What's the point...

[deleted account] ( 17 moms have responded )

...In getting a divorce if you're just going to get back together in a month or so?

I was just wondering because this girl I don't know at all friended me on Facebook and (not that it was any of my business but if any of you are familiar with FB it posts statuses on the news feed) i saw on one of her statuses that she used to be married but got a divorce in December and is now back with the same guy. I thought about it and came to the conclusion that it's pretty ridiculous to waste money on a divorce if you're just going to get back together again...

But that is just my opinion. So here's the real question.

What would be a good reason to divorce your spouse, and what would your ex spouse have to do to get you to take them back?

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Sarah - posted on 02/03/2011

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My parents got divorced when I was 3, married again when I was 5 and then divorced again when I was 10!!!!

I guess sometimes you still kind of love someone and you hope the next time around will be better. I guess also if you have kids, you may want to try again to keep the family together.

Not saying it's right, but I can kinda see why people end up trying again.

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Amber - posted on 02/03/2011

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Add - okay, abuse is another one, I was thinking MY husband there, and he would never do that but abuse is a very good reason for divorce and I wouldn't stand by him for that.

Amber - posted on 02/03/2011

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I don't see a point in getting married if you're going to get a divorce, really. I mean yes, there are reasons of course, but in those cases the obvious answer is that those two people shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. Too many people get married and don't take it seriously, especially men. In the case of this question, rhetorically, I would never take him back because for me to divorce him in the first place he would have either had to have cheated on me or wronged our relationship in some way. Anything else, and I would stand by him 100%, but if he did that it would be see ya later for ever buddy, there's no way back into my heart after you dishonor what we had, I'm not that fickle and I sure as hell ain't stupid. If he did it once he WILL do it again.

[deleted account]

I'm kind of hardcore when it comes to marriage and I'm old school when it comes to grounds for divorce. Reasons I would divorce someone, if they pass that point of no return by physically abusing the kids or myself. That's an automatic Bye bye see ya later moment. When it comes to something like an affair, criminal activity, drug/alcohol addiction, anything unhealthy like that I personally would see it through be supportive get them help and give them a chance to do their part to repair the situation. I'm all for better or for worse and I wouldn't bail out of what I promised in my vows unless they refuse to improve things. Then in my opinion they are no longer willing to be my husband and the vows have already been broken, my only option is to accept their behaviour or move on. In the event I did divorce them that would be it for me, there is no coming back from that...ever.

Isobel - posted on 02/03/2011

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Going back to your ex is like saying "This milk is sour...maybe if I put it in the fridge it'll be good tomorrow."

Jenn - posted on 02/03/2011

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I tried to respond to this yesterday but for some reason COM was being weird and wouldn't let me respond to anything until last night. Anyway, I was going to say something similar to Sherri - they probably didn't actually get divorced. A FB status isn't always a true reflection of reality. My question is: why are you friends with someone on FB who you don't even know?

Becky - posted on 02/03/2011

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For me, the only reasons to get a divorce would be infidelity or abuse. In either case, I may eventually take him back, but it sure wouldn't be in a month! I'm thinking a few years, so I can really be sure that things have changed. I wouldn't want to put my kids through any more pain and disruption by taking him back and finding out nothing had really changed.
But yeah, maybe it wasn't really a divorce, just a separation. If it was a real divorce, that is rather ridiculous!

Melissa - posted on 02/02/2011

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I wouldnt get married to get a divorce. We will be together for the rest of our lives. I tie the knot in 4 weeks. I guess some reasons would be thinsg like being violent towards you or kids very violent I mean or getting you in debt, lying things like that. My hubby wouldnt dare step out of line. Wont even lie baout little things

Bonnie - posted on 02/02/2011

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I didn't think of it that way Sherri. But now that you mention it like that it makes sense. People change their statuses on Facebook all the time. Heck, I even have a few people on my friend's list who have showed married as their status and they are not married.

Stifler's - posted on 02/02/2011

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I think a lot of people who even aren't married... break up, get back together, fight on facebook, break up, fight, other people get involved... they are like 25-30 too and have kids... isn't this a clue that you aren't meant to be together?

Bonnie - posted on 02/02/2011

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I find some people are so childish. They pretty much treat marriage and divorce like they would a teenage relationship where the couple breaks up and gets back together half a dozen times.
Sounds like maybe they jumped into marriage too quickly. He could have cheated or she could have cheated and perhaps they didn't even try to make it work.
Why they would just jump back into a relationship again is beyond me. For me, if it was a good enough reason for me to divorce him, you best believe that I am not going to get back together with him.

[deleted account]

Um...I would try to everything in my power to NOT get a divorce. To work it out and if for some god awful reason it didn't work then it didn't work. There would be no getting back together.

Amy - posted on 02/02/2011

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in some states you have to be separated for so long before officially filing. once it's done for me, it's done. anything that could have fixed it should have been tried before a divorce. any amends to be made or things to work out with or without aid of counselor...all that stuff needs to be done and final before.

although, i watched this really awesome hindi film once where the guy filed for divorce just because he basically had a fortune that said he'd meet a girl to change his destiny. met some new girl, wanted to marry her, so divorced his wife- who LOVED him. He through it realized how much he loved his then wife and future wife told him that she understood her role for him was for him to realize that. but....he forgot to sign the divorce papers, so they were still legally married. not that the story there had much to do with that. lol. but they got together after they thought they were divorced. sorry, train of thought from a tired, pregnant momma!

Sharon - posted on 02/02/2011

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A good reason to divorce someone .. there are so many..

but off the top of my head... they're doing something harmful to themselves, to the kids, to you. Costing you money.

Getting back together with them... they've solved their behavioural issues.

This is not something you'll know in a month.

the girl who friended you is a fucknut.

whatever she divorced her husband for - wasn't fixed in less than 30 days. Whether he cheated on her or was partying to much - he hasn't fixed it. All he's doing is hoping to get back into her good graces so he can fuck her over for the kids or alimony.

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