What do you think?

Mechelle - posted on 05/23/2011 ( 79 moms have responded )

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I am 22 years old, have 2 kids, ages 2 years and 4 months. I just found out today that I am pregnant. While my fiance and I will have the baby (even though I don't think I can handle another one), what would you do? Would you have it or abort it if you were not ready?

I am pro-choice but I would like to hear other opinions on subject of pro-choice or pro-life.

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Jenny - posted on 05/24/2011

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Under those circumstances I would abort. My youngest is like Sharon's first, hell on wheels. There is no way I could add a second toddler without selling the whole bunch to gypsies. I got fixed after my second but if I'm the 1 in 1000 who conceive after the operation, I will abort.

I believe in only bringing in babies who are intended to be cared for in every fashion, physically, practically and mentally until they can take care of themselves. If you (general you) feel you can't meet the criteria then don't complete the pregnancy. Why should we make existing women's lives subservient to new children just because they conceived? What about all of the other things the woman can offer the world, why do we put that on the back burner because she can reproduce?

Sharon - posted on 05/23/2011

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Wow. You think you can't handle it.

You must be semi losing it now.

It sounds like a newstory waiting to happen.

I'd abort. Who can predict how a childs' personality will affect its mother & father? I could NOT have handled a second child while my first was a toddler. He had serious hyperactivity issues. he kept me run ragged.

I'd had him and another baby and a baby on the way - I think I would have had to be institutionalised. doesn't mean I don't love my kids, but what good am I'm not my best?

How good a parent can you be if you're "just coping."? Sounds to me like your kids are destined to suffer.

Joanna - posted on 05/23/2011

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My body could not handle another pregnancy, I was in constant pain with my last, and I am spread way to thin now with my 2 young ones. I'm on BC right now but considering getting my tubes tied. With all that... I would abort. It's sad since I know I can handle adoption since I've done it before, but I could not take the pain again to be pregnant. I know I'm inthe minority here, but I'm okay with that. Gotta be honest.

Jaime - posted on 05/25/2011

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I conceived when I was on the pill...never missed a pill either. What did happen was me losing a lot of weight and thus my hormone levels changed and it was suggested that the change in hormones warranted a change in the dosage of my birth control...something I didn't know at the time, but have kept in mind for the future.

As for this statement; "If we are mature enough to engage in the act that creates life then we should be mature enough to take care of a pregnancy as a result." A 12-year-old is not mature enough to engage in sexual activity and yet it happens and pregnancy sometimes results...should we then expect a child to raise a child? I'm going with no on that one!

Krista - posted on 05/25/2011

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I don't think that anybody here thinks that abortion should be used as birth control. I know I certainly don't. I think that if one does not want a child, that stringent precautions should be taken to prevent conception.

However, that being said...every woman's situation is different. I have not walked in other peoples' shoes, and I do not feel comfortable telling them what they should or should not do. I would not abort in the OP's circumstances, but I'm not going to tell her what to do, because I do not know her situation.

Life is FAR from black-and-white. I can easily think of many, many different scenarios off the top of my head, where a woman through no fault of her own, would be placed in the position of having to make an extremely difficult choice.

As an example, you might have a woman with a physically abusive spouse. She is trying to squirrel away money to leave him. She is secretly on the pill, because she does not want to bring a baby into that environment, but she cannot use any other forms of contraception without him knowing. She is about 6 months away from having her plans in place and her money saved up to leave him. Her pill fails for some reason or another, and she gets pregnant. She's desperate and terrified and has no idea how she's going to support a baby on her own, and she's worried that once her spouse is aware of the pregnancy, his hold on her will become even tighter. Who am I to tell her what to do? Who am I to preach to her about murder, when she's in full-on survival mode herself?

I loathe abortion. The thought of it saddens and disgusts me. I do believe that it is the taking of a life, albeit, not a sentient one.

