Why should I get married?

Jenni - posted on 02/21/2011 ( 75 moms have responded )

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Ok so first of all, I've never been that little girl who dreams about her wedding day. I've always been tomboyish. While my younger sister was playing with barbies and my friends on our block we're putting on pretend weddings for her with neighbourhood boys; I was off digging in the dirt somewhere looking for worms to go fishing with.

Fast forward 20 years.... I have 2 kids with my... (politcally correct) spouse and am not married. Not even engaged. My sister finished school with her boyfriend, got their careers underway.... next step... marriage. A few months back she called to tell me she was engaged. And not that I don't love her to death and am happy she's happy but *yawn* shared every detail of her wedding plans with me.

So it got me thinking about my own relationship. Part of me wants to get married. The part that can't stand referring to him to others as my spouse, my partner, boyfriend? On the tiniest level I feel because we have kids we *should* get married. So mostly social obligations. Oh and I love his last name, I'd like to have that... Lacey.

The other part thinks, why the hell would I want him to spend a small fortune (to us) on a rock. That knowing me, I'll wind up losing somehow. I'm not religious so the idea of getting married in a church just seems false. I absolutely cannot stand being the centre of attention and having all eyes on me. But i'd feel obligated to have a celebration of sorts for my friends and family. We already do taxes together, I'm on his health insurance and receive the same benefits as we would if we were married because we're common law. And the big one is... weddings are sooooo expensive. I'd rather put any money we do have towards buying our own house.

So why should I get married? am I missing something?

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[deleted account]

Ruth was Naomi's daughter-in-law and after her husband died, remained loyal to Naomi who later helped her hook up with Boaz. But yes, you can compare marriage relationships with other relationships and that is a beautiful vow.

Anywho, regarding the biblical aspect of wives obeying their husbands...if you read the entire passage where this comes from, it is very clear that it is an equal two-way relationship. You can read the passage here: http://bible.org/seriespage/meaning-chri...

"Wives be subject to your own husbands"
"Husbands ought to love their own wives as they love their own bodies."

If someone truly loves you as much as they love themselves, I have a hard time imagining that they will force you to obey...or try to "own" you.

Rosie - posted on 02/21/2011

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i'm sorry juleah, with all due respect, it bugs the crap out of me when people talk about the origins of something, like that is the reason people STILL do it. my husband doesn't own me, that isn't the point of our marriage, never has been or will it be. :)

[deleted account]

You know, an inexpensive wedding doesn't have to be done in the courthouse. Here's what some of my friends did:

1. We live in the Southern US with tons of plantation homes still around. A friend and her now husband took a tour of a plantation with a preacher and their parents and siblings. When they got to the balcony, the preacher did a 5 minute ceremony...overlooking a beautiful property and oak trees. The pictures are stunning. It was special and meaningful to them...and it didn't break their bank.

2. Another set of friends did something very similar, except it was on the levee of the Mississippi River. When dating they would take long walks on the levee and that's where he proposed. They got tired of wedding planning, said, "screw it" called the officiant and their immediate family, put on the wedding dress and drove to the levee. Again, stunning pictures overlooking the Mississippi...and again, it was meaningful to them.

Forget the traditional wedding if that's not what you want. If you want to be married...focus on making the moment special for just you and him.

Kate CP - posted on 02/22/2011

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You "should" get married if you want to...but not for any other reason.

JuLeah - posted on 02/22/2011

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@ Jennifer ... yah, new tangent :) But worth the time in my opinion



It’s all up for interpretation.

Modern day relationships are about meeting someone, liking them, common interests, falling in love, making a choice to be together, raise a family, live the day to day as a team …..



Relationships in the Bible are not like that. Marriage was a business arrangement. Men and women lived separate; men had more then one wife.



How often is ‘love and romance’ spoken about? Married couples didn’t say, “I love you” in the Bible.



Only a couple of times does the Bible talk of two people making the choice to commit themselves to one another out of love and devotion. Ruth and Naomi are an example of this.



Here is the other:

1 Samuel 18:1.3

"And it came to pass, when he [David] had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul . . . And Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul."



God blessed both of theses unions.



There is more evidence in the script to suggest that David and Jonathan were lovers, then there is to suggest that Ruth and Naomi were, but again, it is up for interpretation. The women lived and acted as though they were lovers.



