet, a counsellor, a referee, a seamstress, an artist, a cook, a baker, a mender of broken things, a kisser of boo boos and a monster under the bed slayer... but I am also a woman, and I know enough to know that it's important for me to put some space between me and the kids once in a while. It makes the heart grow fonder, doesn't it?
A week away with no children is the best gift hubby and I could give each other, just wish we had the time when we had the money and not have the money when we don't have the time, which is usually the case...
To dream....ahh coconuts and buff young men...

Amie - posted on 02/06/2011

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Jess,



The reason some are taking your opinions so harshly is directly related to how you are conveying your message.



It does not read like you are stating your opinion on your situation (which you did repeat multiple times). Your entire point is lost when you write such things as:



"The idea that any day is wasted by being with your child just makes my head spin. "



"For those that want a child free honeymoon.... I guess you should have waited till you were married to have kids ! I didn't and as a consequence any honeymoon I take will be a family affair ! Consequence of my actions."



"If you can justify forgoing your duties as a mother than please do, I can't and won't. "



"I don't feel the need to be away from my child to be a great mother ! I'm sorry if you do. "



Take a look at your delivery and maybe you will see why some women are reacting to your posts. You could have easily stated your opinion in a less confrontational and demeaning way. You chose not too, the result is what you see.

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167 Comments

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Sharlene - posted on 11/15/2011

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I have 7 kids,If I could do that I would be laughing my arse off.LOL

Aja - posted on 11/15/2011

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Yes!! First trip our daughter went with us.. Hawaii... I've been to NY for a girls wknd and left her home with Hubby, and he and I went to Cabo and left her with my Mom. :)
Next trip to Tahiti... She may or may not go!

Enjoy you and Hubby time! And/or "Me" time!

Stifler's - posted on 02/08/2011

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Sharon, I know that annoys me too. He's the father, it's not babysitting you shouldn't even have to ask to leave the house sans kids if he's home.

Melissa - posted on 02/08/2011

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I can see your point Sharon, btw I wrote a commentr back Jenn but its not showing up. I knwo Ive ducked down the shops for 5 minutes leaving kids with my fiance

Melissa - posted on 02/08/2011

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haha hell yeah. See how they like that for a while rather then saying you dont have kids to get rid of them for a little while lol (well at least mine does)

[deleted account]

But then the argument would be: Are you really "leaving" your kids, even if the kids are in the care of their FATHER? That's another one that pisses me off!

~Jennifer - posted on 02/08/2011

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Mandy....I'll date you.

We'll just leave the men home to take care of the kids.
;)


=)

Bonnie - posted on 02/08/2011

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Date night with kids=Family date night to me---not much of a date if you ask me

[deleted account]

Date night with kids! That's a good one! We call it "family board game night" in my house if kids are included. If I want time ALONE with my husband, there's a reason for it.

[deleted account]

LOL Next Tuesday my hubby and i are organising some time for us. Just one day, possibly over night. My parents will probably be looking after the kids while we go out and enjoy ourselves. I haven't asked the kids either i'm just gunna do it. But there wont be any problems cause gran spoils them anyway.

We are probably going to the movies, Something you can't do with kids, and then anice childfree picnic at the river.

Just for us with no interuptions from arguing, fighting whinging kids.

[deleted account]

My husband and I are going to eat out on Friday night (yay us!). I asked my 2 year old if she wanted to come eat with Mama and Daddy OR go stay the night at Grandmama's house. Without even thinking she jumped up and said, "Grandmama's house!" I guess she likes to be with people other than her parents on occasion.

Stifler's - posted on 02/08/2011

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No one cares if you don't go on holidays without your kid. Good for you, but you're not a better parent than someone who wants to "dump their kids" for a week and that person is not forgoing their parental duties.

[deleted account]

Yeah, if the kids are there.... I wouldn't call it a date. UNLESS it's your kid that you are taking on a 'date', but that's a totally different event, just 'stealing' the same term.