However, I am also a realist, and until we live in a perfect world where there is no rape, no severe fetal abnormalities, no pregnancy-related threats to the mother's life, no crushing poverty, no drug addiction, no abusive spouses, etc. etc....then abortion will sometimes have to be a necessary evil.

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Angela - posted on 05/27/2011

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I believe that in all situations to abort a baby is murder. whether a woman feels she has the right or not to take the life of a living & breathing baby, who can feel pain & has a heart beat, is her own decision. Society has just made it more acceptable because we tell everyone that because the baby is not in our arms that it is not alive. Medically, I don't always believe dr's as my mom was told I would be a vegetable & that she should abort me. While I do have some physical problems, I am so grateful she let me live. She held my life in her hands & was being told that I didn't deserve to live because she would be burdened by me & then I'd be a burden to society. None of it was true. Imagine how many women have been told the same thing by dr's who are just using what they currently have as technology that isn't perfect.

Rape, I cannot say I approve of aborting for only because the baby doesn't deserve to die because the Father was a jerk. Adoption is a precious gift & imagine all those women who whose lives will be forever changed because they have the baby they've spent their whole lives longing for because you chose to be selfless and carry the baby full term.

While I have my opinions, I believe each must answer for their own choices. i am a Christian and believe it's my job to tell what I know as to the truth but then everyone must make their own decisions & God will do the judging.

That's my stance on abortion. :-)

Cynthia - posted on 05/26/2011

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well its awesome that you cant do it. your girls are beautiful! see you around coms:)

Mel - posted on 05/26/2011

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oh thats fine. I guess I can just see that for some people there would be reasons as I think Ive mentioned earlier ( mother life in danger etc). I lived with a family when I was 17 who had a 1 in 4 chance of having a disabled child every pregnancy they had one chid with disability and he died at 17 because of it, and 3 healthy, and were pregnant again and didnt think they coulcdeal with it agian to lose a child so had a 5 month abortion. In cases like that I can understand. For me pesonally Im not sure I could do it

Cynthia - posted on 05/26/2011

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Mel i understand that you agree with me on rape not being a reason for you but we disagree on pro life. you are pro choice. i don't think it is ok for anyone to kill a fetus. i wouldn't even support my own sister. i think it is murder and wrong. sorry i just wanted to clear that up. i do have tolerance for others and i would not harass someone that does it but i am Pro- life

Mel - posted on 05/26/2011

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I agree with Cynthia, for me there is definately not a reason to abort a baby , in almost all circumstance but I can understnd others doing it depending on the reason. Good on you for keeping the baby, that shows what a fantastic person and mother you are. Honestly even if I had fallen pregnant through rape I woudlnt be able to terminate. When I was 15 and had some girly problems I had to see a specialist and she thought there could be a possibilty I could be pregnant, I said Id only been with soemone once and it wasnt actually very possible at all given how far things went that I coudl be pregnant (I was sexually assualted at 15) she said anythings possible and did a scan I found myself excited at the idea, whether it be being an immature teenager or whatever , if I had been pregnant aborting would never had gone through my mind.

Cynthia - posted on 05/26/2011

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its awesome that you are going to have the baby it is the responsible thing to do. anyway as soon as the baby is here you'll probably forget all these feelings and just love the baby. as for your question i am pro life. but my husband said that if he had to choose between me and the baby in dilivery he says he will choose me and we will have another baby and i agree with him. but thats a different topic i guess. honestly i can't think of a good enough reason to kill a healthy baby, even rape is not a good enough reason for me. i feel like a baby is never a mistake. there are people that would love to adopt a baby and they would love that baby o matter what. so i'll say pro life.



again good for you for keeping your baby. its usualy the hard choice that is the right one. it wont be easy but be proud that it is right. and things will change in time, your family will adjust and you will find a way to take care of everyone. the new baby will just sweeten the deal :)

Mel - posted on 05/26/2011

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thats what I thought Mechelle, when people started implying you should have an abortion it annoyed me but I didnt rwrite anything. Thats such a horrible thing to say to you, when you have already said you are planning on having the baby. Good luck with it all

Mechelle - posted on 05/26/2011

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I think a lot of you have misunderstood my OP. I was not asking what I should do, as I stated that we will have the baby. I was asking your opinions on abortions.

