what's in a risk

Vegemite - posted on 12/20/2010 ( 23 moms have responded )

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So my husband and I are having a little "debate" about taking unnecessary risks while the kids are young. I have wanted to go skydiving since I was 5 and when my SIL said she wanted someone to go with her for her birthday I jumped at the chance. After much discussion with husband he said I should go and get it out of my system but it had opposite effect and now it's part of my system. Since it's been a dream of mine for 26 years and I always support him in what he wants out of life he felt that this time he couldn't tell me he didn't want me to go...but really he didn't.
So on the weekend just gone I flew up to 14,000ft and took the leap, it was one of the most amazing life affirming things I have ever done and can't wait to do it again. I even want to get my rating so I can do it non-tandem and maybe do the training to get a job taking people tandem. My husband says no way you have too many responsibilities with young children to take risks that are not necessary to everyday life, wait another 15 years. I think when it's your time it's your time and you should pack all the living you can into life before that time comes.
Am I a crazy person? Is my husband too cautious? What do you think?

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Sharon - posted on 12/20/2010

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Sky diving, extreme mountain climbing, extreme surfing... I think area ridiculous to partake in when you have a spouse and children depending on you.

What happens to them if you die or worse? are crippled?

yeah you have a greater chance of dying while driving but you do that daily.

if the same number of people leaped out of airplanes every day as those who got into a car, I'm willing to bet the stats would be higher in death via skydiving.

Not only that but driving is NECESSARY.

Skydiving is NOT necessary.

I used to freeclimb. Climb cliffs without the benefit of ropes, pitons and shoes. yeah I climbed a 100ft rock in a silk skirt and blouse and no shoes.
BEFORE I had kids. I knew that cliff face like my own hands. Being up there where no one else could go was my own thrill. I could hear people talking from the nearby pullout too, funny as hell as they wondered at my idiocy/bravery/cleverness/stupidity and when the wind blew.. my ass. (skirt blew up)

After I had kids, I quit. They needed me. They needed a whole mom. Not a mom who was going to spend most of her life in rehab and counseling coping with a disability.

Your husband already thinks this is an indulgence. Do you think he'll stick by you if you're massively crippled "indulging" yourself in something he warned you against? I would probably stick by my husband (haven't thought about it that much) but I'd be bitter as hell.

FUCK. I was bitter when he went to a bachelors party and got bombed out of his fucking mind and was "sick" for two days and didn't do jackshit around the house. He did it to himself and WE were paying the consequences... and that was something he was going to pull out of it.... if he had permanently crippled himself.... I dunno

Krista - posted on 12/21/2010

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That's a really tough call. Yes, statistically you are more likely to die in a car accident, but like Sharon said, driving a car is pretty much a necessity, whereas skydiving isn't.

But, by the same token, I can understand that desire to have something that feeds your spirit, that makes you feel like YOU, instead of like "mom" or "wife" or all of the other roles you play (along with their inherent obligations).

Yes, it's your life...but it's not just you anymore. I don't think that when you have kids you need to just pad yourself in cotton wool and give up, but by the same token, you DO need to keep in mind the people who need you.

Is there any way you can come to a compromise? You've waited now for 26 years...can you perhaps get by with doing a tandem jump a couple of times a year, just to scratch that itch, and then go completely balls-out once your kids are older?

[deleted account]

Well, I don't think you are crazy, but I don't think your husband is being too cautious, either. He's just worried about his life-mate and his children and is letting you know.

If I were you, I would take this opportunity to think about the things you have supported him in. I'm sure there have been things he's wanted to do that you felt were unsafe or silly or something along those lines, but you probably still gave him support and let him do what he wanted to do.

If you didn't let him know you disagreed with him on certain things, maybe you should have. Or maybe you did, and that would make this a more even match. Either way, the two of you are partners and you should take into consideration what he's trying to say. Basically, think about this: would you really want your husband to pursue a career that could get him killed and leave you and the kids without a husband and a daddy?

I think he's just worried, and I think he has good reason to be because yes, you have kids and yes, the risks exist, though they are uncommon occurences. If, however, he does something that you feel is unnecessary risk-taking, you should let him know what you think about it, if you haven't already. Just discuss it with him and try to compromise. I'm sure he wouldn't mind you sky-diving occasionally, if you have the finances for it, just not all the time, making the risks more possible. I'm sure he has his unnecessary risk-taking hobbies, so you should be allowed yours.

Good luck and I hope this helps.

23 Comments

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Meghan - posted on 12/21/2010

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I am going to repeat...you run more of a risk getting into a vehicle WITH your kids than you do skydiving. Google stats on death due to car accidents vs skydiving and show them to your hubby.

Vegemite - posted on 12/21/2010

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yeah i agree with you Kati but the difference between now and then is that they'd be independent.

Rosie - posted on 12/21/2010

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he's seriously racing cars and won't let you do this? and think about this for a minute, do you think your kids will be any less devastated to lose you at an older age? don't you think they'll be just as devastated, or perhaps even more if something happens to you later on? IDK, i think he's not really thinking this through.

Vegemite - posted on 12/21/2010

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Thanks girls, you've all said the middle ground which is what I've wanted to come to with my husband. He says that it's too much risk, something could go wrong then he and the kids would be left without a wife and mum. When I said to him that, that same risk is involved in things we do everyday he says those are things that we have to do to. My argument was that he has his car he races and that's a risk that doesn't need to be take although given a car and chance I would do that too. He's not saying I should never skydive again but I shouldn't until the boys are grown and then I can do what ever I want but i will be somewhere between 45 and 50 when that day comes around and (maybe a little selfishly) I worry I wont be able to do the things I want to.

Tah - posted on 12/21/2010

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yeah, i came on here to say something, then read what krista said..and she hit it on the head, maybe a compromise because i can see where he is coming from and husband's are protective of their wives and families as they should be.

Jackie - posted on 12/21/2010

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I was just having this convo the other day. I've always wanted to go skydiving but never had the opportunity. We have two facilities close to my home but I never wanted to do it alone and could never find anyone to do it with me. Now that I have Allison, I don't think I would take the chance if the opportunity arouse. If I jumped and some freak accident happened, I would have too much to leave behind. When I was single with no kids, I would have jumped in a heart beat.

Charlie - posted on 12/21/2010

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I want to organise a group of us to go skydiving next year , it will be amazing .

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OMG Christine! I've wanted to skydive for years but just never really had the opportunity (or the money) to do it. Honestly, it'll probably be one of those things I'll die having never done because now that I have my son and he's so little, it just isn't worth the risk to me. I'm so envious of you though! Was it everything you thought it would be?

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It's not something I'm passionate about but if it was, I might feel differently. For now, I won't be doing any sky diving! I guess you need to weigh the risks against the rewards. I also think your husband's opinion should count for something.

If you do go, HAVE FUN!

Bonnie - posted on 12/20/2010

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I am not exactly a risk taker and I am somewhat afraid of heights, but I say that if you enjoy it, go for it!

Sherri - posted on 12/20/2010

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I think you both have very valid points. I think if you want go for it. However, I tend to live more as your husband does. I try not to take unnecessary risks for fear of leaving my children without a mother.

Caitlin - posted on 12/20/2010

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I think it's an amazing thing and if you love to do it go for it! My husband was a paratrooper in the airborne (canadian) once upon a time so he used to do it for a living and still loves it. Why not...

Julie - posted on 12/20/2010

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I know that It may not be as dangerous as some think. Like someone pointed out you are mot than likely to be killed in a car accident however, I have never had the balls nor the desire to want to jump out of a perfectlly good Plane. Plus when I think about it how would my kids feel when they would not have a mom if anything did go wrong.
(I'm the only thing they do have)

[deleted account]

I have always wanted to go skydiving. Its not as dangerous as you think it would be. Go for it. :D:D

Jenn - posted on 12/20/2010

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I went skydiving years ago and it was the biggest rush I've ever felt - amazing! I would love to do it again some day. I don't think you need to wait to do it just because you're kids are young - go for it! There are lots of risks in life and then there are things you wouldn't even think would be a risk that can kill people. If we all worried about dying all the time we'd never do anything.

Amie - posted on 12/20/2010

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I've never had the urge to jump out of a plane, so I do think people who do are a little nuts.

I've waited on a couple of dreams because I have children and responsibilities. It's not just that some I may die doing, it's the cost. Not always cheap, dreams of ours. =)

Charlie - posted on 12/20/2010

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Your more likely to be in a car accident than be killed skydiving , If it is a life long dream you should go for it , I would .

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