What age do you feel is to old to have a baby?

Francine - posted on 09/24/2010 ( 50 moms have responded )

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My husband and my daughter has been so wanting me to conceive. I am pretty surprised I haven't yet. I think it's the to much work, a lot of responsibilities, so busy and so forth that I can't conceive. Anyways, I look young enough for everyone to think and ask if my daughter is my sister and I pass as a teenager. But there is no denying my biological age. I am going to be 32 next month and I don't think that I am that old...LOL..I don't feel like it as well. But my hubby says we need a baby before he's old and gray! LOL...well. I just wasn't ready yet. Seriously was against having a baby just yet. We were in constant battle in court for my step children to be part of our lives and that is a financial commitment for all visitations, going to court etc...and for the first time I have been in a bind for making it through the month. Otherwise, bringing in another child into this world I was not to comfortable about just yet. Heaven sent some prayers, and just a couple of days ago I was contempt with it. I am sure at least within the next months years, hopefully no more than 2 years from now we can be blessed with a child. Otherwise, I feel 35 is cutting it close to what he says to old. LOL...

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[deleted account]

Actually, Tia... you don't have one single clue who Olivia is. I, personally, am not going to stoop to your level of spreading lies about people throughout the internet.... which is why I have waited so long to utter a word to you even though it's quite obvious you are posting all your illiterate sob stories to bait and upset me. Go ahead and say whatever you like about me. All the people in the world who matter know the truth and that is enough for me. Enjoy! :)

User - posted on 09/24/2010

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I say go for it, as long as you're not over 40 and have the financial means to raise a child, and your health won't be in jeopardy, go for it.That being said, I believe, as a divorced mother of 2 kids, that if a father wants rights with their children they should pay the mother child support. I don't blame the mother for wanting to go after him for money! it's expensive to have a kid these days. If paying support is a financial hardship on your family, maybe you should reconsider having a child of your own. I mean, heaven forbid something happens between you and him in the future.... are you going to want to fight him tooth and nail for money to raise your child alone?

Jenny - posted on 09/25/2010

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It sounds like you are not in stable enough circumstances to be bringing any more children into the picture regardless of age. It should truly be the least of your concerns.

Alahnna - posted on 09/24/2010

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I'm gonna agree with a couple others here. If you are already financially struggling, adding another child to the mix is not a good idea. Children are expensive and I can speak from experience with the divorce factor as my ex went way behind on his support, giving me nothing and I had to raise my children financially all by myself. Don't get me started on Deadbeat dads, it's a sore spot, lol can you tell? Children come with financial responsabilities, so unless you will be able to afford another child AND still be ble to support the children and step children you DO have, I would not even think of having another. JMO

[deleted account]

Tia, please remove the pic of my children from your profile immediately as you have no legal right to post pictures of them on the internet. Thank you.

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Kim - posted on 09/25/2010

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I dont' understand first you say your husband is like a child himself and that is why he wants more, yet he left his others because his wife was too childish? Sounds like he really doesn't want the responsibility of actually taking care of his kids and being a parent, just playing with them and having a good time. what ever you decide Good Luck!!

User - posted on 09/25/2010

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If I were you, I wouldn't consider having anther child until you learned basic grammar and had a moderate command of the English language. Any 32 year old who doesn't know the difference between "contempt" and "content" and uses "ain't" as though it's actually a real word should be embarrassed.

Krista - posted on 09/25/2010

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I think you have a LOT of stuff to work out before you should even consider bringing an innocent baby into your life.

Dana - posted on 09/25/2010

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Personally attacking anyone is against the rules of CoM...something everyone should keep in mind if they like being able to use the site. Regardless of what side you're on in this "issue".

[deleted account]

I'm a tad confused, Francine. Why would you want to have more children with someone who is a big child himself? I prefer to have children with a man. Someone who can pay for all of the kids he has, can help around the house and is an adult and a partner in this marriage.

[deleted account]

Francine if your children are as smart as you say then I would credit that to their father, since you don't seem to know even the simplest rules of grammar and correct spelling.

[deleted account]

Personally I wouldn't want to have children over the age of 35 but I'm lucky to have found the right one so young and we only want two children! M y father-in-law was 40 when their youngest was born and to me it's just wierd because he'll be 60 when she is 20 whereas for me my nana was 70 when I was 20 so just 10 years older! Each to there own but I do feel women who purposely put having babies on hold and end up having difficulties concieving are increasing, and at the end of the day there will be some that will never have children as a result because IVF doesn't always work but that's a risk they have to be willing to take. My views are so strong on that aspect though because I had difficulties concieving at the age of 18 so to wait to such a age to me seems like madness!