Angela - posted on 05/26/2011

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I would say that if you don't feel you can handle another baby(at least right now) that adoption is a GREAT option. My aunt & most of the women in my family couldn't have kids. She was horrified when several people went back on their decisions to give them her baby. She went through entire pregnancies w/the mothers only to have them change their minds when the baby was born. My aunt is heart broken because no one would let her adopt their kids though she has spent her whole life caring for people who are MR or have Downs Syndrome. She is now in her 50's and can't really handle having a child as her health declined from taking care of these types is very stressful & physically demanding at times. There are many out there like her, whose dream is to have a baby but their bodies wont' let them. Many can't afford the adoptions through agencies but will pay your medical costs & legal fees for you to have the baby & then allow them to do a private adoption. I would highly consider this option. While private & agency adoptions are an option, many don't even think about it anymore since abortions are so readily available...please, choose to give the gift of life not only to your baby but also to a woman or couple who can only dream of holding their own baby in their arms.

Trish - posted on 05/26/2011

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If I was in your situation I would decide what I could live with 10 or 20 years down the road. Would I regret this? Would I remember this and feel guilt? It's a hard one. But you have to follow your gut and good on you for thinking about it. Bringing another life into this world is a huge responsibility and only you know where you are at this moment in time (health, finances, etc). Have a good think about it...Talk to your partner...pray if you do pray...and see what comes to you.

Vera - posted on 05/25/2011

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Mechelle no matter what choice you make with this and how you go down the road with a child or not ... Just remember if things get too overwhelming there is adoption.

My grand parents adopted me and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I am happy that I was adopted and didn't know my mom or dad until I was 18. I was loved and had more than most kids I know ... heck I even started school overseas.

I know you'll make the right decision for you and your family (don't let all of our opinions make you feel bad for your decision you need to do what is right for your family - not everyone elses- making the best decision you can live with!)

But in the back of your head if there is a day you just can't take it... remember there are moms like me who were faced with the possibility of not having children (lucky to have mine now and she came when we finally gave in/gave up) that are looking into adoption and they would LOVE to just have a little happy girl or boy running around to fill their hearts with joy, someone to get into everything and just be their little terror on wheels (so to speak) I may not be an ideal mom but speaking as one I am a very loving mom, protective and truthfully my daughter is spoiled rotten (she has no clue yet!) I would only hope that if we would have had to adopt it would have been helping a family like yours.

Plus like one mom said just be positive ... they'll be out by the time you are 41, (while my butt is gonna be ancient with a walker) They are close together so that means most likely less differences etc...

Hope in the end no matter what that you will be ok!

Mechelle - posted on 05/25/2011

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To the birth control discussion. With my second daughter, I was on the pill and my fiance had also gotten fixed. He had the odds of it not working and I had the odds of the pill not working. I took it faithfully everyday and I still got pregnant.

Being pregnant now, I was unable to get birth control because of difficulties with my insurance (we have switched to better insurance). We still used condoms every time we had sex.

I am very much pro choice, and I will say it now, I have had an abortion in the past, when I was a teenager. I was a different person than I am now. I was so afraid of my parents that I felt it was my only option. This does not mean that I use abortion as a form of birth control, so do not jump to that conclusion. I actually know a woman who uses abortion as birth control and it makes me sick. She uses no protection at all and gets an abortion at least once a year. This is something I DO NOT agree with. Yes, let women have the choice what to do with their bodies. Sometimes we are not ready to have a baby and sometimes it is medically necessary.


I love my children and after a few upsetting and shocking days after finding out I'm pregnant, I am very excited to have another member in my family. I may have been a bit uncertain, but who wouldn't be? I just had a baby 4 months ago and I'm already pregnant again. I'm a good mom and I know I can handle what is given to me.