Back then, as long as a woman produced a son, no one really fussed about her too much.



The Bible is clear that a mass orgy and that the Pagan fertility rituals were not acceptable. The Bible also speaks out against sex with ones daughter, aunt, mother, grandmother, brother, father, son ….



But no where, no where, no where, does it say two people of the same gender can’t fall in love and build a life with one another. Falling in love is a concept that is just not discussed; it just wasn’t understood then as it is now.



In many ways it is hard to discuss what the Bible is saying because translations are imperfect ... human error, human bias ... so again, it is up for interpretation.



The original text (in old Hebrew) is a language that has not been spoken for a very long time. Experts today agree that there are many words in which they had to 'guess' the meaning of when rewriting today.



It has been rewritten into many languages now, and anyone who speaks more then one language knows that some words just don't have an equivalent word in other languages.



You can read the exact same text in five different Bibles (five different publishing companies) and see five different versions of the exact same text.



I take a Bible study class. We all have different copies of the Bible and laugh at the many different versions of each passage.



Our Rabbi will always say, "Well, the Hebrew says ... and of course that is a translation from the original Hebrew ... so ...it could mean this, or it could mean that ... there is no word for this in English, to scholars choose to use this word cause it is kind of close .... "

So, as I said, up for interpretation

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Mrs. - posted on 06/07/2011

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Hey Jennifer, I posted a similar set of threads here awhile back. I'm engaged, never thought about ever getting married and don't see the point of spending huge amounts of money on a ceremony/ring.

So after a ton of thinking and family conflict, I've decided to get eloped with down in my parents hick town in TX, with just my folks, my daughter and fiance. We are then taking the money my folks offered for a wedding and taking a few days to honeymoon in AZ (which neither of us have been to).

My engagement ring is hardly expensive, it is a ruby and probably cost as much as getting my hair done. When we get married we are just going to get a basic band with no stones.

Really, when it comes to it...who says you have to get a rock, be a traditional bride or any of those things..people who aren't you and your partner? Then who gives a fuck? You define your relationship - no one else. So, if you wanna get married just because you want to wear a nice dress and say you did it - you can.

I figure any woman who has already had kids with their partner, the big commitment is already made. Still, if you feel it might enhance or celebrate what you created together as a family even a little - why the fuck not? It could be fun and not at all pricey.

Sorry about the swearing...I'm just in a f-bomb mood tonight.

Lacye - posted on 06/07/2011

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If you are happy with the way things are going right now, don't get married. It sounds like you and your spouse are happy the way things are going right now and that's all that matters.

[deleted account]

If you don't want the big hoorah and spend all that money $100 will get you a JP and you provide 2 witnesses. Simple as that.

[deleted account]

I never thought I would get married nor did I spend time dreaming of it either. My then boyfriend had a very horrible first marriage and made it clear that though we were committed to each other and would spend our lives together, he didn't want to get married again. That was over 10 years ago when we got together. I was fine spending my life with him and having children without the ring but three years ago he changed his mind and proposed. The ring was a simple one, I am not one for jewlery, and inexpensive. It was one that he found that made him think of me and that made it priceless too me. Plus the shock that he actually proposed too...

Neither one of us wanted a big wedding, we had a few close friends and family come over the house and we got married in our backyard in a non-religous ceremony. Neither of us are very religious. I wore a $20 sundress from Old Navy and he wore one of his Harley Davidson dress shirts. We followed the ceremony with a BBQ. It wasn't a fancy affair, very simple but cozy, had a lot of fun and the best thing was it only cost a couple of hundred if that. We spent more on our vacation/honeymoon afterwards! We have been married for 3 years now and have one daughter and expecting our second in a few weeks.
I don't think you are missing anything... our lives didn't really change as far as everyday life but I did enjoy getting a new last name. :)

Lissa - posted on 06/07/2011

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I believe in marraige but I certaintly didn't have what most would call a "wedding". I got married in the church at 7 in the evening. In attendance was the Minister, my witnesses who were church elders, my eldest son (the only one born at the time) and myself and my husband. We bought a nice dress, two wedding rings and outfits for my husband and son, we donated money to the church. Our wedding cost next to nothing, we did it because we believe in marraige. To be honest I can't tell you why and I suppose "just because it's what I believe" doesn't cut it. We don't feel we own each other, we just feel commited, I am also lucky that my husband falls in to the category of true partner. We split things equally, I mean really equally I stayed home the first few years of our childrens lives then I went back to work and he stayed home.
If you want to get married just do it, forget about "The Wedding", if you don't want to and are happy with things then don't do it.

[deleted account]

We have already made a commitment to one another.No matter what happens as in marriage or not.Were still growing old and grey together.
We want to finalise our commitment and love for one another on our wedding day.
Once married we will continue the way we are now.In love and 100% committed to one another.For the rest of our lives.Its what you both feel and what you both want.

Tasha - posted on 06/07/2011

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Well i never thought id ever be married or have a kid, i wanted to go to college and find a career that i loved. I did those things, and now at 31 i am married almost a year and have a 5 month old, yes i was preg when we married, not the reason though.We had been dating two years when i found out i was pregnant, we were thrilled. we had kind of discussed marriage previously in our relationship, but honestly it didnt come up again untill one day my now husband came home from work, we were sitting on the porch and he said a bunch of wonderful things, then asked me to marry him, obviously i said yes. We spent very little on our rings, and almost nothing for our wedding, getting help from friends and family saved us big time, our friend did the photography, its a hobby for him, i got my dress at the mall the day before for $50, my mother inlaw hosted a small(12 people) reception/bbq at her house afterward, in total we spent 4 days and probably about 150 bucks on the wedding itself, our honeymood was a hotel room, paid for by both our parents, for two nights in downtown seattle, we live in washington state. Dont get married because you feel stigma for having children without marriage, one of my close friends parents have been together for 35 years, 3 kids, not married and some of the happiest coolest people ive met. Sorry for the long version, but really, in short, if you marry because you feel you have to, you will at some point end up having some resentment and unhappiness about the whole thing, do it because you and your partner want to, you can dedicate your life to someone without being married, its just a personal decision, good luck and i wish you great happiness whatever your decision is!

Amanda - posted on 06/07/2011

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Well, You have kids together,do taxes together, and live together. You love each other. That's why you should get married. If you don't want to have you a wedding in a church, go to the court house to get married and then go party somewhere else with your friends. OR you could just have a small ceremony at your house or outside with your friends. And as for the "expensive wedding rings" you don't have to get the most expensive, just something that you like. I personally had a church wedding with a lot more ppl than i expected showed up.

[deleted account]

I haven't read most of the previous posts, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating stuff.



I would separate the institution of marriage from the act of getting married, which is ceremonial only.



You're essentially already "married" -- just without the full benefits (and liabilities too) of the law, though I guess it depends on where you live.



You don't have to be married in a church, and you can be married without any rings at all. Diamond engagement rings are for engagements -- I think you're beyond that stage. :) (And engagement rings don't have to be diamonds!)



You don't have to get married in a courthouse or Vegas either. My husband and I were married in the evening at his parents' house with a justice of the peace. We invited very close friends and family (less than 15 people) to the ceremony. My mother was my matron of honor; my husband's brother was his best man.



Immediately afterwards we had a reception with a catered buffet -- for less than 40 people. The whole cost was minimal. (Could be even less if you have an afternoon wedding and serve only cake and punch.)



We have simple, inexpensive gold bands (which we never wear, by the way). My husband did buy me a small diamond engagement ring when he asked me to marry him, and of course I appreciate it, but looking back after all these years of being happily married, I can honestly say that I didn't need one and it's not important at all.



Maybe your husband could buy you an "anniversary" ring in whatever stone you like. Opals are lovely and not expensive.



I think you could have a lovely and simple ceremony with your children in attendance. People still remember our simple wedding and compliment us on it.

Tyrae - posted on 06/06/2011

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I haven't read a lot of the posts, but I do think that a courthouse wedding with a small family/close friend based reception would be best for you. With the ring you can get something inexpensive and small if you want. I went with my fiance to pick out my ring, it's small, has 5 tiny diamonds and I love it more than I would a huge ring. It only cost him $200, and my wedding ring is only going to cost $100 at the most. I would get married, if you have a nagging feeling to do it why not. :)

Jane - posted on 06/06/2011

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As others have said, get married if you feel it is what you and your partner want to do. There are no longer laws that penalize children born out of wedlock, so you really don't NEED to marry for anyone's sake but your own.

But don't let the "cost" keep you from marrying. We got all three rings (engagement and his and her wedding bands) for $400 and could have gone even cheaper by going to WalMart. My wedding dress cost $21.99 on sale. We spent $2500 on a really great buffet, got married in the courthouse and had the reception at the place I worked. Sure, it wasn't free, but it sure wasn't expensive.

Depending on where you live the piece of paper can mean different things. I know that the fact that my husband and I were married at the time he died made a lot of the after-death paperwork much easier. Because my husband is a veteran of the armed forces it also means that I have a grave site for free in the national cemetery.

It also makes life simpler for our kids. Although we are not a typical family in that we are multi-racial and multi-cultural, we are the standard two married people with two kids, so everyone knows how to address us. It may not be much but it makes a small difference.

But most of all to me getting married was a commitment to the man I loved, as it was for him to me. We were married 21 years and would still be married if he hadn't died. We just made a promise to each other, one that we kept.

In any case, if you choose to get married, you can have whatever ceremony you want, in whatever location, officiated over by pretty much anyone you choose, with only the required witnesses or however many people you want, and with whatever ring you want or don't want - if you are worried about losing a ring, the two of you could get matching tattoos on your ring fingers.

In fact, getting married where I live (Texas) doesn't require a ceremony at all. One you have your marriage license and it is signed by a judge, a justice of the peace, a captain (if you are on board ship) or a minister (including the Internet church Universal Life), you are married.

Get married if that is what you and your partner want to do. Don't get married for other people. Get married for you.

Mel - posted on 06/06/2011

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I was more like you I had no dreams to get married, I had dreams to have a stable partner house job and children but not amrriage, and I also got married for the same reasons you have thought because I was sick of having to refer to him as my partner all the time when I had kids and was sick of being judged. Weddings are expensive, I mean we intended on doing a cheap wedding but after I started planing it I got more and more excited and realised this is the only wedding Im going to have I want it all so we got all the little accessories we wanted but did everyting cheap, at a park, reception in a hall cheap catering etc so it did only end up $19k but still its 19k that could stil be in our pockets plus extra for the honeymoon. Ill admit I loved myw edding day it was fun and amazing and I had a great time, but I never really had any plans to do it. It really comes down to what you want to do. We couldn't geta house without me working so spent the money we'd been savings on our wedding now we're trying to rebuild

Jonnie - posted on 06/06/2011

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There are good and bad parts of marriage, it's up to you in the end. Why don't you guys think about having a court house wedding then a BBQ or a celebration with both of your families to say "yes" we got married that way you end up spending a lot less than the big wedding. Also, have your wedding recorded so it can play for every one to see. After all it's about you guys!!

LaCi - posted on 02/24/2011

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Honestly, the only reason I ever have any intention of marrying my boyfriend in the future is because of shared insurance and the next of kin notification in case of an accident. That's it. If there was a way I could acquire both of those without bothering to get married, i would. Because I don't care, at all, about marriage. We don't have common law stuff here, and most insurance companies aren't big on residential partners yet. I DO care about being notified if he's in an accident, and I care about him getting my insurance when I graduate/get a job. That's all :/



Even when it eventually happens, there won't be a wedding or a big rock. We'll go to the courthouse and sign the papers, done.

Sal - posted on 02/24/2011

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seeing how you don;t like spouse, boyfriend or partner it reminded me of a lady who got married after living with her (now) husband for over 40 years (my sons mates grandmother), she had always said she wouldn't get married again, then after going to a funeral and hearing "loving partner of" she decided at the end of her days she had been his wife for 40+ years and he deserved to hear "beloved husband of" at their funerals....

Soky - posted on 02/24/2011

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You should get married because you want to not because you feel like you have to. If you dont want to get married then dont. No one is going to force someone to get married because its "RIGHT" you may hear a few stories from others to why its "RIGHT" to get married but dont do it because you feel the need to do so so everyone would just leave you be.

Im engaged to my fiance for 1 year now we have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. His mom wanted us to get married as soon as she found out we were pregnant with our daughter. BUT I SAID NO because it would be too much stress. I am pregnant now with our 2nd child and his mother is still pressuring us to get married. Am I going to get married anytime soon... NO.... but after the baby we are going to get married because my fiance really wants to marry me and have me have his last name. Plus if anything happens( PRAY THAT IT WONT) and Im not married to him I have no rights to any of his belongings or money in his account since we arent legally married. I think that we are gonna get married because we are in love and we want to get married when the timing is right and when we are financially stable to have a small wedding.

Sal - posted on 02/24/2011

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you get married because you and your spouse (very pc i know) want to, and if you are getting married for you don't need a a big wedding, you. him a couple of witnesses and a plain band, getting married isn't about a wedding it is about a marriage and i don;t think those 2 things should get confused...they are not interchangable ideas, i only have 1 ring, told hubby the wedding ring is the only one that counts, it is a pretty band though...

Ianina - posted on 02/24/2011

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I can totally relate to you, but my story is a little different.
My bf is from US and I'm from Argentina, we have been living together for over a year now in Buenos Aires and we are expecting twin girls in 10 weeks.
I never wanted a wedding or dreamed about one. He was married for 7 years to someone who didn't loved but stayed together since "they were married" and he felt the "obligation" to do everything to keep that fake relationship going.

We are getting married for legal reasons, since we are having kids and he has no rights over them if we don´t and because if something happens to me, I'd like for him to make any decisions.
He wants to have a wedding someday, with the engagement ring, the proposal, the dress and all that. Me, I couldn't care less about it. We are more "married" than a lot of couples I know.
So, what we are going to do is a small ceremony with family and friends, some yummy food, lots of fun and save the money of the wedding for our honeymoon. We both want to go to Greece, so that is what we are going to do

Mrs. - posted on 02/23/2011

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I am in the same situation. I am however, engaged now and getting married in October. We are just doing simple bands - no rock, my engagement ring has a small ruby in it and cost less than what my hair getting dyed costs, we're getting my fiance's cousin to do the catering and we are getting married in a small, private bowling alley (450 bucks total).

It really scared me at first, the cost and all that. I've never daydreamed about a wedding so when people kept saying, "Do what you want", I was at a loss.

If you decide to have a wedding and marriage on your own terms, for you own reasons, defined only by you and your partner's sensibilities - here's some sites that really helped me believe it was possible to do it my way on a very small budget:

http://apracticalwedding.com/

http://2000dollarwedding.com/

http://offbeatbride.com/

Look up "driveway wedding" on offbeatbride, that's the wedding that made me really get that you can do whatever you like at whatever cost you want and still have an awesome time.

[deleted account]

I did not know that Kati! Learn something new every day :) So how long do you have to live with someone for it to be legal? I think in Florida it was 7 years.

Rosie - posted on 02/23/2011

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there are still 11 states that you can have common law marriage in. my state of iowa is one of them.

[deleted account]

I think if you're happy with the way things are, then why change it? You already share you life with him and a piece of paper isn't going to make you a family...you already are a family. I got married because for me, it felt like the right thing to do. For me. If you don't want to, or if you're not worried about it, and if you're protected legally then I say why bother.

What I want to know is where you live that common law marriages still exist? To the best of my knowledge, at least in my home state of Florida, common law marriages were done away with years ago. My grandparents were married by common law and seperated in the late 70's. In order for her to marry someone else later, she and my grandfather actually had to sign legal paperwork to get "married" so that they could turn around and get divorced. I'm just curious.....I thought all states did away with it?

Merry - posted on 02/23/2011

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For me marriage is all about God etc so I never try to push anyone to marry unless they claim to be in a relationship with God.
In your case, it's a tough call cuz thou have good reasons on both ends, I guess just try to pictur yourself in 20 years, which decision would you regret? Marriage or not?
It sounds to me that being married is what you want, just not necessarily the wedding part, so I'd say get married in a small setting, and enjoy your husband!
Otherwise, if he is also undecided, just wait until one of you feels more certain, it's not something you have to do, but if you want to be married, it might be worth it to deal with the attention to get to that state of husband and wife.

Tara - posted on 02/23/2011

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Oh by the way Jennifer, you can take his last name without marrying him, you live in Ontario right? Contact the office of the registrar general and ask for a name change form to be mailed to you. You can change your last name to whatever you want! (within certain guidelines) so if you want his last name, and you want your family to all have the same last name, pay the $140 or so and just change your name!

Jenni - posted on 02/23/2011

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I dont know... we have 2.5 kids 3 and under. We stay home every night already. ;)

Erica - posted on 02/23/2011

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I don't know if it was just me, but once I got married, everything changed...We used to go out and have fun and now it just seems that we sit at home all the time. Granted I know the economy has something to do with that, but when we were home, we also had fun...I don't really know how to describe it...I was taught that marriage was the right way to go, but I guess I wasn't really ready to get married when I did...and now it just seems like I'm "stuck" - I hate to use the word, but thats how I feel sometimes...so if you don't want to get married, don't... thats all I have to say :)

Vegemite - posted on 02/22/2011

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hahaha i'm just the same as you but I'm a Christian so I got married. I wanted spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend, live with him and have kids, because of my religious beliefs we got married.
If you really want to get married then forget about all the things you thought when you were growing up because you've grown now and sometimes that changes things. If you still feel the same way now and don't want to get married then you shouldn't get married. If you get married when you don't really want to then you might eventually resent your relationship, why fix something that's not broken.

Kristin - posted on 02/22/2011

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if you want to get married go small. just exchange wedding bands, don't get an engagment ring if you don't want one. go to the court house and have a judge marry you off. you just need a witness.
have a celebration dinner afterwards.
that doesn't seem like such a big fuss.

[deleted account]

i don't believe you should get married. I was a little girl who dreamed of her big day but my dreams were crushed 21 years later after my fiancee left me...now im just not interested in wasting my time and money on getting married

[deleted account]

Completely up to you, and nobody's business but your own (the 2 of you I mean!) If you really want to get married, it doesn't have to be religious or expensive.

Another idea - maybe you could just throw a big party to celebrate your "being together" status?

Stifler's - posted on 02/22/2011

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I got married in a church and I don't remember anything about obey. Both sexes vows say to love and to cherish instead of the woman's saying love and obey now.

[deleted account]

IMO...You should get married because you two have obviously made commitments to each other already plus you have kids. However, I do understand your plight and I didn't want anything like most people did either. SO what we did is we got a marriage license and got married by a local minister in her office. Cost us less than $200 total.

Brandi - posted on 02/22/2011

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Go to the courthouse, and by sterling silver rings. Everyone thinks you are married by now anyway. So, really it's nothing special.



*BUY (sorry)



And, that sounded a bit harsh. It is special, but it doesn't have to be big and glamorous. Eloping is much more intimate, and small, perfect for you guys. Don't worry about feeling like you have to have a wedding because of your family, it is your day, not theirs. Most family members will understand your decision.

Jenni - posted on 02/22/2011

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I really do love the Bible. I`m a history buff so I find it a fascinating read. It`s a window into the past; it teaches us so much of how the people`s culture of the time, their history, their beliefs and how they still affect all of us today.

Jenni - posted on 02/22/2011

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@Juleigh, am I to understand even the Bible talks about same sex marriage? not to go off on a tangent here. But I find this pretty interesting. :)

JuLeah - posted on 02/22/2011

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@ Tara ... yah, about that 'obey' thing. Oddly enough, our 'modern day' wedding vows were taken from a very old text and did not include the word obey.

1:16-17

And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried



My Rabbi said this was where our wedding vows of today came from. There is nothing about obey.



These two women loved one another and wanted to spend their lives together. Ruth was saying to Naomi, the life will be hard, I understand that and I will do whatever it takes for us to stay together.



Naomi had been saying, this life will be too hard. Don't leave your people, your customs, and your family. I want you to be happy, but Ruth wouldn't leave her.



So..... traditional vows .... Doesn’t actually mean you get to sign a paid in full slip and brand her.

Traditional vows seem to indicate respect ... a partnership ...

Tara - posted on 02/22/2011

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@Juleigh,
I totally agree about assuming the roles of marriage and in many cases what people tend to do after the novelty wears off is revert to the role model they had in their own family unit growing up.
My experience with my ex was one of ownership. He fought his upbringing a lot but ultimately he treated me as below him, because he was the man of the house and because he made more money and because I said "yes" to him asking me to marry him, I was bound by a contract to deal with everything thing he threw my way with grace because I WAS HIS WIFE.
So yeah, it's not like that for everyone, but I only know two solid couples who actually love being together not just tolerate it.
And I also know of about 3 or 4 couples who were together for years, with kids and without and then got married, they were divorced within 5 years, who knows if it would have happened anyways, but when they talked about it they said things like "somehow things changed after the wedding." or "as soon as I was his wife and we were living together, I became his mom and maid"
"he figured because we were married in a church I now had to "obey" him for real!!"

And actually my ex who is a non practicing catholic, wanted the traditional vows at our wedding, and later when we were splitting up he he actually said "I should have known this would happen when you wouldn't say you would obey me."
LMAO!!!! He was really grasping at straws at that time and wanted us to re-do our vows to incorporate traditional ones...

Tara - posted on 02/22/2011

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Nope, not in my opinion anyways. I was married (it's called the 'institution of marriage' for a reason btw, cause some people actually get to feeling like they are institutionalized)
Anyhoo.... I was married for 10 years, we had a small inexpensive wedding on my moms front lawn, all in all it cost nothing after we received some monetary gifts from attendees. It was a simple back yard/potluck/horseshoe playing/beer drinking/live music kind of Ontario wedding. It cost about $300 to have a laid back lay minister do the deed without any religious jargon etc.
It was fun and cheap, we used my great grandmothers wedding band and we loved it all.... but it didn't keep us together in the end.
And now I love my partner/spouse/boyfriend/father of my youngest child etc. etc. a lot, don't get me wrong, but I see no need for us to have a piece of paper telling the government we are married to each other. In my opinion we are as good as married.
We've both agreed marriage is not in our future, and we're fine with that.
:)
btw the cost of divorce is almost the same as the wedding itself.

Katherine - posted on 02/22/2011

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I second what Jennifer said. And just so your fam doesn't feel slighted have an after dinner party, nothing else.

Jenni - posted on 02/22/2011

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You're all right. A wedding could be whatever we want it to be. My spouse always talks about going to Mexico to get married and just inviting our parents. I just feel a wee bit guilty excluding people.
I actually love the idea of a beach wedding because that's our favourite place to be.
I guess I'm a tad jaded on the idea because I was engaged before... I was only 19 and a tinsy bit niave. Well needless to say things ended badly and since I was never a big "marriage" person to begin with I've become really turned off by the idea. But I shouldn't let the past affect my happiness today. :)

Sarah - posted on 02/22/2011

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I always wanted to get married, but when I got together Pete, I thought it would never happen, he's not really the marrying type! lol I loved him, so it didn't really bother me TOO much......honest!

However, he must have changed his mind somewhere along the line, because we've been married nearly 4yrs now! haha.

We're not religious AT ALL, so we had a completely non religious ceremony, not in a church. It also cost us very little! We didn't want a huge great big fuss, we just wanted a day to celebrate our relationship. Which is exactly what we got. It was perfect IMO! hehehe!

No-one HAS to get married, I'm glad I did, but I don't think there's anything wrong with not doing it :)

April - posted on 02/21/2011

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Jennifer, you seem like your in the same situation as my friend. She will be getting married in June but she HATES being the center of attention and she prefers not to have too much people, she too isn't religious so no church wedding for them.

They're planning to do a beach wedding, just them and a few friends. Afterwards it will just be a small get together at wherever they've decided to have their reception.

It's really up to you whether you want to get married or not, just thought i'd tell you what a friend of mine decided to do for her wedding. :)

Nikkole - posted on 02/21/2011

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I say if you want to go for it my wedding was $800 including the dress and my dress was BEAUTIFUL our rings were $1600 for all 3 but we paid monthly on those! I myself LOVE being married is it difficult yes but isnt any relationship me and my husband have the BEST relationship ever our best friend tells us all the time he is jealous of us because he wishes he could find someone and be like us lol!!! Marriage is just piece of paper and some rings BUT for legal purposes and if YOU truly want to i would :)

Danielle - posted on 02/21/2011

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The ONLY reason you should get married is b/c you WANT to. Nothing really changes (married 8 yrs here) especially if you already live together. You're right..weddings are horibbly expensive. Rings are expensive. Why not save the money and buy a house to build on the future you've already began? If you want to get married for yourself I'll be the first to congratulate you and if you decide not to I'll be the first to say "Go you" =) Do it for you and (of course your other half) then you'll have done it for the right reasons.

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