I don't see anything at all wrong w/ a man and woman going out on occasion and having the kids w/ them, but definitely wouldn't classify that as an actual date.... Unless you call it 'family date night.' Terminology and semantics though I suppose. ;)

[deleted account]

If you did a pole on what date night ment i'm sure 99% of the polulation, men and women, would say it's a romantic thing between a man and a woman and kids shouldn't be there even if they are asleep before the night starts.

Charlie - posted on 02/08/2011

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Yes I will have to agree a "date night " in regards to a romantic date between partners IMO is not that when kids are present .

Isobel - posted on 02/08/2011

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and for the record Peggy, nobody has belittled the way you raise your children....people have certainly reacted strongly to Jess' suggestion that we are bad parents if we don't do things her way...but that's something entirely different.

I don't think there's anything wrong with what you are doing. I think it's admirable that you never need a break from your children to recharge.

That being said, I disagree with your use of one particular term. I also believe, obviously that breaks are good for MY children...but hey, to each their own, right?

Jodi - posted on 02/08/2011

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"To find that "sad" and that a parent will have to change their locks to keep their adult child away is asinine!!"

Um, the changing locks comment was a joke, in case you missed it......

Krista - posted on 02/08/2011

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I'm kind of with Laura on that whole "date night" semantics issue. A date with one's husband implies a certain amount of romance in the situation, and being able to focus on each other and your relationship. That just seems a LOT more difficult to accomplish if you've got these teeny-tiny chaperones with you.



I guess some people CAN still somehow inject a bit of romance into the setting when their kids are there. But it really just isn't the same, and I guess I just don't understand why someone wouldn't want to have a nice stretch of alone time with their spouse.

Brandi - posted on 02/08/2011

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HAHAHA!! In my opinion, I kind of agree with what Mike Hunt had to say a few posts back! You need to be you, not just Mom and Dad! Relationships need that, it can't always be about your kids. Your kids will be fine for you to take a trip without them, frankly, they won't know what they are missing anyway, and some alone time with grandma and grandpa would be great, for all of them!

Peggy - posted on 02/08/2011

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No truth in how I feel about my life. I love my life and wouldnt wish for it to be any different...kids on my vacation included!!! I personally just find others very narrow minded in the way they think and things they say.

Sharon - posted on 02/08/2011

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LMFAO! Peggy assumed I was talking about her! Truth hurts eh? You must have seen a kernal of truth in my post for it to hit you enough to get upset with it.

Eh well, the truth will out.

Sarah - posted on 02/08/2011

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I never questioned your ability to raise your kids!
It's that kind of thing that I was talking about.
You say that it's wrong to belittle others, and in then in the same breath you imply that they don't know how to raise their kids.

I was only putting another way of looking at the whole debate out there.......not looking for all this bickering to start!!

Peggy - posted on 02/08/2011

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Laura~ Date night :a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person. It can be a "family night date night" when you are a "family"... we at that point weren't family... we were in the beginning stages of dating. .. so to you our "date night" didnt start till my girls went to bed because that is when we were alone?.. didn't realize a "date" meant you had to be 100 % kid free for the occasion.

Sarah~ I was saying in general.. some have used the word "sad" and some have used the word "pathetic". As for taking it "personal".. umm NO because I really dont give a flying flip what anyone has to say about how I raise my family!! I have 2 kids that I hear all the time how sweet, caring, wonderful, responsible, etc that they are... if I had two brats that were disrespectful and a problem causer then I might be concerned in the way I have raised them. I just find it rude that adults can belittle others the way they do .. and it really makes me wonder how they raise their children to be.

Isobel - posted on 02/08/2011

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I would maintain that a date night with kids is not a date night. Say that you choose family fun nights instead of date night because you don't want to leave the kids if you wish, but don't try to call it a date night...because by definition...it's not.

Sarah - posted on 02/08/2011

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I would imagine (and no, it's obviously not always the case) that kids who don't want to stay away from home probably DO think it's sad when they have to miss out on camp trips, or sleepovers. I think very few pre teens would be happy about missing out on things their friends are enjoying.