Thanks all for the input. It was nice hearing both sides of the subject.

Krista - posted on 05/25/2011

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Just keep repeating to yourself, "They'll all be out of the house by the time I'm 41....they'll all be out of the house by the time I'm 41..." (I know, 41 seems super-old to you right now, but it's not...)

Isobel - posted on 05/25/2011

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If I TRULY felt that I couldn't handle it...I would seriously consider abortion. Not late, but yeah, you have an obligation to your living breathing, sentient children who love and need you.

Congratulations and I wish you the best, I just really hope that you seek the help that you will need cause WOW...that's a BIG, YOUNG family.

Chana - posted on 05/25/2011

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No if you want to have sex by all means have sex. Use more than one kind of protection. If it still fails and you get pregnant then take accountability . Either raise it or give it up for adoption. You knew the risk going into the situation.

Krista - posted on 05/25/2011

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@Chana: so what about that 1% then? Do they get a free pass? Or are you of the belief that if you don't want a child, you shouldn't be having sex at ALL?

Chana - posted on 05/25/2011

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Taking a life is taking a life. No matter how you choose to color it.If a tweleve year old is having sex then the parents need to bear that responisbility. No one wants to take accountibility for their actions. There is only a 1 % chance to get pregnant on the pill if taken CORRECTLY.

Chana - posted on 05/25/2011

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Use more than one type. Before my husband i decided to have children we used the pill and a condom. Never forgot a pill or to use a condom and no pregnancy. It was only this pregnancy that we have an unplanned baby. That was because we were not using anything

Mel - posted on 05/25/2011

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so many people I have heard of conceiving while they were on the pill, since protection is not somehing I have had to worry about in the past 6 years, I dont know alot about the pill just that its supposed to be 99% , so I ask those of you who do use the pill do you ever miss days and do you take it at the same time every day as reccomended? I wonder why so many women conceive on the pill that is all.

Jenny - posted on 05/25/2011

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How many of you were using protection when you conceived? *raises hand*. I had been on the pill for 5 years when I conceived my daughter.

Chana - posted on 05/25/2011

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No but it should not be used as a form of birth control either! Babies are not a punishment. If you do not want to have a child either do not have sex or use birth control properly or more forms of it. There is no reason to be pregnant this day and age it you do not want to. So there is no reason for abortions either. Unless it is medical or rape/incest.

Jenny - posted on 05/25/2011

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It has nothing to do with maturity. Babies are not to be punishment for sex. Reproducing is not the be all and end all of life. Thankfully, we have given women the gift of being able to have control over their uterus and make the choices she wants to make. We are not just baby making factories anymore.

Chana - posted on 05/25/2011

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Okay I am probably going to take a lot of flack for this but...I am prolife! If we are mature enough to engage in the act that creates life then we should be mature enough to take care of a pregnancy as a result. I think that the only reason that abortion should be used is in the event it is medically needed or rape/incest. If you do not want the baby there is always adoption. I am pregnant with baby number three. When the test turned positive i cried. I did not want a third. Now that i am 28 weeks pregnant i am glad. I will be welcoming my son into the world in a couple of months. To me abortion is a very selfish act.

April - posted on 05/25/2011

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I am 22 with two kids also (2 and a half yo and 9 months). I am pro choice so if i were in your situation i would probably think about having an abortion only because my husband and i are done having kids and we know that we won't be able to support another child at this moment BUT like Erin said i probably wouldn't be able to do it.

Ez - posted on 05/25/2011

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I am pro-choice. In your circumstances, I would certainly consider terminating. But at the end of the day, I just don't think I could.

[deleted account]

You don't have to consider having an abortion to know your stance on it.... I was 15 when I found out that my mom had an abortion before my parents got married. I've been 100% prolife since that day.

Jaime - posted on 05/24/2011

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I'm fully pro-choice and under the circumstances mentioned in the OP, I would absolutely abort!

"While my fiance and I will have the baby (even though I don't think I can handle another one)"...you sound very unsure of your ability to cope and care for a third child and that carries a tremendous amount of risk when we're talking about a long-term committment to the health and well-being of a child.

Mel - posted on 05/24/2011

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this girl damos mates gf just didnt know she was pregnant til pretty late I cant remember how late but I remember being disgusted she was going interstate for an abortion so late.

Agreed Vera - abortion isnt a contraceptive and sadly alot of peop;e use it as one, if you made the baby its your responsiblilty to look after it or give it to someone who can not kill it because your selfish

Vera - posted on 05/24/2011

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If you're really worried about not handling it have you maybe thought of adopting the child to a family who can't have children? Maybe with the adopting parents paying for medical etc?? I don't know the procedures but maybe that is a thought since some can't deal with the stress of abortion or severely regret decisions later in life.



I think abortion should only be used in certian situations... rape, extreme malformation of the fetus, harm to mother or child if born..) You are lucky you can have children - wither you feel they are a gift or not - you are lucky.



Otherwise - not to sound rude - but too many people use abortion as an easy way out of dealing with the choices they made when making the child.

Rosie - posted on 05/24/2011

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i think when people think later term abortion they are thinking these women go in when they're 24 weeks just cause they don't want to be pregnant anymore. most states have laws regarding what age that can happen and it is usually before 20 weeks. people getting late term abortions are women pregnant with a terminal child, or the mothers life is at risk.

Mel - posted on 05/24/2011

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Oh yeah. I know someone from my state went interstate to get an abortion but Im not sure how far she was

Rosie - posted on 05/24/2011

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you can get an abortion after 24 weeks in australia. it just depends on the circumstances, just like here each state has different laws regarding it. but each state will allow one up to whatever gestation if the mothers life is at risk, or the baby is terminal.

Mel - posted on 05/24/2011

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I dont think you can have a 24 week abortion here, to the person who said that. That would be horrible the baby can survive at that point

[deleted account]

Mechelle I have never considered abortion. I feel an abortion should only be done if mother and/or child are at risk of dying from complications and that is the only option.

[deleted account]

I am currently 36+ weeks pregnant with our second child and as well as suffering SPD with both pregnancies, I have also suffered with pre-eclampsia from 34 weeks with both pregnancies - I do not intend to get pregnant again, however, if I was to get pregnant I would never have an abortion as I see every child as a blessing even those who aren't planned.

Sara - posted on 05/24/2011

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I'm pro-choice, but I don't think now -- especially after having a child of my own -- that I could abort unless there was a medical reason. It's hard, but in the end, I don't think I'd ever regret keeping a child.

Mechelle - posted on 05/24/2011

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No offense, Heather, was just curious. I feel that everyone considers abortion. How do you decide whether you are pro-life or pro-choice? You have to consider it and decide who you are and what you stand for.

[deleted account]

Sorry to offend but the way I interpreted your OP was that you may have considered that option. I feel aborting a baby because the person feels they cannot handle it or are not ready is a selfish reason.

Arlene - posted on 05/24/2011

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I am pro-life so abortion would never be an option for me. As difficult as your situation is and as trying as it will be to have three small children I really believe things happen for a reason and that we are only given what we can truly handle, sometimes good things, sometimes difficult. Just think how close-knit your children will be being so close in age. And you will manage, you're a mother and we always find the will to push forward. Good luck!!

Charlotte - posted on 05/24/2011

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I am 30 years old and my last daughter was a surprise we were not going to have anymore kids. I was on birth control and our youngest had just started kindergarten, my oldest is 13. We were done, but I found out I was pregnant and we did consider having an abortion, we even scheduled the appointment, But in the end we decided we would always wonder what if. So now we have 3 kids 13, 6, and 3months. My husband got a vasectomy, so we wouldn't have anymore surprises. We love our new daughter and our happy with our family.

Mechelle - posted on 05/24/2011

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Heather Ramsey, why would you say my comment came off as selfish? If you read the original post, it says that we WILL have the baby even though I am not ready. I never said I would abort, I simply asked for other people opinions on the matter. Just wondering what point you thought I was being selfish?

