Why do we have children?

Stifler's - posted on 08/15/2010 ( 20 moms have responded )

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Is there an unselfish reason or a reason other than "I wanted a child".

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Sara - posted on 08/16/2010

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I think it's based in selfish instincts. I want a little piece of me to continue on in this world when I'm not here. I want a little person I can help to mold and grow. I want someone who will come visit me when I'm old and spend holidays with me because they have no other choice. All selfish reasons....but that doesn't make it wrong.

Sharon - posted on 08/16/2010

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There are no unselfish reasons.

I had my kids to please me or I wouldn't have had kids at all. While they are young they are "mine" to do as I wish without violating their most basic rights (life, clothing, feeding etc)

There were my living breathing dolls. now they have their own opinions and personalities and I respect that.

If you don't want kids - you shouldn't have kids, you'll never do right by them. so without that selfish imperative driving you - you'll never be doing the right thing.

I know people who had kids "because they were supposed to". they fed their kids, clothed their kids, schooled their kids, got good behaviour out of them, but didn't really love them. Those kids grew up to not have kids.

Of course the opposite is true. People have kids for themeselves and never respect the individual that is born.

Johnny - posted on 08/15/2010

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Admittedly for me, it was completely selfish. I wanted a child and I wanted to be a mother. And my husband wanted to be a father. And our parents wanted to be grandparents. The only person not in on it was my grandmother who was not particularly keen on being a great-grandmother because then people would know that she was really old, lol. But once she met our daughter, she didn't care anymore.

Some people have kids because it happens (birth control fails, they didn't use any, etc.) and some people plan it out. For the planers, I have a hard time believing that anyone is having kids for altruistic reasons that don't include their own personal desires. Regardless of where those desires stem from. Unless you're a surrogate who is giving up the child, if you plan to have a child, you want it for yourself. I don't know if that necessarily really makes it selfish though.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 08/15/2010

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I honestly never wanted to be a mother, since I could remember at the age of 12 I always said I would NEVER have kids, because they were snotty, sticky, asked to many questions, were all over the place and talked to much…….
Well now I have two. My first son was not planned and I was a teen mother my second son was planned, but he came a year sooner then we expected.
I feel honored to be the mother of my two boys, that for some reason fate new that despite not wanting kids, I would be a very good mother…. and I am., if I do say so myself….and I do!
So I feel that some people do it for reasons such as I want a kid, someone to love me unconditionally, others have kids because that is all they seen them selves being growing up a mother or father.
I have seen people have kids in hopes that they would be a bone marrow match for there older child…and that is selfish in a positive way, some may say its not….

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Mary - posted on 08/17/2010

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For me the answer is both simple as well as complex, but it really all boils down to one word - LOVE.

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Hmmmm, lets see... because sex feels so good and sometimes it happens to result in pregnancy. Because I love my partner very much and think he and I make a great team and that together we can build a loving family and create a happy childhood for our children full of experiences and opportunities that will make their lives fulfilling. Because personally, I feel fulfilled physically, spiritually and emotionally as a person and as a woman to be able to grow and nurture a child within my body and for my body to be solely able to nurture that child after birth for a period of time. Because I love seeing my partner as a father and how much having a family has completed us and challenged us to grow as both individuals and as a couple. All may be selfish reasons, so be it, but there is more to it as well...

I also see it (having children) as a way to make the world a better place. I believe that we make the world a better place through our positive actions and loving or peaceful interactions with others. By living your values and beliefs and being the best person you can possibly be, you not only contribute to bettering the world, but you allow yourself to both influence others positively and be influenced positively. I think that the more thoughtful, intelligent and considerate people have children and teach them to be the best possible people they can be and to live according to kind, compassionate, tolerant and peaceful principles, then the world will be improved simply by having just that one extra positive influence around living a good life. A bit idealistic perhaps, but I do think that if more people lived their lives aware of the impact they could be having then maybe we would all be just that little bit nicer to each other and the world would be a nicer place.

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Hubby & I wanted a family. How is that perceived as selfish? I get sick to death of the "Oh, only child...now that's selfish" No, wanting a family, no matter the size of your family is not selfish.

Tah - posted on 08/16/2010

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condom broke....condom secretly removed....forgot the morning after pill...but i love all my little oops....and they have made me the person i am today...a better one....no more...well im not sure the statute of limitations on some things so ill just say..a better person...lol

Meghan - posted on 08/16/2010

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I have had a rough day with mine today and I was just thinking to myself "why???" LOL j/k. No truly selfish. I have always wanted to be a mom

Krista - posted on 08/16/2010

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For me, it just felt right. My husband and I have a great marriage, our home was almost constructed, and we just knew that we had so much to give and that we'd be able to provide a really happy home to a child. I knew that Keith would be a phenomenal daddy and wanted him to be able to fulfill that role.

Plus, I got absurdly broody and was starting to embarrass myself by staring at other peoples' babies all the time, so I had to have one in order to keep from being arrested as a crazy stalker.

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I wanted my husband's child. I knew that I wanted to have children and I felt that I could do a better job than my mother. I was not afraid of being a young mom, even preferring it because I would not have forgotten what it was like to be my kid's age. I helped raise my sister because my mother was single. I knew I was good at it. I was selfish in that I wanted to prove it. But I love my husband so very much and I wanted the culmination of that love to be a child.

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First daughter was unplanned but the best thing to happen for us, and my second daughter was planned down to a t and we love them to bits.We love being parents and we love the people we have become because of our children. ♥ They have thought us more than we ever thought we could teach them.There wonderful children with there own personalities and were there to help them along there journey in life and so far we are enjoying every single bit of it.

ME - posted on 08/16/2010

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Ummm...I didn't want a child...I thought I couldn't have any (since that's what I'd been told), and I was totally fine with my "fate". Hubby and I had vacations planned, a fabulous life-style in an urban center that we loved...If I'd been acting selfishly, I'd not of had the baby when I found out I was pregnant. Becoming a mother has made me far LESS selfish (as that used to be a pretty big personal flaw of mine)...and I am totally in love with my kids.

Tara - posted on 08/16/2010

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I have children because I love being a mom and I'm good at it. :)
Some people know they won't be great parents but do it anyways, some choose not to have any kids are do that very well. I love the challenges, I love watching the different personalities evolve in each of them. I love seeing the world through their eyes. I love dreaming of their futures but knowing that their future is their own.
I love to sneak up on them and just watch them being themselves when they don't know I'm looking. I love hearing them talk to each other, comfort each other. I love knowing that I am contributing not only to our species but also to the idea that the world can improve, we have to start when kids are small. I want to inject more empathy into the world, so I teach my kids that. I want to inject more compassion, so I teach those lessons.
So yeah my reasons are selfish and altruistic.

Ashley - posted on 08/16/2010

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I had my baby because my boyfriend at the time came up to me and said. "I think I'm ready to have a baby" I said "Oh ya, I think you gotta marry my first" So he married me and I gave us a baby boy. Now I think that I would have liked to have waited a year or two but I love my boys so much. I cant wait to have another one.
Plus I want another on for selfish reasons, but I also want one for my son to have a sibling.
So in the end I have my children for other people as well as myself. My husband is a wonderful father and I would have hated to take that away from him. Plus I have always wanted to be a mother.

Jessica - posted on 08/16/2010

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I knew i wanted children but not until i was closer to 30.... i was only 19 when i got pregnant with my daughter.
Although i had always loved babies and thought they were precious and cute, i couldn't imagine being "stuck" with one for 18 + years. But now that i have her and shes 18 months, i cant help but want #2.

Lindsay - posted on 08/16/2010

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Well Loureen stated the true reason! ;-P

Honestly, since I was a little girl playing with my dolls, I always wanted to be a mother. That never changed. The only thing that did change was that I used to say i wanted 5 kids...I'm done with my 2.

Technically, I am a mother because of failed bc but even had my bc have worked, by this time I think I would have already started my family. The kids just wouldn't be as old as they are now.

Joanna - posted on 08/15/2010

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I honestly didn't want to be a mother that much. I mean, I figured it'd happen eventually, I was raised to know that that's what everyone does eventually, get married and have kids. But it wasn't super appealing. I never held a baby until I had my first, and babies kind of grossed me out.

It wasn't until I had a cancer scare that I started wanting kids. I didn't know if I'd be able to 5-10 years down the road, so I wanted to have kids as soon as I could, and I did. I got pregnant 6 months after I got the go ahead that everything was normal again (and it's been normal since, yay!).

Charlie - posted on 08/15/2010

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The meaning of life to me IS life !!

We are here to reproduce and further our species all the other nice stuff like love , family ect is just the wonderful perks that come with having children .

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