I still think it IS a shame for some of them, they're missing out some really great experiences!

Tara - posted on 02/08/2011

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I think like adults all children are different when it comes to how they process things and how they feel things. To say that having a preteen who doesn't want to spend the night away from home is sad isn't taking into account that the child in question likely doesn't think it is sad.
Out of my 6, some were ready to stay away from home at 12 months with Gramma and Grandpa some didn't sleep away from home until 5 or 6 and some would only stay at relatives not friends homes.
My now 8 year old will only sleep over at my mother in laws, she will stay with my own mom, but cries herself to sleep. She just isn't comfortable falling asleep there. Otherwise she is a completely independent child who goes to the library, post office, skating etc. by herself without problems.
Each child has their own way of coping with separation from their parents and each child has their own time table to do so.
As to the OP.... I would LOVE to vacation without my kids!!!
We have a jar, we are committed to putting all our spare change into it until we have enough to go somewhere, even just for 4 days or so... some day just the two of us....
There is nothing wrong with two people taking time for themselves and each other. Mom and Dad are still man and woman, they still need the same things from a relationship that people without children need.
Kids are exhausting, they suck energy out of us, sometimes like a parasite, lol. We love them, and we always will but sometimes we need to recharge our batteries and reconnect with our SO without the demands of kids 24/7.

Sarah - posted on 02/08/2011

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I didn't mean sad as in pathetic, I meant it as in "that's sad, what a shame for them"

I was only pointing it out as something that COULD happen.

Jeez, I really think you're taking all this awfully personally.

Peggy - posted on 02/08/2011

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Oh and my uncle was a preteen and still didnt like to sleep over at any ones house.. he too would be coming home when it was time for bed.... SO WHAT? To find that "sad" and that a parent will have to change their locks to keep their adult child away is asinine!!.. and once again narrow minded thoughts!! He has become an adult, gotten married and had kids.. even moved to another state. I DONT like to sleep anywhere else from my own home and I am 41 years old... oh man I can just imagine what will be said now.

Jenn - posted on 02/08/2011

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Just wanted to note that perhaps some of those kids who had to be picked up by their Mom might not have been scared to be away from Mom, but might have had other fears. I was a bed wetter as a child and as a result was too scared to go to summer camp with the girl guides and also wouldn't stay at certain kids houses in case I had an accident - I didn't want to deal with any possible teasing. Then there was another time that I had to be taken home in the middle of the night because they let us watch a scary movie and I was just scared - not homesick. Anyway, just wanted to show another possible side to it. Carry on.

Peggy - posted on 02/08/2011

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Its comments like Mike Hunts that shows how belittling and narrow mind some can be!!

Let me just start by saying, my relationship with my husband is NOT suffering in any way, shape or form!! We have a healthy loving marriage.... gasp, how can that be with the way we are building our family life? I will tell you how, we are both on the same page on how we want our life to be!! And for the men running off to be with women with no kids its because they are selfish good for nothing poor excuse for a man and father!!! My husband knew going into our relationship about my kids.. and he made the decision to continue to get to know me AND my kids!!...I am who I am rather my children are around or not... a caring, respectful, responsible, fun person!! Sounds like you may be a bit insecure if you think men run off with a women with no kids because he doesnt want the responsibilities of being a husband and father.

Yes we do talk about going on trips without the kids... when they are older, in college and starting their own life/family. But crap, we are having another baby in the summer so I guess I should start looking for "signs that my husband is going to leaving me one day"...

As for a husband being the only money maker, I would like to know how you come to that assumption...
At the moment my husband is the only source of income coming into our house but up until we moved her last summer, I worked full time making VERY good money during our entire marriage. This was a decision we made TOGETHER based on what we felt was best for our children. And we are by no means suffering at all financially... so what does him being the "money maker" at this point make any difference in the life as a family that we have created? ABSOLUTELY NONE!!

Iris - posted on 02/08/2011

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Exactly! My daughter is in 6th grade and they went camping for 3 nights. She couldn't wait! And when she go back and I asked her how it was, her answer was: Awesome!!

To me that's healthy and a happy kid.



My 5 year old has a friend on our street and they do sleepovers, here or there. No issue in either places and I think that is a good start of independence.

Jodi - posted on 02/08/2011

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Oooh, I had a friend like that too. My mum HATED it when we organised a sleepover at our house, because EVERY time, we would be ringing her mum at night. So generally we did sleepovers at her house, because I was quite happy to go elsewhere to stay over (I have 4 brothers, need I say more....)

Sarah - posted on 02/08/2011

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That's exactly the type of thing I meant Jodi.

I remember both times I went with school when I was younger there a few kids that just hated the whole thing because they were so lost without their parents.

I also had one friend who was meant to come for a sleepover (we were about 10) but she ended up calling her Mum to come and get her because she was just too scared to spend the night away from her.

I think that's sad.

Jodi - posted on 02/08/2011

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Today I just saw the perfect example. The Year 6's at my daughter's school went on camp today until Friday. Someone I know (not a friend, I actually don't get along with her at all) didn't send her daughter because she didn't want to drive the 3 hours to pick her up. I asked "don't they BUS them down and back". Yes, apparently they do, but her daughter last year got so homesick she had to go and pick her up after one night. So she decided she wasn't sending her this year. She said she'll eventually grow out of it. Um, maybe NOT if you don't give her the opportunities to do so. You might have to change the locks on your house when she's 28!!!!

Seriously, though, to me this is an example of a child (an 11 year old at that) who is insecure being away from her parents. And as a result of that, she is missing out on a school camp, which is a fantastic bonding experience at the beginning of the school year.

Sarah - posted on 02/08/2011

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I haven't read all the posts (there's too many! lol) so sorry if this point has been made!

I think it's good for kids to get used to the fact that they aren't always going to be with Mummy and Daddy. I mean, if they never stay with other (responsible) people, then what's going to happen when they get older and they want to stay at a friends house for a sleepover, but they're too scared to be away from their parents? Or when their class goes away on camp, and they've never been away from their parents, so it's scary for them rather than fun?

I think it does both the kids and the parents good to have some time away occasionally! I certainly don't think it makes you any less of a parent!

Iris - posted on 02/08/2011

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I just want to add that I grew up staying at my grandparents during the summer, and I loved it, couldn't wait for the summer to come to go there.

I do take a break from my kids. Just spent a night down in Waikiki this Saturday while hubby stayed home. He also gave me a trip to Maui with my girlfriends a mothers day weekend two years ago and we had a blast!
We went for 4 days to Berlin when we lived in Germany, while my mom was home with the girls, great times for all of us. And every time I come home I can't wait to see them and have a cuddle.

Iris - posted on 02/08/2011

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This post struck me s so judgmental and rude that I just have to respond to it.

"Your welcome to your opinion just the same way I am to mine ! I believe that your have a responsibility to your children and that doesn't stop, even for a holiday. I am not some happily married women sitting here judging unwed parents. I am an unwed parent. And the reality is when you have children before your married you have to make the choice of whether you take them with you or dump them on someone else. Personally, I'm not dumping my child for my own enjoyment."

You might not be a happily married woman, but you sure have to tell us (who vacation occasionally with out out kids) that we are lesser parents. "Dump" our kids?? I've never left my kids in a hands of anyone they or me aren't comfortable with and I didn't trust completely and didn't welcome them! And they had a blast!

"I believe that I had the chance to do childfree activities before I had children.... now thats not a luxury I am entitled to, regardless of whether you agree or not."

I don't agree.

"If you can justify forgoing your duties as a mother than please do, I can't and won't. I love my daughter and I delight in the time I have with her and nothing would ever justify leaving her while I went away to have fun. It wouldn't be fun without her. Like I said, if your that type of mother than thats your choice. But thats not right for my family. My daughter will enjoy holidays because I believe that is the right thing !"

