What manners are important?

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Sharon - posted on 02/24/2011

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To me Manner #6 applies to "But I don't like pea soup!" "Their house STINKS!" when in a guests home. And similar situations, NOT when you are alone with your child.

LaCi - posted on 02/24/2011

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Most important?

Manner #1
When asking for something, say “Please.”

Manner #2
When receiving something, say “Thank you.”

Manner #4
If you do need to get somebody’s attention right away, the phrase “excuse me” is the most polite way for you to enter the conversation.

Manner #7
Do not comment on other people’s physical characteristics unless, of course, it’s to compliment them, which is always welcome.

Manner #14
Don’t call people mean names.

Manner #17
If you bump into somebody, immediately say “Excuse me.”

Manner #18
Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze, and don’t pick your nose in public.

Manner #19
As you walk through a door, look to see if you can hold it open for someone else.

Katherine - posted on 02/24/2011

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I don't think you're over analyzing. It is a bit pompous to say that. I too want to hear my kids dislikes.

Nikki - posted on 02/24/2011

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I find it hard to choose one, I think they all have their merit.

I really hate this one - Manner #6
The world is not interested in what you dislike. Keep negative opinions to yourself, or between you and your friends, and out of earshot of adults.

I am interested in what my daughter dislikes and I really don't like how it is worded. the "world" isn't interested, I know I am over analysing but it seems patronising.

[deleted account]

I was in Target one day knelt (kneeled?) down looking at baby clothes and had him in the cart and a man and woman walked by and the man turned completely around and was walking backwards staring at my baby, pointing and saying 'Look at the f'ing kid! Looks like he's wearing a g.d. football helmet. Damn, he's f'd up!". But of course shouting the real cuss words, not the abbreviations. I stood up and just as I opened my mouth to say something another lady beat me to it and ripped him a new asshole. Words cant even express how thankful I was for this stranger at that moment. Going through things like this with your children certainly changes your perspective on humanity and opens your eyes to alot of things you didn't realize before, or at least didn't think was as common. I knew that there is always an idiot in the crowd but I didn't realize the idiots often out number the people who have evolved past the cromagnon era.

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Stifler's - posted on 03/02/2011

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Some foods you just have to use your hands. Especially chicken wings. My husband always laughs at how I eat. Apparently because I'm left handed according to his cousin I should eat with my right hand (he eats with his knife in the left and fork in the right and is left handed)?! I'm like no you're just weird. I also cut the bit my fork is not in off and then stab it with the fork and eat from the right instead of stabbing the small bit and cutting it off from the left.

[deleted account]

I don't know what the big deal about eating with your hands is. It's the culture in some places. I'm from Bodie Island and couldn't imagine someone using anythng other than their hands to eat seafood. I don't cup soup on my hand and drink it or anything silly like that but using the hands to eat isn't always a bad thing.

Kerri - posted on 02/28/2011

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My oldest (15) came back from a Jr ROTC Formal Ball on Sat night and actually thanked me and her step-father for teaching her dinner manners. She say there were actually people walking around and pointing out etiquette errors during the dinner, and how embarrassed some of the kids were by that. And it wasn't anything like using the wrong fork, but it was elbows on the table, talking with their mouths full, and eating with their fingers.

[deleted account]

Mine too, Deanna. I can't stand to see kids without manners. It really gets to me, and honestly not alot does with children. I'm pretty long-suffering with kids but bad manners boils my blood.

[deleted account]

I think they all are and then some that aren't even mentioned. There are hundreds of manners though these seem to be the absolute basics. I personally expect ALL of these out of my kids and even my 3 yr old does most of them.

Ellen - posted on 02/26/2011

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Please, Thank You, and Excuse Me. Didn't read the link, but those three are the most important ones in my opinion.

Meghan - posted on 02/24/2011

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I like #15 and #16. respect for other's even if we don't "enjoy" it or agree with it, it important imo. Never hurts to put yourself in someone else's shoes.

Ez - posted on 02/24/2011

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Number 3 is a big one for us. Milla is 2 and a TALKER!! I am constantly trying to teach her not to interrupt adults. It drives me crazy when kids do that.

