What do we owe our parents?

Tara - posted on 07/28/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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What do we owe our parents?

A mother is suing for financial assistance from the children she left behind. The children don't want to pay, questioning why they should be forced to support someone they barely know

Read more: http://www.vancouversun.com/entertainmen...

This is an archaic law, I truly hope this law is struck down and her case thrown out.
This woman left behind her child, and now she wants him to pay to keep her comfortable in her old age!!!

Thoughts?

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Jodi - posted on 07/28/2010

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I don't think giving life is enough to expect this kind of thing. Shit, any idiot can have a baby. In no way does that entitle us to be looked after in our old age. You can't just "drag" your kids up and expect that they should just be grateful for it. Raising them is a different matter, but it doesn't make you entitled to anything. But really, if you've done a good job of raising your kids, the rewards will be there anyway. They will WANT to give back and assist when you get older. I don't think there should ever be an entitlement to that.

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17 Comments

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Stifler's - posted on 07/30/2010

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She needs to be shot. Children don't ask to be born. My MIL has this view and believe me we don't owe her a damn thing.

[deleted account]

I do kind of agrre with Jodi and Aime. But i don't think it's purely the parents way of raising that comes into it.

I love my parents and they have done everything they possibly can to help me and raise me to become a responsible adult.

I would do anything i can to help them in anyway they need.



I don't agree as i have a brother who 2 years ago stopped talking to them because apparently they didn't like his new partner. It had nothing to do with how he was raised as we were raised the same. They helped him to start his own business and he has now thrown that back in their face and owes them a large amount of money but since getting married to the woman they apparently don't like he refuses to pay them but can go out and buy himself a brand new very expensive car. which i know he has gone into debt for as she refuses to help him pay them back cause its his problem.



So i would do anything for them but he wouldn't so we can't just blame parenting styles or lack of.

Krista - posted on 07/29/2010

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I think that if a parent is an actual PARENT, and made a real effort to do right by the kids, even if they made mistakes here and there, then the kids are morally obligated to ensure that the parents are comfortable in their old age. But this woman was not a parent, and I believe that she should reap what she sowed.

[deleted account]

I completely agree with Jodi and Amie's posts if your family has the core values and love your kids will WANT to look after you (or at least make sure you are looked after) BUT if you haven't and like Shirley in the article you walked out and abandoned your children you in no way deserve your children looking after you. I truely hope Ken wins this case.

Amie - posted on 07/28/2010

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Not all "parents" are entitled to their childrens love, let alone entitled to their childrens money and time to take care of them in their old age.

If it's a close family that has a strong core, it just happens. It's not expected, it's not demanded, it just is.

Sharon - posted on 07/28/2010

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I think this is interesting and sad.

My parents GAVE me LIFE. What a huge gift! I will always owe them for that

My parents gave me an awesome education and a wonderful life and were always there.

No one else sees it that way? weird.

Amie - posted on 07/28/2010

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I think it depends on the family. In ours we've always taken care of the preceding generations. My one gramma lived with us until our physical help was no longer enough. She then went to assisted living and eventually a nursing home. The other had a stroke and went from living on her own to a nursing home.



Both were set up financially to take care of the costs of that though. Just as my parents and my husband and I have taken steps to make sure financially we are not a burden.



If my kids do not show up at the nursing home to visit though, I will come back and haunt their asses. /:) Least they can do is show up to visit with the grandkids and great grandkids. (I plan on living a long time. lol)



Jodi,



For those that need it the Canadian government does have a pension plan set up. CPP (Canada Pension Plan) is available to anyone who has worked and paid into it. It's not much but it's enough to live on. There are also other avenues for those who do not have private funds set up to get the help they need. I can't remember everything my one gramma had but her bills were always paid. She had never worked, she was a SAHM her entire life. Well in her older years she was a SAHG, we visited her a lot and I will always remember her having cookies on hand for all the grandkids, no matter when we showed up. =)

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2010

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IMO, we choose to bring our children into this world and we have an obligation to them to raise them into functioning adults. Beyond that, we have no obligation, and neither do they, after all, they didn't choose to be responsible for us.

However, having said that, if we, as parents, expect or would like our children to assist us in our old age, we also need to provide them continued support, love and respect throughout their lives. I don't think we have any rights to demand assistance from them, but we can do our best to earn it.

I am curious, Canada doesn't have a government pension? In Australia, we have a pension for those over 65 (it goes up to 67 over the coming years), as well as free health care and discounts on utilities and other public services. We also have in place a superannuation/retirement fund for every employee in Australia (it is compulsory for employer to pay into it).

Meghan - posted on 07/28/2010

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I do everything for my son and I still WOULD'T ecpect him to take care of me in old age...this is absurd! Like Twighlight zone absurd!

Rosie - posted on 07/28/2010

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yeah if you give up on parenting your child and then all of a sudden expect them to do somehting for you just cause you claim the title of mother, you are fucking derainged. that's the most fucked up thing i've heard in a while!!

[deleted account]

My mom is currently doing a lot of her mother's care (though my grandma is in a 'facility' since it's too much for my mom to do full time). My mom used to think her mom was going to kill her when she was little. :( I think my mom is a little nuts to be doing so much work for my grandma NOW, but it's entirely her choice.

A parent has a LEGAL obligation to their child for the first 18 years.... any other 'obligations' towards the child or the child towards the parent should be a CHOICE and the court should stay out of it entirely.

Isobel - posted on 07/28/2010

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The sad thing is...I bet he loses. The law sucks. On the other hand, I don't know how difficult it would be to collect, I doubt that they have the same laws as child support....so the daughter has it right, just don't pay.

Sharon - posted on 07/28/2010

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In this case the child owes his parents nothing.

This is something that is wrong with society today.

Once upon a time we raised our kids expecting to be cared for in our old age by them. This is why we raised them with respect, care and gentleness. This is what we expect in our old age.

That is the natural progression of life (especially now that people are living longer) that you are born helpless and go out that same way. Needing your drool wiped off and diaper changed.

Since when do we turn our children loose and never see them again? Do you all really think your kids owe you nothing for all the love and devotion you gave them?

Do I expect my adult children to simply supply me with all I need in my old age? no. But I do expect them to take care in selecting caretakers, homes, medical etc. I do not expect to be or want to be a burden on my kids. So I try to take care of things now, to help out later.

BUT. in the case of this story - the birth mother is owed NOTHING. She was not a mother in any sense before or after she left.

Caitlin - posted on 07/28/2010

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Insane.. you decide to have kids knowing that it costs money, not expecting anything back. Even if she had raised the kid for 18 years +, it was a decision you made, live with it. Though it's nice if your kids help you out when you are old and frail (if you raised them completely I mean) then that's great, if not, well, I guess that's their decision. Self centered bitch...

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