Laressa - posted on 09/25/2010

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Hey its up to you! I'm aquainted with alot of women who had babies later in life. I was at a wedding this summer and the Mother of the Groom was quite pregnant! I personally hope to have all mine before I'm 30 or so. I'll be 27 when my second is born and we're debating a 3rd. For myself I like the idea of having them more or less on thier own by the time I'm 50.... But then that's me. My mom was 20 when I was born and I liked having a younger mom that was energetic and I could fun stuff with. But I realized life isn't the same for everyone and you will know when the right time is for you.

Francine - posted on 09/25/2010

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to olivia i know who you are. He does take care of his kids and besides it's my choice if i decide to take care of a child with or without a father i will do what i need to do, NEVER SOB ABOUT IT. Children ain't my means of welfare or financial assistance in fact I never ever asked for child support from my ex even when I needed it. My children are smart and healthy. Doing very very well. And that is due to a true mothers love, support, and yes they still have a relationship with their dad whenever they want even when I ain't a part of HIS life! I don't hold him down to stick around for US, ME. If he helps fine, But it was MY decision to have full custody of my children, therefore, my full resposnibility. I was asking for my Healthy welfare weather my age was to old or not, Not weather I can handle if ever I get left with anymore children. My marriage is wonderful infact he wants many many many children with me because he can't understand so much how well I am with children and since he's a big kid himself....He can't understand my love which he never had before and very much love it ALL!!!! and he most is appreciatively feel lucky that I am a loving step mother to his children. And take a lot with out dishing back and attacking his EX back like she does to me over everything! Never herself to blame as a failure for her own marriage as not being a wife, but more like another child in the home to take care of...woman! you think your man would leave if you don't clean, cook, spend real quality time with kids and him, have a agonizing sex life, let him work and take care of your children when he's done working and have a life online rather than with him? ugh, thanks OLIVIA. It does make me wonder if this post was a make believe profile just to attack me. Sad...That's okay. I will still smile anyways...Thank you and have a good day.

Nicole - posted on 09/25/2010

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Well, personally I would not have children with a man who leaves his wife while she was pregnant and leaves his two other kids to be with you.....but that is just me.

[deleted account]

I agree with Kati. I don't think financial and emotion well being are the only things to worry about. Your physical body plays a HUGE roll. Right now, at 33, I'm overweight and out of shape but I'm hoping by the time I'm 35 I'll be in a better place so I can get pregnant and enjoy that pregnancy. My first pregnancy was miserable and I don't think my body could physically handle it at this point. It's definitely a motivating factor in my decision to wait another year.

Rosie - posted on 09/25/2010

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i don't think 32 is too old!! although right now at 32 i can't imagine being pregnant again. i hated being pregnant, it took it's toll on my body.
when we got married i had already had a child, so my husband wanted to wait a little bit before we started having more. for me personally, i want my kids out of the house early since i had them early. i've never gotten to enjoy my husband without a child there, so it was really important to me to get them out of the house early, lol! he finally saw what i was talking about and we started having them as soon as possible after our wedding. waited another couple years and tried again.
think of all the factors and how you want your life to play out. good luck!

Dana - posted on 09/25/2010

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Haha, Ellen, good point. I imagine not everyone found that perfect someone to have kids with early, they just happened to get pregnant early. ;)

[deleted account]

I have a close friend who had an "oooops" baby in July. She is 37, and has a 12 & 13 year old. Her hubby is 42. They both feel that parenting the 2nd time around is so much easier. As for me, my son arrived 2 weeks prior to my 32nd birthday. I'm 37 now, and I personally don't feel I could handle being a mother to an infant. But there are women that handle pregnancy and motherhood gracefully and older ages. Keep your health as a priority and good luck!

Ellen - posted on 09/25/2010

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How incredibly lucky for all you women who were able to find someone, so you can all have your babies early. My son came into the world when I was 39 yrs old, and I would've had more if I could.

Kim - posted on 09/25/2010

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I agree with the others that you do need to be doing ok financially and be able to take care of the kids you both have first before adding more. My father left us and we ended up on Welfare, he never gave us any money. Well he got his girlfriend pregnant(and later they split, he really didn't want another family anyway, I mean who just ups and leaves their kids especially a baby?) and of course that baby got taken care of wayyy more than we did. We were ticked to say it mildly and stopped seeing him for awhile. So if all of you want a relationship with his kids then you need to make sure they are taken care of too. Otherwise don't be surprised it they don't want any thing to do with either of you. Kids can put 2 and 2 together. And as far as too old is that you or him?! Why does it matter how old you are if you are up to it?

Louise - posted on 09/25/2010

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I think you need to sort your finances first as there is no point in worrying about the bills when your pregnant. I have seen both sides of what age you should be for having children as I had my first son at 21 and second at 24 then I waited 15 years before having my daughter I am now 40 with a 22 month old and she is the joy of my life. If you really want to have a baby then do not put it off as you do have a body clock and just because you have had a child before this does not mean that you will not have problems conceiving. When you get older it does take longer to conceive. So have a full check up at the doctors before you start. But I stongly advise you to sort out the court thing first so you cut back on the stress in you life.

?? - posted on 09/24/2010

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Well crap, I guess menopause is gonna sneak up on my ass. My grandma has MS so menopause wasn't something she really experienced 'normally' and my mom had cancer, and had a hysterectomy, so her 'menopause' wasn't normal either and kicked in early...... hard core !


I hope to be finished having babies before I hit 30, Ihave 3.5 more years and I'd like 1 more... well I would like 2 more but I don't think daddy will agree to more than 1 more. If he's ok with a 3rd, I would continue to try as long as I am taking care of myself. Health is a major factor in how hard a pregnancy will be (obviously not the only factor, but a big one). I've quit smoking, I don't drink, I eat healthier, I walk nearly everyday and I am in a much healthier place now than I was when I was younger... so I won't say there's a "too old" - I will say there is a "not willing or able" though :p

[deleted account]

And now that I think about it, I started my period early compared to the other girls (age 10) and so did my Mom. I think she was 9.

[deleted account]

I never knew that about menopause following the mother's path. Hmm. Then that makes sense to me because I remember being around 9 or 10 (my mom would have been 49 or 50) and having to go to the drug store to buy tampons for her. Well if that's true, then that puts a whole other spin on the whole "having another kid" thing for me. I mean, I'm not opposed to having another within the next 2 or 3 years but I definitely don't want to be having one when I'm closing in on 50! Damn, now I feel like if I wasn't "on the ball" (literally lol) before, I'd better be now! :P

Jodi - posted on 09/24/2010

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You're right Amie, menopause is supposed to follow the trend of your own mother. So if my calculations are correct, I'll be starting any time now....... I'll know whether it is true or not VERY soon!!!

Amie - posted on 09/24/2010

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That's why I didn't specify an age Joy! hehe. Menopause happens at different times for different women. I fully expect to be in the swing of menopause in my late 30's. Seems to be the trend with the women in my family. Awesome. =/

[deleted account]

I agree with what Amie said about not messing with invitro after a certain age. Not sure what the cutoff should be for invitro but I think that if you have to have help past 40 then maybe you should consider other options.

I also agree with Amie in that I always said "By the time I'm 30, I will have had all the children I'm going to have." Until I reached 30 and was still childless. And then I hit 32....34........and oh my god all my friend's kids are in junior high......

I am of the mindset and "soulset" that says not to ever wish things had been different or to ponder long on how, if one thing had been different, life would have been so much better or easier. I believe that things happen how and when they do for a reason. I wouldn't change a thing about my life now, or the age I was when I had my son, or especially the man I had him with. That being said, I was married at 24 (to my ex) and we tried for a LONG TIME to have a baby, to no avail. To this day, neither of us knows if it was him or if it was me but in the end, I have a child and he still doesn't. So me having a baby when I did, and at the age I did, had nothing to do with my lack of trying or wanting one at a much younger age. I know that as it is, when my son graduates high school at 18, I'll be almost 54. I also know that when my son becomes a father, say at 24, I'll be 60. I also know that if I have another one say, next year when I'm 40 (which my Mom was when she had me and I never noticed a difference)....then when that kid turns 18 I'll be 58 and if he or she has a kid at 24 I'll be 64. I'm perfectly ok with that. And I fully believe that because my child(ren) love me, they will be ok with that too. And being in my 60's as a new grandmother....who says I won't be able to roll around with them in the grass and help take care of them and spoil them? Most certainly, I will love them and isn't that what is important? I mean, I know the original poster is almost 32 and so for her, age is not really a concern except if she and her husband make it one. But for anyone to say that having a baby at 40 or 42 is pushing it, I say bahhh. Nonsense. See? I already sound old, don't I? LOL

Ez - posted on 09/24/2010

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32 is not too old.. late 30s would be pushing it for me. I don't have any moral objection to it, just that I know the strain a pregnancy put on me at 27, I can't imagine what it would feel like at 37 :|

Cat - posted on 09/24/2010

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I totally agree with Anyanka... My own dh currently pays a huge amount of support for his two kids he had before we were together, but thankfully we're not doing too badly ourselves... We'd never at this point have another child though, we know that would be stretching our financial situation to the breaking point... Its all well and good for you to be mindful of a biological clock, but your dh needs to take care of his three kids first and foremost, I know that I'd never want to have kids with a guy at ANY age if he was a deadbeat to the kids he already has, Anyanka is dead on, History repeats itself...

Isobel - posted on 09/24/2010

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you are 32, and people think your daughter is your sister...were you 15 when you had her?

Anyanka - posted on 09/24/2010

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I think you have to look at the big picture. Does he even take care of his other 3 children right now? Does he pay support to them? What is to say that if you divorce, he would take care of the new baby? History repeats itself. Do you want to be stuck in the same spot he's put his ex-wife. If you don't feel having another child is a good choice, then you can not be bullied into it. And not being able to financially care for said child is wildly irresponsible. This has nothing to do with age. This has to do with the quality of life the child would be provided.

Jodi - posted on 09/24/2010

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Wow, Olivia, THAT was uncalled for!!!

Who are you a fake profile for? Most people with only one post won't come in and start slagging off at people unless it is a fake profile :)

Olivia - posted on 09/24/2010

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Well, I would never have a child with an irresponsible, judgemental jerk that thinks 35 is too old and won't take care of the 3 kids he already has. I'd be worried he'd take off and sell the sob story about being in court to some other poor soul.

Amie - posted on 09/24/2010

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For myself, I did not want any kids past 30. I have all 4 of my kids and I don't turn 30 for 2 more years. For myself it was the age factor that drove me to have them sooner. Ideally I wanted them all in my twenties but I had my first at 18, oops. It was hard at first financially but we got through it. Our kids lack for nothing, all their needs are taken care of and a fair share of their wants as well.

One huge thing I noticed, from my first to my last. The older I got, the worse pregnancy was. With my first I walked right through it, by the time I had my last everything hurt and everything leaked in the last month or two. =S I can't imagine being pregnant in my thirties now. For me it is not ideal at all. I would rather shoot myself in the foot.

For other people, I can't say for sure. Except if you're past menopause, don't screw around then with invitro and such. =/

Denikka - posted on 09/24/2010

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Personally...I think that if you're going to retire and there's a good chance your kids are going to still be at home, you're getting too old.
To put that into numbers...average age of retirement is 65...average age of high school graduation 18-19 and then I would tack on a year of whatever, plus 4 years of college/university.
So I would say having a kid at 40 is pushing it. I won't condemn it, but I don't think it's right.
Think about it in this light:
If you have a child at 39, you're 64 by the time you can reasonably expect your kid to be out of the house for good. If your child has a child (your grandchild) in their mid 30's (say 36), you're 75 by the time your grandchild is born.
Now tell me, what can you do with your grandchild? Can you run around with them? Can you even get down on the floor to play with them? Will you still be around for their graduation (you'll be 93-94)? Their wedding? Etc...
Now take a person who has a child at..27. In 25 years, when you can expect that child to be out of the house, you'll be 52. Even if your child waits to have children of their own, (although I believe they would be more likely to have them earlier, same as you so lets say they have a child at 30), you'd be 57 at that point. And 75 when they graduate (well AFTER the running around stage, which you should still be able to do in your late 50's/early 60's). You'd be more likely to be around for your grandchild's wedding, the birth of your GREAT grandchild.

I dunno....I like having my kids early. I'm 21 and expecting my second Jan. 30th (my first will be 2 the following March).
I'll be under 40 when my first 2 kids graduate (we'll see if there's any more :P) and quite possibly under 50 when my first grandkids are born. I look forward to being ABLE to run around and play with them. The financial stability that we could have had, had we waited longer to have children (although I don't deny waiting a couple years could have been beneficial...I mean waiting into our mid to late 30's) was not worth giving up all the other things in the future to me.