Rosie - posted on 05/24/2011

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nichole you can have an abortion in EVERY state until you are 24 weeks. also the most premature infant to ever survive was born 21 weeks 6 days. instead of reading into hype, look into actual facts about abortion and who has them at that gestational time. it's not the women who just decide one day they don't want to be pregnant anymore, it's the ones who are carrying terminally ill babies, or the mothers life is in jeopardy.

[deleted account]

I shouldn't have come back to this post. I'm feeling a tad sick now.... :(

Congratulations Mechelle! I'd seriously think about some long term birth control once this little one is born, but you will be FINE!

Kylie - posted on 05/24/2011

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Oh dear, that is really difficult situation. Personally I have never made my mind up about abortion, I do think it's wrong after the first trimester. However if i fell pregnant at this point in my life, i would consider it. I love my children and being a mother but two is enough and is what I can cope with. If i was in your situation i would probably chose to terminate. You need to really look at your support system and make a plan. If it is in the best interest for you mentally and physically and in the best interests of your 2 children, then abortion may be for the best.
I'm so sorry you have to make this choice. Please use protection in the future.

Jane - posted on 05/23/2011

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And we figured adoption would take a while, so we went back to the agency when our daughter turned two. 6 weeks later, she had a brother. Our two are two years, 2 months and two days apart. However, I do know one worse story than I have seen here.

A man I hired to work for me married his sweetheart in August. They planned to wait a year or two before trying to conceive, but apparently they really enjoyed the honeymoon. As a result their first child, a daughter, was born in April.

And then, apparently she got pregnant again within weeks of giving birth. This time it was twin girls born at 6 months during Thanksgiving. Thus every year, for about half the year, all three girls are the same age. These fertile folks went on to have another girl and then finally a boy, despite our slightly pointed remarks about being able to explain to them why they kept getting pregnant.

The twins, being premature, had a variety of problems. One can walk, but not well. The other cannot walk at all, so their family also has two service dogs. The girl who cannot walk also had hydrocephalus, which interfered with her speech development. The mom decided to homeschool so the girls could get their therapy and the individual attention they needed. Their oldest graduated from high school last year, and the twins will graduate this year. Next year the fourth girl will graduate, and two years after that, the boy will.

They had everything planned when they married. They were going to wait a couple of years, then have a boy. Then two or three years later they were going to have a girl, and their family would be complete. They turned out to be very adaptable people, just as I suspect many of the rest of us are.

However, they were also a little feckless.

Mel - posted on 05/23/2011

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wow Nichole, I think if I were more fertile I would think otherwise lol, then I would probably have waited maybe a year after each kid to start trying, but since we knew it would take a bit thats why we just leave it in Gods hands :) I know a fair few people who say they just started trying and within weeks were pregnant. Its amazing that it can happen that way for some people, but then it wouldnt be much of a surprise. We got a massive surprise with both our girls, and thats the way I like it to a certain extent. Obviously I feel blessed to not be one of those women who takes 5-10 yrs to conceive like my nanna but how it is now is ok - I know I have issues, so when it happens we will be so shocked and happy, because its the unknown factor - it could happen next month or it could happen in 3 or 4 years =)

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/23/2011

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Yikes....... well I had my son 7 months ago and I'm ummm.. 6 months pregnant soon :) LOL apparently we are very fully capable of getting pregnant over here......... no trying needed. In fact we decided we wanted them about a year apart so we didn't use protection and thought 'it'll take some time' and apparently not. They think we got pregnant 1 month after having my first son (going to have another boy too) and so we get all the jokes now of 'wow, didn't wait did you?!' :) I just hope to take a break this time because I hurt soooo bad. Ended up with muscle spasms and this second one is sitting lower and pinching off nerves omg i cannot believe how much more pain I am in... so I need a break and to heal in order to be able to take care of my kids before considering having more

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