Yes. I feel like I can justify it plenty. My daughters like to go to grandma and spend a time there. I like to get a free time with hubby while they stay for a week or *gasp!* month like my then 7 year old did (btw, we all had a blast and talked on the phone every day).
But I still don't feel I forwent my duties as a mother, I just gave my daughter more independence and a time to explore another culture with a person that loves her dearly and she loves back.

"We don't have summer camps where I live. But I do think a holiday that the child takes on their own *if thats what thye want* is worlds apart from parents pretending they don't have kids and running off on their own."

So I should sit at home waiting for my children to come back, writing letters and bugging the supervisor of the camp every 30 minutes? Why should I feel guilty for taking a trip while my kids are off in summer camp? Why shouldn't we go and do something fun too?

"During a recent natural disaster in my area my daughter was evacuated to another city to be with her father, while I was flooded in. That was the hardest 2 nights of my life. I could NEVER choose to be without my child unless it was for her safety."

I would have been thrilled knowing my children were safe. But still, not exactly the situation people talk about as ideal "vacation" you are talking about catastrophic event we are talking about vacation, the mindset could be a little different...

Stifler's - posted on 02/07/2011

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Bahaha I can't see it working for me. That's what PASH parties are for, where the kids stay home with dad.

Jodi - posted on 02/07/2011

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Are there actually people out there who get off with the washing machine? And to think I thought that was a myth.....maybe I should try it.

Sharon - posted on 02/07/2011

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PFT! Those mums who can't break themselves away from their kids really need reach into their vagina, drag out the rest of the umbilical cord AND CUT IT ALL FUCKING READY. Good god.

LMAO - I'm absolutely delighted with the prevision of your kids taking off and ditching you in the near future.

You developed a relationship with your partner without your child - some way - some how - thats how it happened. now for the rest of your lives a child must be attached to you in order for that relationship to work? Good luck with that. No wonder men are running off to be with women who don't have kids. They've been ditched. Between their wives getting off on riding the washing machine and their complete and total devotion to the kids... the husband is only a money maker. Nice.

Johnny - posted on 02/07/2011

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Well, my daughter is 2 1/2 and I haven't yet had occasion to leave her overnight. We've taken her on a few vacations, including to Vegas where we all had a blast. We traveled with our close friends, who babysat her so we could go out dancing one night. I put her to bed, hubby & I tore up the dance floor, and when she woke up the next morning I was there in the next bed. Probably makes me a bad mom though ;-P

I'm sure some day soon she'll spend the night at Gran & Grandpa's so Mommy & Papa can go out late. It will be a treat for all of us, and I've got absolutely not one concern that it will negatively impact her. How can I be so sure?

Well, I remember my own childhood quite well. So does my hubby. We both thought it was the biggest treat ever to spend a night out of the house. Be it with the grandparents, a friend's for a sleepover or "fundraising nights" in our school gym. When I was 4, my parents went out of town for a week, and I got to stay at my Grans' getting daily horsey rides from my uncle, eating her fresh baked bread every morning, and sneaking into my Gramps' room while he slept so I could go into the attic and explore. Great memories! Although perhaps they're shielding a deeply held trauma...?

When I was 7 I went to sleep-away camp for the first time. It was a week. My mom was freaked and apparently had a panic attack when I pulled away on the bus. She needn't have worried, the first thing I said as I got off the bus was apparently, "can I go back for 2 weeks in the summer? can I? can I?" I did and continued to for longer every year. But who knows... maybe I'm just deeply burying feelings of parental rejection.

Despite all these long separations from my parents, my mom still built her life around me. When I moved away to college at 17, she fell into a deep depression. That was hard, very hard for me to deal with. It has totally effected our relationship, makes it hard for us to communicate openly, and leaves me with serious feelings of guilt for abandoning her. No joke here.

