Why do we approve of double standards?

America3437 - posted on 11/29/2012 ( 22 moms have responded )

1,052

12

87

Yesterday a man came to this site looking for help with an abusive wife and he was attacked and crusified! I guess it is acceptable for a woman to abuse a man? Why is it that when a woman is being abused by a man we say defend yourself or get out but a man is abused by his wife on a regular basis and the child also gets hit in the process and he defends his self and all the sudden it is double standards!! I am confused.... I thought this was a site to help women and those of you who chose to attack him should have taken that oppourtinity to help that family insted of being so concerned about the gender of the person asking for help! This was a very hurt man who was comming to us for help and insted he gets to go to bed tonight and suffer more abuse at the hands of a woman!!! It is never right for a man to hit a woman but it is also not right for a woman to hit a man. I believe if a woman is gonna act like a man then she should be treated like a man and when she chose to stand in a mans place then she should have took it like a man! This woman has now hit her child in the process and all we could say was shame on him...That is a crock of poo!!!! I understand that this is a sight for moms but he obviously was trying to get some advise on how we would handle the situation and wow I am shocked by the responses. For those of you who don't know men are abused everyday by women and there is no help for them so I say thanks for representing com as a bunch of judgemental women who have a one track mind when it comes to spousal abuse.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 12/01/2012

3,562

36

3907

Because the rules are, they are not allowed to post. Period. So as a result, our job is to report them to management and have them removed. If you have an issue with it, you need to take it up with the powers that be. Until that rule changes, that's what is done.

Jodi - posted on 11/30/2012

3,562

36

3907

I don't know, you'd have to ask Community Management. But for now, they aren't allowed to post.



And for the record, I think they both behaved badly.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/01/2012

21,273

9

3058

First of all America, it is in poor taste to start a thread based on another thread from a different community. That is something we just don't do. If you would like to make a thread discussing women abusing men, or a thread about why men are not allowed on this site, go for it. But as for starting a thread directly about another.....we really don't allow that. It has caused to many problems in the past. BUT, I will respond, since I was on that said thread. But I will be locking this thread down after.



He was NOT crucified. He was told both were in the wrong, and that his child does not need to see his mom hitting and kicking his dad or getting struck in the crossfire. NOR does he need to see his dad hit his mom. He was also told numerous times to get help or leave. To go into family counseling. Period. Re-read the thread.



Also, if you or anyone else has an issue in here about men not being on this site, you are more than welcome to contact the Community Management Team and send them an e mail. http://www.circleofmoms.com/about_me/437...



This is a safe place for women to have discussions with other women, and receive help. We all (mods and admins) work really hard at keeping this site from from solicitations, men, and perverts male and female. Also trolls, or anyone else that is trying to cause issues.



~DM Mod Little Miss~

S. - posted on 11/29/2012

1,182

9

312

I've think we should help genuine dad's on com i also think that if they were a circle of dad's a lot of men would be to proud or some just wouldn't care enough to join.

but as for the double standards thing a male or female asking any kind of question especially something taboo is bound to get a mixed response of come backs.

I did see the title but I never looked at it, I thought it might be another " crazy" and I just couldn't be bothered, kind of wished I'd had a look now.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

22 Comments

View replies by

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/28/2012

21,273

9

3058

I locked this thread a while ago, and am going to re lock. Not sure how it got opened.

Alexis - posted on 12/28/2012

29

0

0

there is help for men, talk to your local batterd womens shelters... in texas we now have a program called START in most highschools to teach kids about abuse, youd actually be amazed at the fact that the number of men abused by women is rising at a suprizing rate. i feel for the guy, and if she hit their kid he needs to file charges on behafe of his child against the mother. domestic violence is domestic violence, gender should be left out of it

Tracy - posted on 12/01/2012

207

5

2

I didn't see the post nor the responses, so I cannot address this specifically. However, here is my general thought: where do men go for family help? There are so many sites and organizations dedicated to helping women. But don't men sometimes need help too - probably far more often than we give them credit for? We just get angry at their responses to stress: anger, cheating, withdrawing, depression, etc... As women in general, we complain and complain about the guys and give each other advice. Where do men go when they need to talk? We just expect them to act (like from what some of you have said - he should have gotten up and left the bed with the child. How many times has he done that in the past and just lost it this time and wanted advice?) So we expect men to DO rather than THINK. Then, when they DO as a reaction to emotional stress, we get angry at them for not DOING what we THOUGHT he should do (because we've already come here and discussed the problem thoroughly with other women).



So, if we get a stray guy in here sincerely looking for help, why can't we help him instead of chasing him off like a pack of dogs protecting territory? How does NOT helping men, help women? If we help one, don't we help the other?

America3437 - posted on 11/29/2012

1,052

12

87

But that could be a good thing.....who ate the last piece of cake,spilled the dog water and didn't clean it up,told the kids they could play in the snow when they don't have to clean up the mess and cater to the sick kids...lol ...alot of the little mysteries could be solved.

Tabitha - posted on 11/29/2012

329

11

64

But then we would know all their secrets.......im not sure we want that on our shoulders :)

America3437 - posted on 11/29/2012

1,052

12

87

I think that is a great idea. Who better to help a man than a woman!...lol

Tabitha - posted on 11/29/2012

329

11

64

Then who wants to create a site *circle of dads* I mean if we don't like how things are then why not change it?

America3437 - posted on 11/29/2012

1,052

12

87

Yes but not by all so this obviously wasn't ment for those of us who helped. He did get several posts for help but many judgemental as well. Just sayin! Guess I should tell my husband that if something happens to me and he needs help dealing with kids then com is not the place for that. After all why would any man need help fro a woman. maybe his wife is so controlling and abusive that he has no man friends to help out. Just think some on here should be more understanding when it comes to helping out fellow famlies. Guess I was wrong about this site. No he is not a woman but needed help dealing with his crazy ass woman.

America3437 - posted on 11/29/2012

1,052

12

87

Well being a child of abuse I can say that she would have just followed him and it would have gotten even worse because he was walking away. I agree there were other things he could have done but how many times does one have to be hit before they can defend themselves? She is a coward and would never have enough balls to get on here and post that. All I'm saying is there could have been more support offered to this poor family because she isn't going to ask for help so he did!

America3437 - posted on 11/29/2012

1,052

12

87

@ Dove...your right it is a sight to help women and as I see it we could have helped her through him! You don't see her on hetre trying to save their family so I say good for him! And yes he was crusified. And btw there have been other men on here asking for help on other issues and they were met with a bunch of support unlike this man.

America3437 - posted on 11/29/2012

1,052

12

87

I grew up in a home where my dad beat my mom and us as well and I have raised my children to never hit anyone but to not let someone just hit them either. Every one has the right to protect their selves. The original post has been locked but it was titled" I hit my wife" and he was in bed with his wife and child when they statred bickering and she got mad and started kicking at him and then turned to hitting him but hit their child a few times in the process so he slapped her. I say she deserved it although it doesn't mean he was right by any means just think the moms here should have offered him resources the same as we would for a woman who was being abused.

S. - posted on 11/29/2012

1,182

9

312

I am not sure what man you are talking about as I never read his post, however I grew up were my mother would beat and beat and beat my father until he would get up and hit her back resulting on full on fights and broken bones because it would get to the point neither of them would give in. It was a horrible environment to be brought up in and my mother would rack in the pity were my father would be seen as a wife beater. I grew up and blamed Both of them because someone should had left and really us kids were the victims.

I would never hit my husband and if I did and he gave me a slap back I would be the one to blame and if my husband hit me I would leave without a second thought. I have 3 girl and I bring them up to not hit anyone and if you do expect to be hit back boy or girl. If my girls grew to be a husband beater I would be utterly ashamed.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms