When is it too much??

Tah - posted on 11/12/2010 ( 31 moms have responded )

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I was talking to some mommy martyrs and i wanted to go jump off a curb after(picture me tying a noose around my neck.)..



They don't go out..because that is abandoning their child...They don't have a glass of anything stronger than wine because who knows when you will ever have to jump up in the middle of the night..They don't ever take a break from their children because that teaches little Joey that something is more important than them.. They can't even think about a shower more than once a week, Cleaning the house is an all day affair, they have no time for their husbands or S/o any longer..blah blah blah



So...Should mother's never get a break?



Should mom's never have a glass of wine...EVER.. because you may have to run little jimmy to the ER?



Should you never take a shower or comb your hair?



what about the husband....does he have to get neglected everyday all day because you are a mom now?



when is it too much???

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Stifler's - posted on 11/12/2010

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my mum had my bro when i was 13 so i cooked tea every night and rocked him to sleep a lot. and i used to work in aged care so cleaning etc. is no big deal at all to me. mums that exaggerate on how hard it is to be a SAHM are people who haven't done a hard day's work.

[deleted account]

Tah I think it's totally acceptable what you do.

We said we'd never bedshare with our children because our sexlife is too important - some people may view that as selfish but in our eyes it isn't =]

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[deleted account]

Moms should get a break, see friends, chill out, have fun and dad can watch the baby. But likewise dad deserves a break too.

If you like a drink have a drink, don't get completely wasted, but have a couple of glasses, geez if the kid needs to go to hospital you can call an ambulance or a taxi it won't hurt anybody to turn up to hospital in a taxi.

Mommy martyrs give the rest of us a bad name. Why can mom not shower, the baby needs to learn hygiene...take baby in the bath with you if your that worried about leaving them for 5 mins while you wash dirty women!

Nobody gets neglected in our house.

I tend to think the moms who claim all this stuff generally are exagerating because that is what they think they should be like, and they feel it makes them better than the rest of us who muddle on the best we can. Mommy martyrs can stick their holier than thou attitude up their backside, I'll stick to being me and showing my kids I have a great life balance and am happier because I do!

[deleted account]

I never drink alcohol because I have no interest in doing so. As for the rest of that.... CRAZY!! ;)
IMO... taking care of your marriage is the most important thing you can do as a parent and you will be no good to your child if you also don't take care of yourself.

Katherine - posted on 11/14/2010

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See mine used to say, "You have kids now! Don't you understand that?" As in I can't go out anymore. WTF?? A jerk he was.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 11/14/2010

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It really is unfortunate when you come across a mom who only thinks of the kid’s…leaves out herself and the husband….

She seems to forget that the kids will grow to love her no matter what…so its ok if she leaves to have “Me time” or takes a shower while her little one cry’s for 3min.
They forget the women they were before…and they owe it to there kids to be the best and healthiest mentally and physically as they can.

Since my son was born there is not really anytime “Alone” for my husband and me…we have a huge four poster bed, and so what I did was put red Christmas lights around each pole and there are nights called “The red district” lol and needless to say we have our fun :-)

Desiree - posted on 11/14/2010

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I once thought that way it almost killed me literally and almost destroyed my marriage. I hit the bottom of mental breakdown when my husband got hold of me, shook me awake and sent me off with a bunch of girlfriends to relax. I didn't realise I was doing more harm than good but not spending time with people other than my family ( I even work with family). Mothers are Human to and more than most they need time out from everything that has to do with home, children, husbands and every other family thing in life. They need to go out and just enjoy a night on the town (our husbands do it too) and if it means going to a strip show, or dinner in a pub talking about anything but normal life, then that what you need. My husband is big enough to father 2 kids then he is big enough to run one to the emergency room if they needed. They are not going to be there forever they need to learn sometime you need to do things yourself and I refuse to be one of the future Empty Nesters who can't cope because their kids no longer need them. Like hell I want to be the granny the kids want to go to because I know how to have fun and am not a stick in the mud over stupid thing. For me that starts now while I am able to let go and get a life while my children are growing up and not become a problem mother or a has been, No Thanks!

Johnny - posted on 11/14/2010

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If you never take a shower or comb your hair, that is cruel to your child. If your mom stinks more than your diaper....

I didn't leave my daughter a lot for the first year or so. I just didn't feel like it. I did go out for special dinners a few times with the hubby. I tried to discuss other things, but somehow, the conversation always went back to her, and it wasn't just me doing that. We both missed her. But it was funny, and we'd joke about what a couple of saps we'd turned into. In a way, it was really bonding for my spouse & I.

Now that she's older, its different and I can relax way more when we go out. I'm also working part-time so I'm not attached 24/7. But I still love being with her, not because I'm trying to martyr myself but because right now she's really cute and hilarious. I'm sure she'll grow out of it soon and I'll regret it if I miss too much. I can always go to the spa, but she won't always be 2 and a bit.

I do enjoy a glass of wine or two from time to time as well. If little Jimmy has to go to the ER, you call a flippin' ambulance!

My husband and I did go through a time when she was small where we didn't have much energy for each other, but that was mutual. I want my daughter to see a strong, healthy relationship, and that requires spouses giving time and attention to each other. Frankly, I think that ignoring your spouse for your kids sends the kids all the wrong messages. They may be the centre of your universe, but the world doesn't revolve around them.

Just to add, co-sleeping saved our sex life. Before we started, we were too tired for sex. Once we were getting decent night sleeps, the spare bed or sofa were very accommodating for other things.

Amanda - posted on 11/14/2010

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I think every mom deserves me time!! I think my KIDS would go nuts having to be around me all the time! And even more crazy if I were to only shower once a week!! Lol...and if you're not a drinker you are still allowed to go with friends or family to have fuN! I enjoy drinking when we get the chance!! It's relaxing and I know that my children are being cared for for the night so we don't have to worry if we can't get up for some reason or another!! And my fiance does deserve me to himself after working all day!!! Geesh!!! I'd feel bad neglecting him because house work or the kids are more important than him!! Yes my kids come first but I can't dedicate my life 24/7 to them!!!! I'm a mom, and moms deserve me time as well!!! Those mothers need a reality check!!!

Becky - posted on 11/12/2010

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We all need breaks! These moms are going to go insane! A couple of weeks ago, my oldest son and I both had a stomach bug and were cooped up in the house all week. I was taking care of him while I felt like crap, and I'll tell you, by the end of the week, I was losing it! I went out the next Monday night, on my own, and that did wonders!
I do have some mommy martyr tendencies, I think. I'm reluctant to leave my kids, although I've gotten a lot better about it. My oldest was over a year before he ever had a babysitter! Crazy, I know! We were much better with the second! But they're just having their first sleepover - well, second for the oldest, his frist was last Sunday - tomorrow night, so Jeff and I can go to a party with some friends.
The one thing I will agree with them on is the drinking though. Not that I don't think I can never drink, but I do feel that one parent should always be sober enough to drive, in case of an emergency. (unless you have another caregiver.) If both parents show up at the hospital hammered, you're likely to get child welfare called on you! Since I'm less interested in drinking than Jeff, and have been either pregnant or breastfeeding since a month after we got married, it's usually me who stays sober. But he will if I want to drink, I'm just not that much of a drinker to begin with, so it's no big deal.

Nikkole - posted on 11/12/2010

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I stay home with my kids 24/7 6 days a week my husband will watch them while i cook or clean but then he has to go to work he works 2nd shift 3-12 sometimes 3pm-3am so hes not home a lot but on saturdays my mom watched my kiddos so me and him can go out and spend time with each other and on Sundays he wakes up with the kids so i can sleep in a little! But if i didnt have a little me time i would go nuts i think! But i never buy anything for me lol whenever i go out to get something for me i find all this cute stuff for the kids so i end up getting them stuff lol but i like it that way! And i dont ignore my husband we make sure to make time for one another when he gets home or on Saturdays!

Tah - posted on 11/12/2010

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exactly Emma....to be honest i have been changing diapers and making bottles since 7..yes...since seven..my oldest 2 nephews are 23 and i am turning 30 on the 21st..hint hint...start shopping if you ladies haven't already..lol...anywho....and then i had my son when i was 16, so for me, changing diapers, making bottles, shoot..even breastfeeding was no big whoppee to me..lol...i have never had less than 2 jobs..or a job and school since i was 12..Now that i am older, have finished a couple schools, have a couple degrees, diplomas, certifications, and a license which put me in a better place to be able to enjoy myself from time to time, or take some me time..guess what.



I was sick as a rabid dog last week, i called out of work because well i couldn't move, husband got the kids...i stayed in bed for a whole day..felt a tad bit better the next morning, got everybody off to school and went to see "For colored girls"....BY MYSELF..except for the screaming babies people brought with them..thats a vent for another thread though....and do you think i felt one iota of guilt..well you know what, i did.....that i didn't buy a book from books a million and go have all the soup, salad and breadsticks i wanted from olive garden by myself...that i do regret..but my stomach was still queasy like..so i opted out...but if i had taken a phenergan before i went i promise you i would have done that also....

Stifler's - posted on 11/12/2010

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I need a break from the kid sometimes. I've never had guilt about going out or spending 200 bucks on my hair or sleeping in while Damian gets up with the baby, I need to get what I want too or I'd probably have offed myself long ago.

Tah - posted on 11/12/2010

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if we have to..but if we can get a wink..why not...o thats right..you have to watch them sleep....goodness me, what was i thinking...i am not saying i have never watched my kids sleep, but if everything is everything, i am hitting the bed when they do. I try to sleep for work when they are up..and we know how that goes and these are a 13, 9 and almost 4 year old....

Hannah - posted on 11/12/2010

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If moms don't need a break then we don't need sleep either I guess...We can function on no sleep right?!

Charlie - posted on 11/12/2010

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Haha you should get a decoy bed roll one out in the hallway when he starts to sleep walk towards your room you can leave a recording of breathing sleep noises , i dont know how that will work but its good in theory LOL.


Sorry , my imagination takes over sometimes.

[deleted account]

Lol each to their own =] Personally there's not much room in bed as it is!!! I'm 5 foot 11, hubbys 5 foot 10 so we have stealing the duvet games everynight lmao!

Tah - posted on 11/12/2010

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when we bedshare..it's not by choice..lol....when he falls back asleep..he goes back in his room..lol..

Charlie - posted on 11/12/2010

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Ah see we bedshare and its made our sex life more spontanious and creative it really hasnt put a holt on it at all , although i dont think it's selfish not to , each to their own :D

Tah - posted on 11/12/2010

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@Mary..have fun, don't even think about it, and make some time for the husband....

Tah - posted on 11/12/2010

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i was literally in shock, then you complain that your husband is always leaving..well when you are wrapped around the kids like an anaconda and didn't even notice he came home...what do you expect. I came home from work this am, got on the treadmill and the husband told me we were having a lunch date..i hopped off like a bunny, showered and gave him the attention he deserves. work is me time, school is me time, gym...roger...karate is..well you guessed it...i give my kids plenty of time, affection, love security and committment, but if i don't have time for me and make time for the husband they would be trying to move out...i am not going to be a martyr..sorry...no can do..judge me if you want..excuse me, my husband just bought me my second glass of moscato...more us time....

Charlie - posted on 11/12/2010

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Relax Mary and have a good time tonight you deserve it , you are a great mum :D

ME - posted on 11/12/2010

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I might have some mommy martyr tendencies...I didn't leave Miles for more than 3 hours at a time until he was 11 months old, and I only leave Mayah to go to work (and then she's with her dad) but to be fair, I'm still bfing her. I'm going out tonight for the first time since she was born, and feeling just a little guilty about it too (she's 8 1/2 months old)...I might be neglecting my husband a little too...I'm not sure why I'm doing it...Perhaps trying to over-correct for my incredibly selfish and self-centered twenties? I don't know...

JuLeah - posted on 11/12/2010

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They all need a check up from the neck up.
We can not, I repeat, can not, give our children self esteem. That has to be earned. It is earned through overcoming, moving beyond, failing, getting up to try again, losing and then winning .... we protect our children from all of that. We shield them from the consequences of their own choices. They put their hands in the flame and we take the burn.
We don't allow them to be sad, or upset, or disappointed, or hurt ...... and what do we teach them with this?
We turn them into sniveling fluffy little things that can take care of themselves. They don't believe in themselves and think we don't believe in them. Telling a person you believe in them doesn’t do it. Kicking them out of the nest in little steps along the way and trusting them to fly send the message that you believe in them. We teach them that it is the responsibility of another to make them happy and they must be happy all the time. We teach them others are accountable because we make excuses and never hold them accountable, not even for their own happiness. I know a teen that doesn’t study and gets an ‘F’ but her mom sooths it over with the teacher and figures out a way for her to get extra credit. This kid waits until the 11th hour for a term paper and her mom sits up with her all night to get it done, even gets her an extension if it is needed. She will take the blame too by saying she ought to have started on it sooner. WHAT? It was not your paper. You finished high school.
Kids will live the life you show them. If they see an unhappy marriage, they will follow and have that for themselves. If they see you live your life as a martyr, the will grow to be one, or marry one.
As Dolly says, "Come down off the cross. People need the wood"

Lacye - posted on 11/12/2010

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LOL! take a shower once a week? HA! that's not going to happen. I take a shower first thing in the morning while my daughter is asleep. I don't think I could stay with my daughter 24/7. I love her to death but I have got to have a break from her. I go to college 4 times a week and it has been a total blessing! I don't know about the drinking thing because I have never really been much of a drinker. But if I do want a wine cooler every once in a while, by God I'm going to have one!

Sharon - posted on 11/12/2010

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LMFAOPIMP!!! thats funny shit.

I like the phrase "mommy martyr" hahahahha we need another good one for the mommy whores - who go the opposite route.

Charlie - posted on 11/12/2010

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this makes want to crack a beer LOL.

I am showing my kids its ok to be an individual that i love their father with all my heart and pay attention to him , that hard working people get to relax and take a break , that friendships are an important part of life , and that i have my priorities straight by making them first priority , that i love them with everything i have and more but that life if for ejoying and relishing in and that includes things outside of of home and *gasp* somtimes involves things that have NOTHING TO DO WITH CHILDREN.

Seriously these women are just trying to prove a point , you know what happens when they have ? Their kids leave home and get a life of their own and mummy is all alone because she has nothing in common with her husband who will eventually leave if he hasnt already done so and has no real friends to call their own OR their child lives at home till they are forty cause its just so damn easy !

Kids are priority but not at the expense of the complete death of you as an individual and every relationship you have around you .

[deleted account]

LMAO!!! She needs a rocket shoved up her arse and to be propelled out the house and force-speed! Mums NEED a break - that's the only way they can be at their best all the time. I feel sorry for their husbands too! Wierd women! I'm a stay at home mum but i spend most of the day playing with my son, if the housework doesn't all get done tough titties! And we always have us time when Logan's in bed!

~Jennifer - posted on 11/12/2010

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I'll let you know what I think after I finish the bottle of wine I just cracked open.

;)

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