[deleted account]

Oh yeah, and of course not being mean to people, but that one tends to get sorted out (siblings excluded) fairly early in this house.

[deleted account]

#6 and #8 could be contradictory (I don't care if that's a real word of not) and #21 could get your kid kidnapped....

Other than that it's a pretty good list. Please, thank you, and excuse me are pretty much the big things for me.

Lindsay - posted on 02/24/2011

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I was always taught to have a napkin in my lap. I find it to be bad manners to have a dirty napkin on the table. It's probably one of those things that goes along with where you are from and what you were taught. My kids put their napkins in their laps regardless of if we are out to a restaurant or sitting at the kitchen table, they are now 6 and 4 but they've done it since they were out of the highchair.

Stifler's - posted on 02/24/2011

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I have never used a napkin on my lap in my life though. Neither has anyone I know. So I don't think it's that important. When guests come over I always supply serviettes but yeah.

[deleted account]

I'm with "Mike" on #6. It's one thing for a child to say, "No thank you, I don't like sweet peas" and a totally different thing for him to say, "Ewe those are gross" and stare at them with disgust.

I think all those manners have a time and place and are great to teach kids. What's wrong with the napkin thing? My two year old knows where to put her napkin and will remind me at times.

I especially like the one about not interrupting adults. We are trying to teach my daughter that when she needs to say something when we are talking with other adults, to touch our arms to cue us that she needs to say something. That way I can complete my thought with the other adult, and then put my attention on my daughter. Of course, emergencies are an exception.

Becky - posted on 02/24/2011

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We're big on saying please and thank you and on not calling people names or making rude comments about their physical appearance. I'm trying to normalize things like physical handicaps and different skin colors for my boys - by pointing them out (quietly, out of earshot of the person, or when we see them on TV) and explaining them, so that hopefully they won't make rude comments or ask embarassing questions in the future.
As for number 6, I'd see that as being more when you're in public too. For example, I don't like peppers. At home, I'll pick them out of stuff, or just don't cook with them. But when we're out, I'd never dream of making a big deal about not liking peppers. I either try to not take many, or I just suck it up and eat them anyways. I would expect my kids to do the same - if you don't like onions or whatever, quietly put them on the side, don't announce that you hate onions because they're yucky, or worse, spit them out!
The other one, that I guess is really more just a pet peeve of mine, is close your mouth when you're chewing! It drives me crazy when people chew their food like a cow chewing its cud!

Bonnie - posted on 02/24/2011

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I think all of them are of importance, but the napkin one is over the top. I think a lot of those are asking for a bit much depending on the age of the child though. A lot of adults don't even do those things.

[deleted account]

I think that all of them are important in certain situations (such as using cutlery correctly, using a napkin) even number six as Mike said it relates to mean comments and general rudeness such as but for me the most impthat stinks or I hate visiting auntie Joan she's boring rather than I don't like carrots or I don't like cats. I would still want to know that my child doesn't like going to Auntie Joan's because she is boring because then I can make sure I make the visit as fun as possible by ensuring my kid has something to do (take toys, paper etc).

I think the most important ones though are saying please, thank-you, excuse me to interrupt a conversation, not being mean to people and helping where you can (including holding the door).

I think they have missed a really important one though and that is too apologise if you have done something wrong or have hurt somebody by accident or on purpose or have been rude - say sorry, not enough people apologise nowadays.

Lindsay - posted on 02/24/2011

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I think they are all important and all have their place.

The #6, I think is also important. I don't take it as not being able to tell a parent what they dislike, but more so that there are different ways to deal with dislikes, especially in a public setting. A child can quietly express a dislike to a parent without everyone else being subject to it.

