What do you think about non-mothers who think that everything they currently do is gonna be a breaze when the first baby comes?

Melissa - posted on 02/08/2011 ( 54 moms have responded )

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So I have a friend that literaly judges everything I have done since my baby has been born. She thinks that my social life shouldnt have changed, that it is easy to travel with a new baby, that I dont do more than she will because she will be working 40 hours a week and put her baby in daycare.
If I say its hard to travel with a baby who is teething, or colicy, or just doesnt want his schedule to change and she replies "no its not your baby has to get used to your life style"....
I say the only down side I have found to being home all day is my cleaning has increased 10 fold and it seems to never end and she replies it the same for a mom who works just add 40 hours a week to that cleaning and taking care of a baby...uuggghhh she is driving me nuts...IS SHE Nieve or am I wrong to think you can't do it all and your life 100% changes when you have a baby and nothing is easy...sure it can be done but come on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I say we are going to ask your hubby to be our sons Godfather she replies "oh dont you have to be a member of a church and what is a dedication I dont get it our baby is being baptised at birth so why did u wait so long and why arent you baptising him ......I explain our reasons and religous beliefs she replies with judgment.....uugghhh what to do what to do!

Dont know how to handle this girl...she is rude and very judgemental with everything I say and do when it comes to being a mom or with my baby! Help!

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Krissy - posted on 02/09/2011

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She misses you... and doesn't like having been bumped down the priority level. I don't think even she realizes that she's doing it, but she is resenting your baby (or at least your being a mom now)....

However, like I said, she doesn't realize it. However, I think it's time you realize that you can still be friends, but she's not the one to commiserate with right now about mom issues.

My suggestion, find some mom-friends... sounds like your friend is too dependent on you and your relationship isn't going to be a healthy one. Go ahead and try to keep your friendship with her, but you will have to choose to forgive her the way she's taking this, or confront her with it gently.

If you guys do come to words over it... you might want to just say, "Yes, my son has changed my life and probably changed me! I hope we can still find a way to be friends." Then leave the ball in her court for a while.

April - posted on 02/08/2011

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It sounds like she is going to try hard NOT to "let" her future child change her life. I've heard other parents say before "you don't adjust to the baby, the baby adjusts to you". In my experience, parents with these beliefs are often selfish. For example, a friend of mine was drying her hair when her baby started crying. The crying progressed from whimper to hysterically screaming, yet my friend never once picked up her daughter (not until she was DONE DRYING HER HAIR!!!) If I had been there, I would have felt physically sick to witness a newborn crying for something and having no one help her (that's instinct and I do think some women lack that or refuse to pay attention to it). So...I don't think your friend is actually being naive...I think she already knows the kind of mother she will be. Just be glad you are the kind of Mom you are and be happy your son has you!!

Veronica - posted on 02/08/2011

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I think whether you are childless, have one or two kids, or ten --- there are responsibilities we all have to do. As a mother, there is more, and some cases a husband adds just as much to it as the kids do! I know my life is dramatically different from being single, and even more different from having one child to six children. With my first - sure, I had sleepless nights - but it was no different then do all nighters drinking, or just staying up all night because i wanted to -- as a mother though, i didnt and dont have an option to sleep in all day after an all nighter - so that was different. I did have some extra laundry - but I only had a little bit for clothes for my daugther so i had to wash almost every day to every other day so she had clean clothes. Housework didnt change much, as it was still my and my husbands "mess" and I kept things pretty tidy. NOW today -- its a completely different life, and it built up over the years. Instead of loads of little loads of clothes a week - I am now doing 5 to 6 or more heavy/super loads a day - and that is just clothes alone - that doesnt include linens/bedding - and 'extras' curtains, pillows, etc. I will do dishes in the morning, and by supper time is over, it looks like a weeks worth of dishes sitting there (thank God for my dishwasher!! which i never had for four years, and was with our home when we bought it three years ago). I can clean and pick up the house, and by the end of the day it looks like a hurricane went through it. I used to be able to purchase groceries and they'd last almost a month - now, it might last close to two weeks. So things have def. changed.

I dont think having one child turns the world upside down -- but being a new mom, it sure does feel that way - and I certainly understand what you are saying Melissa, and how you feel -- but in all honesty none of us are the only and the lonely - there are millions of women out there that have done this for centuries back - you get into your own groove and you just do it -- and unless someone has positive or corrective criticism - i wouldnt listen to two-bits of it, they are wasting your time all around.
Do your best, love your baby - and that is all that matters. She is only being competitive - let it go.

Jenny - posted on 02/11/2011

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It's really not that bad. Sure I had an extra bag to carry around with me but life goes on. Your life does change but it doesn't stop, there is a happy medium.

Kristin - posted on 02/09/2011

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my life has basically stayed the same since i became a mom except that we decided that i would be a stay at home mom instead of working.
getting my son (who is 6 months old) and traveling has been pretty easy. we took a vacation to new york (6 hours away) when he was about 2 months old. we just pulled over every 2 hours so i could nurse him.
i take him every where with me (church, stores, restaurants etc..) and it's not really a hassle at all. but i will say that every now and then there is a problem with outings but hardly any.
the only really big bothersome change that has happened since my son is my sleeping. i never seem to get enough.
in his short life, i've dealt with sickness, hospital trips,colic, sleepness nights, a hit on my relationship with my husband etc...but sofar motherhood is a breeze. that's just my opinion though.

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Nikkole - posted on 02/11/2011

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What the others have said i agree with!! She will change her mind as soon as she brings her baby home!! Being a mom is NOT easy i have a 3yr old and a 7month old and i couldn't imagine having more than 2 i would be late all the time lol! But i know a LOT of people who think they know everything about kids and how to parent and all you can do is laugh and say ok! As far as rude comments about you doing things with your kids or for them i would simply tell your friend im sorry you don't agree with my decisions but these are MY children!

Jenni - posted on 02/11/2011

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From another poster on another forum from a blog... this might make you feel better :)

I read this on a blog and thought it was really good, i just had to share it.

11 Step Program for those thinking of having kids!

Lesson 1.
1.Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night.
Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air. You are now ready to feed a nine-month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, Dora, Diego, and Yo Gabba Gabba. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel, Nick Jr or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Desiree - posted on 02/11/2011

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Excuse me for a moment. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Does that answer it.

Why is it that these people think it is so easy. well let see what happens when the shoe is on the other foot.

Patricia - posted on 02/10/2011

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Me personally....Ummmm...would very politely tell her that this is YOUR child not hers....how you plan to handle things is entirely up to you and your husband PERIOD! I hate nosey people!!! :-)

Cyndel - posted on 02/10/2011

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If it is so easy why hasn't she had kids of her own?



Edit to add...

My life and social life changed more when I married then when I had my son! It was a change of course but no more then expected.

Ellen - posted on 02/09/2011

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She'll get it once she's had her own, but if you think she's annoying now, wait till she compares her children with yours.

Melissa - posted on 02/09/2011

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Kristin that is so awesome.. The thing is our life really hasnt changed much just there is someone else thats a priority..and the issue isnt always not being able to but more a desire...my hubby and I would rather be with our baby than go out several times a week and do stuff as a family than "hang out".....we have had 5 bbq's when he was first born through when he was 6 months (summer time) and they came...we have gone to the beach, its just not enough for my "friend I guess! AND I must say being a SAHM isnt hard right now..I just have a love more hate relationship with the added cleaning responsabilities!!!HA! but going out to eat became a problem when he didnt want to sit still anymore...and boy was that an issue with our friends...the point is you never know what your going to get...baby comes first...so dont knock it untill you have experienced it right..(not you Im speaking of the "friend")
Krissy...I think she really does resent the baby when we are around her she acts as though he doesnt even exist!! She could care less! AND the other thing is the one "mom" friend I have bonded with is her sister so that might be an issue too!

[deleted account]

oh god...how can you expect your life to stay the same when you have to care for a little baby 24/7...Some new moms don't find it hard, but it sure is a change..

