what in the world.....

Tah - posted on 11/02/2010 ( 48 moms have responded )

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so i have a question for you ladies...

Let's say your daughter gets pregnant as a teen. Would you allow her boyfriend to move in the house with her???

I was watching the new teen mom show and this woman allowed the boyfriend to move in. The daughter and child's father were so rude, the mom didn't want them in the bathroom together or behind closed doors, they were being rude to her and saying things like they don't get any privacy...You are 16...look where privacy got you.

So, should the daughter have an expectation of privacy with her and her boyfriend living there?

or Should the parents give them privacy and allow them to do what they want since they did allow them to come and stay there together?

what would you do, or what do you think you would do???

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

@Sharon:



"there is no goddamned way I'd let the girl who ruined my son's future into my house for them to play titty winks any time my back was turned."





Unless your son was raped, they are both responsible for the situation. I don't see how you can blame the girl for "ruining your son's future" when it takes 2 to have sex.

Tah - posted on 11/05/2010

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do i detect a helpful on here, are our comments clickable again....lol

Desiree - posted on 11/05/2010

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Firstly I wouldn't let them move in. I am of the belief only one queen in the hive. They want private time act like adults that they decided they were, get a job and get a place of their own.

If theystay in my house my rules apply, still get a job and contribute to the upbringing of their child and be the adult they decided they were. In my home I am the sole ruler privacy is earned not demanded! Ok so I may be a little controlling in my home, but then its is my home and now they would stepping on my privacy and my space. and those of the other people living in my home.

[deleted account]

Not to do it again until you're over 18 or living out of the parent's house and able to take financial responsibility for the product of sex.

[deleted account]

Tah said it. He could come over every day if he wanted to. I don't see a reason for him to live there. If he got kicked out, ok, but not in the same room. Just because they had sex and got pregnant doesn't mean the parents should encourage a further sexual relationship by allowing them to sleep together while she's so young. The "damage" has been done, yes, but there's so much she can still learn by taking responsibility and NOT continuing down the same path (poverty, bad jobs, no education, welfare, etc)

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48 Comments

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Tah - posted on 11/06/2010

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I don't think that not letting the boy that got your child pregnant NOT move in is giving up on your grandchild...I think it's not giving up on your child.

Serena - posted on 11/05/2010

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Everytime I bring myself to watch another episode of teen mom, I feel my blood slowly and slowly rising til I have to change the station. I know I wasn't a perfect teenager but where do you get the balls to talk to your parents like that? My parents quickly showed me what happens if I "catch an attitude".
But as for the question at hand, I might agree to let him move in but I'm not sure if he'd still be alive by the time my husband is done with him.He would be sleeping with one eye open...lol. But honestly, I probably would agree to help out as much as I can within reason.I couldn't live with myself knowing that I gave up on my grandchild to teach my daughter a lesson. I would probably embrace it so I can help them with the 'ropes" of being parents. I was not a teen by any means when I had my first child but I know how hard it is to raise your child without family support. So, knowing myself I would help anyway I can. But I will not tolerate him disrespecting myself or my family, I will be happy to show him the door, and if she wants to join him she will be more than happy to. I will take care of their child until they are ready to do so...but if you ask my children they think "I'm not raising no grandbabies".

Leah - posted on 11/05/2010

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I've never seen the show but have heard of it. Wondering if I should even bother to watch it, sounds like it might piss me off too much lol. I hate watching spoiled, selfish teenagers whine and get what they want, such a pet peeve of mine.
If for some reason my daughter was to get pregnant at 16, no, the boyfriend would not move in. Unless, he was an amazing boy that had treated my daughter and my family respectfully from the beginning and was a well rounded young lad. But if he was just some inconsiderate little boy that was rude and disrespectful, NO FREAKING WAY!. He can come over and see her and help with the pregnancy and after the baby is born can help with midnight feedings etc etc.
As for the whole privacy thing, I would not make it comfortable at all for them to be alone even though 'the damage was already done'. They get no privacy in my house. If they want privacy, they can move out. I know it just add's to the stat's of teen parents but that is their choice.

Chrystal - posted on 11/05/2010

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Honestly, if I were in that situation, I probably wouldn't allow the b/f to move in while my daughter was pregnant. I might consider allowing him to move in when the baby was born, b/c then the mom and dad need to work as a team to help take care of the baby. I guess it all depended on the situation at the time. And I watched that same episode last week, and you're right. You are 16 you don't get privacy w/ your b/f in my house.

Tracie - posted on 11/05/2010

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eww, not a million years- If they want to play happy families- get your own place... my home is my castle- I will be the Queen, no-one tells me how it is- I would keep the daughter and grandchild- but the boyfriend would have to pretty dam amazing to win me over :-)

Ez - posted on 11/05/2010

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I'm honestly not sure what I would do about the boyfriend. It would really depend on him. What sort of boy is he? Does he go to school? Go to work? How does he treat my daughter? Does he have a brain in his head or is he a complete deadshit? All of those things would come into play before I could make a decision on letting him move in.



Part of me thinks having two teenagers living together while learning to be parents is a disaster waiting to happen. Many adult couples struggle during this time, so I might say no to the boyfriend moving in based purely on this. My concern would not be whether or not they will continue to have sex but rather how they will be the most effective parents. If I decided there will be less stress and tension for them to live apart (even if that meant me picking up some of the slack) then I would say no to him moving in. If he was a genuinely mature boy who was respectful and family-oriented (which would be rare at this age) then I would agree.



But the one thing I know for sure is that I would do whatever it took to support my daughter. If she comes to me at 16, pregnant, and asks for my help, she will get it.

Heather - posted on 11/04/2010

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I love it Emma! Sex causes pregnancy...you'd THINK people would have figured that out by now, but you always see it..."I can't imagine how this happened?!" DUH!

Stifler's - posted on 11/04/2010

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Sex causes pregnancy, and from a lot of threads I've read on here birth control ain't that effective at all.

[deleted account]

Sharon your son would of ruined his own life, the moment he decided to have unprotected sex.It takes to two tango and two to step up to the plate.They were both stupid but it doesnt fall on just the girl, the boy has as much fault in this as she does am i not right?

April - posted on 11/04/2010

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once your teenager starts having sex...is it realistic to expect him or her to stop until marriage? a few of you said you would not want to encourage them to have sex again. i just wondered if it was better to be more proactive in getting birth control/condoms for your teenager and talking to them about safe sex and to never do it without protection? i don't have a teenager yet so i am not sure if it's better to let them keep having sex as long as it's done safely and not in your house or tell them you better never do it again until you're married?

Tah - posted on 11/04/2010

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okay so the re-run was on and i heard why he is there.."I convinced my mom to let him stay with us so he could help me through the pregnancy".....Then he didn't even do that, coming in the house all hours of the night, being disrespectful to the house and everyone in it..He can help just fine by coming during the day and taking her to appointments, being attentive and supportive, and then going home.

Stifler's - posted on 11/03/2010

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I hate 16 and pregnant. Those bitches are so dumb who do they think they're fooling "i'm old enufff to be a mama!" yeah right while you go out every night of the week, your boyfriend is a deadbeat and mum looks after and buys everything for the kid.

Stifler's - posted on 11/03/2010

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I agree with Sharon. If you're apparently old enough to do whatever you want you're old enough to move out and support yourself and the kid. If not, you do what I say. And HELL NO I won't be getting up to anyone else's kid. My mum likes to get up to mine and feed him during the night when we visit them and I believe she is insane.

Tah - posted on 11/03/2010

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Am i kicking my pregnant daughter to the curb..what kind of hypocrite do i look like? My parents did not put me out, and he did not move in. Everyone on here knows i got pregnant my first time at 15 and had my son a month and four days after my 16th b-day. I knew to not even ask my parents that garbage. He came to see our son almost, if not everyday and i would go to his house as well.

When the baby was a few months old, maybe even before because his mother helped him, the baby would go spend the nights with him, so he got a taste of the midnight feedings...i would pump him bottles to last and send him on with his father. I know that the support of my parents is why i graduated at 17, and continued my education. Would i be further along if i didn't have my baby and had not moved out at 18 and been gone ever since. yes, but i would not have ever tried to put anymore burden on my parents then i already had and i had enough respect for them to move out when i thought i was grown.

Janessa - posted on 11/03/2010

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99% of these teen moms are so rude to their parents. When it is the parents who are supportive them in every way as in financially. Hopefully i do not have daughters i do not want them period. I feel for the parents of daughters the boys seem to always get it the easy way when both of the made the situation of having sex young. But since i have a son already hopefully we get more :) i would make him help raise his child and help the young lady financially. I think parents of the boy needs to make them step up it is not fair when everything is put on the girls families.

Tara - posted on 11/03/2010

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I would allow them to live together in our home under certain conditions. I most certainly wouldn't kick my son or daughter out because they were pregnant. If the other party involved had the motivation to stand up and be a partner in the pregnancy and raising of this child than I would support them in their efforts to do so. I would not be the one doing the work, I will help them get the information, resources etc. they need to make choices for their family.I will offer a clean, safe and warm home to learn to be emotionally responsible parents. I would guide them and hope they would be willing to learn. I have had 6 children and if one of them ends up being a parent before they are ready to, I will help them to be the best parent they can be.
I was a mom at 19. I was on my own for 2 years prior, working, paying rent and bills etc. so it was different. But I was young and in a town where I had no family. I did it all alone. But.. my mom supported me emotionally and that made all the difference in the world even if it were from 4 hours away.
I wouldn't be happy, don't get me wrong. But what is done is done and the only thing I could do to better the situation would be to accept and help and support them; all in the best interest of my child and my grandchild.
I think if the couple is capable of making a baby than the dad should also be getting up at night, helping the mom with the baby, he can't do that if he doesn't live there. Forcing visitation on a young boy would be detrimental to him forming a good relationship with his girlfriend as the mother of his child and with the child himself.
If they did live with us they would have privacy, they would be treated as two adults living in our home with their infant. And we would expect them to act like two adults living in someone's home.

[deleted account]

Would i allow it, no way.He can be a father to the child whilst living in his own house.I would as a mother teach my child everything is needs to know to support herself and her child.I wouldnt kick her out.I would be disappointed but my job is still to be a parent, and do everything in my power to help my child.She would have full responsibility and i wouldnt be making it easy, child raising wise.I would help and be there when she was in school etc.

Amie - posted on 11/03/2010

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A lot of these replies show why teenage parents struggle so much. Why they have no education and get stuck in crap jobs.



Way to be parents ladies.



Yes I was an older teen mom but without my parents support and help, I would have ended up one of those statistics.



Edit to add: This does not have anything to do with letting the other parent move in either. Either parent can still be involved without moving in. No matter outside circumstances.

Heather - posted on 11/03/2010

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If my daughter's adult enough to have sex and get pregnant then she's adult enough to get a job and an apartment and I would expect the same from the father. If you want to live together as a family under my roof then you have a legal union and make a firm committment. If you just want to "play" family and, pardon my language but, fuck around in my house, you're obviously not adult enough to take responsibility for your actions and I will still be the parent and you will still follow my rules. The father can have all visitation rights he wants, but unless he's acting like an adult and paying rent for(the separate)room in my house(if they're not married), then he can live wherever he got my daughter pregnant....cause it certainly wasn't in my house under my supervision.

Jenny - posted on 11/03/2010

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Not a chance. Either they can act as adults and support themselves on their own dime OR she can stay at home and go to school. I will not enable my children but I will support in weays that they can support themselves. They can still maintain a family but this is my house and I already had my babies.

This will likely not be an issue though as I will slipping the pill in her breakfast around puberty.

April - posted on 11/03/2010

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if you're an older guy with a semi-decent job, why the hell do you need to stay in my house? we def need more info. there.

personally, i wouldn't allow it. i'm sure he has friends that would let him crash if he couldn't go home.

i don't want to send the wrong message that i'm ok with this relationship, because i wouldn't be.

if i ever have a daughter, i'd want a better life for her. i would want her to get her mind off of dating and focus on school.

Rosie - posted on 11/03/2010

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if they were in a good relationship, yes i would. , now i, won't be getting up with baby either but i'll be damned if my child doesn't get to see their child (i have boys, i assume the child would go with the mom)on a nightly basis and isn't involved in that aspect of parenting.

those who think that they wouldn't allow this, what do you propose happens then? and do you honestly think that having them living together would result in another pregnancy? cause history shows that they can get pregnant without living together first you know. you can make sure that the girl is on the shot or something if they are under your roof. you know you aren't going to be able to stop them from having sex all together. .

Sharon - posted on 11/03/2010

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Nope,sorry, you aren't playing house on my time.

Frankly its hard for me to imagine this scenario because I totally see myself beating the living hell out of the girl and my son. At 16? No fucking way.

At 18 or 19, its a different story. But they still aren't going to play house on my dime. There goes the college fund, there goes the use of the family car... If you think you're a fucking adult, get a fucking job and start buying diapers. If I see your ass show up with a new ipod, video game or new downloads, I'll fuck you up. If you think you're entitled to party while someone else looks after your baby, I'll beat your ass into next week. "you're young"? Yeah so fucking what? Then you shouldn't have fucked around and had a baby.

Grandma is NOT getting up to help you through the sleepless nights either. You had sex secretly and unsafely. you can stay up all damned night with a colicky baby too. You didn't mind giving up sleep to fuck some whore. NO NO NO NO NO. not happening in my damned house.

I have talked to my son over and over. I bought condoms. I told him to NEVER trust some girl who says she's on birth control. 1. she's probably lying. especially in this town where getting to planned parenthood is really tough. 2. After reading COMs for a year - I don't believe any teenage girl knows how to use birthcontrol properly. "i didn't know my gonorhea meds would affect my birth control", I didn't know I had to take it every day" omfg.

AND should I work through my rage to allow you to live in my damned house, there is no goddamned way I'd let the girl who ruined my son's future into my house for them to play titty winks any time my back was turned.

Tah - posted on 11/03/2010

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when i watch teen mom, and i see these kids that are supposed to be couples and living together...it doesnt work out so well. The guys start staying out and living their lives while the girl is home with the baby and treating them like crap. They usually wind up going home, after some subsequent pregnancy scares, to be with mom and dad. If, goodness forbid my child was to become pregnant at a young age, I would try to help. I would encourage a relationship, if it was healthy for my child and grandchild. He could come over everyday if he wanted to.



Take the baby out, or to his home, whatever my child was comfortable with, but the visits aren't gonna be held behind closed doors because there are things you can do before the 6 weeks is up and definitley after, and there won't be any living together in my house either. Just because you had sex, and got pregnant doesn't mean you have to continue to have sex and more babies before you are ready, It doesn't make you grown, it should, but it doesn't in all cases

Isobel - posted on 11/03/2010

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The mother is sending mixed messages...allowing them NO privacy after she's pregnant is kinda like closing the barn door after the horse has escaped. What's the point?

If the parents-to-be are in a committed relationship and plan on being a family...then it's in the baby's best interest for them to have a healthy happy relationship. So I guess I would have to support them in that...whether I wanted to or not.

Jenn - posted on 11/03/2010

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Yeah, if my daughter got pregnant she could either continue to live at home without her boyfriend, or they could get their own place and have a go at it. My Mum got pregnant at 15 with my sister and married my Dad 1 month after she was born. She was 16 and he was 18, they had me 2 1/2 years later, and 3 years after that they bought their first house. If can work on your own if you want it to, but this kid sounds like a rude, disrespectful, irresponsible little punk so I doubt he has what it takes to be a man in this situation. She needs to kick his butt out!

Tah - posted on 11/03/2010

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i think having sex in your parents house as a teenager is disrespectful, i am not even going to pretend i'm okay with my 15,16,17 whatever year old child living under my roof with the father/mother of the child just because the damage has been done. There is other damage that can come from being pregnant and having sex...like std's because apparently they aren't using protection.

The girl said that she and her bf only used it like 2x's in their 2 year relationship..I mean come on now..what did you expect. He is out buying 70 dollar shoes when she can't even afford a 30 dollar stroller. You make your bed you lie in it..but not at my house...

[deleted account]

I would let the boyfriend (in my case girlfriend as I only have boys) move in. They would pay rent, have their own room BUT follow my rules. Disrespect me or the rest of our family and you are OUT. I will treat them as tenants as far as the living aspect goes.

I want to provide them with the opportunity to grow as a family. they had sex, she got pregnant and now they have to face reality. they are a fmaily wether they had planned on it or not and I think they have the right to live as such. As long as they are respectful and genuinely try to make it work then I will help them out. Moreover, rent in Alberta is absolutely freaking insane so I wouldn't expect TEENS to be able to pay for $1200 worth of rent, bills, food, go to school, pay daycare and work... Nope, I chose to have kids and I will do what I can to help them succeed. Teen parents or not

Caitlin - posted on 11/03/2010

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I think i'd let the boyfriend move in, because i'd want ot encourage a family ralationship to begin, but as Amber-Dawn said.. my house, my rules.. if you don't like them of follow them, you're out on your butt and i'm going to get my daughter a good lawyer to get that SOB to pay child support for his kid.. If she dropped out of school, i'd have her (and him) pay rent and if she wanted to continue in school, i'd do my best to help her with the baby. I'm hoping to avoid this situation as my girls get older, but if it were to happen, I would want to be there for her, not kick her to the curb, because that can lead to a whole host of problems...

Bonnie - posted on 11/03/2010

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Personally, I would not allow the boyfriend to move in. I wouldn't want my 16 year old having a sexual relationship (this is how they got into this situation in the first place) and by letting him move in, that would show I am okay with everything. They are living under her parents roof, so whatever privacy they can catch when no one else is home is one thing, but they shouldn't expect much otherwise.

Amber-Dawn - posted on 11/03/2010

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I am a teen mom. I got pregnant at 17, my boyfriend moved into my home just shortly before I gave birth. He was told the rules, and for the first little while, followed them just fine. Then he started to get disrespectful to my mother, who was/is an absolute angel and an amazing woman to me. He was rude to her, made no effort to do anything, and smoked pot a lot while my siblings were home, and the baby was awake. So I'm the one who ended up kicking him out.

If my little girl ever ends up being pregnant young (cross my fingers that it never happens) then I will allow the boyfriend to move in, and I'll give them privacy. They are a family now whether I like it or not. At the same time, I'll make sure they're safe, so that she doesn't have a second child to soon. I can't imagine kicking my daughter to the curb just because she made a decision that had life-long effects. The boyfriend, on the other hand, will be out if he doesn't listen to the rules and stay respectful

[deleted account]

Was he kicked out? I would allow him to move in if he was kicked out and if he was respectful to me, my hubby and our property, if he wasn't then no.

If he is living in my house he will follow my rules as my children do/ will. If not he is out of here. I will not tolerate my rules being broken.

As for sex I see no issue 16 is the age of consent, so as long as she was not forced she is entitled to do it. Although with that said, I wouldn't be overly happy about my 16 year old daughter having sex, it is just kind of a gross thought. I would support her in raising her child although it's not an ideal situation.

ME - posted on 11/03/2010

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If they were 18/19 and making a go of it...I would give them a few months to get on their feet, and then I would expect them to find their own place. If they could not be civil to me, and live in my home in a respectful way, they would be asked to leave...If they were younger than that, I would not allow the boy to move in with me...a child needs to stay with HIS parents as long as possible.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 11/03/2010

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This is what I Believe I would do…can I say for sure…no, because I have not been in a situation like it before, but I was a Teen mother….In my late teens, but none the less a teen….



He would not be moving him…she would be more then welcome to move out….

If my daughter was working or he was working and paied rent (and I had more then enough room), then yeah I would allow him to stay and allow them to have the privacy…because the “damage” has already been done….



But I would have a written, or verbal agreement…about how long they got to stay with me and how much rent would be paid…ect

Cat - posted on 11/02/2010

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If they want privacy, and want to be 'adults' and raise the baby, they dont need to do it under my roof... I dont agree with it at all... I'll help my daughter raise her baby if that's what she wants, but I'm not going to be supportive of an immature relationship and all the drama that goes with it on TOP of helping support an infant...

Stifler's - posted on 11/02/2010

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No. They should move out into their own house if they want privacy.

Becky - posted on 11/02/2010

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No, I don't think I'd allow him to move into my house together. I would feel like I was supporting them in having a sexual relationship, which I don't. On the other hand, if my daughter (which I don't have yet) were pregnant, I would support her in whatever way I could. If I knew she was not ready to make it on her own as a mother, and she was determined to live with her boyfriend, well, then maybe it would be the lesser of 2 evils to allow him to live with us. They wouldn't be allowed to share a room though.
My parents let my sister's fiance move in with them when she got pregnant. Although my sister was 22, so that's a bit different. That was very hard for my parents, who are very morally opposed to sex outside of marriage. It was only for a short period of time, and my parents were very relieved when they got their own place and got married.

Amie - posted on 11/02/2010

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Ew, older guy. It freaks me out now but that's mostly because I dated older "men" when I was a teen. It could have led to a bad situation but it didn't, that came when I dated someone my own age. hahaha. I was 18 when I had mine though. Anyway....



No reason for him to move in then, if he has a steady job he can afford his own place.

Tah - posted on 11/02/2010

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I'm thinking he is already over 18 because he is a part time barber..he needs to make that full and overtime. I am not doing it, you can't live here buddy, sorry...and if she has a problem with that.she can follow.....i would love my daughter but i am not gonna enable what you are doing...I am watching them now, sleeping in bed together, etc...never...they had the nerve to move out when her parents weren't there into her sister's house, but then she realized her mom was right about him and they moved back..does this look a new york macy's..no revolving doors here

[deleted account]

I haven't seen the show and I don't know the family, but I'd venture a guess that the mom's wishy-washy-ness led to the bad decisions her daughter is making, including the disrespect.

Amie - posted on 11/02/2010

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I don't see the issue with it. I really don't. My house, my rules. You don't like it, feel free to find a job, a home and work your ass off to pay for it all. I am willing to help but I refuse to enable the situation (possibly) happening again.



They could both stay here, rent free and continue their education but separate rooms would be kept until they are 18. Not that 18 makes it any better but then they are legally adults so it wouldn't be as weird. In my head it makes sense.



Just because they are letting the boyfriend move in does not mean they are giving them a free pass to live like a couple. This should be made abundantly clear at the very beginning though.



Did the boyfriend get kicked out? Is that why he's living with them?

Katherine - posted on 11/02/2010

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I'm with Sara. All or nothing. Not a good choice on the mom's part. She is just glutton for punishment IMO.

[deleted account]

What's the point of the boyfriend moving in? I don't get it. She's allowing them to do an adult thing by living together then treating them like kids? It's one or the other lady. Make up your mind.



But on the other hand, she could have kicked them out on their butts to survive on their own.



But then again she's sending mixed signals...

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