Why are people so judgemental?

Candi - posted on 01/25/2011 ( 17 moms have responded )




Why do people judge others, whether its from parenting to lifestyles to race to size to orgin. Does it make you feel good inside to judge other people for how they live.

Why do other parents judge other parents on how they raise their kids? Is it wrong that everyone parents different from breastfeeding to formula feeding to letting your child have a binky to letting them suck their thumb to the time they put their child to bed and what time their child wakes up to what we feed our children. Does it make you a better mother when you judge other parents. Parents who breastfeed arent bad mothers, parents who formual feed arent bad mothers either and arent neglecting their kids by choosin formula we are given that choice. Parents who let their child have a binky until they are 2-3 or even older arent bad parents either, parents who let their child suck their thumb arent bad parents either. Parents who put their child to bed between 6-8 arent bad parents and neither are parents who let theri children fall asleep when they are tired arent bad parents. Parents who kids get up at 6-8 in the morning arent bad parents and parents who kids sleep until 9-11 in the morning arent bad parents either. Why does it matter to much and why judge others.

Why do people judge others by their size whether they are really skinny or really obese? Why does it matter the size of their clothes? It should only matter whats on the inside. Just because you are really skinny, skinny, average, over weight or obese doesnt mean that that person isnt a really nice person on the inside.

Why do people judge others that are "gay", "special needs", they are just like everyone else just a little different. If some one is "gay" that does not make them a bad person because they are in love with someone who is the same sex as they are. Let face it "gay"men are the most fasionable people and you can always count on them to tell you the truth on what looks good and what doesnt. Some one with "special needs" isnt a bad person either they just may need a little extra help and most of them are just as sweet as you or I are or can be.

Ive been judge as a mother because I let my daughter who is 2 go to sleep anywhere between 11-12 at night and wake up between 11-12 in the morning, because I formula fed my daughter and didnt breastfeed because my fiance and I arent a fan of breastfeeding, I have NOTHING wrong with mother who do and I have many friends who breastfeed. Because I let her have a binky and let her have it attached to her for when ever she needs or wants it. I say when she is done teething I will take it away. I let my daughter have free roam of our house and she has her tv on all day whether she sits in her room and watches it o runs around the house and is just listening to her wiggles. Ive been told I copy people because our kids are the same age and do the same things or I want to sign my daughter up for things their kids are or were or may be doing. None of these things make me a bad mother nor does it make anyone else a bad mother if they do the opposite or simialar. It just goes to show that no 2 parents are going to parent the same, they may have similairities but doesn make them bad parents.

So why do people judge others so much? Does it make you feel better as a person? Tell me what you all think. I want to know how others feel about judgemental people.


Jodi - posted on 01/25/2011




Judgements are a perfectly NORMAL way for humans to classify their world. Psychologically, we all have a particular way of organising the world to be able to make sense of all the information we retain about others. It is actually a cognitive tool that we can't function properly without.

Unfortunately, our judgements aren't always right, but we are actually forming our judgements based on our own baises. And our biases are formed throughout our life through various life experiences (and sometimes the crap our parents may have brainwashed us with, in some cases).

It doesn't mean our judgements are right or wrong, but they give the world meaning to US as individuals, and helps us to decipher our actions, feelings and thoughts, especially when time is short.

Charlie - posted on 01/25/2011




It is human instinct to judge some have better judgment than others , it is a survival tool without it you make mistakes some fatal .

Smaller personal judgments are just a side effect of this instinct , it's purpose isn't to make anyone feel better but again goes back to the primal urge to survive for example you see a mother putting her toddler straight into a car without a booster seat with nothing but an adult seat belt , we immediately make a judgment because we perceive this to be dangerous or risky , most of the time the reason for judgment will be for that very reason .

[deleted account]

I think that EVERY person on the earth is judgmental. Period. No one can say that they aren't or haven't been at some time or even won't in the future. However, we can all have our own opinions and we can all voice them. :) That is what makes life interesting and fun.

Tabitha - posted on 01/25/2011




And just so you aren't confused on the difference and how we should really respond(which would be opinion) There is a vast different in judging and having an opinion.


1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
2. a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.
3. the formal expression of a professional judgment: to ask for a second Medical opinion.
4. Law . the formal statement by a judge or court of the reasoning and the principles of law used in reaching a decision of a case.
5. a judgment or estimate of a person or thing with respect to character, merit, etc.: to forfeit someone's good opinion.
6. a favorable estimate; esteem: I haven't much of an opinion of him.