[deleted account]

When I was pregnant with my first child, we both vowed that "this child is not going to change our routine!" We soon discovered that our routine was that we had no routine! We could go out for dinner on the spur of the moment, we could laze in bed at the weekends, we could decide to go camping off the cuff...With a baby, we could still do lots of things, but not without planning!

Your friend will discover all this if she ever has a baby. Just hang round and wait to snigger!

Lysandra - posted on 02/09/2011

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I would simply stop seeing her! If she is constantly judging you then I would not consider her a friend. I have completely changed my group of friends, I probably have 2 or 3 friends from before I had my baby. If she's wanting you to be the same person you were before your baby and do all the same things then she's being incredibly un-realistic. When she has a baby she will get hit in the face of how different it makes your life and if she is going to be unwilling to change her lifestyle to fit in with a baby then she is going to find it very difficult indeed.
I do still make an effort to go out, but I go for cups of teas and lunches rather than drinks and parties. My son is 6 months old, I've bought him his own bag where there are always nappies, wipes and changing mat, a bottle insulator, change of clothes, few toys, teething gel, nail file, bib, cloth and spoons all I have to add to leave the house is bottle and tub of food then dress baby and out, makes life so much easier to be prepared and I know I have everything I could need so as to not be caught out. It's good to get out more the cleaning will still be there (unfortunately) and I do most of the cleaning when tiny has gone to bed anyways. Keep on top of things and then there is never the need to "must clean this pigsty"

Melissa - posted on 02/09/2011

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100% agree Maria...I told her last night... look it is selfish to put your needs before your babies...live your life and find out what works but babies dont care that you want to go out or travel...espec when they have colic! She will learn and if she doesnt have to make any sacrifices well then I guess she does live in a glass house..haha...Im not gonna give up on her but will limit the time around her as much as possible untill she can have more respect! Thanks everyone!

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Of course life changes when you have a baby!! I think if you are not willing to change a thing once you have a baby then you are not ready to have one. Once you have a child you should be willing to make sacrifices. I dont really see my friends at all anymore because we only have one car and my fiance is working all the time. But i do call and text and we do hang out when we can ( all my friends have kids too). Life changes because now you are caring for a new life. Life is not about you anymore its about your child. Now im not saying forget about yourself and not take care of yourself but it is different and it can be hard you are learning how to combine the two. It doesnt seem to me that you are complaining about anything you are just talkin to your friend and she seems to have something to say about everything. She doesnt know anything and she is in for a rude awakening. I would suggest not talkin to her as much. She wouldnt be a friend to me thats for sure

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/09/2011

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She is a *friend*? All I can say is she will understand when she has a kid....and then it will be all about HER! LOL...sorry dude....tell her to back the fuck off. And then ask her how she became an expert without any practice.

Lindsay - posted on 02/09/2011

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Umm your life changes 150%, in saying that most importantly your priorities change. When she becomes a mom she will hopefully know the feeling. All new moms go through the same thing with their friends who don't have children, they simply don't understand. Not to say there aren't woman who are less maternalistic than others, we are all different.

Amie - posted on 02/09/2011

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She's naive. If she does make the baby "adjust to her life" instead of compensating for the new baby, I feel bad for the kid. I knew a couple like that growing up, it played a role in why they preferred hanging out at my parents house with us. You know, having an adult around who actually paid attention and cared enough to make time to sit and interact with them. Instead of being forced to wait until it was convenient for their parent.



It's definitely not impossible to keep on with your life with kids but some kinks are thrown in there. It takes time to adjust to it and get used to it but it works out in the end. I have 4 kids and my oldest is a big help when we head out and my husband is working. She knows how to buckle in our 2 toddlers in their car seats (she does one while I do the other), she'll hand out snacks and drinks as I drive, she'll keep them occupied while we're shopping. Our son helps with that as well.



I had a friend, who would constantly ask me why I do things the way I do with my kids. I pick my battles, always have. She couldn't fathom as to why. She had her parenting scheme all planned out, until her 1st was born. She now has 2 and is doing well. She asks for advice once in awhile, the first one she ever asked me about was diaper changing though. She broke down in my house when she came to see me just after I had our 4th. Her 1st was about 9 months old at the time. She was upset because I was changing my newborns diaper faster than she could change her son's. =/ Her husband and I both told her though I've had years of diaper changing experience, it will come with time. I think she was just hitting her melt down point around then too. For the first year of his life, she was there 24/7 doing everything. I mean everything, she wanted to be that kind of parent and she was... until she burnt out. She's found her balance now though.

Krista - posted on 02/09/2011

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Augh, I hated that too, Sara. A friend of mine, although I love her dearly, was REALLY bad for that.

Before I got pregnant, if I mentioned I was tired? "Oh, just wait 'till you have kids!"

If I mentioned I was busy, "You think you're busy now, just wait 'till you have kids!"

I've vowed to never utter those words to someone else, because it IS condescending, and it's also just not nice to act as though someone's complaint is completely and utterly invalid, just because yours is worse.

Sara - posted on 02/09/2011

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We all know people like that, don't we? I just keep my mouth shut, they'll figure it out. I HATED when I was pregnant with my first and people would make condescending comments to me about how I'll find out this and that once the baby comes. Yeah, thanks Captain Obvious. If someone asks me specifically about something, I'll be honest, but they'll figure everything out for themselves once the little whippersnapper gets here, IMO.

I think with the lady you're talking about in the OP, you just have to ignore her. And hope that she has a devil child so you can laugh secretly to yourself. Or you could always just be blunt with her and say "You really need to stop telling me XYZ and keep your opinions to yourself".

Stifler's - posted on 02/08/2011

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Yeah they get shitty and wonder why no one makes an effort when they organise something.

Sal - posted on 02/08/2011

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and emma don;t we all know some of those.....funnily enough when it is your turn to play the baby card they however then claim to never do it call you slack...

Sal - posted on 02/08/2011

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just sit back wait and when she has hers and it isn;t just like she thought you can laugh and laugh and laugh....or you could just tell her she is a pain and you will get you mothering advice from mother from now on thanks...

Melissa - posted on 02/08/2011

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Lol @Erin I have a friend who's going to be in for the shock of her life when her baby comes in May. enrolled in Uni and saying she will be able to do her other job when the babys here. I think shes going to realise how impossible that is

Ez - posted on 02/08/2011

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What do you think about non-mothers who think that everything they currently do is gonna be a breaze when the first baby comes?

I think it's hilarious LMAO. I actually know a girl who enrolled to do her Masters while she was on maternity leave from her teaching job because, and I quote, 'I'll be bored and have nothing to do being home all day with this baby'. Just yesterday I saw a FB status saying she hoped for the baby to sleep longer so she could get some study done. I just have to laugh.

[deleted account]

I think that until she has a baby of her own, then she has no right to tell you anything about what's hard and what's not about being a parent. I have a friend who has no kids. She's got nieces and nephews though, and she thinks that because she's been around them so much that it qualifies her to give me advice. Up until a few months ago, I would listen to her and say nothing. Then, I'd had enough one night and told her as politely as I could that she would understand when she had a child of her own.

[deleted account]

I would suggest one of two things. Either kick her friendship to the curb or just put up with it until she gets pregnant and has a baby. Then you can laugh all you want when she has the same issues. Don't point it all out to her though. Just enjoy some really good laughs with your DH over it whenever she complains. I LOVED it when my SIL did the same thing. I couldn't get away from her but I dearly loved it when she had hers. I would luagh my butt off just about every night because my DH or I would hear about what issues she had that day. :) It was great. She now isn't judgmental on me at all and even "admires" the way I can do everything and keep up on everything.

