when does it stop being cute and start being a problem?

Sal - posted on 02/01/2011 ( 23 moms have responded )

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hi ladies i need few ides here please, I have a small problem (and i mean small) i have a beautiful little girl who will be 3 in march her name is ursula, she how ever has taken to calling her self sara, at first it was cute, she and her sister (ingrid) would run around all day saying "i'm chole and i'm sara and we're best friends" or pick some other names, (ladies from aus might reconise that from ABC kids) but ursula has now started to refer to herself soley as sara, she introduces her salf as sara and even corrects people who call her ursula, and the other day when i was calling to her she wouldn't answer until i called sara, it is now a little annoying but when does it become a problem?

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maybe its a name she went by in a past life and she still remembers. she is young, children sometimes remember the other lives they lived. When her memory goes and she gets the "child amnesia" she might just start going by her real name. If you don't believe in reincarnation...its just a phase, she'll grow out of it...

Tara - posted on 02/02/2011

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It becomes a problem when you make it into one. lol
Honestly the best strategy here is to play along. Call her Sara. Then have someone she really likes call (like grandma etc.) and ask for Ursula, make sure she's in the room and say "I"m sorry you must have the wrong number, there is no Ursula here." she'll want to know who it was, tell her and then say "well they only know you as Ursula". see what happens...
But I really believe the more of a fuss you make about it, the more she will do it. It's a phase.
My now 17 year old on was "Freddy" for about 6 months when he was 4. So we all played along and then one day he said "I'm not Freddy anymore, I"m Jonah again." so I welcomed him back. lol

Jocelyn - posted on 02/01/2011

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I agree with Sherri; maybe they don't like their names. I have a friend whose real name is Kenneth, but he's been calling himself Andrew since kindergarten. He's 24 now and still won't answer to Kenneth. I also have a friend who goes by Lindsay, as opposed to her real name Morgan (since elementary school)

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JuLeah - posted on 02/02/2011

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Humm, well in some cultures kids get to pick their own names. A name is personal. If it were me, I'd call her Sara if she was asking for that. She might change back, or pick a different name as she figures out who she is

Peggy - posted on 02/02/2011

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I think its just a phase.. the same that some kids call their parents by their first names. Maybe try discussing with her about her name.. not that she might give you too much info but the first thing I thought was "Does she watch Little Mermaid". Sometimes kids will associate their name with what they see on tv.. and Ursula isnt a nice person in the movie. I would explain to her that pretend play is okay.. you wouldnt want to take away a valuable stage in her development.

Sal - posted on 02/02/2011

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we don;t really make it a big deal but have been having a little think about it and we would refer to her as ursula but usually called her by a nik name (little bear or ushie) so i am going to make an effort to use her name consistantly and just see if she comes round. thanks for the ideas

Ez - posted on 02/02/2011

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I would just ignore it and ride it out. I agree with Meghan in that it is a very real possibility she is continuing with this because she can tell it bothers you. Don't react or argue with her about it and I'm sure she'll get over it.

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I wouldn't worry - I'd call her Sara until she loses interest. She's just trying to be herself and not what you want her to be. Wait for the battles when she's a teenager, and only fight the big ones!

Meghan - posted on 02/01/2011

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J thinks he is spiderman...to the point that he gets upset when spidey webs don't shoot out of his wrists lol.

Johnny - posted on 02/01/2011

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Toddlers can also be sort of cryptic. Their minds don't work like ours yet. A kid choosing to BE another person is a really normal part of development. I remember when my cousin was Spiderman. He insisted he was and we just didn't understand or see it. Drove my grandpa nuts.

Amber - posted on 02/01/2011

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Maybe..JUST maybe she REALLY thinks her name is Sara...and she really believes Ursula is the baby...She might actually think her name is Sara....I dont know, cuz both my kids respond to their first names so I really wouldnt know. Like Meghan said, she could be looking for a reaction but it seems to me from what I read from your recent post, she could really believe she is Sara

Meghan - posted on 02/01/2011

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I agree with Johnny (btw...you have totally thrown me off :P) I would just roll with it. If it really bothers you try a little reverse psyc. If she is anything like my boy, she might just be carrying on with it because she senses it bugs you and gets a reaction-we all know how much toddlers like reactions. Pretend that it doesn't bother you and really play it up...she might get board of it.

Sal - posted on 02/01/2011

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she has never seen the little mermaid, actualy she was a year old before anyone told me it was the nasty witches name (i had a non mermaid loving boy first) i think i might get a new gold fish and she can call it sara!! i really can't believe that people would just let a 3 yr old call herself another name indefnatly, and it isn't that i'm pissed that she doesn't like the name, my son calls himsef by his middle name and can't work out what i was thinking to use his first name (alexander not so awful) so it really is just a concern for her having decided this and why, i did ask her why i had to cal her sara, and she just said "i am sara" when i asked who ursula was said she said the baby....

Amber - posted on 02/01/2011

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I dont agree with some of the moms here. Im just saying.. Look at it this way.. She is almost 3. She doesnt quite comprehend that her name is Ursula because YOU chose that name and because YOU took time to come up with that name and so on. Have you considered that she thinks the name Sara is so special and wants to be called that? Or maybe she knows who Ursula is...from the Little Mermaid and doesnt want to be like her? You can learn so much from just asking her why she prefers Sara. I dont see the harm in allowing her to be called Sara. If that was my child, I wouldnt care if she called herself Sara, but she WILL respond to her real name when I called her by that. A lot of people have called themselves other names simply because they depised the name their parents chose. No biggie! Again, she may just grow out of it sooner or later. At least its not something weird lol

Johnny - posted on 02/01/2011

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When I was 8 I changed my name to Nicole for a year. I didn't like my own name. I kept forgetting to respond when people called me Nicole, so I eventually gave up on it.



I'd just say roll with it and they'll get over it. Their learning to identify themselves and define themselves. Our names are part of that.



My daughter, Michaela, calls herself Kya. Now we do too sometimes. I think she's got the right to decide what she wants to be called. It does not hurt anything at all.

Jenny - posted on 02/01/2011

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My philosophy is if I won't find it cute in the future, it's not cute now.

However, something like calling themselves a different name wouldn't bother me. I don't see any harm in it.

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I would personally call it a problem now. However, unless it really bothers you, would you consider letting her be called Sara? I don't promote doing so but it is an alternative to hassling it out of her. Otherwise, I would suggest sitting her down, talking to her, explaining how she got her name, why you chose it, how it kind of hurts your feelings when she doesn't use it and how if she doesn't start using her name then there will be consequences to it. i.e. no deserts, no treats, time outs, whatever works for you. I am not really sure if this would work as I have never allowed my children to give each other or themselves other names. They have and do have nicknames for themselves but they refuse to allow ANYONE except one of their sisters use it. (the whole "it's a sister thing") Anyway, I do know that I had to sit each of them down at several points and explain that when someone called them by a different name, no matter if it was an adult or not, that they needed and had the right to correct them. My SIL nicknamed each of my girls and it actually got pretty serious. She thought it was hilarious that I didn't want her to nickname my kids when we had already given them names at birth. With my 4 yr old she nicknamed her Tay-Tay and it got to a point I was ready to go off. I told my DH if he couldn't control his sisters mouth I was going off on her the next time she used that awful nickname. She actually did use it once more but my Taya corrected her. She stopped looked up and said "That's not my name. My name is Taya." When asked if she could have a special name for her aunt sandie to use my daughter said this; "No, my mommy and daddy gave me this name because they love me and my name is Taya, not Tay-tay." My SIL hasn't used it since. (thank god) anyway, I thought this MIGHT help and maybe that or my story may give you some ideas to help you with yours. :)

Bonnie - posted on 02/01/2011

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It could just be that because she has called herself Sara for awhile now, she has taken to that name and now only wants to be called that. It could also be that she just loves the name Sara.

Sal - posted on 02/01/2011

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it seems odd but it isn;t so much that she said she likes the names sara she is saying she "is" sara not sure if that makes sence, like a different person almost, she looks at some pics of her self and they are baby ursula then recent pics and calls them sara,

Kate CP - posted on 02/01/2011

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My daughter went through this phase of wanting everyone to call her Sleeping Beauty. I told her I wasn't going to call her Sleeping Beauty because I named her Samantha. If I wanted to call her Sleeping Beauty I would have named her Sleeping Beauty. I also told her she can pretend to be Sleeping Beauty all she wants for as long as she wants and I'll play along. But I won't call for her by calling her Sleeping Beauty. She still likes to pretend to be Sleeping Beauty and will ask I call her that during play but she's not demanding that I call her that all the time now. She may grow out of it or...she may genuinely not like her name. I'd talk to her about it. If she doesn't like her name maybe she could go by her middle name if she likes it better?

Stifler's - posted on 02/01/2011

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I know a LOT of old people that don't go by their real names! One was Gweneth May and she was known also as Maida by everyone. A lot are Dorothy May and are known as May. Just sayin. Anywho she might just grow out of it :)

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