This conversation has been closed to further comments


View replies by

Kathy - posted on 10/01/2012




Judging is okay. Voicing those judgments is not always ok - you really do have to weigh the behaviour and your intentions before you comment on someone else's life.

Tracy - posted on 09/30/2012




It's basic identifiers that we use for connecting with other people. It's equivalent to dogs sniffing each other's bums. We went through this stuff in some of my psychology and sociology classes in college. It's a way of weighing "us" versus "them" - are they like me and part of my social circle? When you meet someone new, you always do the name/rank thing: name, address (or geographic location), attachment status (married, involved, etc...), kids, profession, etc... Once you find common ground, you can move on to pursue that as a kind of connector. "oh, you live in Chicago! I grew up there! Do you know XXX?" Then you can go from there for relationship building. Without those first clues, the things will most likely judge you on the quickest, that we determine if the other person would fit within our existing definitions and expectations of friendship. All of this behavior is extremely useful in building any sort of relationship. BUT, the downsides are that if we don't find common ground due to a deeply held definition or expectation that is violated, then they become OTHER or THEM (as opposed to US). So if I meet someone and their surface information immediately violates my definition of what I expect and value in another person, my only recourse is to shuffle them to the outsider category. It's human nature to shun outsiders of our social groups. It helps keep the solid cohesion of our own, established, groups. If you accept a person but your existing social connections refuse the new addition, your choice is either to pursue the new connection independently or lose them. If you pursue them independently, you take the risk of your existing connections being lost (either through outright rejection or through a gradual lack of common ground). Many people will value their existing social connections more than a potential new connection. Therefore, the new connection must remain as OTHER/THEM and cannot become US.

So, judgments occur as part of the process of developing relationships. It's kind of a "either you are with us or you are against us" mentality in order to maintain your current social connections. You have your own definitions and expectations that must be met to be part of your social connections. If those are not met by someone, then they become rejected as unsuitable.

Does this make sense? :)

Tabitha - posted on 01/25/2011




verb (used with object)
6. to pass legal judgment on; pass sentence on (a person): The court judged him guilty.
7. to hear evidence or legal arguments in (a case) in order to pass judgment; adjudicate; try: The Supreme Court is judging that case.
8. to form a judgment or opinion of; decide upon critically: You can't judge a book by its cover.
9. to decide or settle authoritatively; adjudge: The censor judged the book obscene and forbade its sale.
10. to infer, think, or hold as an opinion; conclude about or assess: He judged her to be correct.
11. to make a careful guess about; estimate: We judged the distance to be about four miles.
12. (of the ancient Hebrew judges) to govern.
–verb (used without object)
13. to act as a judge; pass judgment: No one would judge between us.
14. to form an opinion or estimate: I have heard the evidence and will judge accordingly.
15. to make a mental judgment.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/25/2011




In my eperience, people judge what they don't know, or judge when people decide to do thing differently. People forget, what works for some, doesn't for others. And for those that judge things they do not know or understad, they should open their eyes and see the big, beautiful world out there.

Bonnie - posted on 01/25/2011




No two people do everything alike, so there is no way for everyone to agree on everything. So in turn, opinions clash and people judge eachother. It's normal and a part of life.

Nicole - posted on 01/25/2011




"All good people agree,
And all good people say,
All nice people, like Us, are We
And every one else is They."

—Rudyard Kipling, "A Friend of the Family

Stifler's - posted on 01/25/2011




It's human nature? We were all raised differently also, so that affects the way we look at others when they do something different to what we're used to.

April - posted on 01/25/2011




IMO, people sometimes judge others without even realizing they are, i think it's just something that happens if you truely believe in something and encounter someone who doesn't seem to believe the same thing, for you it seems so obviously right and anyone who doesn't seem to feel the same way seems crazy to you. There's a lot of things that don't bother a lot of people and most don't care. But everyone has a pet peeve or is passionate about something and thats what starts the judgment on others.

If someone judges by race, it could be how they were raised or probably because they have never encountered that type of race before and have heard the stereotypes so they judge without knowing, As someone who loves to stay fit and excercise may not understand why anyone would want to be over-weight or parents who think they have the perfect system and do things the way they think is the proper or right way would judge others that they see don't seem to follow by the same rules.

The point is people judge because we all have our own views in life and if we don't have enough knowledge about a certain thing or if we simply don't like something we will judge others who do. No one can escape it. We all judge.

[deleted account]

People judge. Thats just what we do. If our thoughts are different to your then it is considered judging. The only time someone else judging you matters is when you let it.
I judge people all the time but just because i judge someone doesn't mean i think what they are doing is wrong.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms