"Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior"


Soky - posted on 01/17/2011




I didnt read much through it but since I am ASIAN and have been raised by a STRICT ASIAN mother that I can really say that growing up it was REALLY LONELY! Cpuldnt do much but stay at home and be the OBEDIENT daughter. I wasnt even allowed to go over to my cousins house and have a sleepover. Couldnt join any afterschool sports even after my gym teacher called and literally begged my parents for me to join softball tennis and volleyball. She saw potenial in me that my parents didnt. The kids end up growing to be kinda messed up and arent really social. Thankfully I moved out of the house when I turned 18. My father actually threthened to call the cops if I didnt move back home but I told him that he can call the cops if he please but we are in America and that I have rights when Im 18. IT was a nice breath of fresh air getting outta there. I love my parents but man cant they just chill out sometimes? LOL

Im not even sure if this has anything to do with the article but I just wanted to say that most asian parents are strict and its unfair to the child..

Oh and P.S. Have you ever notice that Asian women are with white men now? And I believe that strict asian parents have something to do with this. JUST SAYING... =)

Johnny - posted on 01/08/2011




I suppose it's fine if you're interested in a higher suicide rate and children who lack personality or any interests outside accounting. Growing up with lots of friends whose parents were like this, I found they either became depressed, rebellious or automatons. Those who became automatons all went on to university to study accounting, mathematics, or computer science. It was actually the rebels that ended up doing well for themselves and having successful careers and interesting lives in the long run. Having had ample opportunity to witness this parenting approach in action, I wouldn't recommend it.

It reminds me of this little boy who lived upstairs from us in our old apartment. He was about 6 or 7 and his parents had him practicing piano at least 2 hours every day. When they weren't around, he'd throw anything not tied down or too heavy to lift of his balcony. The kid was miserable!

I do not believe in sacrificing happiness for a hot career in accounting. None of these kids are allowed to go on to be musicians anyway, so I haven't figured out the forced music practice thing. Except for that it's designed to instill intense discipline.

And that disinterest in self-esteem really back fires, at least when the kids are growing up here in western culture. My cousin is a doctor at the eating disorders out patient clinic at the local children's hospital. They are virtually all young over-achieving Chinese girls.

You don't need to destroy your children's egos for them to end up successful. My most successful friends are not the ones that were raised in that manner. Not even close.

Stifler's - posted on 01/08/2011




Chinese people have different parenting because their society is different. There is more people competing for success. Westerners only feel like 'this is bad horrid parenting " etc. because we live in egalitarian societies.

Meghan - posted on 01/17/2011




Yeah, it is more important for my son have personality and be an overall pain in my butt then have him live up to mine or anyone else's expectations of success.
It works for their culture/society, not for me though.

[deleted account]

This is the reply I got from my friend Lily, whi came to the States in 2003 from China. She teaches English with me-my dear neighbor from across the hall. She married a Chinese-American and they have a 3 year old son. Here is her reply:

"This article does remind me of how my mom disciplined me in the past. In my whole life as a student, I never had one morning getting up later than 6:30am, even during the holidays. My mom always woke me up to either practice Chinese caligraphy or read. I had the moment that I thought I "hated" her, but now I really appreciate it. I wouldn't do that to Brandon, though. :) "


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[deleted account]

From what my friend explained, the sadness and extreme push for education is one reason why many Chinese students go to the States or major European cities for University-to escape their parents. Once they settle into a new life, it's a hard adjustment to be independent. That's where depression/suicide becomes a factor becasue they don't know how to deal with their new-found freedom.

Katherine - posted on 01/09/2011




Hence the reason the suicide rate is so high. They are over achievers and I see no need for that. I think we need a happy medium, not to extreme either way.

Shauna - posted on 01/08/2011




My Aunt is Japaneese, my Uncle brought her to the states during Vietnam war. My Brother in Law is Vietnamese and his whole family migrated to the states during the vietnam war as well.
I see alot of truth to this article. Alot of "asian" parents in general believe the children should be seen and not heard. They are stricter in general. And it works for them. My brother in law is a very succesful man, has fancy everything. And most people label him a typical smart well off asian.
But his parents were extremly hard on him. Hes 36 still in college, he has 4 degrees .. and still isnt happy .. always doing new things.
Growing up he was was great at martial arts and so his parents paid for his personal sensei. He rebeled used his fighting skills on the streets and his sensei left him. Joined a vietnamese gang, and did some pretty horrible stuff.
Today hes a pretty reserved guy but deals with alot of deppression.
So although this form of parenting seems like it does well, in the long run im not so sure.

Charlie - posted on 01/08/2011




Yes I agree Juleah but we aren't talking about that type of success the type that is defined by their culture is of position and salary not happiness unfourtunatly .

JuLeah - posted on 01/08/2011




Loureen: Success is happiness. I have taught my nine year old to answer that bothersome questions of "What do you want to be when you grow up?" with one word: Happy

Mrs. - posted on 01/08/2011




I read some and scanned some, probably cause I wasn't raised by a Chinese mother. ;)

It looks like this is more from an American perspective, I'm thinking 3rd gen or 4th gen immigrants. Most actual Chinese moms I know here in Ontario are 1st gen or just immigrated.

I mention this because my Chinese Med. doc has a really high performing daughter and she immigrated 15 years or so. Now she is always talking about the fact that she would have, very much wanted to have more than one baby and the government would not allow her to. Therefore, all of her resources and commitment went to the one daughter she had.

I think this makes a huge difference, at least here in Canada. When you have one child who you are banking on, the entire extended family is banking on...it would be more intense. It would be highly focused as it is with my doc's daughter.

That's a huge cultural difference that doesn't seem to come into play in that particular article.

Becky - posted on 01/08/2011




My first thought on reading this is that is horrible parenting and I don't even know how she could defend it! I understand that many Chinese are very successful financially, but I see success as being more than just having a high paying job. If you make a lot of money but you're miserable, what good is that? And I don't know if this is related in any way, but the majority of gang members here in Calgary are Asian. Not sure anyone would classify that as being successful!

[deleted account]

I didn;t read through all of this, but I'm going to pass it along to my Chinese friend who came to the States in 2003. She often tells me how strict her parents were and how lazy parents are here in America, producing lazy kids. I'll let yo uknow what she thinks!

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