Veronica - posted on 02/08/2011

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It doesnt have to happen all the time -- but as for an earlier comment on here -- I dont always go places because of the job it is to haul around a handful of kids -- and sometimes i prefer people come to my house, than me go to theirs - and i dont see that as wrong - I shouldnt have to always run there either. As for food - I always call ahead and ask what to bring, because my kids can clean some food up in no time! So i always ask what i can bring - whether it be extra buns, extra hot dogs, extra potatoes, more milk, more veggies, more snacks, etc. etc. I never go anywhere without bringing food - even a whole meal sometimes - or sometimes they tell me to bring what the kids will eat (especially if its not a kid friendly supper) -- I always did this - its how we were raised. As for the late part... well, I can try my damndest to be early or on time - but more often than none Im usually late when it comes to getting somewhere. I can have all their clothes laid out the night before, have the diaper bags packed, have everything ready to go -- but stuff ALWAYS comes up - and my husband doesnt always help me either - so I have to get six kids going with getting fed, cleaned up, dressed, (in the winter - you have the added gear), and i always have an infant - so between feeding and diaper changing - its a lot of friken work --THEN i have to get them ALL loaded and buckled in the truck -- AND then the baby has to be fed and rediapered again, or i just might of forgotten something, or realised i needed something i forgot about - and the list goes on. I really work at this a lot - and some days are better than others -- but it doesnt matter - for me -- its a huge task to get out of the house -- half the time, i have to skip the makeup and even my hair, just so we can get the heck out of the house ----- SO while these aren't difficult or hard to achieve tasks,etc. -- its not all that simple as it may seem -- and I dont use my number of kids as an excuse for being late -- but its an added factor.

Jenny - posted on 02/08/2011

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I would have went earlier too but I live in Canada and my kids were born around New Years lol.

Lady Heather - posted on 02/08/2011

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Dude, I took my daughter camping at 6 weeks old. She did it and we had fun, but it was not the same at all! Kids don't change what you do, but they sure change how you do it.

Jenny - posted on 02/08/2011

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Well I'll be the one going against the grain and say kids didn't change my life much. Sure I stopped going to the bar every weekend but we still travelled, went shopping, visited friends and went camping. My kids have been camping since they were five months old. Dad and I still went for the occasional night at a pub to play pool. Yes, it made more work but our kids have not slowed us down or altered our lives in any sort of restrictive way.



I can't comment on the working part. I had 1 year off with both kids and then worked PT. Even now, 40 hours is too much let alone with a new born.

Lady Heather - posted on 02/08/2011

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I smile at these people and laugh hysterically in my brain.

Having a kid did not make my life impossible but it definitely changes everything you do. It's much more difficult to be impulsive and even if you do get your kid to come along with you for travel and such, that doesn't mean they are going to like it. I now have to take a just-in-case peanut butter sandwich every time we go out for a meal because one time we went for dinner and she wouldn't eat anything but she was screaming because there wasn't any food to her liking so we just had to leave. FUN. And travel? Bahahahaha. There is no comparing an airplane ride with a toddler to one done alone. We still do it - have a trip planned next week in fact with just me and the little one. It's just not the relaxing read-books-listen-to-music experience it once was. Now it's a pick-up-food-and-try-to-stop-screaming-and-change-your-pants-in-the-tiny-washroom-because-she-threw-a-cup-of-ice-water-at-you type of thing.

Life is more fun now, but it's also crazier and requires much more preparation. I think she will soon see that everything takes longer just because you have to pack more or do a last minute poonami change as you're running out the door, or clean up that milk that was spilled or whatever. And going out means getting a sitter so you can't just make plans to go out tonight unless you're really lucky. She will figure it out and it will be freaking hilarious to watch. Trust me - my sister used to say the same things. Then she had the baby.

Melissa - posted on 02/08/2011

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its all about time management sure its alot differnet and harder you cant come home from work at the end of the day to cook dinner clean and sit down and watch tv or do the cleaning and shopping on the weekend, you now have to clean whenever you can and half the time thats impossible. I know I am constantly yelling at my nearly 3 yr old she is extremely demanding like she never used to be before I had my 6 month old wont let me do anything even though i explain to her that when the baby goes to sleep I need to clean I need to do things I have wahsing to do I havre dishes to do etc etc. So yeah its frustrating but it can be done. Most people with more then one kid under 5 have to do things at night time. And it is hard to travel with a new baby whether they are collicky or teething or not. my kids were both good kids but babies dont like to sit there for long trips sometinmes even short ones, and my family live an hour away. I dont take the kids too my inlaws anymore its too hard atm, and they wonder why sit there syaing I dont visit anymore. I know my youngest used to get pretty worked up just for wanting a cuddle and your stuck sitting somewhere just holding them and every time you put them back in the car they scream. At one point it took ages to calm her when we got to where we were going and I took her out of the car seats when I was 5 mins from home on a few occasions and had to hold her with me. People who are not mothers have no freaking clue

Shauna - posted on 02/08/2011

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Everyone can only imagine what life will be like with baby, and how you will so easily respond to situations. However that all goes out the door when you become a parent. I worked in childcare and i used to rumble to myself and peers when "overprotective" parents brought in sleep sacks for their children instead of blankets. Or when they thought tylenol was the cure for everything, or that cloth diapers are best, the list goes on and on.
NOW that i am a mother, my child does use a sleep sack, there are times when i dont know whats wrong and i give my child some ib profen..... and im down with the cloth diapers... these are all things i NEVER would have imagined myself doing prior to being a mother.
my point is... you just dont know untill your a mother. Its easy to talk the talk .. untill you walk the walk

Melissa - posted on 02/08/2011

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Veronica I just told my husband the other day from now on I am going to come back with a respectful yet "put her in her place" comeback! It is a bit shocking to me how poeple act like that I have just never met anyone like this bad before! If it werent for my hubbby I would have been done with her a very long time ago!
Thanks though Veronica!

Stifler's - posted on 02/08/2011

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I traveled 10 hours to visit my grandma with a 4 month old. It wasn't easy and we had to stop for feeds and cuddles but it was worth it for everyone to get to know Logan. I've done so many trips with him, Townsville, Brisbane, Toowoomba, Bundaberg all at least 600km away. The poor kid has done some miles.

Bonnie - posted on 02/08/2011

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It's a nice mindset she has going on there. Perhaps it will help he stay positive, but really she is in for a rude awakening. Being a mom is great--the best thing in the world, but there is a lot that comes with it. If she will be working 40 hours a week and no one will be home than her house will not get that messy or dirty and will perhaps knock her cleaning/chores in half, if not more. Oh well, she will see.

Veronica - posted on 02/08/2011

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Get good with the combacks - do NOT undermine yourself!! Be proud of yourself, as a person, wife, and mother --- and stand up for yourself. This person is not going to be the last Melissa - you will be running into a lot of this kind of folk -- lol -- start putting your foot down now -- and dont feel any less -- you are a mother, she isnt - so, already you have a step ahead of her for knowledge - how can she be a know it all - when she isnt a parent??
You can read all the manuals, books, listen to all the doctors, babysit, do daycare, etc. And it still will NOT be anything like parenting at all -- every mother is different, every baby/child is different -- you can take the classes, advice, mentoring, education -- it isnt going to give you all the information you need as a parent. What works for one, doesnt work for all. Im not dissing education either -- im just making the point that until you are a parent, you truly do not know.

Melissa - posted on 02/08/2011

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Haha Lacy..I agree...I am putting my kid on a lesh..scares me to death the thought of blinking and him running off. I have an advenurous curious boy...my nephew LOVED his lesh..he had freedom and mom had peace of mind!
I really hate when peolpe say things they would never do...dont knock untill you have been there and done that right!!!! She really isnt a friend I have been trying to tell my husband that I want nothing to do with her but he is bf's with her husband. My husband cant believe some of the things she says to me and the way she acts...she realy truely acts like she lives in a glass house...but he has been bf's with her hubby for 15 years! So she is a little hard to get rid of...I tried talking to het..very respectfully wiihtout pointing fingers and acussing but She insulted the hell out of me...I just try to stay clear but somehow she still gets to me!

Angela - posted on 02/08/2011

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People always have alot to say when their looking in and not walking in your shoes. Dont let it get you so mad,Just consider the source. And I dont think she's much of a friend if she judges you all the time.

Melissa - posted on 02/08/2011

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The thing is It is balance and thats what I tell her but she is just a know it all...haha a know it all about parent hood with no kids!! We take time for ourselves, we go out with and without our baby, we are really loving life ...she just thinks we are always wrong! Our son is such an amazingly well behaved baby who loves doing things...but we couldnt travel 10 hours to a friends wedding when our son was 4 months old...the thought of it overwhelmed us and ever since it has been a big deal..she judged influenced the friends that got married they stopped talking to us...and so on! I do think she is for a huge rude awakening!

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ask yourself how imp is she to you? If she can't understand Ur position or b supportive when u want to ventilate without offering her opinion which is uncalled for, does she really need to b in Ur life?

Lacye - posted on 02/08/2011

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A swift kick in her ass would help some. Having a baby does change things. You never know exactly what you are going to do until you actually have a baby. I swore up and down that I was never going to put my child on a leash but now I'm starting to think that's not such a bad idea! lol.I always said I would have my child potty trained by 18 months, well she's 20 months now and still has a diaper on her butt. I also said I would never allow my daughter to have candy or any sweets for the first 3 years of her life. She doesn't get them all the time but hey, she still gets them. At least I have stood strong on the no soda thing. Woo Hoo!

Veronica - posted on 02/08/2011

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Situations are never easy with children -- but you can put it together to make it simpler. I always have a diaper bag packed - and when i use out of it, i resupply it. This way when i need to rush out the door, its ready to go. Keeping spare clothes is a MUST!! Something you should be in a habit of doing already - i always bring extra clothes, and sometimes pjs when i go places - there are almost always accidents or spillage - and if i am somewhere and its getting close to bedtime, i will bring the pjs, and then i can get the kids dressed for bed -- makes is soo much easier when i get home, cause i can simply put them strait to bed, then.
I think the thing that is the "hardest" about hauling kids everywhere was food. And of course loading them in and out of the truck (but i have six - three in the back, three in the middle - and two of them are a powerstruggle to get in their chair, and then hold them down to buckle! hahaha

Keep stuff prepared ahead of time, so all you have to do is get dressed, grab your stuff, and go.

Veronica - posted on 02/08/2011

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Its not the end of the world to have a kid - but it does change things, there are extra responsibilities involved. You need to find what works best for you - and maybe work out something in the middle for your friend. One thing i try not to do - is complain about what i have or dont have, or what i can or cant do -- and just do it. I have a laundry list of things I could literally bawl about right now - things are sooooo horrible in my life -- but I have children to raise, and food to put on the table, and a life to live - I am not going to let this stuff get in the way of it at all - and as the saying goes, "This too shall pass." What im hear more than anything, Melissa, is that your friend has no respect for you -- and is being very rude - it isnt for her to say what you can do or not do, or handle or manage - she doesnt know you, or what being a mother is about -- if she was a real friend, it wouldn;t bother her, and she would understand that things have changed for you.

Friends can get funny in new situations - like dating someone, or getting married, and esp. when you start having a family, or get a great career - I had a best friend - the day i called and told her i was having a baby and getting married, she hung up on me, and when i called back she never answered the phone. I dont know what she thought or why it abruptly ended our friendship - but it did -- and she wasn't the only friend that i 'lost' when i got preg. and married.



I guess decide how real important she is in your life, and decide if she is really respecting you, or if she is more of a burden --- If she is a burden and causing issues, id cut the cord. Or confront her with it, and leave it to her to dissolve the friendship or decide to become a better friend.



I dont know what else to say -- but as Loureen put it: "hahaha she is in for a shock "

Charlie - posted on 02/08/2011

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I agree Emma , I always make time to go out for coffee with my boys and my friends , I have a social life but it has changed it certainly isn't the social life I had previous to children , having a toddler and a baby is a whole new kettle of fish , it is harder than just one baby but I still make it work .

Stifler's - posted on 02/08/2011

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I think there has to be balance. Yes, you have to spend time at home and get chores done etc. but using the excuse of "I have kids everyone should visit ME, I should not be expected to bring food to the BBQ, all parties should be at my house, I am allowed to be half an hour late I have a kid" is in poor taste. It's really not that hard to pack nappies and a bottle and some snacks or food and teething tablets and leave the house. I have a kid and I've been doing that for a year. You can't do everything but there are people I know who seriously do nothing because of their kid and it's sad and annoys everyone.

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