What is your approach?

?? - posted on 10/28/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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People always think that there has got to be a dark side to everyone, a closet with skeletons, demons under the bed. People think all kinds of things about one another. They feel compelled to make up fears and false assumptions about their closest friends. Truth is, I'll never know all there is to know about you just as you will never know all there is to know about me. Humans are by nature too complicated to be understood fully. So, we can choose either to approach our fellow human beings with suspicion or to approach them with an open mind, a dash of optimism and a great deal of candour.



- Tom Hanks



Thoughts? How do you approach people?

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?? - posted on 10/30/2009

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I've got an amazing gut instinct about people - it has NEVER been wrong. So I go with my gut. I give everyone a chance but it depends on whether I get that "good vibe" or "bad vibe," as to how I will approach them.



My ex, I had a bad vibe about from the start, so I was never... COMPLETELY there with him, I tried really hard, I was honest, I was in the relationship with him - but I never fully trusted him and so when he 'hung himself' and showed his true character I wasn't even remotely surprised and I moved on easily.



My man now, I got a good vibe from him from the get go. When I was first introduced to him, he was only 16 and just the way he said hello, I could tell, he was a good guy, he had a good heart and I didn't have a single clue that we would eventually be together let alone have a family together. He's got his douchey moments but I've always felt I can trust him and I can really commit to him and I will be VERY shocked if he ever does a flip.



As for strangers, gut instinct, I can just... tell... they either get a hello or completely ignored. And as far as giving out 'info' and trusting people with things - it completely depends on the situation, the topic, the people they associate with etc etc etc. I'm not gaurded but it's only common sense that if I wouldn't feel comfy telling someone myself, I'm not going to tell someone else who might tell them instead of me.

Mel - posted on 10/29/2009

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im too trusting and try to see the good side in everyone and give people another chance. even if someone hurts me and betrays my trust, I act with more caution and I dont go out of my way to speak to the person but im still there if they need a friend. its the only way to be because everyone needs friends and needs someone to listen to them. Its rare to meet someone who is truly decent honest and caring, and I try to treat others with the same respect they treat me. Im fairly good at reading people. over all i give smeone 100% trust and tell them too much when I meet them , however my hubby and inlaws usually pull me into line and tell me when I should be running the other way

Dana - posted on 10/29/2009

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I approach with a mixture myself. It only takes one or two things that need to be said before I'm gaurding myself though. I do tend to lean to the trustworthy side overall. A fault sometimes, for sure.

Charlie - posted on 10/29/2009

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see that's my problem i am too open with everyone when i know i shouldn't be i tell them things that should be kept closer to myself and my close friends and family.

Jodi - posted on 10/29/2009

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I'm actually naturally a fairly guarded person. I have issues with being too open with anyone until I get to know them well. I am great at small talk until I start to get to know someone better!! I think I was hurt by too many "friends" when I went through my divorce - you know the abusive man who is really a 'great guy' in everyone else's eyes, and has told so many people so many lies about what happened, while I sat back not wanting to talk about things I considered private, and not wanting to hurt my son with nasty comments flying both directions. I found out that a lot of people I thought were friends, weren't really friends at all. So I tend to put barriers up a bit these days. I reserve judgement until I get to know someone. I go into it assuming they are a good person, and keep a fairly open mind, but don't feel surprised if it turns out otherwise.



Occasionally I will meet someone that I take an instant dislike to, and I turn out to be right. It is just the general mannerisms they display from the moment you meet them. I have a particular person in mind, but because my daughter plays with hers at pre-school, I just tolerate her and am polite.



Maybe I am just getting cynical with age, LOL.

Charlie - posted on 10/29/2009

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I approach with an open mind and people in my eyes remain "good " until proven otherwise and even then i try and see it from there side , Why do they behave like that ? what are their motives ? do they mean well .

Having said that i trust my instincts 100% , when my instincts tell me something isnt right i go with it .

I for one LOVE meeting new people.

Sharon - posted on 10/29/2009

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Suspicion. I don't act on my suspicions. But I've got them. I hope they'll be decent people but I'm not surprised when they're cretins. Strangely - now & then - it hurts my feelings when someone turns out to be a shit head.

Isobel - posted on 10/29/2009

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I like to believe that everyone is good, deep down...really deep down lol. I find it difficult to remember sometimes that not everybody is entirely articulate when they are posting...they don't always say what they mean (myself included sometimes). We forget that we are talking to strangers who don't know out background and can't see our face. I think that Tom Hanks expressed my thoughts perfectly...I try not to paint people with MY brush. I don't really know them, or why they do what they do...and i probably never will...ramble, ramble, ramble

JL - posted on 10/29/2009

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I don't go into a situation thinking someone is bad or that someone is good. I just think they are a person and it is what it is..basically I have no expectations or hopes either way. I either get a bad vibe or a good vibe right off. The people I get a vibe bad about I just tend to avoid them or pay little attention to them. When I get to know someone a bit more I either like them or I don't..plain and simple. When I do like someone because I have no expectations I don't get dissapointed if they do screw up, but I am a very guarded person. I grew up moving around a great deal so I was always the new girl which has its drawbacks. As a result I grew a thick skin and became very aware of the way people present themselves. I have knack for reading people and can separate the BS from the reality. I have more acquantainces that I have freinds. I don't let a bunch of people totally in but when I do I am completely loyal and will stand by them unless they turn out to be something awful like a serial killer which has yet to happen so so far my instincts have been on point. I try not to judge...perfection is boring and overrated. I just look at it this way...We all have screwed up at some point in our lives some more than others but we learn, move on, and try to do better.

Lindsay - posted on 10/29/2009

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I also agree with these ladies. I try to be friendly with everyone and open-minded. There's the rare case that someone gives me a bad feeling at the get go but that's not often. I don't feel that I'm being naive, just pleasant and optimistic! I know good and well that everyone isn't who they seem to be, but I'm not going to label someone because of that. (If that makes any sense!) =)

Sara - posted on 10/29/2009

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I totally agree with Carol and Sarah...I usually approach people with an open mind, they have to earn my distrust.

Sarah - posted on 10/29/2009

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9 times out of 10, i will approach people and assume that they are nice and lovely people (like me! haha!) i don't generally start off thinking the worse in people. Often i'm one of the last people to realise that someone isn't quite perhaps the nice person they seem to be.
I'm trusting to a fault really, i just don't think that people will be mean for no reason, because i wouldn't be that way. (if that makes sense!)

Sometimes tho, i do take an instant dislike to someone. Not very often, but it happens, i feel like there's 'something about them'.
I'm not out and out rude to them, but i will be more guarded and not as open as i am to other people. Mostly, these 'feelings' about people have been bang on the money! So i trust my instincts.

I would much rather approach people with the view that they are going to be nice, than to approach them expecting the worse. Being suspicious of everyone seems like too much effort!! :)

Johnny - posted on 10/28/2009

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I've got to admit, I'm a bit of a "Pollyanna" type. I always like to see the best in people and approach everyone assuming that they are good. Probably because of that, I can be a bit harsh when disappointed. I do know that everyone has their dark sides, I know I do, but I like to assume that people focus on their inner-angel. I am cynical when it comes to societal system, like political stuff and religion, but not individuals.



I'm not sure who said it, but I always go by the maxim, "expect the best and prepare for the worst."

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