Why don't friends with kids have time?

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Charlie - posted on 08/18/2010

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I havent seen less of my friends either even with a newborn and a toddler is till go round for coffees or they come to visit me if i go without seeing them for a week or two they understand because they are real friends , even better when i go around their house to see them they love my kids and enjoy having them there .

You can pick your friends , just dont pick people who are assholes , a good friend understands and makes an effort and any good friend of mine is worth equal effort even if it takes me 45 mins to get the kids out the door !

Sarah - posted on 08/18/2010

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I guess it depends on your friends! I haven't really seen any less of my friends since I had kids. I think you CAN make time for friends when you have kids. If they're good friends then they won't mind coming over, they won't mind if you're out for a coffee and you get interrupted every 5 minutes, they won't mind if occasionally you have to cancel because your kids got sick or whatever.

If I was always declining friends offers of a coffee or a night out or meeting up, then I think my friends would have good reason to get annoyed! Just because I have kids, doesn't mean I have to stop being social altogether.

So I guess I kind of see both sides of it. True friends will realise that it's not going to be as easy to meet up once kids come along. In saying that though, it's certainly not impossible to keep in touch with friends!

Annmarie - posted on 08/19/2010

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Fortunately for me, my single,childless friend is also a preschool teacher. When our kids were younger we did what we could to spend time with all of our friends. Hell, they were our rocks, our friends were always understanding and still are. 11yrs later we r all still very close. Kids or no kids True friends don't complain.....they just point and laugh...lol

Meghan - posted on 08/18/2010

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All of my kid free friends know my philosophy...fit in or f off. I love you all but my kid comes first. If you really need me I will do my absolute best to be there solo, but my kid may need to tag along. If you wanna go out and party and drink, my days of that are pretty much long gone. We do bbq's here and J has alot of "aunties" and a few "uncles."

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Charlene - posted on 08/19/2010

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I get out with friends too, but it's my friends that have kids or my friends who are kidless, but realize that life changes when we have kids.

This article is not saying that women absolutely, positively can not have time with friends. It was aimed at people who think that SAHM's just sit around all day doing nothing and that they exaggerate or even fabricate business in their day.
This frustrates me.. and I'm not even a SAHM now. I am back to work part time and I find it ten times harder to make time for friends. I can't imagine if I was working full time.

Even my hubby some days thinks that I just do nothing all day if the dishes aren't put away or the laundry isn't folded yet. Not realizing that feeding Gracie takes up a lot of time in itself.

Sometimes, when I get a moment to myself, I want it to be just that. A moment for me to relax.. maybe take a bubble bath, do my nails, finally get around to shaving my legs (gqtm). Most of my friends understand that and realize that I will meet up with them soon, I just need to take care of myself first. This article is aimed at people that don't get that. ;)

Shelley - posted on 08/19/2010

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i have friends without kids but they all tend to be experts eg no i'd never give my child a dummy. Don't you think cloth nappies are better for the environment. Just put her (6 weeks) on a bottle then we can go out and you can leave her with someone. You really should teach her ( 6 months) To be quiet when we are on the phone. I think a smacked ass is all they need. Thanks for the tips but it's just so much easier to make friends and do things with other people that have kids.

Tah - posted on 08/19/2010

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i dont have friends without kids...because i lost them all when i started having kids..they slowly stopped calling...coming around..were to busy having fun to talk to me...etc..now they have kids and wanna know how i do it...the best way i can i say....

Jane - posted on 08/19/2010

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That's hilarious! I'd have to wonder if the question-er was for real? I mean, come on...what a jerk wad;)

Sharon - posted on 08/19/2010

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I have found that childless friends don't understand our infatuation with our offspring. They get bored damned quick as we ramble on about milestones, well check appointments etc.

New moms have a hard time leaving those thoughts behind even when they've left the kid behind.

My husband & I are younger than most of our friends. Their kids have grown up. These people understand but don't like the restrictions of having kids. Like I cannot drink until I'm absolutely blotto. I still need to be available to my kids afterI get home. Sure my husband can pick up the slack and sometimes does. But even so, one of us has to stay sober and they aren't always into that. younger friends? LMAO forget it.

Stifler's - posted on 08/19/2010

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I do all of it. I've been out on the town a few times since Logan was born. We have BBQs and go out for dinner once a week with childless friends, none of whom care that we bring our kid who is good and sleeps in his pram or gurgles and eats our garlic bread. I go over friends with no kids houses and Logan is good and rolls around on the floor and plays. I go out for lunch and coffee and just feed him there and it's all good. I ditch him with my boyfriend to go out, he's the father so he's perfectly capable of getting up to him while I'm out.

[deleted account]

That was very well said! She summed it up pretty good! I moved away from home and therefore most of my friends are hours away...I didn't reallly bother making friends where I live before I had kids. I was pretty bad about keeping up w/friends b4 so its pretty easy to have the same relationship, we just don't see each other! I like having friends that I can see every month or better and we pick things up w/ease. My oldest doesn't take naps :( but makes QUITE a mess! So there is always something to do! If I can't keep up with you on fb then I probably don't keep up w/you at all! I do write my friend that went to jail...but other then that... we are pretty tight financially and never really went out before so the $$$ just isn't there to do it now w/2 kids! So if it cost $ then I probably can't do it :( Sorry! We chill @ home, I can go on walks if y'all would find that fun! I'd love a jogging partner...but alass noone close enough :( My closest friend is 15 mins away and my husband takes my car to work all day because he needs to fix his truck...the other friend 20 or so mins driving...is across the river and she doesn't drive! It takes 2 hrs to get there by bus...guess what I'm not doing!!! ♥ y'all but I can't get out of my house w/out kids if I tried! It seems to take an act of God to get me out! Good luck!

[deleted account]

...and that's just it. Most Mums will put themselves out for a good friend but if the favour isn't returned and the friend just whines about kids stopping the social life then why would one go to all the trouble of being available to go out.

[deleted account]

It depends on the friends.

I have a fairly easy child so long as she's well rested and fed. I have one very good friend (single, no kids) that knows my child's nap time and bedtime and will call and ask to go shopping, etc. at the appropriate times. I don't turn her down unless my kid is sick, and she doesn't expect me to go out during nap time or after bed time. Our friendship has stayed strong.

I have another friend that I never saw after having a kid. I told her one day that I missed her and she said, "It's you fault, you never come out anymore." Going out with her meant going dancing until 1 or 2 am. That was fine pre-baby. Not so much when I had the milk my baby needed in the middle of the night. Once, I left the baby with my husband to go out to eat with her, but she hasn't exactly returned the favor. That's fine. She'll know when she has a baby.

LaCi - posted on 08/18/2010

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I loved this.

I COULD go out. I won't deny it. I just don't see the point. I could spend a couple hours trying to get both of us ready and out the door, to end up someplace where my attention will end up being focused on controlling tantrums and keeping him from irritating everyone else, breaking other peoples things, and so on. It doesn't interest me. My friends, mostly, don't have kids, and they certainly don't want to go do kid-friendly things. And when I do get a free moment, I want to spend it with my boyfriend, as thats pretty much the only time we have to ourselves. Friends take a back seat to family. If they have kids soon, I'm sure there's plenty we could do together. If they don't, then when nico is older and I can go out and do my own thing we can hang out more often.

Stifler's - posted on 08/18/2010

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I mean that it's a 2 way street, you can't make no effort to go anywhere and then still expect everyone to visit you.

Stifler's - posted on 08/18/2010

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I've always been able to make it to stuff and if I can't... they'll get over it. Usually I'm like *grabs nappy bag and bottle and leaves house*. I'm a stay at home mum. Housework is minimal due to me being home all day so there's nothing really preventing me from going out.

Caitlin - posted on 08/18/2010

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*sigh*.. I wish I had friends. I was first in my circle to have kids - and I moved an hour and a half away from where I lived before, and no public transit so all my city dwelling friends with no cars can't make it up here, and I can't take my daughter to most of their houses because of severe allergies, so i'm a shut in. People in my area are mostly french and they aren't very friendly.. I can't wait to move, the seclusion is getting to me!

[deleted account]

Oh Emma, Not all kids nap at a time convienient for childless friends. My son gave up his nap at his third birthday and is full on from the moment he wakes to the moment he is in bed at night. Luckily for me though, my friends are all Mums so I don't have to justify myself when I just can't make the coffee date.

Nikki - posted on 08/17/2010

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@ Emma
Realistically I have a super active 14 month old who loves to run around and play, strapping him in a highchair to have lunch at a restaurant to see a friend isnt an option, it will last for about 10 minutes if even, then he begins screaming and wriggling about. So now not only am I disturbing the peace to everyone else having lunch I am confining my son somewhere he is OBVIOUSLY NOT happy and not attending to his needs in order to catch up with a friend. I don't see that as fair to him at all and if my friend can't clearly see that then why I am bothering. I have friends who fully understand that I am busy that I have priorities and when I have time and my husband is home to watch him that I willl try and make the effort to go out for coffee.Or they will come over where we can talk and my son can play and it works for everyone. But then I have friends who dont understand why I cant meet them at the pub, why come weekends I cant go out and party, why when I do come out I make it an early night. Friends who call me as Im putting him down to bed (which has been the same time since he was 4 weeks old) and why I cant talk on the phone then, or when my son is bawling his eyes out, they continue their conversation. Friends whom I invite over but decline saying they would rather go out full well knowing its not a place for my son. That is why I have realized who my true friends are and true ones will understand that no matter how long you were friends YOUR CHILD WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST, even my husband understands that, and if they cant then i dont care if they are around later.

Stifler's - posted on 08/17/2010

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What! Can we be realistic for 2 seconds? Kids nap. Kids play. You don't spend every minute of every day playing with them or doing house work. Friendships a two sided. If you can't put yourself out for a friend don't expect them to still be your friend when it's convenient for you just because you have a kid.

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