Jenn - posted on 02/24/2011

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I'm with you guys on #6. Are kids somehow less than human and don't deserve to have likes and dislikes? This recently came up on another board I frequent, and some people were saying at their dinner table, if something is served for dinner, the kids are expected to eat it and not say a word. Now, I am the type to only make one meal, and you can either eat or go hungry. However, if there is one part of the meal that you don't care for - it's OK to say so. For example - the other night my son ate all of his salad and steak, but didn't like the pasta side dish - so he didn't eat that part. I wasn't bothered in the least. These ladies think that's rude and insulting for him to say he didn't like it. WTF?!? So instead he should gag something down that he doesn't like?
Anyway, I agree with all of the others - except we don't keep a napkin in our laps, just on the table.

Tara - posted on 02/24/2011

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#6 "The world is not interested in what you dislike. Keep negative opinions to yourself, or between you and your friends, and out of earshot of adults."

Not sure I agree with that one, I think if a kid is bitching and complaining about something than we should help them to better understand why they feel the way they do.
This one seems not much like a manner, per say but more of an order.
I can see if they mean, don't go around cursing and swearing about how much they hate someone's choice of music or hair style etc. that's different.
The rest make sense to me.

Katherine - posted on 02/24/2011

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@ Stephanie, it still boggles my mind that in this day and age people are still so damn obtuse.

Stifler's - posted on 02/24/2011

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I think these manners apply to EVERYONE. Not just kids. Impolite 10 year olds are annoying, but impolite adults are worse.

[deleted account]

I thought that one was rude, too. Funny to make a rude comment when you're supposed to be naming proper manners lol. That statement really devalues children and I dont like that. I DO care what my kids think, like or dislike, or anything they have to say in general.
I really get upset when kids don't say excuse me when they bump into you. It's a pet peeve. I'm from the south where the culture is known for having a high standard in the manners department so Ive taught my kids practically from birth how to be polite, to say please, thank you, excuse me and you're welcome, which are the '4 magic words'. Now I live in the pacific northwest where manners are nearly unheard of, let alone practiced by children. I hate going in walmart bc I leave there feeling so agitated at people running into me and not saying sorry or excuse me and it's constant. I actually call people out for it which surprises and embarrasses them usually, which is the point. And the part about not commenting on people's looks or making fun....my son was born with a severe cranial deformity and wore a helmet for a year. Everywhere we went people, adults and children, commented on it. I don't mind questions bc I know it's something you dont see everyday, Im not that uptight about it. But what does bother me is when people track him like he's a side show circus freak and point at him saying 'look!'. People can be so ignorant! We walked past a family at the store and the boy, about 10-12 years old, pointed at my child and said 'there's that kid again with the thing on his head!!' and his mom was like 'uh-huh'. WTF??? I dont blame the kid, I blame his mother for not teaching him any better than that and not correcting him on the spot. Isn't it basic common sense to not say and do things like that? If he had said 'mom, what happened to him' or 'what is that?' I wouldnt have thought anything. It's natural to be curious. What isn't natural is to single a person out bc they're different and make a spectacle. Thank God he was too little to know what was going on and how cruel people can be.

Louise - posted on 02/24/2011

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I think a child that says please and thank you stands out from the crowd. All three of my children have been complimented on their manners, you would be surprised on how this one is forgotten. My daughter is the only child at play group to say thank you for her juice and biscuit without being prompted and it is commented upon every time we go. It does not cost to be polite.

Sarah - posted on 02/24/2011

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I think they're all important.
Would I enforce ones like #6 and the one about the napkin rigidly at all times? No. There is definitely a time and place for them though, as with all the others.

[deleted account]

I understand number 6 but its worded a bit snotty..i will take it less harshly but i get it to a certain degree.

[deleted account]

All are and its what my children see me do all the time so the have followed many, i dont think the 24th one is to important as many people eat with there hands in different cultures.I use it correctly while in company, unless its chicken fingers or something..you have to enjoy them best holding them to eat lol.Napkins etc i dont use either, unless i really need one.

Stifler's - posted on 02/24/2011

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Yeah I think out of earshot of adults is a bit rich. Out of earshot of random strangers who don't want to hear how you hate everything maybe though.

Stifler's - posted on 02/24/2011

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I think all of those are important. Napkin on your lap is a bit outdated though but the rest still stand.

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