To each their own....it's more important to do what's right for YOU than what's right for anyone else, but that's my opinion and reasoning on the matter :)

Becky - posted on 09/24/2010

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I'm 34 and planning on having one more. We're hoping I'll be pregnant again before I hit 35, but if not, I'd probably keep trying up to 36-37. That's more because my husband, who is the same age, would not like to wait much longer to have another. He doesn't want to have to work until he's 80 to put them all through college! The risks do go up after 35, but I think the risks are higher if you have your first child after 35 than if you've already had children. For me personally, I feel that anything older than 40 would be too old. But, to each, their own.

Sarah - posted on 09/24/2010

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In my opinion, I think 40 is probably the oldest I'd be comfortable having children. My mom was 35 & my dad was 37 when I was born. They are both in their 60s now & still going strong. They've always been young at heart. ;) Also, my cousin has a baby who is 13 months old & she was 39 when he was born. Her husband is about 48.

[deleted account]

Okayyyy so here it comes. Mine is not gonna be the popular opinion here but oh well. First of all, 32 is definitely not too old to have a baby. Although I had tried for many years, I was 36 when my son was born. For now, he is an only child, but not by choice. Last year, at the ripe old age of 38, I miscarried. No, I didn't miscarry because I was too old lol I just turned 39 in July of this year and our method of birth control hasn't changed. We use none. If we get pregnant, great. If not, then it's not in the cards for us. I don't think 40 is too old, even though I recently had a SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL tell me otherwise! (That's a whole other story lol!) Haven't you people heard??? 40 is the new 30! For me, personally, I don't want to be having kids anytime after around 41-42. But I've met pregnant women in their mid to late 40's in doctor's offices and see nothing wrong with that either. I don't think age is as much a factor in having a baby as is your emotional state and your financial ability to support another child. All of that being said, maybe my opinion would be different if I had been able to have children younger. But I'm really grateful I didn't because that would keep me tied to my ex forever and also, things are as they should be and I wouldn't change a thing :) And as for that clock ticking? Well, wait til you girls hit my age. The clock is a gong and it's always in my ear......

[deleted account]

I'm 34 and pregnant. But we have the financial means to do so. Being able to survive financially is the most important factor. I have an education and know that I would be able to support my children if my husband left me. So, first I would check any and all outstanding debt you and your husband have. It seems like you really aren't in the position to have a baby right now. Maybe ever if you have that many children you are responsible for.

Charlie - posted on 09/24/2010

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Personally i wanted to start having kids at 27 and be done by 30 but i jumped the gun and am now done having kids at 26 LOL .

As for others i think 40 is getting a little too close IMO.

Dana - posted on 09/24/2010

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Psh, I'm 34 and hope to have another. I think 45 is cutting it pretty close. I think personally, I wouldn't try to have one past 40.

Jenni - posted on 09/24/2010

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32 is definitely not too old! You know I was actually watching "The Mom Show" today and they said in the last 5-10 years that the average age to have your FIRST child is 30!

I think it's important that the both of you are ready for another child.

Health professionals do agree that deciding to have a baby at 35+ involves more risk factors to consider. Anytime before that is perfectly healthy. It is becoming more common for women to have children after 35 as well. I imagine if you are healthy and in good shape the risk factors are lower over 35.

Anyways, you still have lots of time so don't feel rushed. ;)

Btw.. I'm 28 right now with 2 children (almost 2 years apart) and i'm planning to *possibly* start trying for our 3rd at around 32 or 33.

ME - posted on 09/24/2010

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I was 31 when my first was born, and 33 when my second was born...I am about to turn 34, and still considering having one more (though I'd wait for them both to be out of diapers before I had another)....If we don't go for a third by the time I'm 40, I will probably stop considering giving birth to another child and start seriously considering adoption...but that's me...I know someone who had her first (brilliant, healthy) baby girl at 40!

[deleted account]

I'm coming up on 34 and I still want another. I do HEAR the clock ticking though....it's getting rather annoying!

Jodi - posted on 09/24/2010

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I was almost 36 and my hubby almost 40 when we had our youngest. Of course 35 is not too old!!! We're doing just fine, and no-one's planning our funerals yet :P

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