So if my daughter seems ready, I will slowly and surely leave her for longer and longer. I think she's about ready for an overnight at the grandparent's, and as she grows, it will go from there. I want our bond to last, and the best relationships are generally between people who each have a strong healthy sense of self and individuation. I don't plan to crowd her and I want to show her just how to enjoy life. Sometimes, for adults, that means doing things that don't include kids. And sometimes for kids, that means a night or a week without mom & dad.

Peggy - posted on 02/07/2011

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Yes, my children are older age 16 and 8 and no I still wont plan a vacation without them. Like I said in one of my last posts, I did leave my girls ONE time for a week and it was the worst time ever!!.. and I will NEVER do that again.. one was almost 10 and almost 2 yrs old. I feel there is a difference between a vacation and a night out. If we make plans for a vacation or weekend trip and one of my girls said they didnt want to go then thats completely different than just leaving them out.

I do disagree with the statement "Generally the only way to be a good mother is to take time out for yourself not to mention if your child doesnt at least go to daycare before school they will be a nightmare and its not good for them to be around their mum 24/7" ... I dont think I would be any better of a parent if I took time out for myself.. but thats me personally.. if as a parent you feel you need it then its probably a good idea for you to get it because if not then Im sure your child would suffer in the long run. My oldest one NEVER went to daycare nor had a babysitter other than my grandma when I was at work and work only. When she started preschool age age 3 1/2,it was me who cried while leaving her just for the orientation, not her. She waved by to us and went on to play. She was with me 24/7except for the 45-50 hours a week she was with my grandma while I worked.

And yes my 'date night" with my kids was a "date night".. my now husband and I were not married during that time..we were dating. But he knew from the get go I where I stood about my kids. I had a 8 yr old and 10 month old. I worked full time and I wasnt about to leave my kids when I wasnt at work. He accepted that and valued that in me. It wasnt about "having a life" but more "making a life" for me and my kids.

Another example of my kids having "their time"... my oldest one went to Ohio with my grandparents when she was 8 1/2. It was her choice to want to go, not me making the plans for her. I stayed back with my 3 month old. So as a parent who doesnt believe in planning a vacation without my kids, I have no issues with allowing my kids to do things without me. At times my kids would say they wanted to stay with my grandma but when it came time for bed they wanted Mommy.

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Guess we're all just going to Hell now as sinners! Since some of us have no problems with taking a small getaway while leaving the kids in a loving and safe environment, we'll just pack up our bags and take a trip southward. Pack the marshmallows for roasting. Who's bringing the booze?! Oh! Wait...if us moms take a trip to Hell isn't that being separated from our kids?

Sal - posted on 02/07/2011

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no one jumped on peggy because she said why she loved going with her kids, she didn;t say anyone was less of a parent for not wanting too, she also has more than one kid and they are older, maybe she doesn't seem so narrow minded and has a little more experience but basically she wasn't on her high horse being rude

Charlie - posted on 02/07/2011

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I think parents who cling to their children like mollusks are suffocating and are actually taking away from their child the opportunity to learn and grow through freedom and external attachments away from the primary caregiver .

I cannot imagine smothering my child because of MY needs , I believe in extending my children's circle of security offering them a wider circle in which to feel confident and independent naturally ( they are never forced to stay at grandmas and she is never asked to have them , she always asks us and so does Cooper ) , I cannot imagine taking away from them that opportunity but that is my opinion I don't really care what anyone else does and what my fiancee and I do on our night off doesn't really matter whether it is movies snuggled up at home or a night away together .



On a side note : when mum comes around for a cup of tea Cooper grabs his bag stuffs random things in it and says " Cooper sleep at grandma's tonight ?? " SO cute mum always says " go and ask mum and dad " with this look on her face like the two had conspired the plan together haha.

Bonnie - posted on 02/07/2011

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There is no law that says that once you have children that is it, you lose any chance of going anywhere without them. If there was a law, you better believe that people would disobey it left, right, and center. If you shouldn't go away on vacation without your kids, then I guess you shouldn't go out with friends without them either.
There is nothing wrong with going away to refresh yourself from the everyday life as long as they are in proper care.

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